The Crab Chronicles

Not Your Typical Southern Belle

It never ceases to amaze me the misperceptions some folks have about southerners.

 

I had to answer astonished questions from two different people as to why I didn't watch the Superbowl. I restrained myself [with difficulty] from snapping back "I do not give a rat's a** about football!" Instead, I just said no, we are not a football family. Both these folks that were surprised that I don't like football are from New York, BTW..

 

So here's a little list of ways that my family is NOT a typical southern family, if you believe sterotypes about southerners:

[BTW, I mean my immediate family, of course - there are distant relatives who differ from us...]

 

We don't go to football games or watch football on TV, or have any interest in it whatsoever, whether at the high school, college, or professional level. [On principal, I would like the Georgia Bulldogs to win every game.]

 

We rarely watch TV at all. [Except for Mother, who watches Fox News all day. Sometimes she even turns up the sound.]

 

We don't question people on whether or not they are "saved." We are Episcopalian. It would be considered tacky. [We might ask you if you save old newspapers or something. We aren't against saving in general...]

We don't cook with Crisco, or animal lard. We use olive oil, and we have the normal cholesterol to prove it. [I will, occasionally, saute vegetables in bacon grease. Still have normal cholesterol..]

 

We drive Japanese made cars, not pickup trucks.

 

Except for the occasional "y'all" or "fixing to" I don't have much of a southern accent, unless I'm really tired, or I've had a beer, or I'm at a family reunion. Then consonants just become a chore.

 

I have detailed records on all my first, second, third, and some of my fourth cousins, but I don't socialize with them all regularly.

 

None of my cousins have ever married one another. [I did date a second cousin once, years ago, but no need to discuss that here..]

 

Yes, I have a lithograph of Robert E. Lee hanging on the wall - but he's in the laundry room.

 

The only time I ever had "moonshine" was once in college, and it was made by a grad student who was from up north and thought it would be fun to make some and watch everyone get reeling drunk. I took two sips, and went home.

 

I've never personally witnessed anything that I would consider an actual racial incident, except once when I was a small child and accidentally wandered into the "colored" bathroom at a rest stop, because I was too young to read. The resulting furor left me totally puzzled. [The outcry was from a tacky woman who fussed at Mom - and Mom told the idiot to mind her own business and hustled me out of there.]

 

I love my mama, and she's the backbone [and heart] of my family, but I don't worship her as a deity.

 

I was taught to address grownups with respect and call them "M'am" and "Sir" but my parents weren't fanatics about manners. We were never beaten for failing to write a thank-you note or use the right fork.

 

Unlike most southern women, I could not care less what brand of shoes I wear, or if my purse is fashionable. Fashion holds no interest for me whatsoever.

 

I don't get all worked up about my ancestors and "the war of northern aggression" [the Civil War] except for the fact I find history fascinating and I wish I knew more about "my people." 

 

I don't visit cemeteries for fun.

 

I wouldn't have a hissy fit if a piece of the family china was broken.

 

I don't tease my hair, use hairspray, or even wear makeup, 95% of the time.

 

I despise collard greens, turnip greens, and all greens actually, except spinach.

I don't listen to country music, but I confess to liking some country artists and I love to hear some good bluegrass.

I love making fried chicken, but only about twice a year.

 

If one of my kids wanted to marry a non-southerner I wouldn't throw a fit. [I might, however, gently counsel them about not moving far away, or naming their child after a country or state - I don't want a grandchild named "Dakota" or "Paris."]

 

So I don't fit the southern stereotype, and I'm OK with that. I do, however, prefer iced sweet-tea [or as we call it, simply "tea"] and I've been known to wax poetic about my great-grandaddy who was in the siege of Vicksburg. I love some southern traditions like cooking vegetables until they're soft, teaching children to behave in public, and not assaulting others' ears with a harsh nasal accent.

I've been up north, but I don't care if I never go back there. Everyone I love is in the south.

So, in summary, despite my rebellious nature, I will never, ever, not for a bazillion dollars, ever live anywhere but the south.

Y'all come back now, here?!

Y'all Come on to Atlanta

I have lived in Atlanta for over 18 years and I have no intention of ever living anywhere else. I can, however, laugh about my city. I have seen variations of the email below but this one is the most funny, IMHO.

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta, is to turnaround and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
 
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you get to the Waffle House." except if you happen to be in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, "Keep going until you get to the Big Chicken."

Peachtree Street has no beginning, and no end, and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
[46 streets have Peachtree in their name]
 
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home.  If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola.  Coke is all they drink there so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola.  Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.

The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm.  (Don't forget the lunch time rush hour!)

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.

Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.  The Atlanta pronunciation is " pawntz duh LEE-awn."

And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules.  If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week.  Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, is the interstate loop that encircles Atlanta.  It has a posted speed limit of 55 mph, but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over, and is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Don't believe the directional markers on highways:  I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may actually be going North or South at any given time. The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop ."

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta.  Just get on one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road. [Sometimes you find chickens, cows, or margarine...]

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

If you are standing outdoors and notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store) - also can be pronounced "Fixinta".

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

"How's Momma-nem" means: "How's Mother and all of the other children and other members of the family doing?"

Now if you understand these jokes, forward them to your friends from Atlanta, Georgia, and those who just wish they were.

 

 I tried to copy the image that went with this but it didn't work. It was of one of those electronic overhead signs on the interstate and it was snowing. The sign said OH MY GOD! IS THAT SNOW? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! - very accurate. LOL

Where I live, we don't give directions by the Big Chicken.

Nope, we give directions like "go until you see the mountain" [Stone Mountain]

I have climbed that mountain and ridden the funicular. It's truly a spectacular view at the top. You can almost see the Big Chicken...

 

 

I'm Back

OK, I feel tremendously guilty about not posting more, and keeping y'all up to date about my life, but I have been BUSY.

I worked another lovely 9.5 hour day today. In the middle of the day I went to a job interview in Buckhead. Now, I know what you non-Atlantans are thinkg - "Buckhead" sounds like a rural area, a hunting lodge or something. Um... NO. Think Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. Not Hillbillies, HILLS. Yes, we have come a long way, Baby. This is Hot-Lanta.

This is the building where I had my interview:

   

One of the attorneys I talked to had lived in Russia, so when I met him I said "Hello, nice to meet you" in Russian. He was startled, to say the least. I quickly explained I don't really speak Russian, except to say things like "brush your teeth" and "Are you hungry?" but we chatted for some 20 minutes - in English. I didn't tell him to go to bed or brush his teeth or anything.

It's like I told Mother, though, I have walked out of so many interviews lately feeling good, like I had a decent shot at a job, then didn't get it, I am afraid to get my hopes up on this one.

For any job seekers out there who don't already know it, too, Indeed.com is an awesome site. It pulls in job listings from all the other sites. Great resource. 

BITS AND PIECES

Alesia had her first non-babysitting job today. We have a neighbor who is a widow, and she paid Alesia to come and help her get ready for a party and serve food. Alesia had fun, and got to meet some new people. Good for her to get out of the house.

Mom said when I am working, Alesia takes charge of Michael and sounds just like me. Mom heard her tell Michael today "You're not going out of the house without sunscreen!" The apple never falls far from the tree...

I have baby eggplants in the side garden!! I am tremendously excited about that. Now I have to find some awesome eggplant recipes.

When I left my interview today it was 102, according to one local bank. Yikes.

Michael made his own breakfast this morning, including bacon. He made an omelet. He is becoming a good cook, much to my delight.

One of the ladies I am working with sits and listens to music while she reviews documents. No big deal, except she sings while she's doing it. That is getting on my nerves. Patience, Lord...

If you're on Goodreads, add me as a friend. I am always on the lookout for good books. 

Every once in a while I write a poem. To my delighted shock, Annmarie over at Vox Poetica, published one of my poems in her latest collection here.  Thanks Annmarie! You rock, Poetry Gal!

Cucumber City

Why is it that Mondays are always rather mundane, boring days?!?

We were promised rain today but we only got one meager shower. What a ripoff.

I am glad to have a temporary job, but man is it boring. If I didn't have an iPod I would be going slap crazy. My neck is killing me from bending over piles of papers all day. I am sorting documents. That's all I can say. I have to stop and stretch frequently. I get up and go to the bathroom once an hour. That's my exercise, and it lets me see the outside world, which is comforting.

At lunch, this is my view:

 

Not bad, huh?!? For those of you not familiar with Atlanta, this is but a corner of our fair metropolis. It's HUGE. We have HUGE buildings, too.

Most of the buildings even have indoor plumbing...

I jest. You have to drive at least 30 minutes outside the city to find a place with an outhouse.

I got home tonight and watered the side garden. I was thinking, I need to fertilize these cucumbers. They are petering out. I really wanted a nice cucumber salad with dinner. The next moment, I looked down, and there was a huge cuke I'd somehow missed before. It was enough to feed me AND both kids. I think sometimes God answers prayers that aren't even coherent prayers yet, just longing for something or someone.

I also made burritos for dinner. I am now a burrito folding expert. I can also make burritos and salad in about 15 minutes so it's the perfect fast meal.

Michael's one burrito was massive. It was filled with onions and Tabasco sauce. His uncle would be proud.

Y'all, please tell everyone about the raffle for Diana. We really need to get that little girl over here.

Proud to be Southern

This morning I was looking at my friend Judy's blog photos [of the local gay pride parade] and thinking "OK, well, that's L.A., whatever" - then I remembered here in Hot-Lanta we have a VERY large gay pride parade every year. I've never been simply because I don't like huge crowds of people and the possibility I might have to use a porta-potty.

Half the population in midtown Atlanta is gay, though. We're the south's mecca for gay folks...

RuPaul got his start here.

There are two gay couples living just down the street [separate houses of course]. Every Christmas they compete as to who has the most lights, the most spectacular holiday decorations. It's fun to watch. They start even before Thanksgiving.

I have one cousin who is gay, and 4 gay male friends. One of those friends has been a close friend, almost like a brother to me, for more than 25 years.

My kids are always respectful of gay people, male and female.

I wanted to point these things out because it's not all southern belles and rednecks here. I am always a tad concerned that non-southerners who have never been here will think Atlanta is like Dukes of Hazzard or Gone With the Wind, or all Fried Green Tomatoes.

Wait, didn't I see Scarlet shopping at the Walmart the other day?!? Just kidding.

We aren't like the stereotypes at all. We are a large and culturally diverse place. That's a big reason I love living here.

The "real" south is almost disappearing. You have to go to some tiny town not near the interstate to glimpse the way things used to be here, and I mean that in a good way. I can get in my car and go visit one of those towns any time I want.

Yet, even in tiny towns, I've noticed, there is almost always a Chinese or Mexican restaurant. I like that.

When I was in the international farmer's market the other day I noticed a poster promoting this website, for Chinese Southern Belles. Pretty cool, huh?!

My mother wrote a nice blog sorta similar to this one, but then again totally different, and you can find it here.

Pollen and Prejudice

Here in Georgia we like to do things fast. We skipped spring and went right to summer. It's weird seeing the cars coated with pollen and it's 85 degrees outside.

I told Michael when we were running errands yesterday [Alesia was at the mall with a friend] that I was going to run the car through one of those quickie drive thru car washes and get the pollen off. I hate driving that sort of "green machine."

"No!" he yelped. "That's too expensive!"

"No Buddy, it costs like $3. I'm not going to the expensive one," I reassured him.

"How about you save your money and I will hose off the car this afternoon?" he suggested. "That way you'll have more money to spend on me!"

I laughed and said OK. He did hose off the car, cheerfully, late yesterday afternoon.

This morning, we went out to the car and it was covered again. He was dismayed. However, since he was on his way to an all-day sports camp with his friend John, he wasn't too vocal about it.

I didn't appreciate the fact he told John that I always get lost. "She gets lost in parking garages!" he announced triumphantly. I was irritated. Then I got lost on the way to the sports camp. I found it after a few hair-raising minutes involving one way streets. The camp is at Agnes Scott college, an all girls' school in Decatur, a very fine private college.

John's aunt went to Agnes Scott, as did my friend Maria.

Michael asked me if Alesia was going to go to Agnes Scott. Much to my regret, I don't think that's possible. She will be starting at junior college, due to my financial situation, unless I win the lottery or something. Since I don't play the lottery that will be difficult.

Then John said to Michael something about if Alesia went to Agnes Scott she'd be a lesbian. That was about the third snotty remark like that I'd heard in a 20 minute car ride, and I had had enough. "John, I have dear friends who are gay, and as long as you are around me, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR you dissing gays. Understand?" I said thru gritted teeth. He said he understood. After that, there was a brief spell of blessed silence.

He's a sweet boy most of the time, and I've never had to fuss at him, but I don't like hearing that trash talk that 12 and 13 year old boys like to engage in so much. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael is becoming more and more enamored of baseball, which is fine with me. I spent some time yesterday in the back yard throwing the ball with him, after he had spent some time helping me with weeding. The heat and pollen were so bad I couldn't stay out there too long, but Alesia went out and threw with him a while, too.

He wants to learn how to pitch. YouTube videos aren't really adequate. I am trying to find a man who will come over and show Mike how to really pitch, just an informal tutorial. This is not easy. I wish my grandfather were still alive, or even his son, my uncle Bobby. My uncle played in the minors a couple of years.

Because he made all A's and B's last semester, Michael was awarded 2 free tickets to a Braves game. I sent in the form yesterday. I hope I get the tickets in time for my friend Gary to take Mike on the 18th. If not, I will try and find someone else. I love baseball but I don't care to hike up to the stadium and pay $5 for a drink. I hate crowds, too.

Looks to be another beautiful day. I already spent some time planting flowers and pulling weeds. I bought a tiny 9 pack of vincas, and a bunch of seeds. I have Four O'clocks and Sweet Peas in pots, and I hope they come up. I bought veggie seeds the other day, too, and I need to start them in flats soon. I bought 3 heirloom tomato plants the other day, just so we'd get some tomatoes sooner, but I need my brother to help me prepare the soil. He was supposed to get here yesterday but he's having car trouble so he likely won't be here until tomorrow.

Despite the lovely peaceful time gardening, I had to come in at 10, though, because it was getting so hot the sweat was rolling into my eyes and blinding me.

Alesia did her tutoring this morning outside, down at the pool/tennis area, which has picnic tables. She took the basketball and after the tutoring she and her little pupil shot baskets. She came in a few minutes ago and we asked why she was back so soon. "We had to leave because it was really getting crowded. There were a lot of old people there. I guess it was old people's day to play outside!" she explained.

Mother asked her how old the "old" people were. "Really old! Over 50!" Alesia said. Mother and I both laughed.

I will be 48 this summer.

Yikes.

Seeing Sights

I was so glad when yesterday was over. It was a tense day.

As soon as Alesia came home from school we had a long talk, and I pray it made some sort of impact on her. She said her jeans had ripped and she had asked several people for help before approaching the principal. I asked her why she didn't just call me to come down and bring her some new jeans. Her answer - "You were busy." Well no, not so much at 8:30 in the morning, once Michael is at school. I told her it hurt my feelings she didn't even think to call me.

The biggest issue was communication. Alesia doesn't communicate well. I don't know if it's due to the Auditory Processing Disorder, or not knowing enough English, or what. Instead of trying to communicate clearly, Alesia gets mad and storms off. I explained that her behavior will not serve her well when she's trying to deal with a boss or a husband in the future.

She seemed in a good mood after our talk, thank goodness. I did not un-ground her, though, for her rudeness.

Pasha spent all day seeing the touristy sights around town. He saw the Georgia Aquarium, and the High Mseum of Art. He said he went through them pretty quickly, because he explained he felt like he could've spent days in either one, to see them thoroughly. Both are fascinating places, unique to Atlanta.

Pasha has done more shopping than anything while here, but I feel like he saw the 3 places unique to Atlanta - Stone Mountain, the Aquarium, and the High. If you do not live in Atlanta but think you might visit one day, those should be your top 3 destinations.

He was quite proud of himself for negotiating MARTA, the subway here, very successfully, and even catching a bus from the train station over here to our neighborhood. I've never ridden a public bus in Atlanta.

Even after a long day of sightseeing, Pasha said last night he still had a lot of energy. So around 7 last night he and the kids walked up to Publix and bought cheesecake, and walked back. It's probably about a mile to Publix. Alesia was so thirsty when she got back, she drank a big glass of juice and then couldn't eat her dinner. She fell asleep watching the movie.

We watched Local Hero, one of my all-time favorite movies. I highly recommend it if you're looking for a wonderful, funny, quirky little film. 

BEFORE I forget, Mom did a great post, A Legacy of Stories. 

Tropical Day and Trunk Humor

Wow, what a day. Feels like I have been running a marathon all day. Tomorrow promises to be worse - ten things to do, places to be, carpool duty in overdrive.

While the rest of you around the country are enjoying fluffy winter snow, we had a freaky day with temps in the 60's. Yep, I put on my coat, and took it off as soon as I got in the car. Tomorrow, temps are supposed to plummet to more normal winter temps. Michael shares my disgust.

I don't like bitter cold - Been There, Done That, in Russia and Kazakhstan - but I like a little nip to the air, maybe temps in the 40's and/or 50's, but clear. That's the usual day around here in winter.

The upstairs of my house gets soooooo hot and stuffy, I am running the dadgum air conditioner. I will cut it off before bed, but still. It's December.

Michael is better today. Still not Mr. Talkative when it comes to his feelings, but calmer.

Mike's hair is so long now, I put it in a ponytail while he was brushing his teeth. It needs cutting but it's not a battle I want to fight right now. All the little boys in his school have long, shaggy hair. He thought the ponytail was cool, but not the scrunchy.

Mother ran out of strawberry preserves, a nightmare for Our Lady of Peanut-Butter-and-Jelly, so we ran over to Kroger tonight. I asked the kids if they wanted to just get Kroger sushi for supper, and they were thrilled. Sushi is pretty nutritious, and much better for them than fast food. Michael said he was hungry but refused to dig into sushi in the car, because he has to fix his soy sauce and wasabi just so.  Thank you, Uncle Bruce.

Mike walked by the big Christmas tree tonight before we came up for bed and said wistfully, "I want to open something really bad...."

"Calm down, all in time." I said. I reminded him earlier tonight that he has finals next week, and he needs to concentrate on that. Amazes me they are doing final exams in middle school. I never even worried about tests until high school. I didn't actually start studying for tests until college. Smart and Lazy, that's me.

Alesia has gotten where she giggles all.the.time. Constantly. It's maddening. Tonight we were in the car and Mike complained the car was too shaky for him to play his Nintendo properly. I suggested he get his butt in the trunk. He said "OK!" and Alesia said "Maybe I want to get in there instead!"

Michael shot back: "We ALL want you in the trunk!" I laughed so hard.

All I could think of was these funny Trunk Monkey commercials -

 

 

My City, My Friend

Busy, full day and I need to go to bed soon. I was off work today and I got a lot done around here, but not much in the yard as it was rainy all day.

I got the last of the raffle prizes mailed off to the winners. Yay!

I heard from an old friend of mine, Pasha, a young man who befriended me while I was in Russia. He is a civil engineer now. He was so helpful and sweet during Alesia's adoption. He speaks fluent English. I am trying to help him secure a travel visa so he can some visit us in February!! I have been wanting him to come visit since the day we said goodbye 5 years ago in the airport in Khabarovsk.

I sent him a list of things to do here in my city, and here's the list:

Georgia Aquarium

Stone Mountain Park  

High Museum  

World of Coca Cola  

Mall of Georgia  

Fernbank Museum   

Atlanta History Center

I also hope one day we can drive up to the mountains, and take a hike along the Chattahoochee River one day, eat some ribs at Fat Matt's, etc. If you are aware of any important Atlanta attraction I have left out, let me know in a comment.

Alesia's school photo this year was a disappointment to me, although she likes it. It was made before she lightened her hair. What do you think?

 

Highlands Sunday

 
I tried to post last night but the computer went wonky and I just went to bed, I was so tired. here's another try:

Sunday, Oct. 18, 2009

Lovely day – not as cold and windy as yesterday, just cool. I went to the Scottish Highland Games with Michael, my friend John and his son Reese, and Mike’s buddy Colton. Alesia went shopping with Lesleigh instead, to get some new jeans.

 

We had a great time. I didn’t check in at the clan Henderson tent, or the other clans I belong to. I just didn’t want to get into a genealogy discussion, since I am a woman and my kids are adopted. If you are not male and don’t have the clan name, you aren’t too valued, is the feeling I’ve gotten. I sent all my Henderson family stuff to the head of clan Henderson years ago and was told they weren’t interested in anything except males bearing the family name. It’s too bad, but I can’t argue with a patrilineal clan arrangement that’s been going on for hundreds of years. I just choose to not fool with all the genealogy folderol.

 

The boys enjoyed everything. Michael got mad because I wouldn’t let him buy a knife. I am OK with him having a knife, but not some cheap $4 piece of crap knife. Bruce got him a really nice knife a year or two ago.

 

I was proud of myself for doing a lot of walking around and not getting overly tired. I didn’t care for all the mud in the fields where the booths were set up, but I didn’t fall, thank goodness. I didn't overeat, but I was tempted..

 

We watched bagpipers, sporting events [beefy men wearing kilts throwing heavy things], shopped, ate lunch, and walked around. It was enough. The photo above shows some of the dancers walking towards the pipers, which is sort of cool.

 

We came home and all the boys jumped on the trampoline for a while, then Colton and John and Reese went home and Granny napped. When she awoke, we went to Kroger for a few odds and ends.

 

Michael informed me late this afternoon that one of the brackets is off his braces, so I have to try and get that fixed tomorrow at the orthodontist, leaving no time to get to the post office, I don’t think. So be it. I will set a goal for myself of getting all the raffle prizes mailed out by the end of the week…