I have a confession to make.
For many years I have always said "I don't watch much TV." That was true when I had two kids at home and I worked full time. I rarely had time to watch anything except for one hour between dinner and bedtime.
Now, I have Michael who is 18, and Alesia is grown and gone. I am not working full-time.
I have now become addicted to HGTV, which is like a porn channel for middle-aged DIYers and wannabee DIYers like myself. When I'm not cooking, cleaning, writing, walking Lola, or running errands, I flop down on the couch and turn on HGTV.
I love most of the shows on HGTV. And now I have discovered why.
Is it because I have learned a new vocabulary? I now find myself using phrases like "open concept" and "high end" and "total gut job" [I will never say "the wow factor" however, sorry...]. I now speak HGTVish.
Is it because -- thanks to Hillary and David on -- Love It Or List It -- I have learned that houses in Canada are crazy expensive, always have disaster-area basements, and people up there love "mud rooms" [a nearly foreign concept to this southerner]. Plus, they say "washroom" instead of bathroom, "the en suite" instead of master bathroom, and "walkout" instead of patio? So I now know some Canadian, which is a fascinating language. Kinda like a dialect of English, y'all.
Is it because I am fascinated by trends, like the fact that granite countertops are on the way out of style, and wallpaper is making a comeback?
Here's why I love you, HGTV, why I now don't just mindlessly love you but I respect you, too.
You put my son to sleep.
This is HUGE.
Yep, he's going to college and working 2 jobs and he helps me around the house and runs and plays tennis and hangs out with his friends... and doesn't get enough sleep. I have been on his case for several weeks now about the fact that he needs a lot more sleep than he's getting.
Today, I cooked him a hamburger for lunch, and he ate all of his cheeseburger and half of mine, plus he snuck in a couple of mini moonpies. Then we both sat down in the family room. I asked him if he was going to nap before heading to work tonight.
NO was the emphatic answer.
I turned on HGTV and became engrossed in The Fixer Upper.
Next thing I know, Michael is stretched out on the sofa, sound asleep.
HGTV lulled him to sleep.
Why? Simple. HGTV doesn't have: explosions, space aliens, comedians, murderous zombies, girls with big boobs, expensive or antique cars, popular music videos -- things that always catch my son's attention.
HGTV is all about houses -- buying them, renovating them, fixing up the yards. I've never seen anything explode in a fireball while the stars walk away, muscles rippling, faces impassive. I've never seen zombies come climbing into the yard intent on trying to eat the homeowners. [I've never seen anyone say "rip out the hardwoods! I LOVE deep pile carpet!" -- LOL]
I've never seen Adam Sandler on HGTV.
Or Will Smith.
I expect, however, that in about 30 years, when Michael has kids who are mostly grown and he lives in a house with a mortgage, he will become a big fan of HGTV. Hopefully, by then he will pick up his dirty laundry off the floor more than once a month, and not spend a lot of time playing videogames on his phone or planning his next tattoo.
Hopefully he will have some children I can spoil rotten.
Heck, maybe in 30 years it will all have changed. Maybe we won't live in old houses that need renovating. Maybe granite countertops will be back in style -- hopefully not. Maybe shag rugs and kitchen appliances in shades of avocado or harvest gold will be retro chic.
Maybe the term "open concept" will be out of favor.
Until then, I thank you, HGTV. Being a single mom isn't easy. You entertain and enlighten me. Most importantly, my son needed some sleep and he got 2.5 hours of it thanks to your shows..