Well, yesterday was an absolutely terrible
day, on so many levels. Today was much better. I still didn’t feel 100%, but I
didn’t feel awful, either. Maybe this maca root stuff Lesleigh recommended is
working..
Michael wanted to a spiral notebook to church
today, and I said OK. He needs something to do during big church. He went to
children’s church once, but said it wasn’t “fun,” so I haven’t pushed him to go
back, He drew pictures in church, and that was OK. Hopefully when his English
improves he will get more out of it.
We had lunch at a favorite haunt, the Blue
Ribbon Grill. It’s locally owned and the food is excellent. While we were
waiting, Michael copied a pen and ink print of the Titanic. It was a pretty
good copy. I think he has real talent. When we finished eating, we walked next
door to Michael’s [the crafts store] and I got Michael a sketch book, some
charcoal pencils, and some pastels. He happily spent Granny’s nap time in the
middle of my bed, drawing. I showed him a college textbook I have kept all
these years. I took drawing my freshman year. I had taken 4 years of art in
high school.
I always wanted to be a good artist. I tried
so hard. I just didn’t have the artists’ eye. I grew up surrounded by my
uncle’s paintings. He was an amazing artist. I loved art. I just didn’t have
the talent. I think Michael has talent. I don’t want him to ever feel like I’m
pushing him, though. It’s a fine line to walk.
Alesia and Michael spent a lot of time today,
when we were all at Kroger, picking out a card for my brother’s birthday. It
just grieves me that he lives 3 hours away and he never comes over. He has only
seen Michael for 1 day since he came home – and that was back in May, when he
first arrived and didn’t speak English. My brother always says he has to work.
I think he just doesn’t want to love my son, and see what he’s missing by not
trying harder to have a family.
I told my mother I don’t think the lovely
card will do any good. I pray every day that my brother will come over more
often, so my children can know him better. Since he was divorced, he has come
less and less. Mother worries about him too. But as she said, some problems
just have to be turned over to the Lord.
Bronwyn told Mother yesterday that her friend
Roger, who looked at my condo, had seen the condo for sale downstairs in my
building. The owner has completely renovated it, and he’s selling it for
$15,000 less than my place. Wow. What horrible news. No wonder my place hasn’t
sold.
I believe God can handle everything I can’t
handle. I must admit some trepidation a little while ago, when I was asking him
to handle the three biggest, worst issues in my life – selling the condo, my
weight, and Alesia’s school problems. Now I just added the issue of my brother.
I just keep trying to remind myself, I can’t solve anything alone. I must relax
and let go, and he will provide relief.
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