Do you ever read a recipe on the internet and get angry? Sometimes I read things on Pioneer Woman's site and I'm all really? Does it have to be that complicated? Because sometimes she puts things on there that are just way too complicated.Ditto for the Food network. Why be so complicated?!
And sometimes she puts recipes that look good, and then she throws in jalapeno peppers. ACK. Nooooooooo.... they don't go in chocolate cake.
Take this recipe for Pasta Carbonara. Looks yummy. Then she dumps in green peas. NO NO NO NO NO! Or, Hell to the No, as Madea would say. Eat a salad on the side. No reason to unnecessarily complicate it.
Food gets fussy sometimes on TV.
I was thinking the other day about some silly things that you see all the time on the Food Network. Just dumb stuff.
Like, people wearing tons of rings and bracelets while they COOK. [cough cough, Guy Fieri, cough cough] Who does that?
I want clean hands and arms when I cook because I am frequently washing my hands. Keep germ-harboring bling away from my food, y'all.
You see cooks all the time NOT washing their produce and NOT washing their hands. Yuck. Great example there. [Rachel Ray is the exception, I must say. She does wash her hands.]
And garlic. Fresh garlic rocks. Why doesn't anyone on there ever use a garlic press, though?! Slicing garlic cloves with a knife is time consuming and silly. You get much more flavor from a press. They are not hard to find, either.
Grating rinds of lemons and oranges and putting them in the food makes me want to throw something at the TV. Where do you think pesticides are sprayed? On the outside. Duh. Oranges are also painted orange, did you know that?! Do YOU want paint and pesticides in your food?
Didn't think so.
If you live in California or Florida and can get citrus that is organic and pristine, more power to you. I can't find it here without a lot of driving and outrageous prices, so I will peel my fruit.
Cooking pasta al dente. I like soft pasta. I do not want it chewy. I don't care what the convention is, give me soft macaroni. My friend Lesleigh was here once and we served her some pasta salad, and the pasta was very soft. She was amazed how good it was, and we talked about it. I don't care how Italians in Italy eat it. This is America. Cook your pasta twice as long as the package says. You'll be amazed how good it tastes.
Why do none of the TV cooks ever use garlic powder or onion powder?! I love fresh onion and garlic but who has all that time to peel and chop? If I'm in a hurry I grab the powder. It dissolves and leaves behind deliciousness.
Ditto for broth. Cook a pot roast in canned broth, or better yet Campbell's soup Beef Consomme, and some fruity read wine and soy sauce. That's all you need. You don't need to make your own broth.
I also don't need to see any onions chopped. I've seen a million of 'em chopped up fine on TV. So you can chop one. Big deal. Move on to something interesting.
Michael asked me recently, "What happens to all that food?" meaning the feast that the TV chef had prepared and was nibbling on, by herself. "I guess the crew eats it," I shrugged.
I grew up watching The Galloping Gourmet. At the end of the show he would invite a couple of audience members to come up and eat what he'd fixed. I like that idea.
Showing one cook sampling her or her food and talking about how good it is?! I'm over it.
Here's an idea for a funny sketch: show a Food network chef cooking something, then she takes a bite and makes a sour face. "YUCK! Screwed that up. Dang. Hand me a beer to wash my mouth out."
Not holding my breath on that one, but wouldn't it be funny?!