Monday, March 28, 2005
I talked to Susan Keenan today, the social worker who did my homestudy. She can do the post-placement reports, too. It was good talking to her. I am so glad she is doing the report. She said I could send her the materials AIA sent, and she will try to conform her report to what they want. The first one has to be sent off at the end of April.
I talked to John at length about the house we want, and timing of the closings, etc. As long as the house I really like passes inspection and we pay some earnest money it can be ours – if, of course, Granny likes it. I know she is at least receptive to the idea of it, since she made me draw a diagram of all the rooms when I was in Augusta on Saturday. She is coming in tomorrow and she and John will look at the place on Wednesday. I am praying she likes it. It’s empty now, which makes timing everything easier. I just hope the inspector doesn’t tell us anything serious. If we buy it I also hope we’ll have time to go in and change out carpets, paint, etc.
I lost my temper with Alesia tonight. I told her 3 times to wash her hands and come to dinner, and when she hadn’t moved and I had to tell her a fourth time, I yelled at her. I was so angry. I was tired and hungry, and we’d had to go to the grocery store, so it was late. She was engrossed in drawing and paying no attention to me. I felt kind of bad about being so harsh, when she cried during dinner, but I paid no attention to it. I didn’t let her watch a movie tonight. Boy, the rest of the evening she did what I wanted pronto.
I helped her with her homework, which was social studies. I was kind of amazed they were studying Buddhism in social studies. Wow – we never had anything like that. I helped her with her homework. I made her read everything aloud, which she didn’t like, but I wanted to be sure she understood the material. It was written pretty simply. I had a brief discussion with her about the fact that we are Christians, and the message of Jesus – I used the translation website to make sure she understood the point.
Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was on a long journey, but I didn’t know where, just that it was a place that was a home, or I had the vague feeling the destination was home. At one point, my cousin Tony was up ahead and I wanted to join him. I started to cross a train track and it rose up in the air underneath me, with dizzying speed. I knew I had to climb down and then around a path in order to join Tony. I looked down a hundred feet or so to the ground below. I had to climb down, and I was struck with sheer terror. At the same moment, I heard a voice shouting at me, and I looked up and I saw my Dad. He was yelling “It’s OK, just drop and crawl over to the side and climb down, you can do it!” He kept yelling encouragement. I woke up. I thought about it – the message seems to me to be that he is guiding me and he will help me with whatever difficulties I face in my life, even terrifying ones. Very comforting, actually. Since he died, I have often felt he was helping me. I hope the train trestle thing was purely symbolic, though… [Still not sure why my cousin Tony was there in the dream…]