The Crab Chronicles

Sick But Busy

After the recent flooding, I have come to appreciate a pretty weekend when it doesn’t rain. Being sick mars the whole deal. I have been hoping I would just work through this bad cold, but it has gotten worse, despite my vigilant water and vitamin consumption.

 

Alesia had her first SAT prep class yesterday, at her school. She will take the SAT in December, so I wanted her to be prepared. She will probably take it again next year, but it’s good for her to know the kinds of things they ask, and where she has gaps.

 

She was a bit groggy yesterday morning because she hadn’t had much sleep. Friday night she went out with DN, the boyfriend. They went to see the ghost movie, Paranormal Activity. She was not wild about the movie. She went back to DN’s house after the movie and they had a chance to talk and get to know each other a bit better.

 

Yesterday, she wanted to get together with him again, after we had made our Kroger run. Mother and I told her she should suggest some activity that was free. So they played tennis, and then came here for dinner, at my invitation. I was glad to get a chance to talk to DN, and I also met his dad, although he didn’t stay for dinner. The parents are divorced.

Alesia was not happy with me yesterday afternoon when she was running around getting ready for tennis. She didn’t want to wear tennis shoes. I fussed at her and reminded her you can’t wear just any shoes to a tennis court, you have to wear actual tennis shoes. Finally, she wore her high tops. She muttered “I wish I hadn’t said I would even play tennis!” They played at the court at DN’s condo. I talked to her afterwards on the phone and asked her how it went and her reply was “It was FANTASTIC! We had SO much FUN!” That made me chuckle. As Mother said later, she is crazy about this boy and that makes everything fun.

 

DN could probably suggest staring at pavement for two hours and she would go along enthusiastically. Ah, to be young…

 

Michael is not adjusting well to the loss of Alesia’s attention. He got asked to go to dinner and hang out with his friend Colton last night, but before that, when it looked like he would be here with us and DN, he grumped. He said to me, “What are we going to talk about it dinner?!?” I replied something like “We’ll just have a nice conversation?” and he shot back with “I’m going to talk about everything embarrassing about Alesia that I can think of!”

 

I told him in no uncertain terms he WOULD be nice, or suffer a consequence. Fortunately, we didn’t have to deal with it.

 

We tried to read Harry Potter last night before bed but my poor voice is going. We stopped after a short time. Michael said “That’s painful to hear!” Of course, he can read the book on his own, but it’s more fun when I read to him, and it’s something I enjoy. I need to get to the doctor and get some drugs, I’m afraid…

 

Altogether and exhausting day for me, but both kids had fun. Today my plan is to do laundry but otherwise REST. We might take a ride and enjoy the fall scenery - the leaves are gorgeous here right now.

A Tribute to Granny

We've had a really quiet, uneventful day. Mike was really dragging this morning. I think he was just worn out from last night's running all over the neighborhood.

I saw a cute thing on the email from Mother, about grandmothers, so I thought I'd do a little photo essay, for fun.

Once Upon A Time, there was a lady with two grown children but no grandchildren...

 

Then one day her daughter went to Russia, and returned with this delightful little lady...

 

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown 

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, 
and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret 

Grandmothers are just 'antique' little girls. ~Author Unknown 

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. 
~  Welsh Proverb 

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead 
of the television.. ~Author Unknown 

Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal 

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just 
a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam

Brown  

 
 
Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. ~Author unknown 

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our 
hearts forever. ~Author Unknown 

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, 
I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse 

 
Thanksgiving 2006

My grand kids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after 
two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret 

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should
advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is 
no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whithall Smith 

It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the 
world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown  
 
Life was good, but they needed some comic relief, and so they got this guy...

 

 

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You 
feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long 
periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. ~Dave Barry 

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for 
self-defense. ~Gene Perret 

 


Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas 
are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown 

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do 
Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of 
little children. ~Alex Haley 

 
Here he was in Myrtle Beach, just a few weeks after coming home in 2007...

  

Here is Michael the first year he went trick or treating, in October 2007...

 
By February 2008 it was like he had always been with us...

 

 
 

July 09, with Hasty cousins...Mom, I know I'm going to catch h*** for all the photos you think don't flatter you, but my children are so blessed to have you in their lives. Just wanted to remind you they are very lucky indeed..

Love,

Dee

 

Halloween Recap

We’ve had a full and exhausting day. The kids and I spent a while this morning cleaning everything upstairs, and I cleaned the steps. Mike cleaned out my tub and Alesia’s bathroom toilet, which he uses. He did it cheerfully.

 

We went to lunch at Hickory House, mainly just to get out of the house. The weather was really rainy, but not a hard rain, mostly just drizzle.

 

We had to go by Publix on the way home and the kids ran in and got a dozen eggs for us. The parking lot was so full it looked like Christmas. I have never seen so many cars in there.

 

Michael went to his friend Clay’s house for a Halloween get-together, around 5. He wanted to go as a hippie, but I couldn’t him to fully buy into the look. He wouldn’t wear a headband or let me do much, beside spray his hair purple and draw a peace sign on his hand with makeup. I drew some fake whiskers on him and he let me take his photo, but then he wiped them off.

 

In honor of the occasion, I put some purple hairspray on my hair too, and wore makeup, for the first time in forever. I was going for sort of a witchy look, but I don’t think I succeeded.

 

Alesia’s friend Dillon picked her up at 7. He didn’t say anything about my purple hair. He did ask Alesia later where her dad was, and she had to admit there is no dad here. I’m not sure how much this boy really knows about Alesia. She looked beautiful. I’m not sure he considered it a “date” but she did. They went to his house to watch movies, with a group of friends. They ate pizza and watched three horror movies.

 

Lesleigh came over and helped us answer the door, and brought dinner. We had a great visit. I was amazed to see a LOT of trick or treaters. We ran out of candy and I shut off the light about 8.

 

Mike said when he got home he was really tired. He probably walked 5 miles, all over the neighborhood, from the sound of it. I hope he doesn’t get sick. He looked really peaked when he got home.

 

All in all, a good but really tiring day. Nice to get an extra hour of sleep!

      

It's so rare and delightful to see a photo of me and Alesia that I consider flattering to us both. This one would be perfect if I didn't have purple hair and green eye shadow! LOL
 
 

Day of Intrigue and Danger

I never realized until today that danger lurks all around me. No, I am not just being Halloweeny.

 

At work this morning I got a call from Mother telling me there were choppers flying up and down the creek behind our house. She called DeKalb County police and learned there was a criminal who had escaped police and they were trying to find him. The lady Mom talked to said don’t leave the house and keep the doors locked! Yikes. I called or emailed neighbors trying to warn everyone. I later learned about another criminal perhaps around our area.

 

I felt like Paulette Revere, “The criminals are coming! The criminals are coming!”

 

We are also working on a case at work that I am just learning and it involves some serious allegations of government corruption. That’s all I can say. It’s a bit like being inside a John Grisham novel. Allegations. Threats [not to me]. Wow.

 

As soon as I got home, I grabbed the kids and we left Mother to nap, locked up in the house of course.

 

The kids got new cell phones. They have never had phones before. I bought them the phones at Walmart. They have prepaid minutes on them. I told both kids they got 300 free minutes from me, but the next batch of minutes they would have to buy on their own. We had quite a discussion. The main reason for buying them phones was simply that I want them to be safe. I want to be able to reach them if necessary.

 

The day a few weeks ago when it flooded, I couldn’t get word to Michael that I was desperately trying to get home. I couldn’t make sure Alesia was safe. It was nerve-wracking. Today’s criminal at large just spurred me on to act.

 

I have said a lot of prayers for everyone’s safety. I sure hope the phones are not misused.

 

I told both kids not to ever let the phones get below 10 minutes. I also, as I said, told them they have to buy all minutes in the future – and if they don’t have the money I will buy the minutes and they will have to work them off. Alesia asked how.

 

“You will have to clean the ENTIRE house, top to bottom,” I said, smiling in a faintly sinister way, I hope…

 

I caught Michael trying to sneak and read the phone instructions tonight under the covers after he was put to bed. He got mad when I took them away, arguing he needed sleep.

Just before bed, Alesia was furious the phone wasn’t fully charged when she opened the package. I tried to explain about having to charge electronic devices. Didn’t help.

See why I’ve avoided this step for so long?!

 

 

BTW, Mother did a great post here on her blog. Check it out. 

The Dating World

I was too pooped to blog last night. Mother did a funny post on her blog about how much she hates to play bridge. I once tried to learn that game, and failed utterly. Of course, I was only 11, but still... I have a knack for most games.

I'll never forget teaching my grandmother to play Monopoly one rainy afternoon. She loved games. By the end of the afternoon she owned everything and Bruce and I had no money and were destitute. We were adolescents. Taught us a lesson. Mamaw was the epitome of a Steel Magnolia...

It was pouring rain here yesterday all day, miserable weather. I had to go to the Gwinnett County courthouse, but it’s not a bad one to visit. Folks there are nice and it’s easy to file things and get copies to the judge, unlike in Fulton.

On my way back to the office I stopped and got a Wendy’s mandarin chicken salad. I have had that salad before. It’s very tasty. It’s a green salad with orange sections, sliced almonds, crispy Chinese noodles, a piece of grilled chicken, and a spicy sweet dressing. I got back to the office and looked up the nutrition information, and it had a whopping 50 carbs! Yikes. I was so irritated. I ate all the chicken, but left most of the noodles and ate only a few orange sections. I did a comparison and I would’ve come out better to eat a small plan hamburger with cheese.

 

When I came home Jim. Our computer guy, was here, helping the kids and Mom. I was having some issues but he had talked me through how to fix them on the phone, and didn’t charge me for that. He is such a nice man.

 

I waited too long between lunch and dinner, and had only a banana for a snack, so by dinnertime I was ravenously hungry. Not good. The key to me dieting successfully is not letting myself get too hungry. So dinner wasn’t too great, bangers and mash, as the English would say. I ate a cucumber salad and some sausages.

 

After dinner, we were sitting and watching the movie, and Michael said, “I am still hungry!” So he fixed himself a chicken hot dog. OK, fine. At least I have taught him to eat protein snacks and not always junk, thank God.

 

Last night’s big news was that Alesia was asked out by a boy on Saturday, the same boy she danced with all evening at the Homecoming Dance. He invited her to come over to his house on Halloween night and watch movies. I told her she could go, provided he picks her up and brings her home, and I get to meet him and chat with him. I also wanted to know his address. There are going to be other teens there at his house, so I feel some better. I did a little checking and apparently he comes from a nice family.

 

I imagine they will watch horror movies, which I don’t allow in my house, but she will be with a big group so I am not going to worry about it.

 

My little girl is growing up…

Giddy Days

I tried to post last night but my computer kept freezing up. So here's yesterday's post. BTW, PLEASE donate to my raffle if you haven’t already! Today is the last day!

Wed.

More rain again today. I actually found mold on the outside of one of my shoes, the pair I had used to slog through the pond in our front yard a couple of weeks ago when we flooded. Moldy shoes. There’s something I’ve never seen.

At least we got the flowerbeds mulched before today’s rain came.

I got to write articles for the firm newsletter today at work. That was fun. Regardless of the content, a writing day is always a good day.

Here’s something scary I learned today: The flu virus can live on a surface like a desktop for up to 8 hours. It’s enough to turn me into a germaphobe…

 

 
Alesia and some of her friends at Homecoming. 

Alesia is giddy these days. Giddy. Lesleigh called late this afternoon - she pretty much fulfills the role of Alesia’s aunt - and they spoke about The Dance. Alesia said, “I went with a bunch of girls, but it ended up being a date!” I could hear Lesleigh’s shrieks of delight 6 feet away. Alesia thinks the "date" is going to ask her out. He told some mutual friend he likes her a lot.

 

I don’t know if I am ready for her to date, but I have to let her go out in the big wide world, at least dip a toes in the water, sometime.

She only ate a tiny dinner, half her Philly cheesesteak sandwich. My crock pot experiment didn’t go exactly as planned. Cooking the peppers, onions, and beef overnight softened everything up nicely, but the flavor was just off a bit, for unknown reasons. Everyone ate cheerfully though, except Alesia, and she’s usually my good eater.

I hope we’re not seeing a phenomenon where stress causes her to not eat. She told me today she was telling her friends about how when she came from the orphanage we had such a time finding clothes for her, because her legs were too long for little girl sizes, and a size zero was so baggy as to be unwearable. I cannot bear the thought of seeing her emaciated again, though God willing that won’t ever happen. She’s a cute size 5 now, and that’s great.

 

 
This was made in the lobby of our hotel in Moscow, 2004, right after her adoption. She was wearing Russian jeans. 

 

Michael got some extra time to memorize the map of Europe, thank goodness. I am having to memorize it again myself, which is not easy. I remember the first time I tried to find Russia on a map, in 2002, and regretting I had not paid more attention in Geography class.

I just got work that Mike is to play his first ALTA singles match Saturday. Yay! I am excited for him.

 

Half A Century

Today, my brother is 50 years old! Blows my mind to think of him half a century old.

I am about as different from my brother as night and day.

 

He is a very private person, and obviously I’m not. He was in the army for many years, and he has commanded men in the field. I’ve always said you could drop him into a desert, naked except for a good knife, and he’s walk out a couple of weeks later with a camel and a couple of wives.

 

You drop me into the same situation and they will discover my body thousands of years from now, and I will be know forever as Woman Who Gets Lost Everywhere and WTF Was She Doing in the Desert?!! Future people will wonder who I pissed off so bad they pushed me into the desert without a cell phone and a bottle of water.

 

My brother and I had the normal childhood squabbles. We went through a period of time, a couple of years I think, where we simply called each other Asshole. Sometimes I called him Pizza Face. Sometimes he called me Fatass. [The names were never heard by my parents, of course.]

 

When I was small, I was hale and hearty, grew fast, and was a little chub. I could hold my own in a fight with my scrawny brother, despite the fact he is 2 ½ years older. Then one day, I noticed, he was taller and heavier than me. He put a set of barbells and a chinning bar in the garage. He beat me in a wrestling match in the garage. Whoa. I was hugely pissed off.

 

From then on out, it was war. I couldn’t beat him up any more. I had to resort to mean little revenge things, like cutting up his bongo drums, or gluing his desk drawers shut. Oh yes, I was evil and sly.

 

When my father retired, he found in his desk a letter I had written and mailed to him at the bank [he was a workaholic and sometimes I wouldn’t see him for days]. In it, I described how awful Bruce was, how he hit me all the time and Mother never believed me when I told her, and my fervent desire that my brother be sent to military school, far away. Dad thought it was very funny. He had had TWO older brothers.

 

 

 
 

When my brother left home I was 15. He was just 17. He went to Ft. Leonard Wood for basic training. I pretended I was an only child and reveled in the quiet house – for a while. It certainly was boring without him. When he returned for a visit a few months later he had slimmed down, gotten brown as a nut, and was smoking cigars. I think I told the story how we picked him up at the airport and Dad and I didn’t recognize him, but Mother screamed “MY BABY!” and threw herself at a tall man in a cowboy hat. I was so embarrassed until I realized the weirdo in the hat was my brother.

 

Dad saluted him, and for the rest of Dad’s life, my brother’s nickname was The General. [Nobody else called him that but Dad.]

 

I talked to my brother tonight and wished him a Happy Birthday. We grew up and became friends. We still squabble on occasion. He thought I was nuts to adopt Alesia, until he realized it was actually going to happen. Then he became a doting uncle. He adores my boy, too.

 

I wish he had been able to have kids of his own, but I am not giving up on that for him. I think somewhere out there is a special woman for him. Fifty is the new 30. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I go on a scavenger hunt for any gray hairs on my own 47 year old head…

  

I love this photo of Bruce and Michael, taken a few weeks ago. 

 
 This was made a few years ago, before Mike came home. Alesia is very good at helping Bruce put things together. She has a natural aptitude.

  

Believe it or not, this is a look of amusement on the major's face...
 

Soggy Saturday

The kids are downstairs watching Inspector Gadget, but I cannot join them. I loathe Inspector Gadget. Love Matthew Broderick as Ferris, hate him as Gadget.

We have had a very soggy day, and I am just thankful there was no lake in the back yard. The rain was incessant. It rained steadily from very early this morning until around 2. Things are drying out. Today we had 100% chance of rain. Tomorrow, a mere 70% or something like that.

I picked up Michael from a sleepover this morning and he looked like death on a cracker. He explained he had been awake all night long playing games on the computer. He couldn't find anywhere comfortable to sleep - that was his excuse anyway. After initially fussing, he finally went to sleep in his bed and got about 4 hours.

Jim, the man who fixed my computer brought it back today, and I am thrilled to be able to access the internet again.  He was able to save all my data, which was wonderful. I am finally going to put internet access on the kids' computer downstairs, but with a parental control of some sort. I told Jim to just pick out a good one and load it on there for us. He said he would research it. Most of his clients are small businesses, I think.

We have done very little today except watch the rain, nap, and nosh. I picked up Greek food for lunch, and we woke Michael up to eat, around 3. He has stayed up since, which is good, because I want him to sleep tonight.

I have been doing a lot more reading lately, since I've been without the computer to entertain me. I love Greg Iles' books, and the newest one, The Devil's Punchbowl, is excellent. Like all his books, it's hard to put down. If you hit a rainy day and need a good book, get it.

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A congratulatory shout out goes to the University of Georgia men's golf team. My cousin's youngest child plays on there, Rob Bennett, a gentleman and a scholar as well as an athlete. I remember him as an energetic little guy running around my parents' pool in Augusta. Now he's a junior in college. Lord, I feel old! The Golf Dawgs are playing in the Illini Invitational this weekend. Go Dawgs!

Deja Vu Day

What a bizarre, elongated time this has been, the last 24 hours. It’s like I have traveled back in time, to the me that existed before I was a mother, when I lived alone for more than 20 years.

 

I stayed up late last night watching the movie The Soloist, about a newspaper reporter who befriends a homeless man who is a talented musician. I cried at the end. It was disturbing, but powerful. It should've gotten better reviews. Robert Downey Jr. was superb, and Jamie Foxx deserves an oscar for his performance.

 

The story is so realistic. As much as the reporter tries to help the homeless man, he can’t. He wanted the man to take medication, to live in a decent place, get on with a “normal” life. What was ironic, of course, was how clear it was that the reporter was the real person living a solo life, a disconnected life. The homeless man was surrounded by people, and loved playing music. He had a sense of peace and purpose the reporter could not fathom.

My father's uncle, Jake, was a binge drinker. Many times when I was small and we lived in Augusta, Dad would go get Jake from a police station or bar, and he would dry out at our house. Mother's rule was he was never allowed around me and Bruce while drunk. Dad tried to help him, but Jake always took off, not to be heard from for months, then he would turn up after a week-long bender and have to sober up. The homeless man in the movie reminded me of Jake, although I don't think Jake was mentally ill. when he was sober he was delightful. I loved him. He was sort of a substitute grandfather to me. He died when I was 8.

Once when my parents had invited Dad's boss for dinner, Jake came out of the back of the house wearing nothing but a pair of dad's boxer shorts, and introduced himself to everyone at the table, then sat down at Mother's place and ate her steak. He was quite charming. My dad laughed about that for years.

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Today, I have done almost nothing constructive. I washed a load of towels. I loaded and ran the dishwasher. That was it. I met my friend Maria for lunch and ate spanakopita, a rare treat. I love Greek food.

 

I spent most of the afternoon reading the newest book by Wally Lamb called The Hour I First Believed. It’s not his best book. It needed to be cut drastically, as he tends to write 10,000 words when 100 would do. To be fair, however, Lamb’s books are always like diving into little worlds, places where fascinating things happen. It has set me to thinking.

 

I am pondering whether to try and keep writing, or not. I don't really have time. My kids need me. My mother needs me. I have to juggle so many balls in the air. Can I find time to write anything decent? Adopting Alesia would be a much better book if I could take six months and smooth out the rough places, make it really quality prose. It’s too flawed, I feel strongly. Well-intentioned stories are not snatched up by publishers. Something has to be very well-written and unique to be really marketable to a wide audience, these days. That’s what one potential agent told me in response to an inquiry.

 

In re-reading my manuscript about Michael’s adoption, I realized I spend a lot of time talking about details like what I had for breakfast, and the snow, and the other Americans I met. The real story, the essence of my quest to get my son, is probably about 30 pages, not even book length. It’s just the tip of the iceberg, hardly indicative of the relationship I have with Michael now.

 

Lamb’s book causes me to dwell on my defects as a writer. I do not labor over words, and sculpt them beautifully and masterfully, like a real writer does. I simply tell a story in the vernacular. I cannot spin out lovely prose. I cannot write about fascinating twists and turns that pique the reader’s interest.

 

I have one other manuscript that I could revise and put out there, but it’s about my career as a paralegal. It’s a humorous memoir. I’ve let a couple of close friends read it and they thought it was funny. Who else would want to read it, though? It’s like the book my father used to try and write about his banking career. What could be more boring than reading about banking or the legal professional? Accounting?

 

I feel like my life is stalled. I am standing on a corner, looking both ways down the street, and I can’t make my feet move. I am rooted to the spot. I do not know how to push my life in another direction. I only know how to hold on and survive. I do not want to be some wacky woman in her 50’s still chasing an impossible dream of being a writer.

 

When I spend too much time alone my inner monologue gets pretty wacky. If you’ve read this far, don’t worry, I’m not depressed or anything. I just have a lot of time to think at the moment, which is a rare gift. The kids return tomorrow night and then I can stay busy again, and not think so much about the what ifs.

 

Non-Labor Day

I have decided to do very little today. It's a non-work day, and I am going to be lazy. The past few days have been really hectic and I need a break. I watered all my flowers out front and planted some lantanas in a bed, with Bruce's help, and that's it for me. Well, I may clean up the kitchen later, but that's really it. Really.

Alesia was asked to go to a minor league baseball game [the Gwinnett Braves] with her friend Elena's family, and she was tickled to go. Here she is, ready to go -

 

Michael is working on projects around the house with Uncle Bruce. Bruce always gets a Honey-Do list when he visits, and I encourage Michael to watch and learn how to do things around the house. Alesia already knows how to do most everything.