I was so wiped out last night after I got home, we just had grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. I put a single slice of salami on Alesia’s sandwich and when she bit into it she made a face. “I don’t want salmon on here!” she exclaimed.
She gets the word “salmon” mixed up with the word “salami.”
I just calmly said “There is no fish on your sandwich.”
“Mo-om! You know what I mean!” she said.
“Use your words, honey.” I replied calmly.
“Salmami! Whatever. I didn’t want it on my sandwich!” she finally replied.
I would have been more sympathetic, if we hadn’t discussed the words “salami” and “salmon” within the past 24 hours.
I used sliced provolone in all the sandwiches. We have amassed 3 packages of provolone. Are we addicts?? No. It has been on sale at Kroger. I buy whatever sliced cheese is on sale, except Swiss. Nobody in the house like Swiss except Mother. It’s safe from predators at my house, and she can always count on finding it in the fridge, unlike, say, provolone or muenster.
Alesia likes provolone. A lot. She doesn’t like pronouncing it – that took a while, that multi-syllabic Italian word – but she likes it.
My mother had a craving for cherry pie when we were buying groceries Sunday, so we baked a Mrs. Smith’s cherry pie last night. To my astonishment, Alesia ate a piece. She usually doesn’t like fruit pie of any sort. Progress has been made. Or maybe she just added enough Cool Whip that the pie was barely tasteable.
Our movie last night was My Fair Lady, one of my favorite movies ever. Michael played Nintendo the entire time, except when he was eating his cherry pie. We only got halfway through it. Tonight he will half watch it and half play WWF Smackdown on his Nintendo. I bet $5 though that tomorrow he will be quoting back the one semi-naughty line from the film, when Eliza is watching the horse race and hollers “C’mon Dover, move yer bloomin’ arse!” We watched that part tonight.
Alesia reminds me a bit of Eliza. She giggled uncontrollably during the scene where the maids pull of Eliza’s clothes and try to get her into the bath. I have seen the movie so many times I don't know where the laughs are, but Alesia laughed a lot. It was great to see her enjoy it.
When Alesia tries to imitate Eliza’s Cockney accent, it’s so funny – she sounds southern.
I read Pioneer Woman's website every day, and I confess, I am a PW junkie. I never miss a day. Today’s personal section, called Confessions , was about PW getting really dirty last Sunday. I thought it was hilarious. You may or may not agree.
The most dirty I have ever been was when I was in high school and decided one Saturday to bathe all 3 of the dogs we had, who had been sprayed by a skunk. I put on a bathing suit and went to work, pulling each dog into the tub. Soap only made it worse. Club soda didn’t work. Tomato juice didn’t work. Trying to pour tomato juice over a wriggly 80 lb. mutt dog with an attitude is an experience I hope never to repeat.
Then I went to a rehearsal for a play. None of the other actors would go near me. I had showered. I thought I smelled OK. I was so wrong. I smelled like wet-skunky-tomato-dog. Any one of those smells isn’t pleasant, but the four together were like a nuclear warhead of stink, and I couldn’t disguise it with Dial soap. The director made me go home.
Ah, the humiliation. Time has dulled the memory only a bit. We were driving through the mountains the other day and accidentally rolled over a dead skunk, and the aroma filled my nostrils, which was not a happy experience.
I have suffered through days when I simply
forgot deodorant, days of running around downtown in 100 degree heat, while
wearing pantyhose and heels, days of navigating foreign airports while pressed
against people with stinky BO, days of moving house in summer heat, etc. I have
been pooped on, peed on, and thrown up on - and that was just by Coco.
A toddler once peed on me. I was in college, and she was the younger sister of my Little Sister. She was adorable. I took her to the movie with us and she fell asleep and wet me. Fortunately I was wearing overalls. After the movie, she woke up, look down at me, and screamed “I peed on Big Sister!!” Everyone in the theatre looked, which I thought was sort of amusing. Keisha, the toddler's sister, was horrified.
When my mother fell a few years ago and broke both shoulders, I had to clean up an alarmingly large pool of blood in our laundry room, and the smell of the blood almost made me gag. I don’t mind blood, but I don’t like to smell large amounts of it.
Neither of my kids has ever thrown up or peed on me, for which I am eternally grateful. There are huge advantages to becoming a mom to older kids who don’t wear diapers…
Actually, cleaning up poop and pee is no big deal to me. I am really not squeamish. I compiled a list of worse things.
My Top Ten Things Worse Than Cleaning Up Poop or Pee
10. Spending an evening with one of my past boyfriends.
9. Washing skunk smell off of large dogs.
8. Going to the Krystal. [I hate the smell]
7. Going for a hike anywhere.
6. Taking my kids to Whitewater [water park].
5. Watching TV all afternoon.
4. Eating broccoli.
3. Smelling any of these things cooking all afternoon in my house: collards, turnip greens, kale, broccoli.
2. Getting a tattoo.
And the #1 thing worse than cleaning up poop or pee [drumroll please!]
1. Being president of the United States at this moment in history!!
Yes, I would rather stick knitting needles in my eyes, or set my hair on fire, than have to deal with the mess our country is in at the moment. Whether you voted for him or not, you should all be praying President Obama makes good decisions and gets us out of this mess. I bet he would rather clean up poop or pee than deal with Congress any day. Far less stink involved in the former.
I have seen the cover for the new book, now entitled Adopting Alesia: The Crusade for My Russian Daughter. It’s so exciting to see that. I think I will be able to really start marketing it once the cover design is finished and it’s ready to roll off the presses. Hopefully that will be in the next couple of months. I am waiting on several other writers to finish reading the manuscript and give me endorsements.
Also, next month the anthology Call Me Okaasan will come out, with my essay in it, which is very exciting. This is a link to editor Suzanne Kamata’s blog, Gaijin Mama, which I read every day. Suzanne, an American, is married to a Japanese man and lives in Japan. She is an expert on multi-cultural mothering. You can pre-order the book now. Or you can wait and get an autographed copy from me in May. I will post more about it.