Actions and Consequences

I was amazingly not wiped out tired this morning, after so little sleep. I suspect tomorrow will be the zombie day, then. As I age, I notice I often have a delayed reaction to physical and mental stress. I function now and fall apart later.

I hurried through work as much as possible, and left at 4. I got Alesia and we went to school. I turned in all the paperwork for her IEP, in the form of a package I left in the head counselor's mailbox. We cannot meet at the school until December 13th!

Alesia and I attended another of her Biology teacher's lectures about how to do better in Biology class. This one focused on how one remembers and learns things. It was really fascinating. Dr. Parrott is an amazing teacher. She showed a little powerpoint about the cell, and you could sing along to a song about how the cell functions. It was based on a pop song, the name of which escapes me. Alesia needs this - her memory is so faulty.

The classroom we were in is fascinating. Dr. P has inspirational quotes everywhere, plus lizards, frogs, and guinea pigs [in cages or terrariums]. She has displays of what are obviously top quality kids' projects for biology. There are sinks, and charts of plants and bodies. Fascinating.

When we came home, Alesia said she has a project due in biology on Friday. I asked her if she knew about it last Friday and she said yes. I said "Well why didn't you tell me about it so I could HELP you over the weekend, when I had time?!" She played all weekend, after telling me she had no homework.

I am taking her in early tomorrow so she can explain to her teacher that she doesn't understand the project due Friday, and get some help. I told her I am very unwilling to help; she needs to get my help before the last minute.

Michael ate a very small dinner, and said he couldn't possibly eat more. He then had a shower. Afterwards, he said he was hungry. I told him he should've eaten more dinner. I offered him some saltines, not ice cream. He declined them.

Since both my kids have a problem with the Actions and Consequences lessons, we had a discussion about those things, with Mother chiming in, before we headed up to bed.

Michael pouted, big time.

One consequence of a traumatized child, and a child who has been institutionalized, is they don't understand cause and effect, or action and consequence. I hope and pray I can get them to understand that idea, so they aren't always unhappy. Responsibility is important to me.

Comments

[Kate]

One thing I always said to my students and the kids I fostered, especially those that struggled was the trick was (I had to do this myself) to study terms and new concepts every single , so even if you don't have biology homework at the weekend you have to do 30 minutes each day revising the terms, meanings, spellings, diagrams etc. I remember several kids who had NEVER had marks beyond a D being able to lift to a C and B when they started doing this because it helped them tackle the memory problem. I also got them to make up songs and sayings about the words. My oldest child I fostered had severe memory problems, we think due to trauma, she was also exceptionally gifted at art, which was good for her self esteem. So what I did was Friday night was no homework or revision and instead we did family night - swimming etc. Saturday morning was homework time, the goal was to get it all done by noon. Then we would do something - gym, walk, park, play with friends etc. Then around 3 or 4 we would do about 1.5 hrs -30 minutes each subject - science, social studies then english or math of 'this is what I learned this week' going over all concepts, terms, spellings, definitions etc. Sunday we would do this for an hour before Church and 1.5 hrs late afternooon. My daughter I had fostered had ALWAYS failed or had low D's. With about 6 months of intensive memory work (we also did 30 minutes memory work each weekday apart from Fridays) she pulled up to B's and even sometimes A's. I never thought this was possible, honestly I thought we would be lucky if she got to a D. The teachers couldn't believe it either, but when I checked with educational experts they said you have to find a way to make her memory work for her, for her, the only thing was continual repition, seeing similarities (I had to point these out), making comparisons i.e. letters standing for something. It was hard hard hard, but after about 8 weeks of doing this daily I started to see very minor good signs...at the 4 month mark she took off. I don't think she will ever be a "normal" learner, she will always have to work longer and harder, but once she saw her first A, well that was it she was happy happy happy. Those good study skills I am sure will serve her well as a College kid, as a Professor I can tell you those it came easy for in High School have quite the shock when they get to College, those who have those good study skills do well.
I'm thinking of you. I hope you both get the support you need!

[Sarah]

I see this with my kids for sure. Take Paul for example. He's been complaining that he has no clean socks. In my bedroom I have a colors hamper, a darks hamper, and a whites hamper. I said okay, I will get to the whites tomorrow (knowing the hamper wasn't yet full so it was highly unlikely that all of his dirty socks were in there in addition the normal whites from every one else as it's the smallest hamper of the three. Anyways I did the load and as I was putting them in the washer it was clear to see he had not ONE single sock in that load! A while ago we switched to this method of three hampers in my room instead of hampers in every one's room as I was not good about going around and collecting the laundry and having everyone mix their colors made it difficult too. Paul insisted he would like to keep a hamper in his room and so I allowed it with the stipulation that he occasionaly bring it in my room and sort his things into my hampers. NOW, wouldn't you think that when you are out of socks you might go to your hamper and pull out the dirty socsk and put them in the place where they will get cleaned?

Yesterday after washing the load and informing Paul that there were no clean socks for him he had no idea where his socks must be.....HELLO!! Last night after reminding him of his hamper he brings it in and starts to sort. Dee he had 32 socks in that hamper. 16 pair! It's been over two weeks since he has given me any laundry to do and he wonders why he has nothing to wear. So his hamper is gone as he obviously does not get it! And the sad thing is I doubt he'll see it's a consequence of his own actions! Or in this case, inaction!

Sarah