The Crab Chronicles

We're Cooking Now

My brother emailed me this afternoon and said he has the day off tomorrow. I am so happy for him. That will be his first whole day off since he got to Iraq in March. I don’t know how he’s done it – 12 hours a day, 6.5 days a week. Yikes.

Alesia has been a lot better today. I don’t know why. She goes through ups and downs. So do I, though. Being female is soooo much fun.

Alesia and Mike did better on their chores today. Mike even cleaned up his room. Mother said he was running around saying “I can’t afford any more fines!” LOL

Our wonderful neighbor is canceling the dog walking job, but the kids may walk the dog sometimes without pay, just depending on their schedules when school starts. They like walking her, and they adore our neighbor. The money isn't that important to them. They get some exercise and get outside. I am a big proponent of both.

I went at lunch and finally got the kids a trampoline. They seemed pleased but not overly so. It’s a 12 foot, so not too big. Hopefully Alesia can put it together herself. I always wanted a trampoline as a child, so I admit it’s something of a wish fulfillment for me. It was also on sale at Sports Authority. That’s my favorite word, “sale.”

I grilled steaks for dinner, and we had the famous zucchini cakes from Paula Deen’s recipe collection. They are wonderful. The kids enjoyed grating the zucchini. We didn’t have squash. I left out the butter and just forgot the parmesan, but they were still wonderful.

Michael is an enthusiastic kitchen helper. He singlehandedly got out all the pie recipe ingredients after dinner and put together our little diet cheesecake recipe. It’s not really cheesecake, but it’s yummy, even with Splenda. It works on low carb diets.

Fake Cheesecake

1 tub real Cool Whip

1 8 oz. Brick of cream cheese

1/3 cup Splenda

Soften up the Cool Whip and cheese and mix well with the Splenda. Put into a graham cracker crust and chill well - about 3 hours. Serve alone or with fruit on top.

I wonder how it would be to use real whipped cream instead of Cool Whip, and maybe Ricotta? I like to think of ways to add in the calories. LOL

Mother has served this many times. It’s very tasty.

The Hot Hot Day

We're having a good weekend, just busy. 

We got up and ate breakfast and went to Sam's. Lots to buy there. I love a store where they give out food everywhere. He had also "sampled" everything at Sam's. As we were leaving he said "I LIKE this place! I can eat stuff here!" The sample ladies were out in full force. They are his new best friends.

We came home and unloaded the car, and went to La Frontera for lunch. Mother and I can stay fairly low carb there. There was a fussy baby there, which kind of spoiled it. Michael tried some refried beans and didn't care for them, until I told him to try them with some salsa on them. He then ate them, but without much enthusiasm. He likes his tacos, though.

Once we got Michael home and figured out he likes a little heat, a little spicy in his food, he started putting it away. If you have a kid who doesn’t like to eat, give ‘em some spicy marinara sauce, or salsa and chips, something to awaken the taste buds.

We brought Mother home, and headed to Target. It's the weekend where there's no sales tax on school supplies. They do that once or twice a year here in Ga., have sales tax holiday weekends. You should have seen the list of school supplies Mike needed for the fourth grade. It included a protractor, compass, colored pencils, glue, 4 boxes of kleenex, hand sanitizer, etc. There were about 20 items. Target had a big section just of school supplies. It was like a madhouse.

Most of us parents had the same harried looks on our faces. It was like a scavenger hunt, with no prize at the end.

We saw a Russian family in Target - father, little boy about 6, mama, and a baby in a stroller. I know they were Russian because they were speaking Russian. [Alesia asked me how I knew they were Russian and I had to bit my tongue to not say something snotty.] I told Alesia to go over and say Hi, see if they needed any help. She wouldn't do it - too embarrassed. Later, I saw them and I looked at the Dad, who was out in front, and said in Russian, Hello, how are you? He looked so startled. He mumbled "no comprende" and sped away. I looked at the wife and she just hurried after him like, I'm getting away from this weird American lady. It was a very surreal moment. My Russian isn't perfect but it doesn't sound like Spanish. Russian folks are always nice when I speak to them – this was the first weird incident. Whatever, as Alesia would say.

The kids have now gone to the pool, and although my original plan was to read, I must admit I’ve been surfing YouTube like a maniac, downloading videos. I like music so very very old that often there’s no video, just an album cover and the music plays. Fine by me. I am so technically challenged I’ve never downloaded anything from iTunes, although it’s on my computer.

It's too hot to work outside [95]. I'm going to get up early in the morning and do that.

Here’s Mike and his new backpack we got at Sam's, which he loves.

A Mixed Bag

This will be a disjointed post, I fear, because there are a lot of things in my head, but not the ability to compose a cohesive essay, I'm afraid.

I should have responded to a comment about squash the other day, I think. You can take any sort of squash or zucchini or even bell peppers [I have personal knowledge of these], wash and chop them, stick them in a freezer bag, and freeze them. Thaw and prepare months later and they are fine, as long as you sealed the bag well. Freezing your own veggies has to be better than buying them, I feel sure.

However, Mother says that frozen veggies are better than what you buy in the produce section because they haven't been shipped thousands of miles. The veggies are usually quick frozen just after picking, when they are ripe.

I have an aunt who has frozen bread, and thawed out a few pieces at a time. I think that's fine, if keeping an entire loaf means it's going to get stale or turn green. We tend to take nearly-stale or stale bread we know we won't eat, and let Michael pinch it up and put it out for the squirrels and birds. It always disappears quickly.

There is controversy over at my son's soccer organization, and I was pretty stunned to learn of it the other day from a neighbor. Apparently the coaches were all let go last spring and they have a new crop, and there is a group of parents who got mad and left and just formed their own soccer league. We saw a guy on a busy street corner passing out flyers about it last Saturday, which was a little weird. I want to be neutral, like Switzerland, in this. However, I am not sure if I can. I want Alesia to have a sport she can enjoy, and the original outfit may not have enough girls in her age group for a team this fall. So I might want to switch to the league where she can play. However, then I don't know if I would want to switch Michael or not. If he could walk to practice at the middle school, it would be tempting. I don't know how this will all work out. I will admit I am apprehensive.

Last night, Alesia started off her movie viewing by sitting in her little chair, leaning back against the heavy coffee table in the family room. I was on the loveseat and Michael was on the sofa. After about 30 minutes, he wanted to come sit with me. So he sat snuggled up against me for a while. Remember, I had moved to the loveseat so he wouldn't feel crowded on the sofa. Then he decided to move back to the sofa. Then Alesia announced her back hurt, and she switched places with Michael. I stayed on the loveseat. Coco went from person to person, licking faces as much as possible. It was a relaxed evening.

The other day I did something really frivolous and went hunting around on YouTube for videos of old songs I like. I saved them to my Facebook profile, so now I can go on there and play them. [I know, most people just download old songs to their IPod but I am a techno-idiot, remember.] I get up every moning and check email to see if anything has come in from my brother in Iraq while I was sleeping. Today I spent a few minutes playing a video of a song I haven't heard in a while, and the song is IN MY HEAD blaring all day long!!! Arrgh! It's Todd Rundgren's Can We Still Be Friends. There's a little catchy piano riff in it that will NOT stop playing in my head. It's maddening.

You may remember Todd wrote the catchy little song called "I Don't Want to Work I Just Want to Bang on the Drum All Day." There used to be a radio station here that played it every Friday at 5, as people were getting in their cars to start their commutes.

The other two songs I really liked and saved are "Life in a Northern Town" by Dream Academy [www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF9768pF6hA] and "You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals [www.youtube.com/watch?v=91WgM6dNLTE]. I think what I really like about both songs is that they came out in the 80's but they had more intelligence and less pop synth sounds than so much of what was popular then. When I listen to them, particularly the Dream Academy song, it makes me very nostalgic.

I don't know why everythign is green now. I can't change it. Yet another annoyance of trying to post...

Beware of Granite

I got up and watered outside, and it wasn’t at all hot. In fact, it was kind of overcast, and I was briefly hoping for rain, but none came.

We spent a rather leisurely morning, and then went to Sports Authority. For some unknown reason, Alesia was in a mood. She needs a new bike helmet, but got upset when I told her I wouldn’t pay more than $30 for one. This is like her third one in 4 years. They aren’t cheap.

Mike’s tennis coach said he should start using a grownup racket, so I found a good Wilson on sale for $54, which was a bargain. I now have two nice, barely used junior rackets which we can’t use any more. [Email me if you want to buy them…]

We get out to the car and I told Alesia to put the bag in the trunk, which she does, and then she SLAMS down the trunk lid, missing Michael’s fingers by a hair. She didn’t even look before slamming it shut. We’ve warned her about slamming things in cars and doing damage. So, I tried to control my temper in the car, but I scolded her. She immediately reverted to “I don’t care” mode, further ticking me off. I canceled a planned trip to Target, and we went home.

Mother and I tried to talk to her about her behavior but she barely cooperated. She acted completely unapologetic. I pointed out if she had slammed the trunk on Mike’s fingers she would have cut them off, thus ruining the one good hand he has. She acted like “No big deal.” It’s the inability to admit she does something wrong, or to say she’s sorry, that just ticks me off every time.

It really stung when Alesia said she wished I would spend LESS time with her and Michael. She doesn’t want me to pay attention to her or spend time with her. She wants to be left ALONE, she stated. I pointed out that since I work full-time, I reserve my weekends and evenings to spend with my children. That doesn’t mean she can’t see her friends.

A short time later, we were in the car getting sandwiches at Jersey Mike’s, and I suggested she call Elena about spending some time at the pool. So Alesia spent all afternoon with Elena at the pool. She was in a much better mood later.

Alesia still has no idea how to handle her emotions, and there are a lot of frayed nerves, I see. Feeling and expressing anger or sadness, not bottling everything up, is new for her, and I'm sure it's scary.

Michael and I relaxed for part of the afternoon, then ran errands. We hit the fish market and produce stand, then came home and unloaded, then went back to Kroger.

Michael was complaining about the heat at the produce stand, and the guy who sold me our fruits and veggies offered him an orange or an apple, out of the blue. Nice young man. I think he was impressed that I was driving my brother’s big, loud truck. Looks pretty cool until you see this fat, sweaty, grey-haired woman practically fall out, then have to heave herself back in. It’s not a pretty sight.

Mike got the free piece of fruit due entirely to the power of his cuteness, I am convinced.

After we got home from Kroger and unloaded the groceries, I was too tired to cook. So dinner was “fallout.” That means, everyone opens the fridge to see what will fall out, that they can eat. Mother had leftover beef stew. I had a hot dog and sun chips.

Michael and Alesia fixed their favorite wraps. This was comical to watch. They take large tortillas, spread them with mayonnaise, add ham or other lunch meat, plus diced tomatoes, and cabbage and pickles. Yep, cabbage. They love it. It’s a Russian thing, I think. Pretty nutritious sandwich, though. Michael’s wrap was more like a foldover and watching him eat was comical. His wrap kept dripping.

Alesia’s wrap was perfectly done, and any excess tortilla pieces were carefully trimmed and fed to Coco. Coco will bite like a piranha for tortilla scraps, I learned.

Our movie tonight was an old thriller, The Jackal, with Bruce Willis playing an international assassin. Alesia and Michael kept being amused by his many disguises and changed hairstyles and colors. Alesia would exclaim “Look, now he looks like Steve Martin!” then “Now he looks like Uncle Bruce!” and “Now he looks like and old guy!”

Michael spotted a booby trap in one scene and solemnly informed us he had found the “granite.” We had no idea what that meant. We played back the DVD and he pointed to a grenade. The two words are close...

Squash and Us

I had a private email from a friend who reads my blog and she said Dick's Sporting Goods has trampolines on sale sometimes for $150. Her kids have had one for a while and no mishaps have occurred. Then Kikilia left a comment with a link that says they are terribly dangerous. Didn't realize I was making a controversial statement about the trampolines...

If I had small children or physically un-coordinated kids I would probably heed the advice of the experts, but I think my kids can use the trampoline responsibly, if I can scrape together the money to buy it. We will see.

My garden is doing well. When my friend Kate was over last weekend I showed her the garden, and she said "Dee, these are WEEDS!" pointing out a plant which was, indeed, a weed. I said "Yep, just yank it out. I just can't keep up with them all." Kate weeded my entire little garden while we talked. Now that's a friend. LOL

I kept hoping we would get some rain yesterday - it was overcast and looked like it - but we didn't. I need to go water this morning before it gets too hot.

Remember the corn plants growing up under the bird feeder? Lesleigh found what looks like an embryonic cob of corn on one of them. If it actually grows into corn, I'll suggest we leave it for the squirrels. It will be fun to see, though.

I had a request for squash recipes. Kikilia said she is overrun with squash. I wish that were true for me - I LOVE yellow squash. I've only gotten one squash out of 5 plants. Of course, 3 plants died from some sort of bug issue.

In the past, when I had lots of time, I have gotten fresh squash and washed and chopped it, then put it  in a plastic freezer bag and frozen it. I have done the same for tomatoes. Mother taught me to save the tomatoes, then you can make excellent marinara sauce in the dead of winter. We always dip them in boiling water for about 10 seconds because it makes skinning them easier.

When I fix squash I usually don't use a recipe. I wash it and chop it up and set it aside. In a heavy skillet I brown up a chopped onion in olive oil until it's crunchy, then I throw in my squash. I add a little butter, some Lawry's Seasoning Salt, garlic powder, freshly ground black pepper, and usually some parmesan or asiago cheese. I stand there or close by to tend it, because I like it crispy on the bottom.

Another way to fix it, which is easier, is to get some Lipton Onion Soup Mix, throw your chopped squash in a big plastic bag with the soup mix and olive oil and shake it well, then spread it out on a cookie sheet and run it under the broiler. You can add extra seasonings and cheese if you want, but you have to watch it carefully. Lipton makes several varieties of soup mix now.

If I have some extra time, I like to make squash cakes. That recipe is below, from Paula Deen. It's fabulous.

SQUASH AND ZUCCHINI CAKES

3 medium zucchini
3 medium yellow squash
1 cup toasted bread crumbs
1 cup shredded Parmesan
1/3 cup minced Vidalia onion
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 1/2 teaspoons dried Italian seasoning
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1 jar store-bought marinara sauce

Grate zucchini and squash with a fine grater. Press between paper towels to remove excess moisture.

In a medium bowl, combine grated zucchini and squash and next 7 ingredients. Shape mixture into 2-inch patties, pressing together firmly.

In a large skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Cook squash and zucchini cakes 3 to 4 minutes per side or until lightly browned.

Place onto serving platter and serve with marinara sauce.

These are SO YUMMY!!

Remember I said we had lunch last Sunday with cousin Jan? Here's a photo she took and sent to us, below. I don't know why Alesia looks so grumpy - probably PMS.

Sad Days for Foodies

It took a lot longer than usual to post here yesterday, which was very frustrating. I am hopeful it won't happen again today. Typepad is always trying to "improve" their blogging software, and it doesn't always work well. For instance, I still cannot hyperlink properly.

I am always wary of "new and improved" anything. For instance, I just ate some "certified organic" chicken from downstairs. It was very tasty, but a bit dry. So, while "new" to the cafeteria, it's not much "improved." Give me non-organic chicken I don't have to choke down with half a glass of water accompanying every bite, OK?! I also am suspicious that it might not be truly "certified organic." I am a paralegal and so I am naturally suspicious of anything claimed to be "certified" - where's an affidavit to that effect?! Where is the expert testimony to back up that claim? What's the attestation of authenticity?!

At least it's an improvement over dinner last night. We had fish sticks and hash browns, and salad. I was going to fix something else but the kids were hungry and couldn't wait for a roast to cook. My kids LOVE frozen fried fish. I can tolerate it. That's why God make ketchup. The hash browns were horrifying. I am a potato purist. I wanted to grate a potato and make real hash browns, but there were two problems with that scenario. One, when I handle a raw potato it makes my hands itch - if I peel the potato, my hand itch uncontrollably and it causes me to dance around, cursing and scratching my hands. Not very appetizing. Secondly, I didn't want to tempt Mother with homemade hash browns, since she is going low carb these days. So we fixed frozen. They tasted like cardboard. Never again.

Michael had his first tennis team practice last night. When I got close to the house I decided to drive by the pool/tennis court area and see if I could spot him. I saw a little fellow ambling along the road and stopped and picked him up. It was at least 90 and his face was beet red and he was sweating bullets. As soon as we got home I fixed him a big glass of ice water, which he sipped. I then got the bright idea to give him Gatorade. We happened to have a bottle because we keep it on hand for Mother's leg cramps. He cooled down.

I sent my brother an email about it. Of course, he's in Baghdad, where it's 118 today - but it's a DRY heat. Here it's a WET heat, as in sauna. Brother [who has lived in Texas and Iraq and knows heat] set me straight on Gatorade:

I'd lay off the Gatorade - completely - it's full of sugar and tends to make the body NOT absorb water quickly. If his face is red, stick him in front of a fan and let the air cool him. Or a cold shower - what your trying to do is knock the heat down. Wiping off his face keeps him warm - evaporation is the cooling mechanism that sweating enhances. If you think he's short on electrolytes, make him eat at meal times. Sports drinks hurt as much as they help.

If you have to give him Gatorade, make it at half strength or cut it 50% with water. The sugar tricks your stomach into holding the water inside - less sugar lets the liquid go into your intestines to replenish your body.

Yikes. I didn't know that about Gatorade. All I know is it tastes horrible and is expensive. It looks good when poured over the head of a winning football coach. That's not a ringing endorsement, however.

Yesterday at lunch I got a bottle of Minutemaid pink lemonade. It said on the bottle to shake it before opening. So I shook it up, without thinking about it. After all, lemonade isn't carbonated. I opened it up and it spewed all over my desk, me, the carpet, etc. My cube smelled lemony all afternoon. The concoction they called lemonade tasted like club soda with a dash of Koolaid. Yucko. I was ticked.

This morning all I had time to eat at breakfast was a little bowl of Special K.

So food-wise and drink-wise, the past 24 hours have been awful. I didn't start this post thinking all I was going to write about was food, but so be it. I have to just vent sometimes.

I have lately been checking out this blog every few days: http://chocolatechic.wordpress.com/

Now today, I was disappointed by the cherry rhubarb cobbler. I've tried rhubarb pie. I just do not like it. I'm all about carrot cake - the beauty of it being I get a veggie and my sweet tooth gets satisfied at the same time. It's a win win situation. However, rhubarb? I can't get behind that.

But wait - scroll down. There's a recipe for chocolate pecan pie. YUM!! I am puzzled by one thing, however. It's called "Kentucky" pie - so where's the Kentucky sippin' whiskey, hmmm??!! I hear Kentucky, I think bourbon. Now, I am a teetotaler. I don't drink anything alcoholic. However, I am highly in favor of cooking with alcohol. [That reminds me of a joke, which I can tell because my parents were raised Baptist and I am now Methodist - "How can you tell the difference between a Methodist and a Baptist?" ANSWER: "The Methodists say Hi to each other in the liquor store!" LOL]

Anybody have a recipe for chocolate pecan pie with some booze in it?! Send it on. I need something to look forward to for next time I fall off the healthy wagon food-wise.

Loud Music in the Heat

I hate this weather. Today the high was 92. Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 96! Tuesday it cools down to 95! YUCK.

This is the price we pay for living in Atlanta and having nice weather 9 months of the year. June, July, and August are the months we endure sticky heat.

I ran in Kroger tonight to pick up some things I hadn’t been able to find at Publix yesterday, and the ice cream section looked like a plague of locusts had ripped through there. I couldn’t find the Breyer’s low carb ice cream we like. I did find some bars, which will do for emergencies. It’s so much easier to stick to a low sugar diet when one can have a little ice cream after dinner.

We’re not due to get any significant rain for another week.

Bruce called Michael this morning to wish him Happy Birthday, and they chatted a few minutes. It was good to hear his voice – I was sitting right next to Michael on the sofa and we have a speakerphone.

We met my cousin Jan and her son for lunch today at the Colonnade. Jan lives in Albany but was up here for a cousins reunion which we couldn’t attend yesterday.

She gave Michael a cute birthday present, a set of books. They are all by Mary Pope Osborne, and two are the Magic Treehouse series. Michael needs to read more.

The Colonnade had a new appetizer on the menu, something called redneck sushi. It looked like sushi [I had to try it] but it was pulled pork, rice, and several other ingredients. It was spicy and flavorful, and warm, unlike real sushi, which makes me gag. The waiter said the chef had created it and filmed a segment about it for one of the TV cooking shows.

I took the children roller skating this afternoon. What a nightmare. I took two books and tried to read while the kids skated. Michael came over every 10 minutes. Alesia and her two friends were great, and didn’t bother me. The music they played in that place was godawful – I don’t even know how to characterize it. It was a lot of slamming bass and screeching noise. I could hear the thump thump in my sternum. Ugh. I didn’t recognize a single song. Next time I am taking earplugs.

The most horrifying sight was a young woman with a baby and two toddlers. She tried to get out on the floor and skate with the baby in her arms. Yikes. I was so irritated she had a 1 year old baby in that incredibly loud place. I wanted to call DFACS on her, I was so angry. That child is going to have a hearing loss before he gets to kindergarten.

I know I am REALLY OLD now because all I could think of in the skating rink was “Why can’t they turn this crap music DOWN?!!”

Our movie tonight was Fool’s Gold, with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson. It was baaaaad. Matthew is always delightful to watch, when he looks clean. In most of his recent movies he spends a lot of time looking dirty and unshaven and stinky. Thanks a lot, Mr. Unsexy Symbol. I used to think he was gorgeous.

Mike said the funniest thing the other day, and I forgot to mention it. He said something about “bones and arrows.” We laughed so hard.

We have seen a lot more emotionally volatile Alesia in the last week or so. She got upset and cried about an innocent remark Mother made about her hair this morning. Took me some fast talking to get her calmed down. The other day she cried over some annoying thing Michael was doing. I don’t know if this is just hormones, or if the therapist is starting to break down some barriers around her heart. I am prepared for either scenario, but I pray it’s the latter. Her previous mode was simply to divert her attention from anything upsetting and go into her little world. Now we are asking her to really think about things which are painful, and the really feel whatever she feels.

I think she is finally starting to understand that the therapist and I together have a net underneath her, and she won’t fall. It’s an amazing and scary thing to watch.

 

The Many Tiny Mr. Wrongs in My Life

Last night when Alesia and I were in the car going home after therapy, I told her I have made many mistakes in my life. Everyone has. That's how life is - you make mistakes, you fix them as best you can. She is starting to see some of her past behavior as mistakes and starting to analyze it a bit, which is real progress. Learning to be introspective and contemplative is a tough thing for a former orphan. The survival mode is to simply live in the moment.

Michael was upset last night about his difficulty in learning the multiplication tables. I was able to tell him, truthfully, that it took me about 2 years to really learn them. I have little facility with numbers. I ordered an interesting workbook for him which is supposed to teach the multiplication tables with pictures. It was recommended to me by a friend who homeschools her kids. Mother didn't really understand it, so I am hoping Alesia can teach it to Michael this afternoon.

I said to him last night, though, that failure at something simply means you have to find another way to succeed. Failure is how we learn. That's something he is learning now, at 11, and Alesia is trying to understand at 17.

Michael is able to talk more openly about what upsets him, and so I have a tiny hope that we will have an easier time with him. Then again, the practical side of me says "Well, his challenges won't be the same as Alesia's, perhaps, but they will be there. Teenhood looms large." Yikes.

This morning in the car Alesia told me she had taken her new MP3 player to SCHOOL! I was aghast. "You need to be concentrating on BIOLOGY, not listening to music!" I fussed at her. Plus, it's likely to be stolen. Just when I think she's starting to get some sense, she comes out with something like that. She was genuinely puzzled at my dismay. 

However, back to last night. We had a good bonding time in the car last night because after I told her I made a lot of big mistakes in my life she asked me to name one. I had to think, oh, about 3 seconds.

"Well, every guy I was ever involved with was a mistake," I said casually. Her eyes got huge.

"Really? Why?" she asked.

"Well, I just always was too emotionally needy, was the biggest problem. I tried to make them my everythnig, and they ran in the other direction." [This echoed what we had been discussing in therapy, to a certain extent. It was true, though.]

I felt like I should tell her the truth. We talked a little about the last guy I dated seriously, who broke up with me just a few months before I came home with her from Russia.

I wound up the discussion by telling her, "Look, I am telling you this, because each and every guy I ever fell in love with hurt me. Hurt me bad. I never, ever want you to be hurt like that. I want you to choose wisely."

I got to thinking today, that makes it sound like all gloom and doom. The truth is, while the relationships were all dismal failures, I had some pretty funny dates.

I went through a period of time in my 30's when I was doing internet dating. I have friends who have found their spouses using internet dating sites. So I would "meet" a guy online, and if we clicked I would meet him in a public place, using no last names, and see if he was a possibility. None of them really worked out. I have often thought I could write a pretty humorous book about those crazy days.

** One guy, who I met at a very nice restaurant, had sent me a photo that was old. He was no taller than me, and he was as wide as he was tall. I could deal with that. The dealbreakers were that he did phone sales and he lived with his mother and didn't own a car. Those 3 attributes just made me back slowly out of the restaurant and speed walk to my car. I didn't even give him a ride to the train.

** One guy was a research scientist from Sweden who admitted to me rather early in the evening that no, he wasn't actually divorced yet. We spent the evening wandering around the mall looking for a fondue set for him to use in his new apartment. I had a feeling I didn't measure up to the blonde goddess he pictured himself with, but he was actually rather pleasant and we had a nice evening. I never saw him again but I didn't care. He and his fondue pot are probably very happy together somewhere and I hope he's divorced, if he's still on the net. I think of him as Mr. Fondue Pot Scientist.

** One of the first guys I met was a lawyer, and I vaguely recalled him being on the other side of a case from me when I worked for a woman I will call Josephine, a completely crazy attorney who drove me nuts for 6 years.  [She's the subject of a whole other book.] I think he was just curious to see what I looked like, because Josephine regularly caused secretaries and paralegals to have nervous breakdowns and quit, or just tell her off and then quit. I stuck it out for a long time, but only because I couldn't find another job. This attorney I went out with, although handsome and smart, was an ego maniac whose carefully coiffed hair and casual knocking back of several mixed drinks in a half hour ruled him right out of the picture, for me.

** I met one guy at a movie theater. This one, like so many guys I met, was short. I can deal with short, as long as a guy is not less than 5'4 [my height]. I cannot deal with men who have stubby little hands with long fingernails like an animal. YUCKO! I think of him as Animal Man. I wouldn't even share a popcorn with him. Him riding a kangaroo is my worst nightmare. [shudder]

** I met one guy at a Mexican restaurant near my job, for lunch, and I insisted we sit outside, where I nearly sweated to death. However, I didn't want to be indoors with him. He was probably less than 5'4 but he had on high heeled cowboy boots and a cowboy hat which made him almost eye level with me. I'm OK with costumes. Not a big deal. The dealbreaker was, he told me in excruciating detail about the house he had built for himself, with his bare hands, waaaay up in the North Georgia mountains, and how it was surrounded by security cameras, and motion detectors, and he had a terrific collection of rifles, grenades, etc. I smiled and thought "I will see you on the news one of these days, my Tiny Wacko Cowboy..."

** I was delighted to meet a guy I'll call John. He was a technical writer, and so sweet. When we met, I was dumbstruck by his voice, however. He was, as Seinfeld put it, a "high talker." Alesia's voice is lower than his. My mother's voice is lower. He was like a tenor who had sucked way too much helium. I am very sensitive to voices. I couldn't deal with his. I was hoping we could sustain a friendship, though. We did remain friends, for a while. It ended when he emailed me several of his "short stories." The "stories" were only a few sentences long. He got ticked when I told him honey you are writing poetry, not stories. So much for you, Mr. High Talker.

** The best of the internet dates was a guy I never actually met in person, an airline pilot who lived in Las Vegas. We had a number of intense phone conversations. He was funny. He said he had always dreamed of flying and had worked hard to get his commercial pilot's license, only to realize one night that he spent most of his time ferrying hookers from LA to Vegas, on a flight called "the dolly trolley." He broke up with me by telling me that our planned rendezvous was not going to happen because he had found a woman who LOVED golf, as much as he did. I didn't point out that wives #1 and #2 also liked golf, and that sort of obsession didn't exactly guarantee happiness, but he was too nice to diss. I still regret that he didn't work out, although I will never live in Las Vegas. I've no desire to even visit. I'm a southern girl and will be for life.

** I met one guy for lunch at his very expensive townhouse in midtown, near an area called Virginia Highlands. When we met, he looked at me like an auctioneer appraising a painting. I was frozen and didn't want to turn around and let him see my butt, even though I was a totally normal size then. I just felt like there was a lot of criticism behind his icy blue-eyed stare. I started to get mad and tell him off then I thought nope, I want a free lunch. So I joked and jollied him along, and got a nice lunch out of the deal. We ate lunch at a little Thai place and that had delicious food.

I have to confess, I have dated for food before.

Years ago, when I was in Knoxville and struggling to get through grad school and work, my parents' next door neighbor fixed me up on a blind date with a guy from her office. He had sounded very nice on the phone. I dressed carefully in a little black dress, put my hair up, wore high heels - I was going for the Audrey Hepburn look. I answered the door and nearly fainted.

This guy was standing there in a grey business suit -which was fine - but it didn't go with the bright orange [think road cone orange] parka, with a fur edged hood. He looked like Alfred E. Neumann, the little dude on Mad Magazine covers [see below]. I exclaimed about how cold it was that night, and went back to my room and changed into a denim jumper and a heavy turtleneck, with tights and loafers. He went out with me anyway, which was his mistake.

I insisted we go to an expensive Italian restaurant. I was living on like $30 a week for food and eating a lot of canned tuna and ramen noodles. I had a fine meal that night - lobster, I think. He proceeded to interrogate me like the KGB with a double agent. "How often do you work out? What's your religion? Can you cook?" etc. etc. At first, I was amused, because I knew I never wanted to see that goofball again. Then I started getting irritated. I decided to have some fun.

"You know, I have a confession to make," I said, taking off my lobster bib and leaning in close so he could smell my perfume and gaze into my big bluegreen eyes. "I really really want to get married, as soon as possible. I want a big wedding. I want to start a family right away. I'm thinking four kids would be awesome. What do you think? You're awfully cute when you smile..."

He froze, like a deer in the headlights.

He pulled out his calculator and paid the check.

I never heard from him again. My 4 little Alfred E. Neumann lookalike kids had to remain a mere fantasy. Darn. Here's a very close match to what Mr. Goofball looked like:

A Word from The Villain

Now that Michael's back from camp the house seems normal again. He slept like the dead Sunday night, from sheer emotional exhaustion, I think. He was really tired Sunday afternoon and kept saying "Nobody missed me!" even after our hugs and reassurances. Having lost one family, he will probably always have some extra anxiety about losing us. 

I noticed last night when I was cooking dinner that Michael was rather hyper. I was in a foul humor after a tough day, and the more grouchy I got, the more hyper he got. I didn't realize it until this morning when I was driving into work, brooding over the whole situation. I suspect perhaps it bugs him when I'm grouchy because it reminds him of his birthmother being in a foul humor and I imagine that caused her to drink more, and/or be more abusive to him. Even though I am never abusive, I can see perhaps there's a bad association there. I need to learn to be more calm.

Alesia and I got into this morning. We finished up breakfast and I said to her "We need to go upstairs and get dressed." We were both in gowns and robes. I got up and headed for the stairs and she followed behind saying "I need to go upstairs and get dressed?" in a somewhat snotty tone. I said "WE need to go upstairs." She said again "I need to go upstairs?" Now I was getting irritated. "No, WE! for heaven's sake!" She shot back "You don't have to say it in a mean way!" By then we were upstairs. "I wasn't being mean!" I said, exasperated.

When we were driving to school, I reminded her she often doesn't understand what I say and I have to repeat it. That doesn't mean I am being mean. She is way too sensitive. It's maddening sometimes. I will try to explain something and she will say "You're being mean!" and I'm not. Sometimes I just try to be detached, but that doesn't work either. Then she gets really upset. So then it becomes a case of me being the Villain. The other day she said I was a monster. I think she was half-teasing, but then again there may have been some truth to it. I'm not a monster. She may just think of me that way. I cannot fathom why.

When we have rows like this morning I get this picture in my mind of her packing her bags and leaving when she turns 18 next year, and it fills me with dread and panic. It's an irrational fear, I know, because she will have 2 more years of high school, but I worry that she will listen to bad counsel from others, and head off.

We have our work cut out for us in therapy.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I found an interesting blog today, about cooking:

http://www.southernplate.com/

I always enjoy perusing cooking blogs, but I also find them a bit intimidating. I do not have the patience to take step by step photos of my cooking process.

Also, a lot of my favorite recipes are ridiculously simple.

For those of you on low carbs, here's an easy one. Take chicken tenders, wash and salt them, and put them in a shallow baking dish. Wash and slice mushrooms on top of them. Cover with heavy whipping cream and a heavy sprinkling of parmesan cheese. Bake at 350 for an hour, uncovered. Simple, huh?! I made it last night. [I think this is on my Recipes page but I'm not sure]

Now, if you want to make it a little more rich [!!] dip the chicken tenders in melted butter, then dredge in flour, and brown in the skillet a bit before cooking.

I also sauteed some yellow squash and onions in garlic and olive oil, and we had some pasta, and sliced peaches as a dessert.

Do you have an easy, family-pleasing dish you would like to share? If so, please leave it in a comment and I will publish it.

When I was a kid we used to sometimes make hot BLT's but without lettuce. We would take slices of bread, put on a slice of cheese, a tomato slice, and a broken up slice of bacon on it, and run it under the oven broiler until the cheese melted. Warning: don't put lettuce under the broiler! [For my friends who are clueless about cooking...LOL] You could add hot peppers, leave off the meat, whatever. You just have to be careful and watch the oven the whole time so there is no burning.

Kangaroos and Blueberries

I have a confession to make. Most of the time I am a reasonable, rational person. Then there are times when I freak OUT. I hate to admit it.

I don't like snakes, but they don't freak me out.

Years ago, I was mugged at gunpoint. A car pulled up beside me and this punk kid stuck a gun out the window and tried to rob me. I had nothing in my hand, no purse or money, so he didn't get anything. Instead of being freaked out, though, I was just annoyed. He stole the handbag of one of my cousins. That irked me greatly.

You know what would have made me wet my pants? If I had seen a kangaroo that night instead of a pistol. Kangaroos creep me out. They look to me like GIANT RATS. Yep, giant JUMPING RATS. I despise them. It isn't rational or reasonable, but there it is.

Even this photo, of the kangaroo with the baby, freaks me out. I want to grab the baby and RUN away from the giant rat!! But then, the baby would grow up to be a giant leaping rat!

Yes, it's irrational. I can't help it, though.

I also realized recently that I have a strange aversion to BLUEBERRIES. Thanks be to God they don't leap around like Kangaroos.

I saw a photo of a blueberry smoothie on the Pioneer Woman's website the other day, and it just grossed me out. Looked like there were little ground up sticks in the blue liquid. Choking hazard! my brain screamed.

It shouldn't have bothered me. Nope. They call blueberries one of nature's super foods. Yep, the blueberry is packed with nutrition. It's sort of the fruit equivalent of broccoli.

I think the best way to get over an aversion is to be in close proximity to it. I used to have a strong aversion to a sink full of dirty dishes but I had to get over that quick, when I was a kid and my mother expected me to help out.

A few years ago, I also had to get over an aversion to finding scratchy things sticking to my behind. Let me explain. When you sit down in my house, it's likely Coco will have hidden a piece of bread in your seat. Don't leap up, screaming. That makes her bark. Just grab the bread and toss it at her. If she's hungry, she will eat it. If not, she will re-hide it. Mother shook out a throw the other day and 4 pieces of bread flew out!!

But I digress.

I cannot import a kangaroo and cozy up to it. Even if I could, I would have to be heavily medicated before I could possibly bear to be within half a mile of a giant leaping rat!!! [yes that's what my brain would scream].

However, I can get over the blueberry thing. Everyone in my house likes them but me. I like blueberry muffins but it has nothing to do with the berries. I just sort of tolerate them.

No, I am thinking of planting blueberry bushes. I have a place in my yard where a few blueberry bushes would look great. So let me know, if you can, advice on when to plant blueberry bushes IN GEORGIA. I am afraid the info. I get on the net will all be geared towards other parts of the country.  I admit,  I am much better about eating things I grow.