When I was in my 20's, my brother was stationed at Ft. MacPherson in Atlanta, and I was living in Knoxville.
One weekend, I came down to Atlanta to stay with my brother and his wife for the weekend. I got in on Friday afternoon. That night, Brother's friend "Dan" [not his real name] came over, to go out to eat with us. He was tall, mostly bald, and wore glasses. My sister in law had told me what a great guy he was.
He wore pants so tight you could tell his religion.
He went out to eat with us. I don't remember the meal, just the Corvette he drove. He drove like a maniac, zooming down I-285, which is a busy 8 lane highway that encircles Atlanta. His Journey Greatest Hits tape was blaring the entire time. I don't like Corvettes. I felt like my butt was dragging the ground. I learned that Dan was heavily into his car - he belonged to a Corvette club. He also was into Civil War re-enactment.
He explained how people who came to re-enactments and used Zippo lighters, or anything else modern, were useless diletteants and deserved to be court-martialed. I thought to myself that being dragged around Atlanta and forced to listen to Journey songs would be enough of a punishment, but I didn't voice that.
After dinner, we went back to my brother's house, and Dan announced it was too far for him to drive home and he was too sleepy. My brother told him firmly he'd have to sleep downstairs on the couch, since I was in the guest room. He stayed.
The next morning, he would not leave. We announced we were going to the zoo. He said he would love it. Off we went to the zoo.
This guy was an officer in the Army, a captain or major, I think. He was college educated. He was articulate. I couldn't stand him.
It was very hot and crowded at the zoo. Dan never left my side., even when I told him the animal poo smells and heat were making me nauseated.
It occurred to me at some point that he looked like Colonel Klink from Hogan's Heroes.
Finally, on Sunday, he left. I had to leave, too. He tried to kiss me. That didn't happen.
I think he wanted to see me again, until he noticed the look of utter revulsion on my face when he tried to kiss me.
My brother said after that weekend, he never liked the guy again, and they had been pretty good friends.
When I got home I wrote my brother and sister in law a note and said, don't ever fix me up with a Colonel Klink lookalike- Corvette-driving-Civil War-re-enacting dork AGAIN.
They said they laughed about that letter for years.
It was very sarcastic.
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