Fasten your seatbelts ladies and gentlemen. It's time for a rant.
[Notice how big the type is? Most of my readers are over 40, and I dig that about them, so I am trying to help them read without glasses.
I subscribe to a service called Bloglovin because I read a number of blogs and I like getting updates by email, so I don't have to go physically check my friends' blogs every day. However, I have noticed in the past couple of years that Bloglovin is a highly biased business, and they lean heavily towards political correctness.
Today's email from Bloglovin gave me the updates I wanted, and then it gave me a list called Most Popular in Lifestyle. Below that were links to some of the titles of blogs they think I want to read:
Podcasts I Love
God Can Be Trusted
Now the folks at Bloglovin clearly don't read my blog or know a thing about me or what I might be interested in reading. Clearly they have some twenty-something kid with a marketing degree who ran an analytic algorithm or some such crap and they found what they THINK I would want to read. Trouble is, they have no idea who I am or what I my life is about. I really don't appreciate their idiotic suggestions, either. I feel good about saying that because I am quite certain no human being with a brain will ever read this or be upset that I am dissing Bloglovin.
Here's the real deal on their inane suggestions:
Success Cheat Sheet: 10 Questions To Ask Yourself To Nail Your Online Branding - I couldn't care less about "online branding." I am not a "brand" nor do I want to be. Bloggers who get "branded" - like Pioneer Woman for example - turn into soulless commercialized commodities that I despise. My blog is exactly what I want it to be and that's the way I've wanted it since I started bloggin in 2005. If I wanted to be a "brand" I'd listen to the corporate wonks tell me what to write and lose my mind in the process. No thanks. Not for all the money in the world.
How to Make Coconut Coffee Scrub Cubes (For Cellulite, Stretch Marks + Puffy Faces) - I like my cellulite and stretch marks and puffy face. They are the perfect attributes for a 53 year old. I have no interest in becoming one of those desperate old women who cannot accept their age, and spend their time feverishly trying to look younger. What a waste of energy.
The Real Reason You Should Quit Sugar + How To Cut It Out Of Your Life For Good - How do you know I should quit sugar? Maybe I want to eat sugar and enjoy my life, and die young. It's my choice. Last time I checked it was a free country.
Podcasts I Love - I've never heard a podcast in my life, nor do I care. I am one of those weird people that has a smartphone but doesn't check it every 2 seconds. Sometimes hours go by without me looking at my phone. When I walk Lola or work in the garden I like to listen to... birds tweeting, insects, dogs barking, lawnmowers down the street - you know, the sounds of LIFE. That makes me a weirdo, I know.
The Real Deal on the Korean Skincare Routine - I wasn't aware the Koreans had a wonderful skincare routine. I thought the South Koreans were too busy trying not to get nuked by the North Koreans, and the North Koreans are sadly enslaved by a ruthless dictator and cut off from the rest of the world. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they are all basking in the glory of having beautiful skin and completely oblivious to politics. I hope so.
31 Inspiring Outfit Ideas For Every Day in May - I work from home, take care of my 82 year old mom and my 19 year old son, and my bassett hound. Nobody objects to my standard outfit: black stretchy pants and old tee shirts. I save a fortune by NOT buying idiot suits "work clothes" or the devil's torture devices pantyhose any more. I am happy to spend all day at home, not wearing a bra. My family is thrilled when I shower and put on clean clothes -- and that's as it should be.
God Can Be Trusted - Well DUH. Anyone who previously thought God couldn't be trusted is pitiful. God is all about trust. This title is like saying "water is wet." No kidding. How original.
So listen up, marketing drones at Bloglovin. You want me to read other blogs? Here are some topics I find interesting, with suggested blog titles:
How to Keep Weeds Out of Your Garden Forever [Without Pesticides or Witchcraft]
How the Braves Are Going to Start Winning This Season [Without Pesticides or Witchcraft]
100 Ways to Cook Brussels Sprouts [Without Pesticides or Witchcraft]
How to Make A Teenager Listen to You [I'd pay money for this one]
How to Make the Dog Listen to You
How To Keep All Political Ads Out of Your Life
Fabulous Vacation Ideas for People Over 80
Thin Thighs With No Effort Whatsoever [Without Pesticides or Witchcraft]
Dust: It Can Be Eradicated in Our Lifetime / or: Win a Free Dyson, Guaranteed
How to Make Paying Bills Fun and Exciting [Without Pesticides or Witchcraft]
The Magic Pill That Makes Losing Weight Fun [Without Pesticides or Witchcraft]
The Fun of Finding Old Family Photos
The Secret of Finding Great Discounts on Cremation Services
Let's Get Rid of Bras and Neckties!
Celebrate the Fact that Facebook IS Your Social Life
Are you listening Bloglovin? Quit pandering to the twenty-somethings or the thirty-somethings. People over 40, 50, or 60 should be your target audience. Most of us use our computers, a lot. We aren't busy just watching YouTube or taking a yoga class or Instagramming.
Below is a photo I find fascinating, my grandfather posed with a stuffed alligator. Now that's real entertainment. Are you listening Bloglovin?!