Adolescent Pimples, and Beyond

I learned yesterday that Alesia made a 55 on her Geometry test the other day. On Monday, I was so ticked about her not even telling me about it, I had told her “If you make anything less than 80, I will take away your straightening iron and makeup for a month!” Well, I didn’t do that. I took them away for a week, however. Maybe their absence will remind her to pay attention to when things are due.

Then again, maybe I am being awful because it’s her faulty brain that’s the problem, not being careless. That’s why I reduced it to a week. I just don’t know. However, the therapist gives her suggestions for things to do to improve her memory, and I don’t think Alesia does them. I need to follow up with her. So maybe I am the careless one.

My friend Cindy posted a terrific piece about adoption on her blog, and I am so envious of her ability to write clearly and passionately – and be a mom to 3 active boys. Her insights are always right on target.

I feel like this week I have pretty much been “phoning it in” on my blg. I have not posted anything remotely interesting or funny, and I’m sorry about that. Between Alesia’s behavior and school issues, and tension over Bruce’s traveling, I have not been at my best, mentally. Sometimes I just can’t think of anything to say at 10 at night when I’m exhausted.

It’s just starting to sink in with me that we are facing Thanksgiving and Christmas. It feels like we just did that already! I need to clean out the garage before I can really contemplate Christmas. The boxes are behind a lot of junk.

I had no idea until today that there are colleges that will admit students who are learning disabled. There are even colleges that cater to LD students and have special programs and even scholarships for them. Alesia is aware that she has the Auditory Processing Disorder, and maybe she thinks, deep down, that it means college is really going to be impossible for her. In moments of despair, I sometimes think she will never be able to do anything that requires higher-level thinking. Then she will do something that demonstrates her innate intelligence and I know that’s the Lord’s way of showing me how wrong I am, and that I shouldn’t let negative feelings get the better of me.

On the Adoption Under One Roof website, I was so interested when I ran across this book:

On Their Own: Creating An Independent Future for your Adult Child With Learning Disabilities

by Anne Ford (Author), John-Richard Thompson (Author)

The reviews for this book are glowing. I am thinking it would be a good book for me to read.

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Michael was fussy at bedtime, bemoaning the two visible pimples on his face, and saying he feels like a freak in the 5^th grade. I talked to him for a long time about how his feelings are normal. I felt like a freak when I was 12 and had pimples. I was a tall fat kid for years and hated my appearance, etc. I showed him school photos of me and his uncle Bruce when we were kids and had pimply faces.

Those tales didn’t mollify him much. He said he wished he were younger. He wished he could return to third grade, with his much-loved teacher, Ms. Moore. I told him I wished I could travel back in time, too.

“Michael, if God would let me go back in time, I would go to Kazakhstan, and I would rescue you, before you got beat up and lost your hand. I would kidnap you, if I had to, and bring you to America. I’d take your brother, too, and you could live with me and be my boys.” At the word “kidnap” he smiled. He liked thinking about that happy scenario, that would’ve gotten him away from his abusive birthmom. He misses his older brother, who committed suicide, very much.

I tried to say "all the right things," in a calm, reassuring manner. I told him I love him and there is a whole network of people who love him and want to help him get through these difficult years. I also said he had every right to be angry about losing his hand, and the way he was treated when he was small. I told him I am so very very sorry those things happened to him.

I told him I wished with all my heart that I could go back in time and rescue him and Alesia before they were abused, to spare them all those horrors they endured. I told him I’d happily trade 5 years off my lifespan if I could magically make that happen. Knowing your kids were abused and traumatized in the past and there’s nothing to be done about it is horrible. Only our therapist makes me feel any better about it.

It was good Michael spoke about his feelings. I am hopeful he will continue to do so.