The Crab Chronicles

Talking Back: Stories from the Big Hair and Pantyhose Years

What’s the perfect Christmas gift?! Cheaper than a fast food meal?? Funnier than most episodes of SNL?!? My new book! Talking Back: Stories of the Big Hair and Pantyhose Years. Y’all, I’ve lived through a LOT of weird and/or funny stuff.. Before the age of 40 I was a hot mess child, a drama geek teenager, and a college weirdo [and honor student, which I kept quiet]. I worked as a journalist, a singer, a dishwasher, a bank clerk, a store clerk, and a paralegal. When I got my first paralegal job none of the lawyers knew what a paralegal was supposed to do, so I did everything from making copies to running errands to picking up lunch for everybody. (Sometimes they gave me real legal work.) I can now wax nostalgic about all the ups and downs during those Husband Hunting Years -- aka The Big Hair and Pantyhose Years. I met a lot of eccentric characters and gathered a lot of funny stories. My memoir Talking Back was written with tongue firmly in cheek, for your light reading enjoyment!

If you are looking for the perfect Christmas gift, check it out! Talking Back

#funnystoriesfromthesouth, #paralegalstories, #funnystories, #boomermemoirs, #perfectchristmasgifts, #bestmemoirever

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So, You Think You Want to be a Paralegal?

Erin Brockovich talked herself into a paralegal job wearing short skirts and low cut blouses. The other 99% of us in the legal profession would never get away with that. Perhaps you think The Law sounds glamorous and exciting. It sounds like a noble and honorable profession. You’ve watched TV shows like Boston Legal or So Help Me Todd and you think you’ve got a pretty good handle on what a paralegal does. You see paralegals running around looking like junior executives, seemingly the power behind the throne, so to speak. You think you know what it's like to be a paralegal, right?

Wrong. If you’ve never worked in a law office you have no idea what a paralegal does. None.

I have been a Litigation paralegal since 1985. I’ve worked for small firms and big firms and sole practitioners. I’ve worked in two corporate law departments. I’ve also done marketing for law firms. I’ve been treated like an associate and like a secretary. For years, I kept a pair of tennis shoes in my desk drawer so I could run to the courthouse and file pleadings – now, thankfully, most things can be filed online. I’ve been tasked with making thousands of copies of records, picking up lunch for everyone in a deposition, and writing voir dire questions for jury selection.

Most of the attorneys I’ve ever worked with were nice, decent folks. Some were not. At the job where I made the most money in my career, I usually cried at some point, every day. I lasted 18 months there.

No matter how skilled or experienced a paralegal you are, you will NEVER be promoted to attorney. You will likely never make a six-figure salary, unless you work for a really big firm at least 10 years.

Before you read any further, ask yourself the questions below. If the answer to any of these questions is no, stop reading. Forget paralegal school. Do something else.

Can you sit at a computer for 8 hours a day?

Are you highly organized and meticulous about details?

Can you type at least 55 wpm?

Can you be happy in a job where no matter how hard you work you will likely not advance, even though you may make more money after 5-10 years?

Are you fine with being treated like a secretary? [some attorneys will always view you as a glorified secretary and have you typing up dictation and/or standing at a copy machine for hours]

Would you be able to be businesslike and polite while on the phone with a screaming, cursing client?

Can you forgive a supervisor who couldn’t care less about your birthday or your relationship issues or any personal issue you might have? [some attorneys are like that]

Are you okay with being asked to pick up lunch for everyone in the office, or pick up an attorney at a car dealership, or make coffee for your attorney every morning? [in smaller towns, at smaller firms, you are likely to make less than $50K a year even after many years of employment, and they may ask you to do a lot of things you think shouldn’t be in your job description]

Do you have excellent writing and research skills?

Are you fine with the idea of writing down every single task you do, every single day?

Are you good with working all weekend or on Thanksgiving or Christmas if your boss is getting ready for trial, and I mean 8-12 hours a day, at the office?

Do you know Excel, Powerpoint, Adobe and Word, intermediate or advanced level?

Do you speak Spanish or would you be willing to learn?

Are you okay with having to learn new software every time you change jobs?

 

If you answered [honestly] yes to all those questions, keep reading.

 

Did you know there are many kinds of paralegals? It’s not all about lawsuits and courtroom drama. Only Litigation Paralegals get to [sometimes, maybe once a year] go to trial. I have been a Litigation Paralegal since 1985.

You will have to decide what kind of law appeals to you. Below are the kinds of paralegals out there, and most of these descriptions are taken from actual job ads [if I leave a category out, sorry]:

Litigation Paralegal:

• Obtains, reviews, analyzes, and summarizes legal documentation pertaining to cases.
• Schedules depositions and other meetings with clients, witnesses, experts, opposing counsel, court reporters and others.
• Identifies, locates, interviews, and evaluates potential experts and sends expert packages to parties for review.
• Tracks requests for documents and regularly follows up on progress of receipt.
• Regularly reviews files and proactively works to move cases forward.
• Documents files and updates clients when necessary regarding status of case.
• Participates in all aspects of discovery and file or trial preparation as required by supervisor.
• May prepare draft discovery documents.
• Maintains an expert database and researches opposing counsel’s experts.
• Makes travel arrangements and provides directions and other necessary information to attorney.
• Performs research pertaining to legal issues and precedents related to particular cases.
• Files documents with the various courts.
• Performs clerical duties such as typing and filing to the extent required to produce work product or assure proper organization of case files.
• Enters billable time into computer on a daily basis. [you have to write down every task, daily]
• Ensures all functions are performed in exact accordance with applicable client guidelines.

In the Litigation category there are many different subspecialities. Here are some:

        Personal injury – people injured in a car accident, or falling in a store, etc.

        Medical Malpractice – when someone sues a doctor or medical facility that has caused injury to them, like given them the wrong medication

        Business – lawsuits involving business disputes, like a non-compete clause in a contract

        Employment – when someone sues their employer for discrimination or harassment of some kind, and usually they have been terminated

        Workman’s Compensation -- a person injured at work sues to get money

        Family Law – Paralegals handle all the paperwork involved in divorces, child custody disputes, adoptions. There is usually a lot of client contact and clients often are unhappy because they are going through emotionally difficult times. You have to develop a professional distance.

 

OTHER AREAS OF LAW:

Real Estate – Real estate paralegals provide paralegal support to real estate lawyers, realtors, corporations, and banks. They prepare closing checklists for property sales, review purchase offers, and analyze title documents. They may also provide clients with updates on property leases, purchases, or sales.

Corporate – A corporate paralegal works specifically on matters of corporate law. Corporate paralegals have a familiarity with many aspects of business, such as contracts, finance, bankruptcy, securities, trademarks and patents. It’s a role that basically handles the paperwork for big business and makes sure that every decision and move made by the company is not only recorded but is legal and above board.

Wills, Estates & Probate:

• Assist estate planning attorneys in drafting wills, living trusts, powers of attorney, advance healthcare directives, and other estate planning documents based on client instructions.
• Conduct thorough research on relevant laws, regulations, and statutes related to estate planning and trust administration to provide accurate and up-to-date information to attorneys and clients.
• Prepare and organize client files, ensuring all relevant documents and information are properly documented and accessible.
• Schedule client meetings, maintain attorney calendars, and assist in coordinating appointments and follow-ups.
• Communicate with clients professionally and empathetically to gather necessary information and keep them informed about the progress of their estate plans.
• Assist with the funding of trusts, including transferring assets and updating beneficiary designations.
• Review and proofread legal documents to ensure accuracy and compliance with established standards and procedures.
• Prepare and file legal documents with appropriate courts and government agencies as required.
• Coordinate and manage estate planning workshops, seminars, and client events.

Intellectual Property [patents, trademarks] A paralegal will be tasked with such legal responsibilities as assisting clients with trademark and service applications, filing patent documents and applying for copyrights for various types of intellectual property. A paralegal will also need to routinely perform intellectual property research and assist supervising lawyers with intellectual property litigation after the client’s IP has been infringed upon.

Criminal Law – Criminal law paralegals need to be familiar with the basic classification of crimes, as well as the legal procedures surrounding search and seizure, arrest, bail, and probation. In criminal law, a paralegal may:

• Conduct witness interviews
• Pursue legal research for a case
• Prepare documents
• Assist a lawyer in preparing for a trial
• Draft complaints, motions, or briefs in criminal proceedings

Immigration Law -- Immigration paralegals provide paralegal support to immigration attorneys. Their responsibilities include managing caseload intakes, filing visa applications for permanent residency, and preparing nonimmigrant and immigrant visa petition packages for review. They may also be required to respond to immigration inquiries. Most jobs want you to be fluent in at least one other language, usually Spanish.

 

FOR ALL PARALEGALS: Here are some attributes employers want their paralegals to have – taken from actual job ads:

• Ability to communicate effectively with clients, adjusters, medical providers
• Proficiency with word perfect/ms word
• Handle sensitive and confidential information with the utmost professionalism and discretion
• Fast/accurate typing and transcription skills [most attorneys won’t make you transcribe]
• Working knowledge of case management software,
• Detail oriented
• Excellent verbal and written communication skills
• Professional/ pleasant phone skills
• At least one year of experience in automated litigation support
• Basic knowledge of federal and state court system, legal research procedures, and legal research resources
• Knowledge of legal research tools such as LEXIS and Westlaw
• Must have hands-on familiarity with a variety of computer applications, including word processing, databases (such as document review and file management systems), spreadsheets, imaging, and hardware systems
• Familiarity with ESI tools and knowledge of e-discovery procedures and resources
• Self-motivated and proactive, working as a team player
• Can manage a high-volume case load, while prioritizing other responsibilities
• Enjoys speaking with clients and providing “above and beyond” customer service
• Must have completed an ABA-approved paralegal certificate program such as an Associate’s degree or proprietary school program in paralegal studies, Bachelor’s degree desired

 

Conclusion: If none of this scares you or sounds intimidating, you may be ready to start researching paralegal schools. There are a lot of programs out there, and I can't advise which ones are best, but in my opinion you want an ABA [American Bar Association] approved program, if possible. Some firms will help you pay for a paralegal certificate if you are in an admin type of role. There are programs that are totally online.

Most of what you learn in school you will never use in real life. Most of your teachers will be attorneys, but they will not be very helpful at teaching you what you really need to know. You will have a hard time finding a first job and will likely have to go in as some sort of receptionist or admin and work your way up.

Good Luck!

MY PROFESSIONAL BIO

Dee Thompson graduated from the National Center for Paralegal Training in Atlanta many years ago, when there were virtually no paralegal training programs in the USA. Armed solely with knowledge of corporate law, she found herself completely ignorant of litigation, but when she landed her first career paralegal job she had to learn litigation, FAST. In the years since, she has worked for small firms, large firms, sole practitioners, and in corporate legal departments. She currently works as an employment law paralegal at Beal Sutherland Berlin & Brown, a plaintiff's employment law firm in Atlanta. When not working as a paralegal, Dee is a freelance writer and novelist. She lives in Atlanta and enjoys reading, movies, and cooking.

Dee Thompson is the author of Paralegal 411: Tips, Tricks and Timesavers for the Litigation Paralegal

and her latest novel, Dancing in the Wreckage, features a main character who is an Atlanta attorney

#paralegaljobs, #whatisitliketobeaparalegal, #differentkindsofparalegals, #paralegalschools, #howtobeagoodparalegal, #paralegalspecialties, #shouldigotoparalegalschool, #legalassistants, #doparalegalsmakemoney

The BEST Thanksgiving and the WORST Thanksgiving

When I was a kid we had two kinds of Thanksgivings, the ones with the extended family and the ones with just the four of us. Over the years we would sometimes get together with my mom's two brothers and their families for Thanksgiving, but not every year. 

Left, about 1968 or '69, with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I am in front wearing blue pants and a red jacket.

The holidays with the extended family were always fun, because my mom and both aunts and my grandmother were all wonderful cooks. Nobody has ever equaled my mom's homemade dressing, as I explained in an article for The Cook's Cook a couple of years ago, Enjoy Elva's Cornbread Dressing. I was unaware there was anything other than cornbread dressing until I was almost grown. One year when it was just the four of us, Mom made a small pan of oyster dressing in addition to the standard one. It was delicious, but not something she did every year. In addition to the dressing, the Hasty Thanksgivings also included the standards: turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, pies.

The BEST Thanksgiving was in 1970, when the family gathered at Amicalola Falls in North Georgia, and rented a cabin in the mountains. I slept on the floor in the main room with my cousins, in a sleeping bag, but I didn't mind. I got to play with my cousin Linda, and my brother played with Bill, her twin. We were all happy to be together. The food was marvelous, too, of course.

One of the highlights was my uncle Don showing all of us a cassette tape recorder. In 1970 that was hi tech, exciting stuff! He worked in the corporate office of GE and always got to use the latest techno wizardry. He recorded all of us kids, and some grownups, talking about the weekend. Years later, he and my aunt found that tape and had copies made and sent a copy to each family. I still have it. It's one of my most prized possessions. A few years ago I played the tape on an old boombox and I recorded a snippet of my grandmother's voice and it's stored now on my desktop, where I can listen to it any time. I love hearing her voice again.

Linda recently sent me a copy of some of the home movies her dad made that weekend and I got such a kick out of seeing those. I had forgotten that I was a Hot Mess. I am constantly turning cartwheels and jumping around and pretending to be a ballerina. I had forgotten I was such a lively kid.

My grandmother was a prankster, all her life, and I never really knew that until that weekend. The second night, she announced she was going to bed early, then snuck out of the cabin and went to her car and put on some old clothes and a wig and hat, and then came and knocked on the door, cigarette dangling, and asked my cousin Robert for a light. (She wasn't a smoker, in reality.) Always polite, he said "I'm sorry I don't have one, but maybe my dad can help." My uncle Bobby appeared, took one look, and knew it was Memaw. He kept bending down to see her face, and she kept dropping her head down because she didn't want him to see it was her, which was pretty hilarious (we all agreed later) because Bobby was 6'3 and Memaw was 4'11! I stood back and watched it all, fascinated. Years later, long after Memaw had died, Mom told me of some of her escapades as a young girl and even as a young mother, including dressing up as a vagrant for Halloween, with a friend, and playing practical jokes on all the neighbors.

The summer before that had been particularly awful for our little family. My mother had been in the hospital, very ill with blood clots in her legs, Daddy had to have emergency hemorrhoid surgery, my brother had been horribly bullied at school, and I had been sick with pneumonia for 3 weeks. Thanksgiving with the family was a welcome change.

The Thanksgiving in the mountains was the last time all of us would be together with my Memaw and Papa Hasty. We didn't know it then, but in January of 1971 our family would move to Knoxville, Tennessee, and be about 4 hours' drive from my grandparents, and my uncle Bobby and his family. About 18 months later my grandfather would die, as a complication of surgery on his hip.

In the coming years there would only be a couple of get-togethers of all the Hastys, as the distances were too great, then of course all of my generation grew up and scattered across several states.

So that was the best Thanksgiving.

The worst Thanksgiving was actually comical, in hindsight.

My brother married a lady who I won't name here but she was very strange. I think she was Bipolar, or something. She was always making crazy plans that she insisted would come to pass but they never did. After my father died, around 1997 or 1998, my brother and sister in law came to my mother's house in Augusta for Thanksgiving. They had no children, but two dogs, who came with them, all in one car. Mom and I were there, working on the big meal to be shared that night. We were all in the kitchen, talking. Sis said that on Christmas she and my brother would be in Colorado, either in a hotel or camping. That struck me as odd because my brother hates camping, and Colorado is a long way from South Carolina.

After my sister in law made her bizarre announcement, I looked at my mother, and she looked stricken. Mom always wanted her children home on Christmas -- the only time she was really insistent on that.

I said "Have you all made reservations? Booked flights?" I suspected it was just another wild idea. Oh no, she said, but it was going to happen. I said "Well couldn't you just wait until the day after Christmas maybe? or before Christmas, so y'all could be with us on Christmas Day??"

"But we want to go to Colorado for Christmas!" she insisted. I looked at my brother's face, and he looked super annoyed, like this crazy plan was news to him.

"I'm not saying don't go, I'm just saying be flexible with the dates," I said.

I wasn't yelling. I wasn't visibly angry, just annoyed. I knew my mother was on the verge of tears, anticipating two holidays being ruined by my sister in law -- a new record, for her.

Instead of engaging in a discussion, sister just screamed at me "You are SUCH a BITCH! We're leaving!" and she grabbed her two dogs, and her car keys, and hustled out the back door. I had never seen her move that fast. My brother looked horrified.  "I'm sorry, Mom. I would stay but I'd have no way to get back to Columbia," he apologized. He had to literally run out the door, as his wife was already backing down the driveway. He told us later he had to yell at her to get her to stop so he could get in!

So that year it was just me and Mom, and Mom was very upset. I think we ended up just eating canned soup or sandwiches.

Fortunately, a couple of years later my brother divorced the Crazy Lady.

The one really good thing to result from that awful Thanksgiving? I never saw my sister in law again. Haven't see her since, and that was about 25 years ago. I hope I never see her again. My brother divorced her but they stayed friends. They still occasionally meet for lunch. She actually had the nerve to tell him she wanted to be friends with Mom again, about 15 years ago. Brother mentioned it when visiting us. Mom said NO WAY. She had welcomed my sister in law to the family and treated her like her own child, but when Elva was done with someone, she was DONE. She never forgot, did forgive eventually, but was quite capable of cutting someone entirely out of her life when they didn't act right.

I think sis was/is mentally ill, and my brother eventually came to agree with me. I did exact a little revenge though, as only a writer can. In one of my books there is a character that is a total screwup, an obnoxious young woman who acts like a ho, and I gave her my sister in law's name.

To all y'all out there, I hope your Thanksgiving is lovely, and you are with family and/or friends. It will just be me and my son, and that's fine. We will just eat a lot [pork roast, as we aren't wild about turkey] and watch movies all day.

Check out my new novel Dancing in the Wreckage, on Amazon

Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

I believe in ghosts. Years ago I used to watch a show called Ghost Adventures and oftentimes the team would go into abandoned mental hospitals and talk about the hauntings there, and how horrible those places were. I have no doubt that they were awful. I would never advocate for bringing back those places, as they were operated in the past. However, I also believe that by closing those hospitals we made it harder to put away severely mentally ill people against their will, and that is a big component in the huge uptick in mass shootings, like the one that took place in Maine the other day.

Just in the past couple of years, mass shootings have increased dramatically (source) and so far in 2023 America has experienced 565 mass shootings -- and we have two more months to go before 2024. Something has to be done.

The factors leading up to this started around 1963, when President Kennedy urged states to close state run mental institutions and adopt a more community-based model for treating the mentally ill, according to Georgia Overhauls Its Mental Health System, a 2011 article. Furthermore:

"By the early 1980s, studies revealed thousands of patients released from state mental hospitals received no follow-up, treatment or assistance. In many states, smaller in-patient facilities like nursing homes and adult care homes became discharge destinations by default. And many of those facilities became the very institutions they were intended to replace, rife with neglect and abuse of those who needed help."

When I was a kid, I remember that you could walk into a store and buy a gun and walk out, without waiting on a background check. Boys could carry hunting rifles to school in their cars. Nobody freaked out. However, back then severely mentally ill people could be locked up in mental hospitals pretty easily too. Those terrible places where people were kept against their will prevented crazy people from victimizing others. I don't want to see them brought back but we have to be able to detect and put away people likely to commit mass shootings.

Details are now emerging about the Maine shooter.

"A Maine law enforcement bulletin circulated this week identified Card as a trained firearms instructor at the U.S. Army Reserve base in Saco, Maine. It said he had reported hearing voices and had other mental health issues..." Also the gunman "...suffered from paranoia and "felt like people were talking about him," factors that might have led him to target the venues he attacked." And yet, "...officials had no evidence Card was ever "forcibly committed" for mental illness treatment." [Source]

I also believe there has been a sharp uptick in all gun violence because so many mentally ill people live on the streets. Serious mental illness and homelessness go hand in hand. According to this source:

"In 2006, Markowitz published data on 81 US cities, looking at correlations between the decreasing availability of psychiatric hospital beds and the increase in crime, arrest rates and homelessness. He reported that, as state hospital bed capacity decreased, the number of mentally ill homeless individuals increased, along with crime and arrest associated with homelessness. This is consistent with studies in Massachusetts, Ohio and New York in the late 1980s finding that, within six months, 27% to 38% of patients discharged from state mental hospitals were homeless or had “no known address.”

Of course there are other factors that are important when considering the causes of gun violence and mass shootings, undeniably. It is very difficult to get mental health treatment -- for anyone. It's expensive and many insurance companies will not pay for it, or will only pay part of the costs.

I also blame the ACLU. Of course, they deny any role in mass shootings and cast the blame elsewhere, saying the gun industry should be better regulated.I disagree.To legally buy a gun in this country is not a quick or easy process. It's actually quite difficult. I should know. My brother works in a store that sells guns. However, to illegally obtain a gun is not that difficult. So if we ban guns, criminals will still have them but good, sane folks will be vulnerable. Most police departments are experiencing critical manpower shortages because nobody wants to be part of that profession. So banning guns or making them extremely hard to get is not a good solution.

I cannot offer any quick and easy solutions. Every time there is a mass shooting people have a fit about gun control, but so far I have not heard one argument from those folks that sounds like a good plan. Posting signs saying "Gun Free Zone" just encourages unstable people to view schools, churches, and shopping centers as great places to kill people. The signs make the problem worse -- and I credit author Larry Correia for teaching me that. He has some very smart things to say about gun control and you can learn more here.

Here are what I see as the facts of this whole dilemma:

Mental hospitals of the past unfairly incarcerated people and were often horrific places and should not be re-created. However, we need to do better about helping mentally ill people in this country.

Perfectly sane people do not shoot innocent people. The data is clear that by emptying and closing down mental institutions and/or making it difficult for mentally ill people to get treatment, we are just forcing them to live on the streets. They self-medicate with drugs and/or alcohol and commit crimes to support their habits, often ending up in prison, which is not appropriate treatment either.

Most mentally ill people do not think they are mentally ill. Often they do not want to take their medication. My son had a roommate who fit that profile in that he hated taking his meds but I have seen him nut up and it is very scary. Years ago, my father had to fire an employee who was bipolar and wouldn't take his meds, and the man threatened to kill Dad. Dad carried a gun for years afterwards. I have seen mentally ill people in my own family who were on the edge of violence. If someone doesn't want to believe they are mentally ill, or doesn't want medication, right now there is nothing that can be done, long-term. You can only commit someone involuntarily for a few days, and then they are released.

The Maine shooter should not have been free. The tragic result of the stupidity and short-sightedness of our treatment of the mentally ill is that good, and normal people are DYING. Every day, everywhere.They should haunt our politicians, get them to enact legislation that will make it easier and faster to get help for the mentally ill.

As a nation, we HAVE to figure this out and it will not be an easy or quick process.

[right, me and my brother in high school, shooting out in the country]

#howtostopmassshootings, #mentalhealthreform, #stoppinggunviolence, #gunsarenottheissue, #homelessnessandmentalillness, #larrycorreiaisright

So You Want to Be a Paralegal?

Being a paralegal is far more complicated than most people realize. I belong to a networking group for paralegals on Facebook and a young woman posted yesterday and said she is a teacher but she wants advice on getting a job as a paralegal. She assumes that with no background in the law and not a single paralegal class on her resume she can just apply to law firms and get hired to be a paralegal.

Can you imagine a nurse getting hired to be an RN with absolutely no medical training?

The truth is the teacher actually might be able to get hired as a paralegal or legal assistant with absolutely no education or training in the law, depending on where she lives.

Location is everything.

I live in Atlanta. She can apply to paralegal and/or legal assistant jobs here all day and it's 98% certain she will not get hired, unless it's as a receptionist or billing clerk or something clerical. However, if she does get one of those jobs, she might be able to work her way into a paralegal position.

If she wants to get hired as a paralegal with no education or experience she needs to look in medium or small towns.

In 1987 my firm hired a "paralegal" who had just finished college and had never worked in a law firm and had no idea of the difference between a plaintiff and a defendant. Her daddy was a golf buddy of one of the lawyers. I had to train her in how to do everything. I worked my tail off with her, then a year later she quit to have a baby and never returned to the working world.

That tomfoolery was going on in 1987 and it's still happening today, much to my disgust. A friend of my son's got a clerical job at a law firm here a few years ago and was promoted to the role of Paralegal without any kind of legal education.

That's the frustrating thing about being a paralegal. Some of us go to school for years, pass tests like the NALA Certified Paralegal exam, or even get a master's degree in paralegal studies -- and still have a really hard time getting a job. Others get hired with none of that on their resume.

Small law firms in small towns will sometimes hire a person with no paralegal experience or education, and just train them, and that person can work there a few years and quite possibly go on to have a successful paralegal career. (Generally speaking though they won't make as much money as an educated and/or certified paralegal.)

When I was in Knoxville I worked at a firm where there was a real estate attorney who only practiced actual law about 20% of the time. His secretary, who had only a GED, did everything for him. She prepared all the closing documents (which is a complex job) and all the attorney did was go into closings and sign on the line. His secretary was actually practicing law for him. The attorney was a very immature overaged frat boy who liked to drink, party, and wear very expensive suits, but he didn't actually like practicing law. His secretary lived in a mobile home and made less than $25K a year.

 

So here are some true statements about the legal profession:

There are really bright people working in law firms who do not have law licenses, and often they put in long hours and are woefully underpaid.

Most attorneys who are reasonably successful work 60-80 hours a week for their entire career, and no, not all are millionaires.

Some Paralegals may be highly educated, licensed, and able to function as semi-lawyers, even doing legal research and writing briefs. [Of course, they still cannot actually practice law without a license, or they may go to jail.]

Occasionally you will find paralegals that may have only a GED and yet make as much or more money than the highly educated paralegals.

Having a degree in Paralegal Studies does not guarantee that you will be able to get a paralegal job when you finish school. You may not ever get hired to be a paralegal.

Some attorneys will hire a person and call them a paralegal, then make them work very long hours and pay them very little.

Attorneys generally fall into two categories: 1) they expect their paralegals to have a ton of knowledge about the law and will ask them to do very substantive work like drafting pleadings to be filed in court or  2) they view paralegals as slightly more educated secretaries and will give them a lot of clerical work only

Most paralegal schools will not tell you any of these things.

Having said all this, I do have hope that my profession will one day become far more regulated. Just as no doctor will hire a person and call them an RN if they have no medical training, no attorney should hire a paralegal with no paralegal education or licensure. If attorneys want really top paralegals they need to regulate their own profession more, and not hire or promote complete novices. I know that might sound harsh. Here's the truth, though: most lawsuits are worth either a substantial amount of money, or (criminal law) they center around someone's freedom. There are very big consequences to what lawyers do, and the paralegal profession needs to be better regulated. 

right, me in paralegal school

Check out my book Paralegal 411: Tips, Tricks and Timesavers for the Litigation Paralegal

#paralegaleducation, #whatittakestobeaparalegal, #howtobecomeaparalegal, #howimportantisparalegaleducation, #gettinghiredasaparalegal

For Evil to Flourish

I flinch when I turn on the news now. I flinch and I feel myself grimacing as I watch people in Israel, and Gaza, and sometimes I get big tears in my eyes. Like others around the world, I am mesmerized by what I'm seeing on the television.

It seems like something out of a horror movie, incomprehensible.

"For evil to flourish it only requires good men to do nothing." - Simon Wiesenthal

Only once in my life have I ever witnessed someone seriously hurt by other human beings and it shocked me, and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

I made two trips to Kazakhstan to adopt my son in 2007. On the first trip I went to the orphanage every day for several weeks and visited Michael and got to know him, then there was the adoption hearing on April 3, then a wait of several more weeks before everything was legally finalized. I flew home during that time, so I could work and save my leave time for when Michael got home. When I returned in early May 2007, I took a flight to Frankfurt, then another flight to Astana.

I got off the plane in Astana and had to go to the customs line and show my passport so I could get into the country. I was standing at the end of the line and I heard a noise behind me and turned around. A very large Russian man was being led over to the customs area in handcuffs. Clearly, he was a prisoner. The small Asian men who were guarding him looked like elves escorting a gorilla. When the Russian man saw a way to run out of the airport -- we were near the doors -- he bolted, but he didn't get but a few feet away before the small Kazakh guards tackled him to the ground.

For several minutes, the guards savagely beat the big man, hitting and kicking him as he screamed HELP ME HELP ME, in Russian. I had studied Russian and learned those words. I stood there frozen in horror, unable to not look. Finally, the big man fell silent. The guards finally pulled away, and I saw a huge pool of blood spilling out from the Russian man's head. A stretcher was brought in and he was carried away. The pool of blood remained.

There is a vast difference between watching a movie -- or even a documentary -- and seeing someone beaten, and watching it in real life.

I had never seen something so terrible, and it shook me up very much. I don't know what the big Russian man had done, what crime he had committed, but I know how I felt watching that beating. I felt terrified, and horrified, and I have never forgotten what I saw. I will never forget what I witnessed.

I cannot watch very violent movies, even though I know the violence is not real. I flinch. I grimace. I usually pull out my phone and stare at the screen.

I tell this story because I feel utterly helpless regarding the situation in Israel and Gaza, and that worries me.

I don't ever want to feel nothing, in the face of human suffering. If we are insensitive to horror then we lose our humanity.

I am descended from mostly British and Irish ancestors [88%, according to 23andMe] and many of my ancient ancestors were the barbarians who brought down the Roman empire.

My Scottish ancestors [there were many] were/are fierce fighters.

I descend also from a Civil War sharpshooter. I am the granddaughter of a professional soldier and the sister of an Army major.

I am not a violent person but to protect my family, particularly my children, I would call upon the spirits of my fighting ancestors and ask them to help me protect those I love. I am talking about an extreme, and unlikely situation, though. I hope and pray I will never have to defend myself or my family.

What I cannot understand is WHY. We live in an amazing age of technology unsurpassed in human history, so why are we still savagely killing each other?

I condemn anyone who would kill another human being not for self-defense or protection of family, but simply for land, or a political ideology.

The older I get the more I believe that the power and energy of human love is the most powerful energy in the world. We have to somehow harness that power to defeat hate. Hate is the ultimate Evil, the direct opposite of Love.

If we focus love and healing energies to places like the Middle East and Ukraine, where Evil is winning, I think we can change things. What else can those of us who are old and/or powerless physically actually do?

I have started to pray constantly for Love to win. I leave the "how" of that up to God.

 

An Experienced Paralegal Speaks to Students

My father was president of Toastmasters for many years, and he actually enjoyed public speaking. His last speech happened just a couple of weeks before he died, to the Augusta Rotary Club, when he was named a Paul Harris Fellow. When I was a little girl, not yet in Kindergarten, Mom woke us up very early one weekday morning to watch Dad on an early morning news show in Augusta, where he was talking about The Importance of Making A Will.

She thought we would get a big kick out of Dad being on TV. We did not. We asked to go back to bed. Mom and Dad laughed about it for years.

Dad was a trust banker, so he helped people with estate planning, trusts, etc. and he felt it was important for everyone to have a Will.

[Right, me and Dad dressed for work, about 1986]

I like giving speeches, too. Many people have a morbid fear of public speaking. I enjoy it.

I have been asked to speak to a class of paralegal students in a couple of weeks and I am really looking forward to it, even though it will be by Zoom. I hope the students will enjoy hearing stories of real life scenarios they may encounter. I've been a paralegal since 1985 so I have a LOT of stories.

A few months ago, I published a guidebook for paralegals, Paralegal 411: Tips Tricks and Timesavers for the Litigation Paralegal.

As part of my marketing efforts, I emailed a number of paralegal schools around the country and just asked them to let students know of its availability in case they were getting ready to finish and get their first jobs. I am not a brilliant sales person. I just thought the "soft sell" was my best approach. Apparently it worked because the book is selling pretty well. 

In paralegal school [like law school] about 90% of what you learn is about the law. You learn little or nothing about real life scenarios. Most classes are taught by lawyers who have never worked as paralegals.

So I am looking forward to speaking to the class and giving them the 411 on some real life scenarios.I really enjoy public speaking and I would love the opportunity to speak to paralegal students. With Zoom, it makes it much easier.

#paralegalspeakers, #realworldparalegalstories, #experiencedparalegalwisdom, #whatitsliketoreallyworkinalawfirm, #paralegallife, #paralegalwarstories, #paralegalwisdom

The Winners!

Michael and his friend Munoz won Best Original Dish in the Men Who Can Cook competition today! Munoz is the Sous Chef at Kindred and an incredibly creative chef and Michael has learned a lot from him, even though they don't work together any more. They are still friends. Several people asked Michael for his number and said they would love for him to cook for them! I told him he needs to start a catering business!

 

I told Michael it's ironic that the dish that won [Vietnamese Hot Wings] was invented by a guy originally from Mexico, and a guy originally from Kazakhstan!

The most important things are that Michael learned a bit about how to cook outdoors, and had fun, and all the proceeds went to charity.

 

Mike and I made a Peach Brandy Pound Cake also, and Mike said the slices sold out very fast.

 

The Courage to Love

Control is a funny thing. The more we try to hang onto it, to maintain it, to bend it to our will, the more we learn the price of that way of living.

I have a very close friend and a family member who are highly intelligent, creative, fascinating guys. They are also alone, and that's what they say they want, but I don't think it is, not really.

My friend Andrew (not his real name) is gay. (That's only germane because I don't want to have to switch pronouns.) Brilliant, articulate, funny, handsome, fit -- he seems to have it all. Yet, he has only had one serious relationship in his life. Years ago he was living in Europe and he met a guy and fell in love. As a result, when the guy got a job here in the states, Andrew quit his job and moved back to the states to be with his boyfriend. They set up housekeeping together and Andrew didn't find a job right away. He found himself making dinner and waiting for his guy to get home every night, but that often didn't happen. Boyfriend saw no need to call and say he was going to be late, or eat out with friends, and that infuriated Andrew. After only a few weeks, he packed his things and moved back home to live (temporarily) with his parents. When he told me about it much later I asked why he didn't just get some counseling, try to work through the issues, and Andrew -- normally a very calm, rational person -- got really upset and yelled "I was NOT going to be treated like a housewife!"

Much later, I realized the issue was that for the first time in his adult life, Andrew was in a situation he couldn't control. He couldn't force his boyfriend to be more attentive and considerate. Andrew had gambled a lot, turned his life completely upside down, and his lover wasn't appropriately grateful. That was more than twenty-five years ago and Andrew hasn't had a serious relationship since then.

My relative's situation isn't too different. Let's call him Joe. At age 25, Joe was far from home, working a job in a town where he knew nobody, and met a young lady. She was smart and articulate and she grew up not far from where he did. They got married. For the first year things were fine. Then Joe started to notice peculiar things in his wife's behavior. She would go grocery shopping every day rather than making a list and going weekly. She would feed the cat out of a crystal bowl they got for a wedding present rather than buy a cat dish. Sometimes she would stay in her pajamas all day, staring at the TV, totally non-functional. Joe had decided when he married he would never get divorced, so he just tried to ignore her weird behavior, and "walk it off" which is what guys are taught to do about pain. They weren't successful at getting pregnant but Joe's wife refused to consider infertility treatments or adoption. Finally, after 15 years of marriage, she left. Joe had tried to get her to see a psychologist, or at least go to marital counseling with him, and she refused to even consider she might be bipolar or any other serious malady, so she walked out.

That was more than twenty years ago. Joe has had a number of serious relationships since then but he refuses to consider marrying again. He told me not long ago he was planning to spend the rest of his life living alone and die alone. Complicating matters is the fact that Joe is a heavy drinker and he refuses to get sober.

I love both these guys. They have been part of my life for years. Both are handsome, brilliant, personable, kind -- everything most people look for in a partner. Yet they are both alone.

I think they are actually very fearful of love, and I've tried to analyze that, see if there were something I could say or do to get them to stop being fearful and start taking the huge risk of loving someone.

“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.” -- Brene Brown

Brene Brown teaches and lectures a lot about vulnerability. I have watched her TED talks several times and each time I come away with a better understanding of what it takes to really live an authentic life, to surrender control, and be brave enough to risk getting hurt.

I wish I could get Andrew and Joe to get some counseling, let a professional help them deal with the fear that is holding them back from finding a loving partner. I pray for them both, often. Being vulnerable is scary stuff. I get it. However, we are all getting older, and neither Andrew or Joe have anyone to look after them when they get old and sick -- which is inevitable, no matter how health conscious one is.

I can't spell out a neat conclusion here, but I want to point out that the "guy code" that says it's somehow unacceptable to seek professional help when you have a difficult problem, that code isn't absolute. However, it's actually quite brave to admit you can't control everything in life, and you're willing to take a risk on a relationship. Risking may mean losing, but it's the only way to [eventually] get the loving partner you seek.

I keep praying my guys will only day find their courage, and find someone to love. I love them both very much...

Check out my latest novel, The Wedding Conspiracy, on Amazon.

Working Hard

As a child, I was bad about blurting out inappropriate or odd things at inopportune moments. Sometimes it was funny. Oftentimes, it was not. I liked to push the envelope and was often accused of "talking back" -- in other words, saying rude and/or disrespectful things. My parents had a very low threshold of tolerance for backtalk from me and my brother. I was thinking of that recently while listening to an audiotape of a long-ago Hasty family get-together. My 8 year old voice can clearly be heard saying to my grandmother "But you all were rich Memaw, Mommy said you were rich growing up!"

My grandmother, Wilma Butler Hasty, ignored me and went on with what she was saying. When I heard myself years later I cringed, because I could imagine the awkwardness of how my beloved grandmother must have felt. She grew up in a wealthy family, yes, but in the 1920's her family lost their money. My grandfather lost his major league baseball job in 1924 and went out west and played for minor league teams for years, before coming back east, and then in 1929 everyone lost everything.

We can all complain now about inflation and high prices but the Great Depression was far worse.

At that point in my life I had no idea what the Great Depression was, or how hard my grandmother had to work, for years, first to keep food on the table when times were tough, then to put her children through college. Finally, in her 60's, she stopped working a regular job but she worked hard as a seamstress, sewing dresses for me and my mother, and other family members. Memaw made all of my school clothes, for years. Little girls had to wear dresses back then, and children's clothing wasn't cheap. Memaw had 5 granddaughters, 2 daughters-in-law, and many siblings and nieces, nephews, etc.

I was blessed that Mom told me many stories about the remarkable lady I called "Memaw." She was an amazing person. Smart, funny, energetic.

I wanted to share three anecdotes about my grandmother, that made a big impression on me.

When I was  about 7, Memaw said to me: "Always do your VERY BEST, every day, Dee. Always. Then at the end of the day, FORGET IT. Then you can sleep." She was right. If you always give every task 100%, you don't have to worry about regrets. I'm sure there were things in life she regretted, but she didn't dwell on them. She just did her best and got on with it.

VERY valuable life lesson, there.

Memaw may have grown up rich, but she lived through The Great Depression of 1929-39 and she had three kids to feed and a husband who restlessly changed jobs about every year. They didn't always live in places with indoor plumbing. There wasn't always any family around to help.

During the Great Depression, Mom told me, hobos [homeless men] would often come to the back door of the house asking for a handout. Memaw never just gave them handouts. She would ask them to do something, and then give them some food before sending them on their way. The chore might be pulling weeds, or sweeping the porch, or whatever they could do, but she never turned anyone away hungry. Of course, most of those men were just out of work, not alcoholics or mentally ill. They were usually just good people who were trying not to starve. Mom said the hobos would carve symbols or numbers into a tree or fence or somewhere in front of the house to signal that it was a place with kind people who might give a person a meal.

When Mom was small, at one place where they lived, there was a tiny school but there was no cafeteria. Every day at noon the kids were given an hour to walk home and eat lunch and walk back. A lot of those kids had no lunch waiting for them at home. Memaw got together with other mothers and worked out a plan so each mother would take a turn every week or two, and bring food to the school and serve it to the kids. It might be only a sandwich and an apple, or a plate of beans and cornbread, but each child [in the entire school] got fed, each day of the school year.

My mother was a wonderful storyteller, and I was so lucky that she told me many stories about Memaw. I am thankful I knew her, and she spent a lot of time with me when I was a child.

Memaw worked hard, but she also laughed a lot, and she raised her children to be hard workers, but also to hold onto their sense of humor and to not dwell on past mistakes or misfortunes.

Most importantly, she had an abiding faith in God, and she passed that along to us all. She didn't just talk the talk, though. She was kind and generous to everyone, and although she could be a bit demanding in restaurants she was never rude, and I never heard her raise her voice.

The older I get the more I appreciate her profound influence on me. I wish I could have a visit with her. I have an audio clip of her telling a funny story and occasionally I listen to it, just to hear her voice. I played it for Michael yesterday and he listened thoughtfully and said "She sounds a little bit like Granny." So true. The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

I still talk back, and still occasionally put my foot in my mouth, but I apologize and I don't lose sleep over it.