The Crab Chronicles

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg

I was reading that the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, is getting ready to donate a lot of money to charity in the coming years. I'm sure this is going to be interesting to watch. The article says that:

"Mr. Zuckerberg and his wife, Dr. Priscilla Chan, said they were forming a new organization, the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative, to manage the money, through an unusual limited liability corporate structure. “Our initial areas of focus will be personalized learning, curing disease, connecting people and building strong communities,” they wrote."

I know there will be tons of people clamoring for this money.

I have a proposition, though.

There is one simple way to really ensure that the money will truly impact the future, and it's very simple: give all the money to children and mental health.

No child in America should go to bed hungry. No child should get a substandard education. No child should do without adequate mental health services. No child should get pregnant at 13 or 14 and have a baby that's going to live in poverty and do the same thing in 13 or 14 years.

There are thousands of children in the foster care system in the USA and many of them will grow up to populate our prisons. That cycle needs to end.

Every child that wants to go to college should be able to go, regardless of cost. If they cannot do college work they should get remedial help.

Should the government be doing this, instead of private charities? Sure, but the government is too much about power, and it's utterly corrupt.

If we invest in children, who will shape the future, we invest in ourselves. We invest in our descendants. We put human lives ahead of all else, as it should be.

 

So much of the violence in our society stems from people who are mentally ill, and we have closed down most of the mental hospitals in America. We wonder why there are so many shootings. It's not the guns. It's the mental illness. Sane people do not commit mass shootings. We need treatment options. We need places where people can be put away but treated with compassion -- not the horrors of old-time mental hospitals.

How bad is it? According to Mental Health America:

"The numbers are alarming: Over 42 million adults suffer from a mental health problem, with over eight million reporting suicidal thoughts. Over eight million adults suffer from a mental illness and are uninsured, and one out of every three adults with a disability report inability to see a doctor due to costs. Additionally, over six million children suffer from an Emotional, Behavioral, or Developmental (EBD) problem, and more than eight percent of youth have attempted suicide. Young females are twice as likely to attempt suicide as compared to teenage males, and one out of every three families report that their child’s insurance was inadequate."

 

If we can solve these two problems, Mr. Zuckerberg, or at least make significant inroads, there will be a lot less suffering in America and the future will be much brighter. These problems cannot be fixed with a legislative bandaid, though. We need real help for the long-term.

 

Thanksgiving Drama

Well, my brother came in Wednesday afternoon and we had our big meal Wednesday night, because Michael had to work yesterday. I posted this on Facebook yesterday:

The Thompsons had a small but delightful celebration. All the "big" cooking was done last night because that's when we could all be together. Michael had to work all afternoon today and Bruce had to go home this afternoon and be at work tomorrow morning. So last night was the feast -- steaks, scallops, homemade mashed potatoes, squash casserole, roasted onions/carrots, pecan pie, and Apricot Brandy pound cake. YUM.
Today, Bruce and I went to lunch at Hudson Grille when Michael was working and I had the traditional lunch - salad, turkey, dressing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and apple pie. Bruce had a ginormous burger. We both could only eat a fraction of our food, so we walked out with several takeout boxes and there's enough food left over from my lunch to feed Mother and I dinner -- although I may not eat again until Saturday! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

So last night, after dinner, I was in my bathrobe watching TV and I got a call from a friend, LeeAnn, whose daughter is a friend of Michael's. She had seen Michael standing outside his car in front of the mall and he had been in a wreck. LeeAnn and her wonderful husband picked up Michael and his friend and brought them home.

Michael was turning left and another car came out of nowhere and hit him. He got cited because he was turning, though. He was SO upset. Really really upset. The car wasn't that badly damaged but it had to be towed.

I hope the car can be fixed. We don't need all this extra stress right here at the holidays, but I just keep telling myself it could have been worse.

Michael has final exams Monday. It's his last day of class, though.

Let's hope Christmas will be drama free!

A Rockstar Employee

I read an ad the other day for a “Rockstar profile writer” and I responded to the ad, with great excitement, because it sounded like a terrific job. Writing full-time? Interviewing interesting people? I was practically drooling I was so excited.

It felt really weird. The application asked for links to my best stories and a link to my LinkedIn profile, and a photo. The application didn’t give me a chance to write a normal cover letter or send a resume, which I thought was weird. Then again, I got the impression that the ad was written by someone in their 20’s, or possibly 30’s. I don’t know many millenials who use the word “rockstar.”

The word “rockstar” to me conjures up an image of Jim Morrison, who was the quintessential “rockstar.” His defining characteristic, to me, was that he used a lot of drugs and died young. Was he a genius? Debatable, but probably. I don’t think any employers truly want a “rockstar” – someone who lives fast and furious and burns out.

I think what an employer truly wants is someone who stands out from the crowd by being extremely dedicated to the job, loyal to a fault, and willing to go the extra mile to get things done. What would you call such a person? “Rockstar” seems the opposite of that. “Rockstar” seems to imply youth. Then again the Rolling Stones are bonafide “rockstars” and also grandpas and eligible for social security.

There is a perception in the business world that someone in their 50’s shouldn’t be hired because they will not be as productive as someone younger. I understand that perception. When I was in my 20’s I felt the same way.

Now that I am in my 50’s, though, I see the other side of the coin.

Since I missed the chance to write a real cover letter, I wanted to respond to the ad and explain why I would be the perfect person for the writing position.

What most people don’t realize about being a paralegal is that it develops a lot of skill sets critical to being a good journalist or writer.

RESPONSIBILITIES (what you'll be doing)

Researching and writing original content. I’ve been writing a blog since 2005 and I’ve written more than 3,000 blog entries here at The Crab Chronicles. I’ve also written many articles for online and print publications. Like, hundreds of them. I’ve also written website materials for myself and for a number of lawyers.

Reading background material and preparing interview questions. In my paralegal life, I’ve read literally thousands of pages of depositions and file materials and called and interviewed witnesses. Not once or twice, but literally hundreds of times. I’ve interviewed CEOs of companies, store clerks, and all sorts of folks in between.

Interviewing top business executives. I was an employment law paralegal for 15 years. I’ve interviewed countless business executives – not about fun profiles of them either, about touchy subjects like why they’ve been accused of sexual harassment. If I can handle those interviews I can handle anything.

Crafting catchy headlines. Every time I write a blog headline I keep in mind what search engines will pick up. The first time I read the definition of the term “SEO” [search engine optimization] I laughed because I’d been doing SEO for years already.

Preparing irresistible story ideas. What makes an “irresistible story idea”? Once that’s defined I will be able to take the ball and run with it.

Email intro'ing clients to our photographers. That sounds like standard business correspondence, not anything terribly difficult. If I’m trying to describe the photographer in a positive way, I can do that. It’s like writing a press release.

Interfacing with countless internal cloud-based tools like Slack and Trello. I’ve never used Slack or Trello. However, I just watched several videos about them. I understand why one would use them when employees are scattered around and working from home. Being in the same room with someone and handing them paper? That’s so yesterday. Trello looks like a more evolved version of Outlook, but it looks pretty easy to use.

Editing your colleague's stories. I’ve been editing briefs for lawyers for many years. I’ve also edited website content for lawyers. I’ve edited my mother’s blogs for years now. I’ve edited countless papers for my children, which is why they get good grades in English. Editing is my favorite thing to do, next to writing.

QUALIFICATIONS (skills you should have)

● 3+ years of professional writing experience. I have been a professional writer for more than 6 years and I have a master’s degree in Creative Writing.

● Skilled at writing 2,000 word features and 500 word stories alike. I’ve written two books and I’m working on a third. I’ve written more than 3,000 blogs, most of which are shorter than 500 words.

● Outstanding interview skills. As a paralegal, I interviewed witnesses countless times. I’ve interviewed many people for my blog featured called Twenty Questions. I worked for a newspaper once and got to interview famous people. No sweat. I can interview anyone about anything.

● Terrific researcher and master at LinkedIn and Google advanced searches. I currently work for a publisher and I spend a good deal of time researching. I was researching online starting in 1993, when most of you reading this were in grade school.

● A compulsion for impeccable attention-to-detail. I worked for lawyers for many years. If I had not been detail-oriented I wouldn’t have lasted 6 months as a paralegal.

● Exceptional ability to tell stories. I come from a family of storytellers. I love to tell stories, which is why I love to write. Most of my 3,000+ blogs are my written stories. I’ve also written 2 books and 3 feature-length screenplays, which is taking storytelling to a whole other level.

● Ability to translate complex ideas into simple ones. Talking to legal clients often involves explaining lawsuit complexities in easy-to-digest ways, and I’ve done that countless times. Also, I have read my kids’ school textbooks and explained concepts to them in simplified terms many many times.

● You know how to dive deep into someone's background, cut through the fat & get to the core of what's truly fascinating about them. Yes, I do. I learned this from attorneys, who hate anyone in their office wasting time. Cutting through BS is an important legal office skill.

● Can perform at high-quality under tight deadlines. I’ve done that my entire career.

● Whiz at headline writing and crafting SEO titles. Yep.

● Copy editor extraordinaire. Yep. Lawyers have given me Appeals Court and Supreme Court briefs to edit.

● 100% reliable. Always. I don’t drink, do drugs, smoke or drive anywhere at night, so yeah, this one is covered. I can also supply you with names of former employers who will vouch for me on this one.

● Killer communicator, both written and verbal. Read my blog. Call me.

● Self-directed. I’ve been mostly working from home now for years. My whole life is about being self-directed. I take care of myself, my mom, my son, an old house, my car, my dog, my career - all myself. All the time.

● Can start right away and hit the ground running. I can start on Thanksgiving if necessary. We're eating in the early afternoon and not watching football.

TEN MORE REASONS WHY I WOULD BE AWESOME – yeah, some of these are things you can’t ask me in an interview

1. I am looking for a job where I can stay for the next 10-20 years, not a stepping stone to another job.
2. I write every day, 300-3,000 words, whether I am getting paid or not.
3. I do not have small children at home and there is zero chance I will get pregnant and have to deal with childcare issues.
4. I’m not married and I don’t date so romance will never divert my attention.
5. I hate drama and BS. I will go to great lengths to avoid both.
6. I write every day, 300-3,000 words, whether I am getting paid or not.
7. I may be over 40 but I actually LIKE learning new technology things like Slack and Trello.
8. I have a terrific sense of humor and that often comes through in my writing.
9. You will never find anyone any nicer than me.
10. My threshold for boredom is very low, so I like to stay busy.

From My Resume:

Editorships:

            Assistant Editor The Big Bold Beautiful Blog, June 2011- January 2012

            A Marietta Gal's View (Editor only), July 2009 - present

            Editor, Home Depot legal departmental newsletter, The Legal Eagle, 2005-2006

            Contributing Editor, Chambers Mabry McClelland & Brooks paralegal guide, 1996

 

Blogs: 

The Write Rainmaker [my blog about writing services for small business owners]

The Crab Chronicles [daily blog] Writer and Editor, 2005-present

The Word Ocean devoted to publishing poetry by Southern poets

 

Recent Web Articles:

            A Fun Time At the Boneyard, Atlanta Area Mom’s Blog, 1/16/2015

            What Never to Say to Adoptive Parents, Atlanta Area Moms Blog, 3/10/15

            Ten Tips to Get Your Child to Eat, Atlanta Area Moms Blog, 4/1/15

            Cowgirls, (review), The Edge Atlanta, 5/19/14

            Eric Has Two Mothers, (guest blog), Monday Coffee and Other Stories, 01/29/2014

 

Recent Print Articles:

“Season of Ashes,” in Georgia Backroads Magazine, Fall 2015

Prosthetics: To Wear or Not to Wear,” In Motion magazine September/October 2013, pages 16-17

 

Publications:

            Authored:

Adopting Alesia: My Crusade for My Russian Daughter (nonfiction) Wyatt-MacKenzie Press, June 2009

This is a memoir about my daughter’s adoption from Russia in 2004.

Jack's New Family (Children’s fiction) United Writer’s Press, January 2007

Jack is a 9 year old Russian orphan adopted by a single American Mom. He describes in his own words [in Russian and English text] how it feels to be

adopted and live in America.

Contributed:

Our Day of Passing: An Anthology of Short Stories, Poems and Essays, edited by Ingrid Hall, Summer 2015

My essay about my father’s death, “The Last Gift,” was included in this anthology about death.

Monday Coffee and Other Stories of Mothering Children With Special Needs, edited by Lyn Jones and Liz Whiteacre, (nonfiction), fall 2013

My poem “My Daughter Sings” is included in this anthology of essays and poetry  by moms of special needs kids.

The Divinity of Dogs: True Stories of Miracles Inspired by Man's Best Friend, edited by Jennifer Skiff (nonfiction) Simon and Schuster, October 2012

My story “The dogs that lived outside the orphanage” is included in this collection of true stories.

Snowflakes: A Flurry of Adoption Stories, edited by Teresa Kelleher (nonfiction), Wyatt-MacKenzie Press, November 2009.

My essay “Interesting Connections Observed” was included in this collection of stories and poems by adopted children and parents.

Call Me Okaasan: Adventures in Multicultural Mothering, edited by Suzanne Kamata (nonfiction) Wyatt-MacKenzie Press, May 2009. My essay, “Mothering My Russian-Speaking Children” was included in this collection of essays by mothers living all over the world. The book was named one of The Japan Times’ favorite books of 2009. Call Me Okaasan also won a bronze medal in the 2010 Independent Publisher's Book Awards competition.

Additional Writing (Play Reviews):

Guys and Dolls (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 11/4/13

Stomp (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 9/27/13

The Book Club Play (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 5/21/13

Stacey Todd Holt: from 'Swing' to Lead in 'The Producers' (Interview), The Edge Atlanta, 1/29/13

The Producers (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 1/29/13

Les Miserables (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 4/27/12

Billy Elliott: The Musical, (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 3/15/12

Spaghetti Squash, (Guest Blog), Adoption Under One Roof, 3/6/12

Memphis (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 2/2/12

Divided Among Themselves (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 10/3/11

Come Fly Away (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 8/5/11

A Lady With Whole-Life Swag, (Interview) The Big Bold Beautiful Blog, 8/3/11

Fiddler On the Roof (Review), The Edge Atlanta, 7/22/11

Website publications:

Adoption Under One Roof: Guest Columnist, Cooking With D, (September 2009-May 2011)

Education:

M.A. Creative Writing, University of Tennessee, Knoxville, 3.8 GPA

B.S. Drama, University of Georgia, Athens, 3.42 GPA

Honors:

• Golden Key National Honor Society, inducted 1984
• “The Lost Boy and the Train,” Poem, published in The Phoenix, the University of Tennessee literary magazine, 1990
• Finalist, Atlanta Film Festival Perfect Pitch contest, 2003, for screenplay “The Theory of Hip Movement”

photo by Lisa Amos

Pre-Holiday Rant

I realized just yesterday that Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK. Holy Terduckens Batman! Next week the Christmas madness really kicks into high gear. I don't want to get off on a rant here [in my head I hear Dennis Miller's voice saying that] but we are NOT READY.

We may never be ready, unless I get hold of a truckload of Xanax sometime soon.*

Then again, unlike most people, we stay home and family comes to us, family meaning my brother, who comes in Wednesday night and leaves Thursday afternoon because he has to work Friday. Everyone else - grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. - is either dead or not coming to my house, which is fine by me. [Actually, the dead relatives are welcome to come hang out.]

Holidays are still stressful to me, though. Just the thought of the pre-Thanksgiving crowd at Kroger makes me want to run and hide.

So I wanted to just let fly with some rants, for a minute. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

CHRISTMAS MERCHANDISING -- before Halloween was even over I saw Christmas merchandise being stocked at CVS. I hate to sound Scroogey, but that's not about celebrating the birth of Christ, or celebrating family, or whatever noble sentiment one might associate with the holiday. It's about MONEY. Period. It gives me a small bit of satisfaction to picture Jesus with a whip creating havoc in the CVS or the Target or wherever. "And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves." Matthew 21:12

SNARKY VOICEMAIL GREETINGS -- I called someone the other day and had to hear "I'll get back to you at my earliest convenience." Really? So whenever the hell you feel like returning calls, you MIGHT get back to me?! Thanks. That's the verbal equivalent of the bouncer outside a nightclub not letting me in because I'm not pretty enough. My revenge on people who use that "my earliest convenience" phrase is to just not leave any message. I wish I had the guts to say something like "Yes, this is Officer Smith with the State Patrol, just wanted to know we've located your vehicle and I'm afraid it's currently a blazing car-b-que on I-285." 

Father's Talk With Son About Paris Terror Attack --OK, I'm sorry, but I thought the father's response to his child was ridiculous. The bad guys have guns and we have flowers and candles?! The child isn't stupid. He needs reassurance the bad guys won't win. I disagree with people who say how moving this was. It was idiotic. I want to hug that child and say Listen, ISIS won't win because we have BIGGER guns and more people!

SNARKY GUESTS -- Had a guest in the house recently who informed me that the floor in the guest bathroom was really not up to her standards of cleanliness and I needed to get in there with some industrial-type cleaner. I was so stunned, I had no words to reply with, other than "Get the F* out of my house" but that might sound like an over-reaction, so I exercised a tremendous amount of self-control and merely said "Sorry. We can't afford a maid right now."

TURKEY PURISTS -- A friend posted on Facebook that she needed suggestions about cooking Thanksgiving dinner for a huge crowd of people, and I suggested she poach the turkey in the crockpot. You buy a turkey breast and stick it in the crockpot with some herbs and butter, cover it with chicken broth and cook it all day. At the end of the day, you have incredibly moist and delicious turkey. You don't have the Norman Rockwell painting of the perfectly browned bird, no, but you have turkey THAT'S NOT DRY AND TASTELESS! Jeez, let go of the past already.

At my house, we don't eat turkey. Nobody likes it. We make do with a nice beef tenderloin, a couple of side dishes, a cold beer and pumpkin or pecan pie. Then we sit around and talk to each other instead of watching football on TV. Yeah, we're weird. Get over it.

CABLE COMPANIES -- in the recent dustup with Direct TV and Comcast, I informed both companies that I would not respond to any emailed bills, only paper bills. I keep getting emailed bills. I never should have given them my email address. Lesson learned. When they find that I don't pay emailed bills they will call me, of course, and I will tell them politely why my money goes out of here on paper, if I'm asked to pay someone, on paper. Call me a Luddite. I don't care.

PEOPLE WHO IGNORE EMAILS -- If you don't like to write long emails that's fine. Just respond in some way -- one sentence is fine. It lets me know you got the email and read it and you're not lying dead in front of your computer. Complete silence, however, is just rude.

ANTHONY BOURDAIN NEEDS TO CHECK INTO REHAB ALREADY AND SHUT UP! Guy Fieri rocks - Bless his little square peroxided head, he's going verbally toe-to-toe with the giant asshat of the food world, Anthony Bourdain [I think "bourdain" is a French word meaning verbose blithering idiot]. I LOVED reading Guy Fieri Fires Back at Anthony Bourdain: He's Definitely Gotta Have Issues. Um, yes. Bourdain cannot cook. All he can do is criticize. Kudos to Alton Brown, too:

"Alton Brown, a prolific cookbook author and Food Network host, also took issue with Bourdain’s sense of superiority. “When was the last time you saw Anthony Bourdain actually cook anything?” he said. “I’ve spent 14 years cooking my own food on television and I’ve never seen him cook a meal.” - People

 

*to any potential employers: I don't take Xanax. Never have. Never will. When I get stressed out I just go in the bathroom and cry for a while, then reach for the peanut M&Ms, not drugs or alcohol.

The Golden Rule of Fashion

I have lived long enough to be able to see that fashions go in cycles. I've personally seen peasant blouses that were popular in the 1970's come back in style. Also ponchos - I had one as a kid in the 1970's, then around 2004 they were popular again for a minute. Ditto for boots, which are again popular.

I could not care less about clothes. However, I am endlessly fascinated by home decor.

I watch a lot of HGTV and I am amused to see home furnishings going in and out of popularity. Granite countertops are so 5 minutes ago, for instance.

Subway tile backsplashes are still hot.

Wallpaper borders are "dated."

"Mid century modern" is what I would call "old 1950's stuff." Ugh. Not to my liking.

If I hear the phrases "pop of color" or "wow factor" ever again I may throw something at the TV.

I was delighted the other day to hear a guy looking for houses on an HGTV show say "I don't LIKE open concept." YOU ROCK, MY MAN!

What made me think of this was a link on Facebook to this Wall Street Journal article Decorating With Teal, the Color People Love to Hate. The example photo comes from the home of author Mary Kay Andrews [aka Mathy Hogan Trochek], an author I like a lot.

"Novelist Kathy Hogan Trocheck embraced the teal-painted porch floors left by the owner of a cottage she and her husband bought in Georgia two years ago (“It feels like you’re walking in the Caribbean,” she said). But the porch dining area is otherwise furnished in neutrals and only touches of color."

Who owns that cottage with the teal floor?! The photos of the cottage I've seen, from her owner's Facebook page, show a charming place, decorated eclectically but very attractively. (MKA owns two Tybee Island beach rentals, The Breeze Inn and Ebbtide and both are quite attractive.)

What infuriates me about the article is that it's undermining everything I feel to be true about home decor and fashion, in general. Why should anyone tell anyone else how to decorate? It's ridiculous. If everyone had the same taste, what a boring world we'd have.

Here's Dee's Gold Rule of Fashion:

WEAR WHATEVER YOU LIKE and DECORATE YOUR HOUSE WHATEVER WAY YOU LIKE

You have to live inside your skin and inside your house. If you like to wear clothing considered "out of style" go ahead. Wear it proudly. WHO CARES what other people think?! They aren't YOU. Ditto for your house. YOU are the one living in it.

My kitchen countertops are terra cotta tile. Any decorator would be horrified by them. I love them. Not keen on the colors, but the fact that I can take a dish right out of the oven and set it on the counter without a trivet is WONDERFUL.

I am always amused/appalled by people who hire decorators. They then pay a lot more than necessary because that decorator has to get their commission. Why not just go out and look around and buy what YOU like?!

I have a friend who is fond of buying dark oil portraits of long-dead people not related to her in any way, and putting groupings of 3-6 of them on the walls. I would not want them on my walls, but she likes them.

I have a relative whose living room has 10 different patterns of fabric in it. Not my taste, but so what?! It's HER living room.

Over and over on the HGTV shows, I see the "after" walls painted some icky neutral color, no curtains on the windows, and one pathetic little sofa pillow the only "pop of color" in the entire room. Well if you're trying to sell a house, fine. Be as bland and boring as possible because most people FEAR strong color. Sell that beige house.

One of the joys of my life was buying a condo and realizing I could paint the walls any color I liked, and put down blue carpet, and once I got through, my little condo was beautiful. I eventually painted the walls of my bedroom deep pink, and my tiny kitchen walls pale purple. It was MY home. Then I tried to sell it, and no offers came in. I finally, reluctantly, had all the walls painted "eggshell." By then I was living in my house. I never got the condo sold, but I got a renter in there. I may one day move back to the condo, and I hope I will be able to afford to re-carpet and re-paint.

below, the condo before I moved out

Rainy Day Chili

When I was a little girl, on rainy days, we used to repeat "Rain rain go away / come again another day!" I always repeated the second sentence with vehemence.

Rainy days meant being cooped up in the house. It wasn't always boring. Sometimes my brother and I would play "fort" - meaning we would get out the old scratchy wool Army blankets and/or old blankies from toddlerhood and drape them across the furniture to make our fortresses. Then we would make up games to play, like a route across the room that didn't involve touching the carpeted floor.

Do kids still make "forts"? I suspect not.

My mother was a firm believer in turning off the TV and saying GO PLAY! She only tolerated a certain amount of TV watching before she fussed, primarily at me. My brother was never a big TV watcher. Today, he doesn't watch TV at all.

I've been anxiously watching the weather situation the last few days, but here it's been mostly just rain and a lot of weather like England - mist so heavy you can feel it when you walk outside but no big drops, except during the occasional showers.

Of course, taking Lola out in this poses challenges the minute we come back in. She is so low to the ground that her belly and chest get sopping wet if she walks in grass, so I have to rub her down with an old towel. She tolerates it but doesn't help by rolling over..

I am thankful it's not cold enough to snow..

When I was growing up, Mom always made chili on cold, rainy days. Bruce and I used to say on the bus ride home, "looks like we'll be having chili for dinner..."

Rainy and cold all day yesterday. Of course I made a big pot of chili for the crockpot and it turned out well.

I wish I could say the same for my teams. Georgia lost to Alabama, 38 - 10. Then Tennessee lost to Arkansas, 24 - 20. That's maybe worse because it was so close. Next weekend, Georgia plays Tennessee. I will have to root for Georgia because it's the family school - me, my parents, many of my aunts and uncles and cousins - we are all Dawgs. Normally I root for Tennessee, but not when they play the Dawgs..

Michael came home from work around 6, having eaten a huge hamburger after his shift. He was mad about the football game, about Georgia getting beat. He has a friend who attends Alabama. Working at a sports bar lets him see how passionate people are about their football games. He said it was dead until about 3 and then a flood of folks got there and his job [host] then got complicated.

*******************************************************************************************************

I have a lot of family members and friends in the Carolinas, so the news of flooding there scares me. A friend on Facebook posted video of his son swimming in the back yard. They don't have a pool. My concern would be snakes..

This is funny... yet not.

Michael spent the evening with friends but I left the crockpot on warm, because he's usually hungry when he comes in late at night. He likes chili.

Lola woke me up at 5:30, whining to go out of my room. That's not typical. I threw on some shoes and went downstairs to let her out to tinkle, and as I went down I could smell chili, which scared me. After she went out and came back in, I looked in the kitchen, and there was no chili in the crockpot bowl. Huh?!? There was enough in there for 2 more meals! I stared at the crockpot while Lola whined. I finally thought to look in the fridge. Michael had carefully ladled out the chili into a plastic bowl, covered it with foil, and put it in the fridge, just as I would have done. 

He never helps me around the kitchen without my asking. Never.

Either he's maturing, or he really liked the chili and wanted to keep it for other meals. I figured it would be OK on warm all night but I could have been mistaken. He didn't want to take a chance on it burning, clearly. (I am sort of famous for burning food, because I get distracted by wanting to write something and leaving stuff on the stove...)

I told him the other day, "For the rest of your life, after I'm dead, the smell of burned food (particularly onions) will make you think of me and you will get sad, because of the memories..."

He just grinned.

Gender and Jenner

I have been reading a lot of responses to Bruce Jenner's transgender transformation and just shaking my head. Physics teaches us that for every action there is an equal and opposite re-action. So, for everyone who is cheering him on, there are also those voicing their opposition to what he is doing.*

There are those who say he is going against God's design in altering his body. I can follow their argument [not agree, just follow] right up to where it says that "Satan targets man and woman and induces them to upend God’s design." It argues against anything but a rigid, bible-based view of male and female roles and of course condemns homosexuality.

My friend Scott, son of a conservative Presbyterian minister, wrote a review recently on his blog of the book by Bart Ehrman, Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why. He points out that Christians pick and choose the parts of the bible we want to believe and enforce:

"Like the author, I grew up believing the Bible was the inherent word of God – God’s chosen words as inspired to be written by several select human authors. You had to believe everything. Of course, as I grew older, I began to have doubts. For instance, take all of Leviticus. No one stones their children for being disobedient, people eat shrimp and bacon, men cut their hair and beards, etc. But if you followed the Bible like you were supposed to, you couldn’t do those things, right? So that prepared me for the cherry picking that Christians do with the Bible left and right to suit whatever agenda they have."

I didn't grow up in a home where I was told the bible was the literal word of God, and it had to be followed to the letter. The Episcopalian view of the bible is to view it as inspired, but also a book that has to be understood in its historic and cultural contexts.

The idea that when it comes to the bible you have to believe "all or nothing" or you're going to burn in hell is one that I find very offensive. There are too many conflicting views. There is too much room for argument.

Scott on the Ehrman book: "The author then goes on to say that currently, we possess over 5,700 Greek manuscripts... and that there are now known to be between 200,000 and 400,000 discrepancies in the New Testament, or more words than exist in it."

The bible is a complex document with many authors and editors. To take a simplistic view of it doesn't serve God's will, in my opinion. Now, I'm not arguing we should throw the baby out with the bath water - reject the entire bible. I would argue that we need to thoughtfully and prayerfully examine what it says and TRY to do so without injecting our own prejudices.

I think the folks who are most uncomfortable with Bruce Jenner's transformation are folks who like to say that the world should be immutable and unmoving, and they want to use the bible to justify that view.

Then there are those who are not rigidly conservative but who are definitely dismayed at seeing a man transform himself into a woman. My mother is very uncomfortable with Jenner as a woman. It goes against how she was raised.

However, here's my hope for the entire controversy: it's opening up a dialogue. It's starting a conversation about gender identity.

We desperately need this conversation.

According to the Youth Suicide Prevention Program, based on national statistics:

More than 50% of Transgender youth will have had at least one suicide attempt by their 20th birthday.

That's absolutely horrifying to me. Even if we don't embrace and encourage transgender people, the least we can do is allow them to be themselves, however they define that. They deserve peace, like anyone else.

Am I totally comfortable around transgender people? No. I've been around a few in my life and I must admit that I was highly uncomfortable. However, that doesn't mean I should whip out my bible and use it to tell those folks they are going against God's law.

I am hardly an example of a "girly girl."

I hardly ever wear dresses. I prefer pants, and I don't like to wear makeup. I have no desire to be a male and I am not gay. However, nobody condemns me in print or threatens me because my appearance doesn't conform to gender stereotypes.

If Bruce Jenner wants to dress like or even become a female, that is nobody's business but his [or hers].

My overall view is basic.

Everyone has a right, in America, to choose the gender they want to be. Whether or not other people are comfortable with that choice really doesn't matter. As long as transgender people are not breaking the law, they should be left in peace. 

If we let conservative Christians dictate our laws then we will be no better than ISIS or Boko Haram or any other religious extremists.

America HAS to stand firm for individual freedoms. It's the defining characteristic of our nation.

  I would also like to point out that Jesus wore robes, not pants...

*I can't quite wrap my head around referring to Jenner as "she" or "Caitlyn" but that doesn't mean I disapprove or condemn him in any way.

Random Stuff

It's only May 5 and our highs all week are going to be in the early 80's. That's OK. That's getting us ready for the hot summers we have down here. I can tolerate the hot summers just fine. I always tease my friends up north and say words to the effect of "Hey, I can always just turn on the fan or the air conditioner when I get uncomfortably hot but in winter I'm comfortable. NOT shoveling snow."

My mom and I have an uneasy truce established when it comes to regulating heat and air downstairs. (She never comes upstairs.) I am menopausal and she is 81. When I sit down to dinner every night I am usually hot because I've been running around, and Mom sits right next to the air conditioning vent. We have worked out a way of shooting most of the cold air on me and I drape a blanket around her. I really just need to put a fan downstairs that can blow directly on me when I am down there working, and the rest of the area can stay a comfortable 78-85 for her. It's a balancing act.

I just watched 5 minutes of an Owen Wilson movie and as I type I am hearing his nasal voice saying every word. Disconcerting.

I made a big pasta salad last night and although Michael had to work, when he got home he ate a huge bowl of it. Usually my pasta salads are pretty bland. Since I have stopped eating pasta and bread [wheat products cause digestion issues] I am making pasta salad more spicy. I used elbow macaroni -- the traditional pasta for us -- and added mayo, fresh lemon juice, a little sesame oil, chopped red onion, diced cooked asparagus, diced pepperoni, diced jalapenos, lots of onion and garlic powders, pepper and salt. As he was eating last night I asked him if he liked it. "Needs more pepperoni. Needs more everything," was the response. "Well, tomorrow you can jazz it up any way you like," I replied. He is like Bruce. He likes spicy, complicated flavors.

Michael fixed himself scrambled eggs the other day and added lots of chopped onion and tomato. Hey, whatever -- healthy veggies are great.

When we moved in here 10 years ago and got the yard professionally landscaped we planned two flower beds out front that would be replanted twice a year. In winter we can keep pansies. In summer, we put summer flowers like impatiens. I also put a lot of flowers in pots on the front patio. It gives me great pleasure to see flowers all around the house in the summer. I have not been able to get any flowers yet this spring except the one pot of impatiens and I am itching to get my yard looking more pretty. The azaleas are mostly done, and the roses aren't in full bloom yet. I have to wait until Michael could go with me to help me carry stuff and load it in the car. He promised to go today. I told him his Mother's Day gift to me can be the gift of LABOR. He is fine with that.

Michael had a delivery last night to a Hampton Inn near here and when he finished and came out a guy asked him to jump off his car. Michael said sure, and opened the hood of his Buick -- which he has had for only 6 months - and he didn't see a battery. He said it was a very weird moment. He had to Google it but realized the battery is under the front seat somewhere. Very bizarre. Nobody in our family has ever driven a Buick so it's a learning experience. His car doesn't get great gas mileage but it doesn't get awful mileage either. It's a solid car, a good car for him, for now.

I watched a movie the other day, The Judge, and I don't know why it didn't get more attention when it came out last year because it's a Terrific movie. Robert Duvall got nominated in the Best Supporting Actor category, and he deserved it, but Robert Downey Jr. was terrific and he should've definitely been nominated. I cannot imagine why Steve Carell got nominated for Foxcatcher, a role where he showed almost no emotion whatsoever. Robert Downey Jr. was FAR better in The Judge.

Oh well. Oscars are always political, which is disappointing...

 

Updates

SO happy to report little Anton is doing better and there's an adorable video on the Facebook page. I urge you to check it out. His mama is a strong Christian and she knows there are many prayer warriors out there pulling for her sweet baby. Let's keep it going though!

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I was reading this morning and misplaced my glasses. I always read without them. I looked all over my room and bathroom. I looked everywhere. I went in Michael's room and asked if he had taken them, as a not-funny joke. They were nowhere. I finally dug out my old glasses and kept searching. Guess where they were? Underneath LOLA! Thank goodness she didn't crush them.

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Started watching the movie Foxcatcher last night and I have to just say that movie is WEIRD. Just... weird. Not entertaining. Michael agreed with me. We didn't finish it, but maybe we will finish it tonight.. I like Steve Carell a lot, but why he wanted to play that role, I cannot imagine. It got him an Oscar nomination so maybe that's why, but still. OH, and I must mention, it looks like he's wearing a prosthetic nose. It's the size of Rhode Island. Don't know how he kept his head upright, supporting that thing.

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I just finished the book The Book of Life by Deborah Harkness. Best series I've read in ages! Loved all three books in the All Souls Trilogy. If you like fantasy from a woman's perspective you will like these books.

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The weather today has been SO beautiful, I got outside as much as I could. The yard men were finally able to come by last night and cut my grass and clean up my yard, thank goodness. The rain had held them off for days. The weeds and now properly short. My garden is growing like gangbusters and I'm even getting some sprouts in the seed pots I've got going.

I went to Sherry's today and found a beautiful hanging basket but there were tons of people and I totally forgot to ask the lady who sold it to me what it IS. Now I feel idiotic. After I posted photos on Facebook a friend of mine said this is an Impatiens plant....

 

Proud of My Boy

This is Michael in Kazakhstan in 2007, studying. They use small notebooks, about the size of our blue books, and pens or pencils. He had never seen a binder until he came here. He had never done a project. He had only learned a few words of English.

However, despite having to repeat first grade [due to family issues] in second grade he was reading books in Russian on a 4th grade level. I spoke to several of his teachers in the orphanage and they all said what a smart guy he was. I already knew that, but it was nice to hear. They all were thrilled that he was being adopted. There was no future for him in Kazakhstan.

Below, Michael in his school uniform in Kazakhstan

Michael came here to America in early May 2007. He only knew a few words of English. He spent the first few weeks talking mostly just to his sister Alesia, in Russian, and to me with Alesia interpreting. Then in July she went to a church camp for a week, and he transitioned to English very easily -- which was fortunate since I was working full-time and he was with Granny all day. Granny speaks no Russian.

Michael started third grade in August 2007. Even though he was 11, I wanted him in that grade because he had only had two years of school in Kazakhstan and I knew putting him in the age-appropriate grade would defeat him. He would be too overwhelmed. We lucked out and he got a wonderful teacher in 3rd grade, Mrs. Moore.

He was so smart and knew so much English after only 3 months in America that he didn't have to go to the ESL intensive course every day for 6 hours, which Alesia had to do. It's a great thing, teaching kids with no English the basics, but he didn't need to know how to say "I need to go to the bathroom" or other useful phrases. He already knew them. Mrs. Moore didn't treat him any different than the other third graders but he wasn't expected to keep up with the kids who already spoke English. He observed and learned, but got X's on his report card instead of grades.

Of course, he owes a LOT of his academic success to his grandmother, who tutored him every day.

Above - Granny and Michael in Myrtle Beach in summer 2007

At the beginning of his 4th grade year he was tested out of 4th grade because he knew most of the material, and he was put in advanced 5th grade class. That teacher was a disaster and we had to go to the school a couple of times and argue but he finally got transferred out of her class and into a better 5th grade class, where he flourished.

In 6th grade he won the Outstanding ESL student award for all the Henderson Middle School 6th graders, and he tested out of ESL, after less than three years.

High School was not a happy time for Michael. He just was never happy with the long days, the kids who were disruptive, or the teachers who weren't great. He frankly had better teachers at the middle school. DeKalb County was struggling and there was a shortage of good teachers. The school was also in transition and didn't have its act together. There were a lot of fights, for instance.

The Gateway to College program seemed like a great solution to the problem of Michael being bored in high school, and annoyed by the kids who weren't interested in learning. The idea of him being able to finish high school while taking college level classes, with help, was awesome. He told me yesterday that in his last Lakeside History class, his sophomore year, the teacher couldn't control the kids and there was so much pandemonium Michael couldn't learn in that class. He likes History, too.

When we were told a few months ago that the Gateway program was ending, it was a shock and Michael and I were both upset. He began to not care about his schoolwork, and just sort of slid sideways in terms of motivation.

I was pulling my hair out trying to figure out what to do. There didn't seem to be any good options. Michael certainly didn't want to have to return to high school, after a year of taking classes on a college campus just a few hours a day.

One of Mike's friends just said offhandedly one evening "Michael can just get his GED. It's an easy test." I got so upset I told him to leave my house.

In my mind, the GED was not a good option. There was a stigma. However, Michael continued to spend more time on x-Box than on schoolwork and he was failing two classes. I couldn't reason with him. Finally, I told him in early April that he might as well withdraw from school rather than just fail.

I felt very dejected by saying that. I have a master's degree. My parents both graduated from college and my dad had a master's degree. We are a family that values education. Let me tell you, there has been a lot of sadness and tension around here for the past few weeks. I HATED to see my incredibly smart son floundering and upset.

Finally, I spoke to Michael's Gateway counselor last week, an incredibly nice man who clearly cares about his students, and he agreed with Michael that he should just try the GED tests and see if he could pass without taking prep classes first.

Two days ago, Michael took the English and Social Studies portions of the test and passed. Yesterday, he had to take the Math and Science portions of the test. He was VERY nervous. He called right after the testing was over and said he thought he had failed. I waited a few minutes and checked the website.

HE PASSED!!!

I was so happy, I cried. I texted Michael and told him the happy news. I told Mother. Mother cried. Michael was elated when he got home a little while later.

I had thought the GED was a terrible idea, but now I see it's a blessing. Michael is done with high school and can now look ahead to college.

Michael went to see his Gateway counselor to tell him the happy news. He is going to help Michael register to take a class this summer at Georgia Perimeter College. Hopefully, I can find a way [grants or scholarships or loans] to help him go to GPC and take some classes in the next couple of years. GPC is merging with Georgia State, and I am even hopeful that Michael can get a degree from Georgia State one of these days.

Prayers are answered.

Michael is a changed guy. His whole personality and outlook have brightened 1000% in the past 24 hours.

Thanks be to God!