It was a rainy day AND a Monday, but I didn't let that get me down! Anyone remember that old song? Anyone? Bueller?!
I put my sheets in to wash at 7:45 this morning, and finally got them back on the bed, clean, at 11 tonight.
I used my lunch hour to get Alesia signed up for Taggart's driving school during the Christmas holidays. Yay! An early Christmas present from Uncle Bruce. He must've been alarmed at the grey hairs I've sprouted since undertaking teaching Alesia to drive.
On the way home from work, I get a call from Alesia. "Mom, can I eat some of the turnips for a snack?!" Thank you, Jesus. Another vegetable she likes. She really, really likes it! [Name the celebrity who said something similar...]
Michael informed me of a science test on Friday, then counted the number of pages he has to study and informed me he would never be able to study all that in time. Big pouty face. Bad attitude.
"How do you eat an elephant?" I asked him. He scowled.
"One bite at a time! C'mon Dude! I will help you. We will review one chapter tonight, one tomorrow, and one Wed., then we will review it all Thursday night."
"I can't DO IT!" he whined.
"Michael, look at me. I was an A student in school [not in science, but I didn't want to split hairs] and I know how to study for a test. If you pay attention and try hard, I will help you study and you will make an A on that test!"
He reluctantly perked up and we got some studying done.
My very kind neighbor sent me a coupon for the store where he works, and I was able to do some online shopping and got some great deals. I asked Alesia what she wanted Michael to give her, and she refused to name any item except a new bra. We browsed bras. Michael kept laughing at the models and saying "You need a pushup bra!" I didn't say much. She had put herself in the line of fire. So she picked out a bra, and when she left the room we picked out a cute night shirt for her. Michael chose a hoodie and she got it for him. They both chose Uncle Bruce a shirt that they thought was "cool." I can't tell here what they chose for Mother because she reads the blog, but it's a nice gift.
The kids still have to get me something, and I have to buy stocking stuffers, but otherwise I am DONE with Christmas shopping! Woo hoo! I will make some homemade baked goodies for a few friends and neighbors, but I consider that FUN.
I was quizzing Michael at dinner on some of his science terminology. "What do you call it when big rocks break down other rocks?" I asked him. The answer I was looking for was weathering. He thought about it. "Abortion?" he asked. I was aghast. "No, the word you mean to say is abrasion, not abortion. Totally different thing. That's the wrong word, anyway, it's weathering. Good lord!"
Mother laughed. "Better explain that again!" she teased.
These are a dozen things I have learned the hard way, both good and bad.
1. If you have an incontinent dog who is also sneaky, she will find the cleanest carpet in the house to poop on. [Coco did a liquid poop on Michael’s shag rug in his room and he screamed like he was being eviscerated when he saw it.]
2. A 13 year old boy wants to play with something ALL THE TIME. Tossing rubber balls, rubber bands, paper airplanes, etc. will happen, and yelling does no good.
3. When a teenaged girl has PMS, the only way to prevent child abuse is to send her to her room. I like to add the words “Don’t come out until you can control your mouth!” It means nothing to her but it makes me feel better.
4. The day you start a diet will be the day somebody brings you something homemade (like chocolate chip cookies) and your resistance crumbles…
5. Chick Filet’s buffalo sauce will open up your sinuses, big time. Have Kleenex handy before you start dipping those nuggets.
6. No matter how early you start your Christmas shopping, you will get to Christmas eve day and suddenly realize you forgot someone or some gift, or stocking stuffers.
7. Every Christmas, you end up wrapping presents on Christmas eve, no matter how efficient you are. [Our tree will have presents under there so long they are dusty, and presents wrapped in grocery bags and duct tape at midnight on Christmas Eve.]
8. Signing your child up for driving school is a blissful experience.
9. The day you get excited about eating a vegetable you’ve never eaten before is the day you know, for a fact, you are on the dark side of 40.
10. Lecturing your kids about all the sneaky things they shouldn’t do only gives them ideas.
11. Never look in your child’s bookbag or backpack. There are things in there you just don’t want to know about.
12. Shopping for myself is a drag. Shopping for my kids is fun.