The Crab Chronicles

Confessions of a Former TV Junkie

Well, yesterday turned out nothing like what I had envisioned. The school meeting got postponed until Monday, was the big thing.However, I wasn't informed of that until after 10, so it was almost 11 before I got to work.

I ended up working until 5, and what with running errands after I got off work, and it was after 6 before I got home. Friday nights at my house are "sandwich nights." I don't cook.

I decided a few days ago to show Michael the series Moonlighting. He had never seen Bruce Willis with hair.I remember watching the show during it's run [1985-89] and never missing an episode. The writing was sharp, and I was seriously enamored of David Addison, the character Bruce Willis played.

Yeah, I was a serious TV junkie there for a while. OK, I was a TV junkie for about 20 years. I never missed an episode of Murphy Brown, St. Elsewhere, Hill Street Blues, Chicago Hope. To name just a few. I had a VCR and I taped things and watched them later.

My last series addiciton was Ally McBeal. It was completely unrealistic [get the case one day, do depositions the next day, trial the day after - AS IF! LOL]

What changed? I adopted my daughter. Suddenly, evenings were about homework, dinner, and movies to help her acclimate to American culture.

When I was childless, dinner often consisted of peanut butter crackers and a Diet Coke. Evenings were spent watching TV, or reading.

So I missed most everything on TV from 2005-2012. I still watch very little TV. Michael and I do like to watch Ghost Adventures on Friday and Saturday nights. Yeah, I believe in ghosts. What about it?! I'm gonna write a whole blog sometimes about all my REAL ghost encounters.

I also like Diners Drive Ins and Dives. Guy Fieri is a hoot. I watch his cooking show sometimes, too. I do not know how Guy cooks with all the jewelry he wears. Yikes.

Most of the reality shows on TV now are just crap, IMHO. Avoid TV and do something more constructive - read a book! Cook a good meal! [not in the microwave]

Monday Morning

Thank God it's Monday. I can get some rest.

I remember my dad always worked hard on the weekends, getting stuff done around the house. He would tell Mother, "I need to go back to work so I can REST." I thought that was bizarre.

Now I understand.

By dinnertime last night I was downright ornery.

Actually, to be honest, I was ornery after we came back from Kroger. Mother and Michael were eating lunch and I was trying to put away the groceries. Michael said something and I snapped back at him, and he said "Mom, you need to eat something. You're GRUMPY."

Ah, how quickly they learn to throw things back in one's face.

Speaking of learning, Michael has now adopted my habit of yelling at the TV.

I am so proud.

We were watching a marathon of Ghost Adventures Friday night - yes, I know it's silly - and a commercial came on for gummy vitamins. A thirtyish man was doing the commercial. Things were quiet and suddenly Michael yelled "You're a grown man! Just take the PILL!"

I thought my heart would burst with pride.

Nothing says Christmas like church clothes and a tomahawk...

I know I always say we don't watch TV and we don't, except for news and all, but OK, we have suddenly discovered The Travel Channel, and we love Mysteries at the Museum, and Ghost Adventures.

Don't judge.

Where Were You?

Mother and I were talking about today being the anniversary of the Challenger disaster, and where we were on that day. Do you ever play that game? Where were you when XYZ happened in the world? After giving it some thought I realized I sometimes am oblivious, and I sometimes have bizarre reactions to catastrophic events.

I think I got this from my older brother, who got a call from me on the morning of September 11, 2001 when he was at work and I was all "OMG WE'RE GOING TO WAR!!! THE TERRORISTS HIT THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS!!" and he calmly said, as if talking to an escaped mental patient, "Cool. And what do you want me to do about it?!"

[NOTE: He was not being insensitive to the tragedy. Anytime I tell him something startling, "Cool" is always the first word out of his mouth. I think it's a knee-jerk reaction to our childhood, when he was required to be the Calm Older Brother and I was allowed to Nut Up on a frequent basis because, well, that was me. Then. Not now. Not usually, anyway.]

I sometimes think my whole life has been spent in front of something like an enormous screen with sad or tragic things happening in the background, while I went about my business in the front of the screen.What you will see from this little timeline below is that my concerns were often on a personal level more than a global level.

Now that I think about it, as soon as I was born stuff started happening. Maybe my existence sparked chaos in the world. Don't want to think about that too much...

Cuban Missile Crisis - October 18-29, 1962. I was an infant. No memory of it. My mother tells hair-raising stories about it, though. Not always a good thing, living down the road from a nuclear reactor [Savannah River Plant].

President Kennedy assassinated - November 22, 1963. I was 16 months old. I have no memory of it. The first president I recall is Johnson, then there was Nixon. I remember thinking all presidents must be rather homely men, before I studied history and realized Kennedy was handsome.

Bobby Kennedy shot - June 5, 1968 - I do vaguely remember hearing this on the radio and telling Mother. I don't recall her reaction.I do recall her standard response to this sort of thing was "All right. Now go on back outside and play. Go on."

First walk on the moon - July 20, 1969. I was 7 years old. Mom changed her tack. I remember Mom calling me to come inside and forcing me, for perhaps half an hour, to sit there and watch vague white blobs bob up and down on our lousy black and white TV set, on what Walter Cronkite said was the moon's surface. Mother kept exclaiming "Look! They're walking ON THE MOON!" I could not see what the fuss was about. I complained until Mom let me go back outside to play. I had important mud pies to make.

Only years later, when I saw the movie The Right Stuff did I realize the importance of that day in 1969. (BTW, I highly recommend watching that movie to teach children about the importance of the space program.)

The Beatles break up - April 10, 1970. I remember this a bit. I remember thinking we'd never have good music on the radio again. I listened to the radio a lot. My brother immediately got the blue album and we had fights about who could listen to it.

George Wallace shot - May 15, 1972. I don't know why I recall this so well. I just knew the guys on the radio were excited about it, so I figured I'd better tell Mom. She just looked startled. "Go on out and play," was her response. "Who is George Wallace?" I remember asking. "Go on outside." The moon wasn't involved. I could move about freely.

My Tenth Birthday - July 4, 1972 - We were up at our cabin on Douglas Lake, and the next door neighbor made me a cake. (I always recall food.) I also got a cassette tape recorder of my own. Wow. It was a significant day. I remember very clearly thinking I am a decade old. I am OLD. I am turning into a teenager very soon. I am not a little girl any more.

Sometime in 1974 - I got my first pair of platform shoes. I promptly sprained my ankle in them. I should've realized right then I'd never be able to keep up with fashion.

Fall of Saigon / end of Vietnam War - April 30, 1975 - I remember sitting and watching the news with my dad, like I did most nights, in the basement of our house, and thinking how weird, the Vietnam war is over? I couldn't remember what life was like before the war. Seemed to me there had always been a war. What will peace be like? I can remember wondering. I do remember my mom being vastly relieved because my brother wouldn't have to go - he was too young, but the war wouldn't drag on long enough for him to be sent over there. Mom had feared that.

Elvis dies - August 16, 1977 - I was lying on the floor in front of our ginormous 500 lb. floor console model television, watching the 4:00 movie, as always, and they interrupted the movie to say Elvis had been found dead. I was sad. I had no sense of him being the king of rock & roll. I just knew I loved watching old Elvis movies, because he was so gorgeous.

I learn Hank Williams is dead - 1977 approximately - I was watching the late afternoon movie when a commercial came on. In solemn tones the announcer said, Hank Williams is dead. They played mournful music, and offered a collection of Hank's hits for $9.99. I was a teenager and had my drama queen moments. I rushed upstairs and burst into the kitchen to tell mom dramatically, through my tears, "Hank Williams is DEAD! First Elvis, now Hank!" My mother burst out laughing. Hank had died more than twenty years earlier - but there was still money to be made on his records. I was annoyed at my mother for being so disrespectful to Hank's memory.

High School Graduation - June 4, 1980 - I graduated on the football field, with about 500 classmates. It was muddy. I wore flat sandals instead of high heels because I knew if I wore heels my shoes would sink into the mud and I'd probably fall on my face. I don't think my parents went to the stadium. They said graduations were boring and they were right. I completely skipped my college graduation in 1984.

I was tired of high school. I had already been working, and I had a car. I wanted to get on with college. I started college a week later.

President Reagan shot - March 30, 1981 - I was in the basement of the library at school, studying for finals, holed up in a study room all day with a couple of granola bars and a lot of books. The dorm was too noisy. I remember going back to the dorm late that afternoon and watching all the news coverage on my little black and white TV. I wasn't a big fan of Reagan but I was a bit freaked out that somebody shot him. // The fall before I'd been holed up in a study carrel when John Lennon was shot, which affected me a lot more. I remember crying about Lennon.

I also remember telling someone it was a bit unsettling that every time I holed up in the library to study some major figure got shot. I stayed out of the library after that.

Challenger disaster - January 28, 1985 - I was working my first job, and I had been out to UT hospital picking up medical records when the radio broadcast was interrupted. I remember being very sad and thinking crap, are we being invaded? Is this the start of a war?! Yikes.My brother was in the army out in Texas.

Fall of the Berlin Wall - November 9, 1990 - I remember watching this on my TV in my little student apartment when I was in graduate school. I thought to myself, how odd to see this symbol of the Iron Curtain fall.I sensed that there were about to be big changes in the world, but I had no idea how much they would affect my life.

Fall of the Soviet Union - 1990-91 - I was aware that the old Soviet Union was going away and that Russia was now going to be called Russia again, but I had no clue how those events would affect my life. If the Soviet Union had not fallen I seriously doubt I would've ever traveled to Russia with the choir, or subsequently to Kazakhstan for Michael. 

In 1991 Alesia was born. I was in Knoxville, unaware that I'd just become a mom, but there would be a delay in meeting my little one...

Ranting

I feel a rant coming on.

Once upon a time there was a red-haired comedian and she was talented and funny and brilliant and I loved to watch her antics. Her name?

Lucille Ball

I'm not here to rant about Lucy. Like most everyone else, I LOVED Lucy. No, I am talking about the polar opposite of her.

Kathy Griffin. She needs to be slapped.

I used to watch Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve from Times Square when I was a kid and up until about 10 years ago, but now that I am officially older than dirt I do not get excited about the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. [I just make sure the kitchen is clean and everyone is settled into bed BEFORE midnight.] However, I was appalled and disgusted to read yet another article about Kathy Griffin - the world's most talent-less comedian who has so little talent she has to just shock people in order to get attention - hosting New Year's Eve coverage alongside Anderson Cooper and simply being crude and rude to get attention. 

I was thrilled to be able to join the I Hate Kathy Griffin group on Facebook. It's so nice to know that I am not the only person who would cross the street to slap Griffin.

There are talented people in Hollyweird who do not resort to her tactics to get attention.

Kathy Griffin is not funny, smart, or attractive. I'd rather watch grass grow for 10 hours than watch her for 1 minute.

Is that clear enough?!?

Some other things I hate: broccoli, eucalyptus, rude people, nasal voices, malls, paying bills, washing sheets, and drinking flat Diet Coke.

Some Things I Love: my kids, my mom, Coco [my furbaby], chocolate, gardening, a good book.

My resolutions for 2011?! To be content with my life and to spend more time praying and less time worrying.

And find a way to eat some chocolate now and again without wearing it soon after...

[oh, and it would be lovely if Kathy Griffin would take a one-way trip to a black hole and all traces of her would disappear from earth forever...]

Jobs and Jeopardy

I have become obsessed with Craigslist and indeed.com - I check both sites many times a day. I usually only find one or two jobs to apply to each day, but I have to jump on those sites and compulsively check.

I applied for a job this morning, and had composed the letter and everything before I realized the ad was posted on Wednesday. So they've probably gotten 200 resumes by now and mine won't even be read. Here's how bad the job market is - I've had employers tell me after they've been inundated with resumes and have 500 of them jamming their email, they just cut off the process arbitratily - they look at, say, the first 100 resumes and don't bother with the rest of them. That blows my mind.

I saw an ad today for an administrative assistant, and there was a very long list of duties. I am almost sure this ad was not placed by an American. This wonder-woman [or man] has to know every computer program in the world, have world class diplomacy skills, be willing to work overtime, and guess what the pay is?!? Just guess. OK, it's $150 a week

Dang, Dude! I make more than that from unemployment!

What really annoys the living daylights out of me are the placement firms that keep placing the same ads over and over. I contact the firm, only to be told it's the same company they've been representing for two months. Grrr....

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Spent most of the day cleaning house and making food for the Halloween party tomorrow night. It will be a very small party, but I want everyone to have a great time. Michael is upset because the Scary Movie we ordered from Netflix won't get here on time to show tomorrow night. So I may break down and go to the Kroger where they have Red box movies tomorrow, and see what we can find. I don't allow horror movies in my house, ever, so his choices will be limited...

I have started watching Jeopardy every night at 7:30. I think I need it, psychologically. I feel like a moron when I'm trolling the job ads, but when I watch Jeopardy and know at least 3 out of 4 questions, I can regain some small sense of my self worth. I totally ran the Military History category tonight. I know a LOT about that subject, because my dad was a military history buff. I've seen the movies Patton and MacArthur about 10 times. I know more about WWII than most teachers.

Does that do me any good in the real world? Nope. It's just nice to say I can rock a Jeopardy category...

I find myself dreaming of saying these words: "Let's make it a true daily double, Alex."

Indeed.

Addictions to TV

I like to say I never watch TV but that's not entirely true. Almost every day, on weekdays, I watch The Barefoot Contessa on the Food network. I like Ina Garten a lot - a short, fat woman who cooks. Reminds me of someone else... hmmm...

Today was a day when I didn't actually have to be anywhere, unlike yesterday when I had a job interview in the morning. [Yes, it went well, but I have no sense of whether or not I got the job. Best to assume not, rather than be disappointed...]

So I was browsing around Netflix and I stumbled across The Pillars of the Earth. I read the book years ago and loved it. I find it sort of amusing that this very English story should be made into an American miniseries. I watched the first episode, though, and I'm hooked. I hope Netflix has all the other episodes.

I really enjoyed this guy, Rufus Sewell. He usually only plays bad guys and jerks, but here he plays the good guy, one of the main characters. He's pretty easy on the eyes. I don't mind watching him for however many hours...

That's the trouble with me and TV. I get obsessed with shows [or actors] and then I become obnoxious about seeing them. So it's best not to start any "show addictions."

I also like to watch Jeopardy. Today they had a category on there called "Well, Duh..." which made me laugh. I hear that phrase a lot around my house.

The only other thing worth noting about today was that we had a funny encounter in the Kroger parking lot. We had gotten groceries and we were putting them in the car. Next to our car was a compact car with the windows halfway down and Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" playing really LOUD. Inside was a young white woman who was pudgy, wore glasses, and had her hair pulled back in a severe ponytail, and she was groovin' to the song in a big way. The bag boy and Michael, who were loading the groceries in the back, were chuckling. I looked over at her and tried hard not to giggle. You go, girl...

A Recovering Addict

I spend my lunch hour either trying to write or compulsively reading blogs by other mamas.

I am always amazed when I read where people spent their entire evenings obsessing over a TV show. How on earth can you spend hours and hours every week watching drivel??!! I don’t understand.

These were listed as the top shows of the week: American Idol, America’s Next Top Model, Lost, The Office, Ghost Whisperer. I have never seen any of them. I sincerely hope I never have to see any of them.

When Mother was going to the vascular doctor, the waiting room contained a large TV, and it was blasting The View, one morning. I tried to read but I couldn’t escape the voices blaring from the TV. Why do people watch that? Why do you want to see a bunch of women squabble with each other? I don’t understand that.

Now, lest you are reading this and thinking I am someone you can’t stand, because I don’t watch American Idol, or anything else, I must confess something.

I am a recovering TVaholic. Yes, I must be honest. I was once a slave to the idiot box.

As a child, I can remember my mother yelling at me to turn off the TV and GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY! Why? Because from the time I was able to crawl over to it and fiddle with the knobs, I was mesmerized by the TV. One of my earliest memories of being on the planet is me lying on my blanket on the floor watching Captain Kangaroo, then Andy Griffith, Gilligan’s Island, Bewitched, and later in the morning, Hollywood Squares. As soon as we moved to Knoxville when I was 8, I watched the 4:00 movie every afternoon - from 3rd grade until I was out of high school.

My parents didn’t watch a lot of TV, but I remember the entire family watching All In the Family, the Mary Tyler Moore Show, MASH, Sanford & Son, and Three’s Company. My mother and I in the later 70’s watched Carol Burnett, Love Boat and Fantasy Island every Saturday night.

When I got a bit older and was in college I watched St. Elsewhere and Hill Street Blues, obsessively. When MASH finally ended I was in college and I watched the final episode with the phone next to me so I could call my friend Robert during the commercials and we could discuss it. He was as big an addict as me. He’s now a doctor, so obviously there was more of an influence there, although being a radiologist in a small town in Georgia can’t really compare to being a wartime surgeon in a MASH unit…

One of my all-time favorite shows was Moonlighting. I never missed an episode. I LOVED Bruce Willis' character from the moment I saw him. I wanted to find Bruce Willis, track him down, and attack him with kisses. I had such big hair and shoulder pads in the 80's I probably would've scared the poor man to death!

 

Once I realized Bruce had married Dummy Moore, my crush just died. Then they had the kids and gave them those wacked names and I thought, boy, you have seriously lost your mind. And your hair. Oh well.

When I got grown, I was a Murphy Brown fanatic. I actually dropped out of the Knoxville Choral Society in part because rehearsals interfered with watching Murphy Brown and my VCR wasn’t recording properly.

I watched Seinfeld and Friends obsessively in the 90’s. I picked up Rachel’s habit of saying “so” as in “I am so not interested in that!”

The last show I remember regularly trying to watch every week was Ally McBeal. It was completely unrealistic in its portrayal of law firm life, but it was fun and whimsical. I loved the dancing baby.

Around 2001 I started spending a lot of time writing, working on screenplays. I pretty much quit regularly watching TV. I realized that if I was ever going to do something with my writing, I would have to work on it at night, which would cut into my TV time. There were no TV shows that I really loved any more, so it was no big sacrifice.

However, I never missed Queer Eye or America's Castles on A&E and I watched Entertainment Tonight about every night. So I wasn't free of the addiction.

Since adopting my daughter, I have lived a TV-free life. Hallelujah!

I HATE commercials and I refuse to get a TiVo.

I hate the Disney channel, with a passion. After an hour of watching Disney, my kids are sassy and uncooperative, and I blame the Disney people.

If nothing else, TV commercials show my kids all the stuff they don’t have, and they feel inadequate and resentful. I remember feeling like that. I remember thinking I was the biggest dork loser kid in the neighborhood because we didn’t have a Rock “Em Sock ‘Em robot or a Lite Brite.

I still remember pestering my mother mercilessly to buy me a ballerina doll that spun around when you mashed her crown, and when I got the doll, I played with her 5 minutes, then went on to something else. Thankfully, I also remember feeling regretful that I had been such a brat about the silly doll, and thinking wow, Mom was actually right. It was a waste of money! I should have listened to her!

Oprah is doing a show called What Can You Live Without? about a family forced to live without cell phones, computers, and TV. That describes how I lived just a few years ago. I wasn’t miserable. I look forward to being on vacation, where the kids can watch TV in another room and I can spend the evening READING. [Vacation is the only time they get to watch television much.]

I think every family should turn off all electronic devices for a week or ten, and reconnect as a family.

I told my kids a few days ago that in order to do computer games or Nintendo from now on they will have to earn that time by reading books. You want to Nintendo for an hour? Fine. First, read for an hour. So far, neither kid has taken me up on it, although Alesia is reading more. She likes teenage vampire books and there are plenty out there for her to read right now. Michael is urging her to play board games and go outside. He doesn’t like to read. Hopefully that will change one day soon.

The exception to the rule is educational computer games. Alesia was doing one tonight when I got home.

I made the philly cheese steaks for dinner. They turned out well except the meat was a little tough. I will try them again, though. Maybe after another time or two I will get it right.

Michael's class had a pool party today, and his back got terribly sunburned. I don't know why the teachers didn't reapply the sunscreen - the kids were out there 4 hours. He's in real pain tonight. I put moisturizer on his poor back and gave him some Motrin to sleep. I hope it goes in quickly.

I am SO ready to get to the beach!

Memories and Endorsements

I didn’t really blog about the traumatic experience I suffered Wednesday afternoon.

My office shut down at 3 on Wednesday and I came home and got Alesia. We ran to UPS and then Kroger, for some last minute things. The Kroger was like a disaster movie – bizarre, wild-eyed folks all desperate for some last minute item. As we walked in, we had to wait at the door before we could even grab a buggy, as a woman was wrestling with a toddler who was screaming. She got him subdued and went off, fighting her way through the crowds. We pushed our way around the unfamiliar store, desperately searching for a few items. The buttermilk section was decimated – there were maybe 3 cartons in there. [You can’t make decent cornbread without buttermilk, and this IS the south, even thought it’s also suburban Atlanta.] The soup aisle was jammed. I didn’t even attempt it – I sent in Alesia. We finally got to the front, and jumped in the line where you scan your own stuff. A Kroger clerk who looked like she desperately needed anti-anxiety medication barked at us to “Go to the BACK of the line!” – meaning waaaaay back, down the dog food aisle. There were 25 people ahead of us and that was the SHORT line. I saw this elegantly dressed older lady wandering around vaguely mumbling “She’s bringing her dog. What do I feed it?!...” I thought to myself, well, not these overpriced pseudo-plastic dog “treats,” for heaven’s sake, get some Purina, jeesh…

Coco doesn’t eat dog treats. She eats people food. She had been feeling puny all day yesterday, but I got some white meat off the turkey and gave it to her and she perked right up.

I was thinking about doing a blog about my many varied Thanksgiving experiences over the years. Sounds boring, huh?! I will cut to the chase. The best Thanksgiving ever was in 1970. I was 8 years old. My mother and her two brothers and their families, and my grandparents, all rented a big cabin up in the mountains, near Amicalola Falls . We had wonderful meals. I played with my cousins, we walked over to the waterfalls, we went shopping at a little country store. My father taught all the kids how to skip rocks. It was lovely. My aunt and uncle made audio recordings of everyone in the family and I still have a copy of the tape. It’s the only recording I have of my grandparents’ voices.

That weekend, my grandmother played a really funny practical joke on us all. She dressed up like a really decrepit bag lady and came knocking on the door late the second night. My mentally challenged cousin opened the door and she asked for a light for her cigarette. He said something polite like “I am sorry, I don’t have any matches,” and my uncle went to the door and saw Mamaw. He immediately knew it was her. He kept bending down to see her face [he’s 6’3] and she kept pulling her hat lower and stooping over [she was 4’11]. She finally couldn’t go any lower, and started laughing and the joke was blown. I was standing behind my uncle trying to get a look at this weird old woman who had come to the door, totally startled. Mamaw had gone to great lengths for the joke – she had borrowed her sister’s wig, and put chewing gum over her teeth so it looked like she was toothless. And people sometimes wonder where I got my acting ability?!

The worst Thanksgiving was in the late 1980’s, in Knoxville. My brother was stationed in Germany and couldn’t come home, and Dad decided we’d spend the day serving Thanksgiving dinner at the Salvation Army mission downtown. Now, Dad was a huge supporter of the Salvation Army, and raised a lot of money for them over the years. He also believed in personally working, too. He rang the bell and worked a kettle one day every Christmas, and he gave out toys and food to needy families every year. So he was a familiar sight down there, and that was his main charity. However, I was in my 20’s and full of idealism, and I thought well, this will be a good way to spend the day, with poor families. Only there were no families, just ancient, really smelly men. The families went to a different facility. The men looked haunted. It was depressing. I don’t mean to sound awful, but I really didn’t want to be there. I kept thinking, what will they eat tomorrow? Why can’t they stop living on the streets? Dad explained, in the car, that most of those men chose to live on the streets, even though the Salvation Army wanted to help them live better. Dad could see the despair and not let it get to him. It got to me, though. Coupled with the sadness of missing my brother, it made for a terrible day.

The irony is that years later, I adopted a child who had lived in the streets at times, with his birth mom. Michael has clear memories of not having any food, being cold, sleeping on concrete, etc. His early childhood was the stuff of nightmares and horror movies. Now he has a warm, secure, loving home. So I feel like I was finally able to do something about homelessness, in my own small way. I also have a wonderful son. I think Dad would approve.

The oddest Thanksgiving for me was in 2004. Alesia’s adoption hearing was on November 14^th. There was a mandatory 10 day waiting period after the court hearing. I had just started a new job so I had to come back and work. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I got to the airport at like 6 in the morning, hoping to catch a flight to New York with my precious Delta buddy pass – one always flies standby on a buddy pass. I got on, seated in the very back of the plane, but it was fine. I got to New York and spent all day hanging out at JFK, waiting for the evening flight to Moscow. Got to Moscow and it was Wednesday morning by my body clock, but Wed. late afternoon after the time change. After the nightmare of getting a cab to a different airport and getting on an overnight flight to Khabarovsk, we finally got in early the next morning. [I had a friend traveling with me.] I had to wait 45 minutes at the Khabarovsk airport for the adoption agency representative to show up, then haul my bags across the frozen expanse of parking lot. It was about 2 degrees, and windy. There were layers of snow and ice on the ground.

The agency had told me I absolutely had to be there Friday morning, early, to do some adoption thing. I had put myself through a tremendous amount of stress with travel planning, trying to get there by then. The agency rep told me when we were in the car going to the hotel that it actually wasn’t necessary – my presence wasn’t required Friday morning after all. That ticked me off enormously. I hadn’t slept in two days, either. We got to the hotel and got checked in. I was then informed that I wouldn’t be able to even go out to the orphanage and see Alesia until the next afternoon, late. I had told her I would see her that day, Thursday. I later learned Alesia was frantic with worry, and had called her English tutor, who then called me to make sure I had gotten in. I spent Thursday walking around town a bit, then trying to nap, and finally going out to dinner with my friend and my Russian friend, Pasha. I was so unhappy, though because I couldn’t see Alesia. [That’s one of the many reasons I will never use that agency again and I don’t recommend them to others, fyi.] Of course, in Russia Thanksgiving is just another day. There was no turkey on the menu. I think I had fish and tried to pretend it was turkey. So that Thanksgiving was quite bizarre.

I have started my Christmas shopping. I like to buy things online, or on the phone. Makes life much easier. I hate going to stores.

I had to work today, which is a bummer. The company only counts Thanksgiving Day as a paid holiday.  It was very quiet. Not a soul poked their head around the door of my cubicle. There was almost nobody around. I called home a couple of times. Mother said the kids had a quiet day, mostly playing games and relaxing. Wednesday and yesterday were rather busy days, so I am glad they had some down time.

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I found a website that has amazing products for parents who have adopted kids form Russia or the former Russian republics. It’s Adopted From Russia. They have bilingual books, tools to help kids learn Russian, or learn English, etc. I went on there with Alesia and Michael watching and we found several products they would like to have. I’m trying to work it out so they might offer copies of my book, too. We shall see. Regardless, it’s a nice site.

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My friend Laura sent me the coolest photo the other day, of a cake her niece Melissa had made, which looks just like a turkey!

Melissa makes AMAZING and beautiful cakes. She can custom make a cake for any occasion. The profits go to help foster children in her home county have a happy Christmas, as Melissa sponsors several children. I copied her explanation of this, below.

So if you are in the Atlanta metro area and want a special cake, Melissa is your gal! Her  website is really a nice showcase for her talent.

“Long story short…I work full time in commercial real estate and have a 3 year old but in my “spare time” I love to make cakes. I work with fondant only but there is nothing that fondant can’t do really. I have never made the same cake twice however. Which is really cool for me. In the past I had a hard time charging people for my cakes. For one I didn’t feel confident in my work and for two I honestly didn’t know how to compare the prices to what since I am not a professional. Over the past 40 days I have a bible study at my house once a week.   Our goal was to reach out to our community and help others in need and use God’s gifts and talents within our group. I decided that I should use the ‘cake art’ talent to serve others. So I charge a flat fee and used all the money towards 5 children we were lead to sponsor for Christmas in Henry County. As of today we have raised a total of $575.00! We get to spend $100 on each child! Not all of it was cake but it was a part of it. It is the beginning of a cool thing!

A friend of mine in Carrolton and I have been talking about helping children with our cakes. Children in abused or neglected homes, foster care.. not sure yet where the need is but kids who have never had a birthday party. Maybe once a month make cakes for them. We don’t know details yet. But we want to start this in Jan 09. So if you know some people who could use this service, which wouldn’t cost them by the way. I would love to hear from you.”

PLEASE pass this along to anyone you think might need or want one of Melissa’s fabulous cakes!

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I watched the entire episode of 20/20 tonight about adopted kids. It wasn’t as bad as I had feared, but they said a number of things I found misleading, like their comment that most adopted kids have RAD. I just dont' think that's true. They also said 10-25% of all adoptions disrupt. I have never seen that figure and I doubt it’s true. If it is true, I bet they are counting domestic adoptions as well as foreign. Overall, I still feel it was just a very negative piece. I sure hope the Russians don’t see it, and decide to shut down all adoptions from their country.

I've had some challenges with my kids, but I have never thought for a moment about disrupting. I got the help we needed from a therapist, and read and studied and networked with others. Clearly the main family profiled needed to get into family therapy, and not just ship their child off to boarding school, IMHO.

I know there is a lot of controversy about this show, but I still don't feel like it sent the right message. What they should have emphasized was how parents can be prepared, and how to change a bad to a good outcome when there's a tough adoption. Resources and information should rule, not sensationalism.

Saying No to Lipstick

We finally got a good soaking rain, which we desperately needed. My grass was getting brown and crunchy. Mother called at lunchtime and said the power was off, but she was fine. She actually used her cell phone, which was great, since she rarely ever picks it up. A little while later, she sent me an email saying the moment the power came back on she fixed her hair and lipstick. Can you tell that Mom was a product of the 1950’s?!

I am a product of the 1980’s. I loved the big hair, the shoulder pads, the blue jeans and blazer look. I even look back nostalgically at the music of that decade. Well, not all the music. Some of it stank, of course. [Or should that be “stunk?!”]  I would happily pay $ to never have to listen to “Come on Eileen” again. However, when I hear a great song like “Life in a Northern Town” by Dream Academy or “You Get What You Give” by the New Radicals I am instantly transported back there as though through a portal in time. It’s an excellent feeling. I went to college and grad school in the 1980’s, and worked my first jobs. Yes, I fell in love in the 1980’s [several times] and learned a lot about the world during those years. It was my decade.

Mother also said as soon as the power came back on today she located her purse and rings. When she dies, my plan is to have her purse cremated along with her. Her mother, my beloved Memaw, woke up from a coma [true story] and the first thing she said was “Where’s my purse?!” Within a few seconds, she had that fire engine red lipstick out and was applying it. Only when she felt acceptably groomed did she ask about family. These are the women who nurtured me, physically and spiritually. It’s so sad that I don’t, at the moment, even own a lipstick. My purse is a big black ugly on-sale-at-Target purchase, which my daughter scoffed at saying “That’s the UGLIEST purse in Atlanta, Mom!” I just laughed at that. Unlike Mother and Memaw, I never wear panty hose or high heels. [Yep, I’m a mutant…]

I went to bed last night at 9:30. I was wiped out and my throat was hurting. I was afraid I was getting sick. I got almost 8 hours of sleep, which is rare, for me. I felt much better this morning. I couldn’t bear the thought of being sick right before the weekend trip.

Michael was in the world’s most Foul Humor when he got in from his tennis lesson last night. I asked him why he would wear a heavy long-sleeved shirt to go running around hitting tennis balls, and he had no response to that. His face was bright red. I asked him if he’d drunk any water and he got hostile. We keep trying to get him to understand that he needs to drink a lot of water and keep himself hydrated – for one thing, it’s good for the skin. Since Alesia has switched to almost exclusively drinking water her acne has cleared up 95%.

Mike continued to be grumpy last night until I put a hot bowl of vegetable beef soup in front of him and made him eat. After a few spoonfuls, he was smiling and fine. I told Mother, we learned the hard way, with Alesia, that hunger signals often don’t register with my kids, and they will be hungry and/or thirsty and not recognize those feelings, and just turn incredibly grouchy. If I can get them to eat a little something every few hours and keep steady blood sugar, they do better. I have surmised that perhaps the years with their birthmoms when they had to endure hours and hours with no food just screwed up their hunger signals in their brains, and now they will say they aren’t hungry when in fact they desperately need food sometimes.

Tomorrow is my brother’s 49^th birthday. Mother always likes to reminisce on our birthdays about the funny stories surrounding our births. With my brother, he kept flipping around. One minute he was breech, the next minute he was turned the right way. Mother checked in and out of the hospital 2-3 times over the course of a week, because the labor was starting and stopping. My father – this was 1959 remember – finally camped out in the daddies’ waiting room, and got some buddies to bring over beer and cards. He basically had a poker party while Mother was trying to get my brother to come on out and join the family. The first photos we have of dad holding Bruce, he has a beard he grew during the hideous labor ordeal. Then Mother got a kidney infection and nearly died. Births in my house always involve drama. Hopefully I broke that pattern, by adopting. LOL

We sent Brother a care package last week and I hope it gets there tomorrow. We included lots of trail mix and healthy goodies from Trader Joe’s, birthday cards, and some little matchbox cars – which hopefully he can give away to some of the Iraqi children – and an original drawing. Michael carefully worked on the drawing last week. He says to me almost every night, usually around bedtime, “I wish Uncle Bruce was here.” He really misses Uncle Bruce. I hope when Bruce comes home on leave he can spend some one-on-one “guy time” with Michael.

Tomorrow also marks the day 11 years ago when I smoked my last cigarette. I was a heavy smoker in my 20’s and early 30’s. Why? Because I thought I looked cool. Then there was a period where every morning I would get up and have to cough for about 5 minutes before I could do anything else. Gross. I moved to Atlanta in 1993 and I started to cut down, but I could never really stop. Then my father died of cancer. Can you say “wake up call”? I thank God and Juicy Fruit chewing gum for getting me through it. The first few days of going without cigarettes I carried around a huge jar full of old cigarette butts and when I got a craving I’d stick my nose down in the jar and inhale deeply. That caused a lot of coughing and some mild nausea, which was a good deterrent. Even now, if I smell a cigarette I think about that nasty butt jar and shudder.

I have a cousin who quit smoking and got healthy, then went back and started smoking again because she put on a little weight. She wasn’t huge or anything, just a few extra lbs. Now, I don’t advocate being overweight, but for heaven’s sake it’s got to be less destructive to your body than breathing in nicotine and all that garbage, right?!

When Michael got home from school today he was in a foul humor. I talked to him on the phone, as usual. He was mad because his teacher gave him homework in Science! The other teachers said they weren’t giving homework because of it being testing week. Mother told Michael that’s too bad, just do the homework – that’s why the teacher is being paid. The testing doesn’t last all day. Then I told him he had to “buy” his TV time, by doing a page in his workbook for every 10 minutes of TV time. He was already in a foul humor but that statement made it worse. I had suspended the rule while he was sick last week. I wanted to tell him if he didn’t hush up he wouldn’t get ANY TV time, but I resisted the impulse because I want him to do stuff in his math workbook. He needs to practice. He still doesn’t know his 7’s tables.

MOVIE CHAT

There is a new movie coming out called Julie and Julia, about a woman who made every recipe in the classic Julia Child cookbook The Art of French Cooking, and then blogged about it. I am so excited about seeing this. For one thing, I used to sometimes watch Julia Child in the kitchen and get tickled at her. Dan Ackroyd’s impression of her was spot-on and yet not nearly as funny as she was just naturally, in real life. More importantly, however, the movie is directly the result of a blog. Yay for us bloggers!! I remember reading about the blog a couple of years ago although I didn’t really follow it. I am a very Minor League Foodie. If you’re going to make a Julia Child recipe then you are, in my book, a Major League Foodie. [To further clarify, in my league, making a grilled cheese sandwich counts as cooking.] Finally, the screenplay is by Nora Ephron and it stars Meryl Streep. I will see any movie written by Nora Ephron [You’ve Got Mail, Michael, Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally]. She is my idol.

I went to see a totally grown up movie some months ago called Charlie Wilson’s War. It's out on DVD now. It’s a true story about a senator who helped the Afghans in their war against the Soviet Union back on the 1980’s. It’s an AMAZING film. I want to own it. Watching it was just a riveting experience. I think, in broad terms, it made me cry because I totally understood Tom Hanks’ character, a man who was pretty carefree until he went to a foreign country and looked at the poverty and thought, I have to help, somehow. That, in a nutshell, is also my experience adopting my daughter. I could only do a small part – adopting my daughter certainly didn’t change the world. However, as my friend Alla likes to say, For one child - Alesia - the world certainly changed. Charlie Wilson also changed my world, although he certainly didn’t know it, because the defeat of the Russians in Afghanistan was crucial to the fall of the Soviet Union – at least that’s what I’ve read – and if that hadn’t happened I certainly never would’ve gone to Russia in 2003.

Movies are my passion, my fixation. The family lipstick obsession – not so much. [OK I admit it, I just like that phrase, “not so much.”]

Here's a final shot of me and Brother, and a sullen Santa, about 1965:

 

Keep your head down, Bro, and come home safe, soon...

The Rant on Budgets

The kids started putting together their trampoline this morning. They can't finish it alone - they need a big strong guy to help. Hopefully one of the neighbors can come over tonight. I asked Michael how big it was and he said "It's bigger than your car, OK? Let's just say that."

I have been trying to figure out a realistic budget. I have resisted this for a long time because 1) I hate budgets, and 2) I kept hoping the condo would sell and I could get that debt off my plate. So far, no sale on the condo. I think this must be a record - more than 3 years and it's not sold. Of course, it hasn't been on the market the whole time, but still... Let's just say I will never buy a condo again, OK?!

It's always hard for me to make a realistic budget because stuff always pops up unexpectedly. Like last April, Alesia had the endoscopy and the medical bills from that - what insurance didn't cover - were around $1,000. Unexpected medical expenses stink. Then there are unexpected car expenses - and I am driving my Mazda until it's ready for the junkyard. Sometimes we have unexpected house expenses, too, for plumbers, etc. or like Alesia's makeup mirror falling out of the bathroom wall. Haven't figured out how to fix that one, yet. [It may go on the Honey-Do list for my brother, for when he's home in November.]

One thing I am trying to do is bring my lunch. Food in the cafeteria here has gotten really pricey. Plus I am tired of it. Today I brought some of our wonderful homemade vegetable beef soup from last night. It's very hearty [thick as stew] and filling. That saves me a good bit right there, if I can bring leftovers. Mother isn't crazy about leftovers anyway, so they tend to languish and get thrown out. She and the kids prefer sandwiches. I am not keen on sandwiches, mainly because I do not like mustard or mayonnaise, except in recipes.

When I was a kid I flatly refused to eat anything with mustard or mayonnaise on it. Needless to say, we rarely went to McDonald's.

I was on a local TV show called Trooper Terry when I was about 6, and there was an issue. Trooper Terry was a local TV personality in Augusta who talked to his kiddie audience and showed cartoons [think local version of Howdy Doody]. All the kids in the audience were supposed to eat these hamburgers and fries from Kelly's hamburgers, and smile and look happy on camera. I refused to eat the hamburger because it had mustard and ketchup on it. I imagine the camera operator was horrified to see my scowling face in the audience of kids, and panned away a lot. Those were the days before video cameras or YouTube, or I'd show you. It was NOT a happy experience for me, despite the thrill of being near Trooper Terry, whom I adored.  Anyway, I digress, as usual.

Let's digress some more.

When I was in college, I had $25 to eat on every week, after I got my own tiny apartment. Even in 1982 that wasn't much money. That had to cover everything, too, like toiletries and magazines. It was brutal. One day, driving back to Athens, I was stopped by the police for speeding. I was going 80 in a 55 mph zone, and I got a ticket for like $175. That wiped out my meager savings and my food money. I remembered my cousin Terri telling me once she would eat beans for a couple of weeks sometimes and save her food money for new camera accessories [she was an avid amateur photographer]. So I decided not to tell Dad I had that ticket. I decided to eat only oatmeal and what was in my pantry until I could get the money together for the ticket. I love oatmeal, so this seemed like a reasonable idea. It took about 1 day to go through my pantry stocks of tuna and Campbell's soup.

On about day 4 of the oatmeal diet, Dad called me as I was sitting down to dinner. He said something casual like "What are you eating for dinner?" and I started sobbing uncontrollably. He asked me what was wrong, and I blubbered "I have to eat oatmeal, OK? JUST OATMEAL!!" He asked why, and I finally broke down and told him about the speeding ticket. He started laughing hysterically and had to hand the phone to mother. She was not sweet about it. No mommy comfort was forthcoming, to my chagrin. You see, my father was a speed demon, and collected speeding tickets all the time. We never went on vacation that he didn't get at least 1 ticket, and sometimes 2 or 3. Those were the days before fuzzbusters or CB radios. So Mother was annoyed I took after the old man with the leadfoot.

Dad took pity on me and just paid the ticket, and sent me some money for food.

It was a year or so before I could eat oatmeal again.

So BUDGET is not a happy word for me. I have to make peace with it.