The Crab Chronicles

My First Adoption, in Photos

Very quiet day today. I need to help Mike with a book report, and there's laundry, but otherwise very little to report. 

My book, Adopting Alesia: My Crusade for My Russian Daughter, explores the turbulent time it took for me to journey to Russia, decide to adopt Alesia, and then get her home, 2003/04. There were so many obstacles, and it was such a trying time for me, that writing obsessively in my journal became cathartic. Winnowing down the hundreds of pages into something readable would occupy what little free time I had for the next several years, culminating in the publication of my book last year. I don't expect it to ever be a bestseller, but it's an honest account of an adoption, and most adoptive parents who have read it understand my feelings, whether they adopted from Russia or not.

So I thought today I'd share some photos of the adoption.

This was my choir in January 2003, outside the hotel in Khabarovsk. I am right behind Steve, who is squatting, and I am wearing a hooded coat and sunglasses. The glare was fierce.

Above, the choir singing at the orphanage. I don't know what the white thing is showing on my shirt?! Below, the first photo of me and Alesia, just before the choir sang. Mother said later as soon as she saw that photo, she knew I was going to adopt Alesia. Took me some time to figure it out, because the thought was so scary. I did feel strongly that God was telling me to bring her HOME, though.

More photos of her in the orphanage... Below, Alesia and her friend Nadiya with Olga, who tutored Alesia in English at my request.

Christmas...

Sometimes charitable groups would give presents to the kids and then the caretakers would take them away as soon as the good samaritans had left the orphanage. Sometimes the older girls would beat Alesia. It was a really rough place.

This is Alesia and her best friend, Snezhana, outside the orphanage. This was made in spring 2004. It would take me about 6 more months to get her home. Snezhana also got adopted, by a single mom in who has since become a dear friend of mine. I just wished they lived closer. // Below, outside the courthouse just after the adoption hearing, November 14, 2004.

Below - Alesia at the Japanese restaurant where we ate the second night I had her. She ordered shrimp, not really knowing what it was, and when she first saw it she asked Pasha, in Russian, "Is this the foot of something?"

Below, this was made at her very first meal in a restaurant as Alesia Thompson, not long after she left the orphanage for the last time. She told me later she had never in her life known the feeling of "full" until she became my daughter.

Below, Alesia between her English tutor Olga, and Svetlana, the missionary who was instrumental in helping with letters, talking to the orphanage director, etc. Those two ladies, and my friend Kate's aunt Tamara, looked after Alesia when I wasn't there and I will forever be grateful for their kind and loving hearts.

Below,Alesia and I just before our tour of the Kremlin. I was SO cold!

 

Above, Alesia in our room at the Ukraina, a marvelous old hotel in Moscow. It was built during the Stalinist era, and had 5 restaurants, and we paid to go up on the roof and see out over the whole city. Quite a magical place.

Above, Alesia's first Christmas in America.

Below, Alesia about two months after she got home.

This was her first professional portrait, in about April of 2005:

Below, from summer 2010 - an amazing transformation, huh?!

The Perfect Christmas Gift

Are you looking for The Perfect Christmas Gift?? Are you feeling the pressure, the "10 days from Christmas and I haven't shopped" pressure??

My writing world has been blessed in 2009, and there is still time to buy one of these excellent books, if you haven't already!

In the spring, I was delighted and honored that my essay "Mothering My Russian Speaking Kids" appeared in Suzanne Kamata's acclaimed book Call Me Okaasan.  Here's more about it:

What happens when your child doesn't speak your native language? How do you maintain cultural traditions while living outside your native country? And how can you raise a child with two cultures without fracturing his/her identity? From our house to your house - to the White House - more and more mothers are facing questions such as these. Whether through intercultural marriage, international adoption or peripatetic lifestyles, families these days are increasingly multicultural. In this collection, women around the world, such as Xujun Eberlein, Violet Garcia-Mendoza, Rose Kent, Sefi Atta, Christine Holhbaum, Saffia Farr, and others, ponder the unique joys and challenges of raising children across two or more cultures.

 

My book Adopting Alesia was published in June, and has done very well. However, there are still one or two of you out there who haven't read it, though, so get your copy now!!

 

In November, Teresa Kelleher's excellent book, Snowflakes, A Flurry of Adoption Stories was published. It contains my son Michael's essay about his early life in Kazakhstan, and a short piece by me. Here's more about it, in Teresa's words:

I sent out many hundreds of invitations to adoptive families to contribute vignettes from their adoption experiences. The responses from adoptees and their families is what you find in this book. All contributions were included, so there is a spectrum of experiences and points of view. One adoptive mom wrote to me because she was concerned that the book would show only a "sugar-coated" side of adoption. Nope. This book tells about challenges and tough experiences as well as the positives. I was amazed throughout the project at how honest and open the contributors were.

 

Not only are these awesome gifts, they encourage the adoption of older children. They open hearts. They expand the world for readers. They teach important lessons about compassion and diversity. Order them today! 

Brendan and Paul

Not only did it not rain today, it was sunny and hot.

 

Bruce took me and the kids and that was nice, because while I was waiting to read, he walked around the book festival with them. Michael got to eat his first funnel cake.

 

Right before I read, I watched a man changing his baby’s diaper on the ground right next to the path where everyone was walking. He had her on a mat, thank goodness. The really funny part was that this sweet little baby girl had just tee tee’d in her diaper and he used about 6 baby wipes on her bottom. He must use a whole box of them for a poopy diaper!

 

The reading today was more fun – I wasn’t competing with televised football games – but I only sold a grand total of one book. However, another woman told me she had adopted a child, this time from South America. Yesterday, a lady told me she had adopted her children. I said oh, from Russia? And she replied, no, from Texas!

 

We went to a late lunch at Fuddruckers, then I grocery shopped and picked up the unsold books.

 

I finally had a grand total of ONE HOUR to myself, late this afternoon, and I continued reading Wally Lamb’s The Hour I first Believed. Good book, but rather painful to read, as the main character’s wife is at Columbine High during the massacre.

 

We watched the movie Inkheart tonight. Really interesting. I don’t know why the critics didn’t like it. It’s a good movie for kids to see. The kids and I enjoyed it, and even Bruce watched. It also stars Brendan Fraser and Paul Bettany, two guys I love to watch, because, well, they're excellent actors [cough, cough]...

 

Mother did a funny post about the horrors of stockings and girdles, on her blog. You can check it out here. Happy Labor Day!

Decatur Book Festival News

I was too exhausted to write last night. It was a really interesting day, however.

 

Lesleigh came over about 9:15 and we headed off to downtown Decatur. It’s a little town about 20-30 minutes east of Atlanta. In recent years, the crumbling downtown area has been revitalized with little boutiques, restaurants and bars, and pricey condos. I’ve gone there to the courthouse many times.

 

The old courthouse is right in front of the new courthouse, and it’s a small but park-like setting. The book festival meant there were streets blocked off and booths set up everywhere. There were also many places around there to hear speakers.

 

Les and I dropped off my books to be sold at the Emerging Authors pavilion, and headed off to a nearby church, to hear Mary Kay Andrews and Haywood Smith. The church was packed, mostly with folks middle aged and older, and there were few men. Both ladies just talked informally and took questions. They were hilariously funny. I had never even heard of Haywood Smith, but I am going to get one of her books.

 

After that, we headed over to Starbucks for some coffee and a nosh, and chatted. I hadn’t had a chance to visit with Les in a while, and she is a dear friend, and my third cousin on Daddy’s side.

 

We left Starbucks and wandered around, looking at displays, then headed back to the church to hear Diana Gabaldon, one of my favorite authors. Well, when we got across the street from the church, there was a huge line of people, stretching down the block. Now way would we have been able to see her – the church only holds maybe 300 people.

 

We decided instead to go to the only place nearby that had what sounded like an interesting speaker, and went to the Decatur library to hear a college professor talk about two books she wrote about Eudora Welty. It was not nearly as interesting or funny, but it was informative. It got us out of the rain. It was sprinkling, off and on.

 

We headed next for Twain’s Billiards and Tap, where I was to speak at the Local Prose stage. Twains is a huge, funky place, and we had a good lunch. I had eggs and toast and Les had country fried steak. We split a basket of French fries, which had been tossed in garlic and parsley and were delicious.

 

My speaking experience at Twains was rather disappointing. I did fine, but there were less than a dozen people listening to me. There was a tiny stage in the corner of the restaurant and I had to compete with the clatter of food being served, two different televised football games, and the noise form the billiards area. Most of the people listening were just other authors waiting to speak. Les said I did well and wasn’t boring, and frankly a lot of the authors were boring – they read in a monotone, or couldn’t be heard. The guy right before me was a Methodist minister and he was good. The lady who read before him was beautiful, but spoke in a monotone and read too much, and one point pinching off her nose to read in what she thought sounded like a child’s voice. That was weird.

 

We left there and headed back to the Emerging Authors area, and I just took my books and left. Didn’t sell any. No big surprise. There were many authors’ books on the tables, and folks had to go in there were the speakers were speaking, to get to the books. They took breaks for folks to browse, but it was still off the beaten path for most folks. It would’ve been better to set up the book sales area outside the speaking area, I think.

 

When we got home I was utterly exhausted. Michael was off roller skating with friends. Alesia had been housebound all day, and had cleaned up and helped me get dinner started, and really been a sweetie, so I went out with her to drive. She had been lamenting her lack of practice driving. I always feel like saying “My nerves can’t take much of it!” which is a southern way of saying “Man, that stresses me out!” but I have refrained, and simply cited time constraints, which are many. She did fine, except for missing one turn, and nearly running into a back of a car because of fiddling with the sun visor. We’ve completed about 5 hours of the 40 required before she can get her regular license. Let’s hope my nerves can take some more practice..

 

Bruce came in about 6:30, and we had a barbeque dinner, with also some fresh sliced veggies and cantaloupe. He eats a lot, but he eats pretty healthy stuff. He has lost some weight. He has been back from Iraq since about March. He is getting his house in Columbia ready to rent, so he can take some sort of Federal job somewhere – we don’t hear much about the job, but we get short reports on the house. Unlike me, he is a very private person.

 

We ended the evening watching the movie Red Dawn, which was fun to watch with Bruce because he sat there and pointed out the inaccuracies of the military stuff onscreen.

 

Today, more book festival. I am hoping it doesn’t rain…

Books, Pit Hair, and Tater Tots

Another day has slipped by and it has been so packed full there's no time to write.

I got my new glasses today - that's the only noteworthy thing. I am relieved to have prescription glasses that are new and improved, but dang the bifocals are driving me nuts. I find myself bobbing my head like a maniac, trying to look out of the non-blurry vision lens.

I am gearing up for my appearance at the Decatur Book Festival this weekend. I am speaking at two different events, plus they are selling books for me, and there are speakers I want to hear, like Diana Gabaldon. I don't know how it's going to all work out, plus I have to do mundane things like buy groceries and get my computer worked on.

I made a little display poster today, and I am planning my display of books. I only get a space 1 foot by 2 feet, so very little room on the table. I am hoping all the other authors find the space limit a challenge. At least I don't have to stay there and sell them, there are volunteers for that.

I am taking these eye drops 4 times a day for my conjunctivitis, and today I accidentally got some of the eye drop in my mouth. It's Prednisolone, a steroid. Man that stuff tastes NASTY!! Yikes. Hope nothing weird happens as a result...

My son told me last night he has hair under his arms. He insisted on it. He got angry when I said I couldn't see it. I saw nothing, not even peach fuzz. I finally examined his armpit with a magnifying glass, just to get him to hush. No hair. He insists it's blonde and it's invisible. Let's hope it stays that way. The irony is, he has some dark hairs on his legs, but he's not looking ape-like just yet, knock wood.

My kids screamed and carried on so the other day in the grocery store when they saw Tater Tots, I bought a bag. I cooked the whole bag tonight. The kids didn't eat that many. They were not that good, IMHO. I remembered Tater Tots as being crispy outside and soft inside. These were not. A couple of tots fell on the floor and Coco wasn't interested in them. That's a bad sign.

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I found the funniest blog post. I am the daughter and granddaughter and niece of teachers. Lots of them in my family. So this post from Country Fried Mama really tickled me.

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I extended the prize donation time on the raffle for Antares to September 15th. HOWEVER, if you donate any time during the months of September you are automatically eligible to win!! I'll post photos of the prizes soon. I have some really nice things. It's so exciting.

Crowded Days

Even though I am only working part-time, the days have suddenly become very crowded. Don't get me wrong - I like the new job a lot. I just have to become more time-efficient, is all.

As soon as I picked up Michael from school, the marathon started. I had to do the following between then and now:

- Help mother with a computer issue, which I ultimately couldn't resolve;

- Put away my clean clothes - sitting in the basket for 2 days.

- Pick tomatoes - we are overrun with them.

- Help Michael with his homework - more than 2 hours of it! Yikes. I now know more than I ever wanted to know about Saturn.

- Finish dinner and clean up - Alesia started it by baking the main dish, chicken and rice, but I fixed big salads and leftover eggplant for me and Mother;

- Help Mom with a piece she's written for Goodreads;

- Watch the first half of the movie 1776, and discuss it with Alesia, who is studying American history.

Maybe it doesn't sound like a lot to you, but it's a lot. There are still things I haven't gotten around to doing, like balancing my checkbook and paying some bills. That's why God invented lunch hours, I suppose. Plus tomorrow I need to pick up my new glasses.

I am appearing this weekend at the Decatur Book Festival. I am trying to figure out how to put together a book display. There are lots of big name authors, like Lee Child, Diana Gabaldon, Mary Kay Andrews and Edward Hirsch. There's also Kathryn Stockett, whose first novel The Help was just amazingly good. Mother and I both read it and couldn't put it down.

I hope if you're in the Atlanta area you will come on over to the book festival. You can take MARTA if you don't want the hassle of parking. 

Article on Adoption

I was interviewed recently by a reporter for the Augusta Chronicle, and she wrote a nice article for her paper, in which I am featured, at the end of the article. She also lists me as a source of information about adoption - a bit scary, but I could at least point out resources to anyone who wanted advice.

I wanted to correct a couple of small details.  I am quoted and the quote is a little misleading. It sort of sounds like I didn't have faith in God before I adopted Alesia. That's not true. I had a strong and abiding faith in God, and I have always been a Christian. However, her adoption certainly increased my faith exponentially and taught me a lot about myself. I also wasn't attending Good Shepherd at the time of the adoption, although I went there as a child and I have fond memories of that church.

My grandfather was a major league baseball player in the 1920's, Bob Hasty. We have a fat scrapbook of articles about him. He used to say, reporters never get it completely right. Quotes would be attributed to him that he had never said. He was philosophical about it. That's the right attitude, I think.

In any event, the article is great publicity for the book and I am glad it's out there.

If the article inspires folks to adopt, whether domestically or from abroad, that's another huge plus. 

Slug Saturday

I have been a useless slug all day. Slept late. Didn't do anything useful all day except water the gardens.

I left the house only once, to take the kids to our favorite local all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. On the way home we picked up a Wendy burger for Granny. She isn’t big on Chinese buffets.

 

The kids like this particular buffet because they can get sushi, as well as the standard dishes, chicken on a skewer, eggrolls, etc. It’s a pretty eclectic buffet. Michael mixed up wasabi and soy sauce and dipped his first sushi roll into it, and chewed with a look of pain on his face and tears in his eyes. “That’s not even hot,” he said slowly. Alesia laughed. “Michael I can SEE the tears in your eyes!” she said accusingly. “No, not hot, “ he insisted.

 

The game was on. Wasabi was flying.

 

I finally said “Look, enough. This is supposed to be a nice lunch, not an endurance contest.

 

Michael had eaten an entire plate full of food after a while, and he said “My stomach isn’t even FULL. I need MORE.”

 

“Have at it. Eat whatever you want,” I encouraged him, knowing we would have a nutritious dinner. He cannot be filled up any more.

 

Alesia ate heartily, then came home and took a nap. Michael read, and I read.

 

At 5:45, the power went off, for 30 minutes. Yuck. I was praying the entire time. It’s too hot to be without power. The high today was close to 90, and the same thing is forecasted for tomorrow.

 

I was able to pick enough green beans from my garden to serve with dinner tonight. That makes me incredibly edibly happy. Michael ate all of his soup and salad at dinner, then informed me he couldn’t hold anything else, especially not the green beans I had given him in a small bowl. I was taken aback. He loves green beans. “I really don’t like these homegrown beans, Mom,” he finally admitted.

 

He prefers Del Monte Blue Lake green beans to homegrown beans! Aaargh!

 

My corn is getting growths on it that likely will turn into CORN! Not just any corn either, silver queen  – the absolute best corn of all time. I cannot wait. I planted almost 20 corn plants and about 16 are thriving. Mother said I had to make sure there was cross pollination. Well how on earth do I do that? I can’t tell male plants from female plants.

 

How come wonderful corn has to come from cross pollination? Why can’t it just come from a test tube?!  My corn plants have to get it on, right out there in the side yard?! I hope they’ve been doing it, quietly of course. They’re behind a privacy fence, so not visible from the street.  I want to eat my own corn at least once this summer.

 

Maybe I ought to put a boombox out there and put on some Barry White music, hope they feel the magic in the moonlight…

 

 

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Weeks ago, I signed on to be part of the Decatur Book Festival – “The largest independent book festival in the nation.” I had no idea of how big it is, or who would be there. Now, I feel scared and humbled. Peruse this list and tell me it’s not amazing. On that long list of distinguished authors, there’s me. Like a real author. I don’t like the expression “OMG” but that’s what went through my mind when I saw that list. Mary Kay Andrews will be there. Rick Bragg. Nathalie Dupree. And me. I will be the enormous sweaty blob of terror trying to locate all the bathrooms and stay near them.

 

I will be reading and talking on one day, and signing books another day. I need to get it figured out. I only have 15 minutes to talk. I imagine they will stuff a sock in my mouth and boot me off the stage when they find out I am incapable of stopping after that amount of time. Heck, I will barely be warmed up by then.

The Importance of Being Educated

Both kids had appointments to get their teeth cleaned. I like to get them both done at the same time. No cavities for either one, thank goodness. Michael was my big concern, as I wasn’t sure he was keeping the teeth clean enough with a mouth full of braces.

 

Just before I went to the dentist, Mother told me a negative review of my book was posted on Amazon. I looked at it, and was distressed to say the least. As soon as I got back from the dentist I sent out an email asking friends to post positive reviews, to try and counteract the bad one. My friend Cindy – easily the busiest of all my friends, with more than 16 children at home – was the first responder, and came through with flying colors. She proves the maxim, “If you want something done, ask a busy person!” She is an amazing person. God Bless you, Cindy B [aka Big Mama].

 

So now, on Amazon, there are 6 reviews and all but one are positive. Hallelujah!

 

Make no mistake, I know the book is flawed. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. However, I felt like the negative review was petty and mean-spirited, not what I’d call “constructive criticism.”

 

I am not so delusional as to think I can support myself as a writer of memoirs, but I am casting around for writing jobs, as well as legal jobs. Whatever is the right job will work out, I am sure.

 

Getting Michael to do his workbook pages this afternoon was a chore. He fussed and fumed at doing one page of math. He was such a pain in the rear, saying he hated school and he couldn’t do math, that I finally let him have it – the full-throttle, no-holds-barred lecture on The Importance of An Education. I won’t go into the details. I think I mentioned cleaning toilets and/or jail if he didn’t straighten up and fix his attitude. I think I ended it with a profoundly positive statement, something to the effect that his life will be a total nightmare if he doesn’t get a decent education. I like subtlety.

 

He did his reading without me prompting him at all.

 

Our movie tonight was Mamma Mia. I thought I would despise it. I don’t know why I ordered it. I ended up enjoying it thoroughly. I loved the scenery of Greece where it was filmed. I love seeing Colin Firth in anything – he is such a cutie pie. I loved seeing Meryl Streep playing a totally different character than the horrible woman in The Devil Wears Prada. I have to say the only slight negative was that poor Pierce Brosnan rasped out his songs horribly. I think he has a decent voice but the songs were pitched too high for him. When I told Alesia that Meryl Streep is older than I am she got a look of astonishment on her face that was priceless.

 

Before the film started she asked if “the big man/woman” was in it. It took me a minute to figure that one out. She wanted to know if Tyler Perry was in it. I laughed. I like his movies, but this one wasn’t one of them. Despite that, she later told me it was a “really weird” movie. In Russia, I am pretty sure people in the 50’s don’t run around singing and dancing in movies. I am so glad I live here.

Scenes from Mamma Mia:

You go, girl!

I am going to go to sleep tonight thinking of me and Colin on a Greek Island... oh baby....

Cheering Myself Up

It’s been a very blah day. I am not in a good mood. Be warned.

 

I finished The Fixer Upper, which was excellently entertaining, but ended rather abruptly. I wanted to read more. I guess that’s the sign of a good author. Or perhaps Mary Kay Andrews was just sick of writing. Who knows.

 

Mother needed a pedicure, so I took us all to the mall. Alesia agreed to push her around the mall in exchange for a pedicure of her own. I read while they did that. I don't like pedicures. The thought of someone touching my feet makes me shudder. I have hobbit-like feet which should remain encased in Crocs at all times while in public.

 

We then went to the book store. Alesia found several books. I was glad she wanted books, since she got Sims games for her birthday and she already has spent serious computer time engrossed in the Sims. I do not understand why virtual people are so fascinating, but it’s fairly harmless entertainment.

 

We had lunch at a little Mexican restaurant where the food is very reasonable. I was ticked they didn’t have the TV on today. Our waitress also appeared to have the IQ of guacamole. She spoke perfectly fine English. We had to repeat every order 3 times, though. The funniest thing was that Mother ordered a Dos Equis. [That’s a beer, for you teetotalers.] When she had finished writing down the food order Mother said, “Don’t forget my Dos Equis!” and the waitress replied “OK, you want two eckees!” Alesia intervened. “No, Dos Equis is a beer! She only wants one!” When she had walked off, we all sat there giggling.

UPDATE ON THE BOOK

 

I finally received my bookmarks I had made to put in my books. They look very spiffy. I wish I had gotten them sooner, though.

 

I also got started on the postcards. I am sending promotional postcards to 66 of my nearest and dearest, many of whom have not seen or heard from me in years. I must confess, about half a dozen are going to attorneys I worked for in the past, not because I think they will buy a book, but because they always treated me like I was an idiot. I wanted them to know I’ve written and published a book. It’s a teeny weeny revenge. Being a paralegal can be really frustrating at times, because the good ol’ boys want to treat you like a bimbo or a moron. I have worked for a lot of good ol’ boys. At the opposite end of the spectrum, though, are attorneys who expect me to know everything they know, and practice law without a license. Encountering a semi-normal lawyer is rare.

 

I checked on sales of my books late this afternoon and it was discouraging. I am not selling as many books as I had hoped. I have been doing everything I know to do to promote the book. I just don’t seem to be getting anywhere, despite help from great buddies like Julia, Cindy B and Cindy L, and Martha over at rainbowkids.

 

I am also creaky with arthritis today. And I miss Michael. And all my squash plants are dead, for reasons I cannot guess. My feet itch! I need to balance my checkbook and I’d rather set my hair on fire! Aaaargh!

 

So, in an effort to cheer myself up, I’m announcing

 

A CONTEST!!

 

I saw this photo on my friend Nic’s Facebook photos page and thought, this little lady has the cutest expression on her face. The person who comes up with the funniest caption for this photo will win a free copy of my book. I will not judge the entries, to be fair. I will let Alesia and Mother tell me which one they think is funniest or most clever. So study on this photo and leave me a comment with your best shot at a funny/cute/clever caption! Winner announced Sunday. Contest closes at midnight on Saturday June 12 at midnight EST.