The Crab Chronicles

Invest in Unseen Riches

I investigated a sort of general parenting site recently, and when I was filling out the Profile section, one sentence made me very uncomfortable. It said "What can you not live without?"

I think I put down something glib like "Crocs and chocolate," but I have been pondering that question ever since. I can live without just about any material possession. Nothing I have means that much to me, except perhaps photos, for sentimental reasons. In the event of a fire, the first thing I will do after ensuring that all the people and animals in the house are safe, is figure out whether I can grab some precious photos before I go.

I would next try to grab some of my uncle's paintings, and some of my jewelry. But none of those things would be worth risking my life to save.

When I was younger I thought I would never be able to live without my parents. Then my father died, and I realized that even though it's painful, I can live without him. One day I will have to live without my mother. I dread that.

Alesia saved up her babysitting and dog walking money for quite a while, and yesterday she bought herself a new MP3 player. She was so excited that it can hold not just songs, but photos and movies. I had to fuss at her a bit to get her to stop messing with it and come eat some supper, then she wouldn't put it away to watch the movie. Last night after she got into bed, I went back to check on her and she was wide awake. "I can't sleep!" she said, still excited. I was amazed that one little electronic device could possibly excite someone so much.

When I was a kid, I saved up money for a long time to buy a new 10 speed bicycle. I saved and saved, and finally when I was close to having the $100, I begged Dad for the remaining money and got the bike. By then, though, I was busy with a million activities and I hardly ever rode the bike. Once I got it, it ceased to mean much.

I am in debt, due mainly to my kids, but I doubt I will ever have to file bankruptcy. But you know what? Even if disaster struck, and I did have to file bankruptcy, I wouldn't hide away from everyone. I wouldn't drink like a fish. I wouldn't worry about whether or not my friends would still be there. My real friends would be there.

I have a friend who never spends money. She's as tight-fisted as they come. Yet she won't invest anything in friendships or relationships. Those are the real treasures in this life.

If this were a sermon, I would urge you to think about this same question. What can you not live without? If the answer is anything material "my Prada shoes" or "my collection of Gone With the Wind memorabilia," or your car, or anything material, think some more.

Would you rather have those shoes, or an hour of time with your grandmother who died a few years ago?

I would give everything I have, every material possession, to speed up time. I would fast forward through my children being in therapy, having to dredge up from the past the terrible, painful memories that haunt them, and experience the agony, the anger, the fear - all those things which they have not yet processed. I would erase my mom's memories of all the hurt she has endured over the years. Even if that happened in the blink of an eye, and suddenly we were standing by the road, with no money, nothing, I would do it. I could call my brother or one of my friends and they would help me get back on my feet.

Invest in people, my friends. Invest in care and love. Invest in education. Those things can never be taken away from you.

Walking On the Edge!!

Before I start my exciting blog post I wanted to tell you something. I don't usually pay much attention to the mechanics of my blog but in a few days I will have posted my 700th blog entry! I also have almost 200 comments!

So I wanted to take a moment to say thanks for reading. Sometimes I want to start my posts "Dear Reader" but it seems to unbelievably goofy to do that, so I resist the temptation.

I am working on an essay about why I blog, in hopes it will be included in an anthology about mommy bloggers. As long as they aren't looking for something really "literary" I think I have a chance. It's forced me to think a bit about why I blog.

The blog started out because I got tired of writing multiple emails to friends and family members who wanted to know how things were going with Alesia, when she first came home. So I started blogging and made A Record of the New Normal available to only select folks. That was fine. Eventually, though, in order to publicize Jack's New Family, I realized I needed a public blog. It was scary, going public.

I often start to write about my opinions on some topic, then decide to keep quiet. I am a big ol' wussy, is the reason. I posted about my aversion to body piercings and tattoos and got some very negative comments. So I decided to avoid controversy.

I decided today to list some of my opinions. Go ahead and send the nasty comments. I probably won't print them but I hope it will make you, Dear Reader, feel smug and happy.

Things I Find Very Annoying:

1970's fashions - they looked idiotic then, so why return to those days?! why on earth should anyone with an ounce of body fat wear hip huggers? Or halter tops? Designers are soooooo lazy. Instead of the comfy caftans we SHOULD be wearing, they're going for a very annoying retro look. As long as fashion is going retro, why aren't we seeing the high-waisted plaid bellbottoms so popular when I was in middle school? or the shirts with enormous collars? where are the leisure suits?

Smock Tops that Make A Woman Look Pregnant - if you aren't pregnant, why do you want to look that way?! Anyone bigger than a size 2, WILL look pregnant in something like this:

Smart Cars - I keep seeing these zipping around on the freeways. I am all about fuel efficiency, but these things are like waterbugs on the surface of the interstate. In my huge mid-size Mazda, I feel like a lumbering Frankenstein clod next to the little Smart cars. Are they really smart, safety-wise? what would you prefer around you in a close encounter with a huge truck - a Smart car or a 1970 Catalina?

Sassy Kids on TV - I absolutely hate the Disney channel. Every time I let Mike watch TV, he wants to see Disney sitcoms. I watched 5 minutes of one the other day [Mike had the TV on while I was making dinner] and I wanted to hurl a tomato at the screen. Are all sitcom writers young punks with no children? My kids are taught to be respectful and not snotty to grownups, but that seems to be a very old-fashioned notion.

People Who Don't Keep Their Word - My kids have already figured out which of my friends do what they promise, and which ones are very casual about keeping commitments. I don't allow Michael to see his little friend Xavier because the child's mother doesn't keep her word when it comes to honoring playdates. It has hurt him. I'm trying to teach my kids this - when you say you are going to be somewhere or do something, keep your word. Be honorable.

People Who Consider Colon Cleansing a Religion - you know who you are. If I could spend half my waking hours on the potty I might agree with this view, but I can't.

People Who Think Shopping is Nirvana - to me, shopping is just somethign I have to do sometimes. It's not a sport. It's not a hobby. I know a woman who went back to work and left her kids home unsupervised just so she could have more money for shopping. Excuse me, but I believe there's a commandment on this one, something about Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods?

People Who Send Me Political Emails - I am NOT political. I'm not. I will hold my nose and vote for the lesser evil, on November 4th. I think all politicians on the national stage are morally bankrupt, and I find our whole political system out of whack and depressing. I would vote in favor of letting a computer run the country, if possible - it couldn't be bought off by special interest groups.

Emails about Praying for the Troops - I pray for my brother and all our service people EVERY DAY. If I don't send around your chain email about praying I am not a heartless heathen, OK?!

People Who Assume My Kids Are Like Most Kids - This is a little harder to explain. I overheard a woman recently ask my daughter if she likes to "hang out at the mall with her friends." She also asked me why on earth Alesia is 16 and doesn't have a driver's license.Well, first of all, Alesia is about 13, emotionally, not 16. She doesn't "hang out" anywhere in public without me around, or another responsible adult, because she is very naive and she could get into trouble without even realizing it. She is easily led into irresponsible behaviors. If someone her age offered her a beer or a joint, I am not sure if she would say yes or no. I am not sure she would remember the numbers "911" if she was in danger. She is impulsive and doesn't think about consequences. This is not her fault. It's part of the reason why she's in therapy. Just don't assume she is like every American teenager.

My son is also naive. He hardly glances across the street before darting out. His birthmom let him drink beer, and he often says he wants beer, despite my telling him he can't legally drink until age 21, and I will NEVER let him drink in my house. He likes to brag he will punch out anyone who gives him a problem. Is her serious? I know he says these things in a joking tone, but he spent his first 8 years running wild in the streets, drinking and smoking from a very early age. Fighting was common. I have to educate him about how kids his age in America should act.

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OK, so let me know if you agree or disagree. Let the games begin!

Postcards from An American Family

I jumped up this morning, ate a banana and grabbed a mug of tea and headed outside to water. I started filling up the watering can and trudging around to the flowers. It was unexpectedly cool. As I looked around I saw that the wind picked up, the skies were overcast, and I thought, this is probably a waste of time, since it’s going to rain. Better water anyway, just in case. Did it rain? Nope, not a drop!

The children and I went to a little Methodist church near the house, for the first time. We liked it. The head pastor is female, but she isn’t soft spoken and reticent – she’s dynamic. Among many other laudable things, she talked about how important it is to understand the old testament before you can really appreciate the new testament, and said she learned Hebrew just so she could understand it better. The music was excellent – all but one song was patriotic. I had such a good time singing America the Beautiful at the end of the service, when it was over an old lady in front of me turned around and said “Choir practice is on Wednesday night!” I laughed.

They have a traditional service and a contemporary one at 5:30. I am thinking we can try the contemporary service next week. I bet the kids would enjoy it more.

So I am hopeful this might be a good place for us, but I will reserve final judgment until we have visited there for several months. It takes time to really get into the dynamics of a church. I also need to make sure it will be a place we can ALL be happy.

We had to run errands this afternoon, and we stopped at Little Odessa, the Ukrainian food store. Alesia got some Russian candy and Michael got one of the German kinder eggs he loves. He also pointed out a white chocolate candy bar he likes and I bought it, but it will be saved for his birthday. He wasn't thrilled with that.

I think I have everything for the children’s birthdays in July. It’s going to be hectic, getting everything done. Alesia wants to go rollerskating again, and Michael’s activity is bowling. Mike will be leaving for camp ON Alesia’s actual birthday, July 9^th, so we will celebrate her birthday on July 8^th.

After lunch of pierogi’s from the store, and homemade tuna salad for Granny, we went to work writing postcards. We got 8 done. I hope the kids like them. You still have time to do some and send to Laura, who will box them up and send them to the kids in Kazakhstan, who are at “camp.”  Here’s the link again: http://antarespostcards.blogspot.com

Some of Alesia’s most painful memories are from “camp” in Russia. Do not think about American camps. They are luxury resorts compared to the camps the orphanage kids attend. Alesia had some very embarrassing and scary moments there. The buildings were just shacks, and the kids had to use outhouses, and at night a communal bucket. One night she spilled the overfull bucket full of pee and was shamed and laughed at the next day by all the children. I think Michael’s camp experiences were better, but it wasn’t exactly a resort. There were huge mosquitos that bit the kids constantly.

Anyway, if you can send the kids a postcard with a couple of sentences on it, it will cheer them, I know.

We had an early dinner at The Cheesecake Factory in Perimeter Mall. I hadn’t been there in years. When I was at my last job, just across the street, we used to go there for celebratory lunches. The food is good, but I wouldn’t say it fabulous. The cheesecake is decadent and delicious. It was fun to go there, for a celebration of all the July birthdays in my house – everyone but Granny is a July baby. Lesleigh joined us, and her birthday is in July, too.

Our movie tonight was The World’s Fastest Indian, a little movie starring Anthony Hopkins, about an elderly New Zealand man who broke land speed records in the 1960’s on a motorcycle built in 1920. It’s a character study, and it’s a wonderful little film. Here’s more: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0412080/

I didn’t get everything done this weekend – my room is still dusty, bills aren’t paid, and the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes. To heck with it all. I had fun with the kids and some good conversations with my mother. That’s what matters.

Below is a pretty decent photo of both kids showing off their new haircuts. The painting was done by my uncle Lewis when he was in college.