The Crab Chronicles

Weird Monday

Monday, March 28, 2005

            I talked to Susan Keenan today, the social worker who did my homestudy. She can do the post-placement reports, too. It was good talking to her. I am so glad she is doing the report. She said I could send her the materials AIA sent, and she will try to conform her report to what they want. The first one has to be sent off at the end of April.

            I talked to John at length about the house we want, and timing of the closings, etc. As long as the house I really like passes inspection and we pay some earnest money it can be ours – if, of course, Granny likes it. I know she is at least receptive to the idea of it, since she made me draw a diagram of all the rooms when I was in Augusta on Saturday. She is coming in tomorrow and she and John will look at the place on Wednesday. I am praying she likes it. It’s empty now, which makes timing everything easier. I just hope the inspector doesn’t tell us anything serious. If we buy it I also hope we’ll have time to go in and change out carpets, paint, etc.

            I lost my temper with Alesia tonight. I told her 3 times to wash her hands and come to dinner, and when she hadn’t moved and I had to tell her a fourth time, I yelled at her. I was so angry. I was tired and hungry, and we’d had to go to the grocery store, so it was late. She was engrossed in drawing and paying no attention to me. I felt kind of bad about being so harsh, when she cried during dinner, but I paid no attention to it. I didn’t let her watch a movie tonight. Boy, the rest of the evening she did what I wanted pronto.

            I helped her with her homework, which was social studies. I was kind of amazed they were studying Buddhism in social studies. Wow – we never had anything like that. I helped her with her homework. I made her read everything aloud, which she didn’t like, but I wanted to be sure she understood the material. It was written pretty simply. I had a brief discussion with her about the fact that we are Christians, and the message of Jesus – I used the translation website to make sure she understood the point.

            Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was on a long journey, but I didn’t know where, just that it was a place that was a home, or I had the vague feeling the destination was home. At one point, my cousin Tony was up ahead and I wanted to join him. I started to cross a train track and it rose up in the air underneath me, with dizzying speed. I knew I had to climb down and then around a path in order to join Tony. I looked down a hundred feet or so to the ground below. I had to climb down, and I was struck with sheer terror. At the same moment, I heard a voice shouting at me, and I looked up and I saw my Dad. He was yelling “It’s OK, just drop and crawl over to the side and climb down, you can do it!” He kept yelling encouragement. I woke up. I thought about it – the message seems to me to be that he is guiding me and he will help me with whatever difficulties I face in my life, even terrifying ones. Very comforting, actually. Since he died, I have often felt he was helping me. I hope the train trestle thing was purely symbolic, though… [Still not sure why my cousin Tony was there in the dream…]

Almost Easter

This will be a short post since I am at my mother's house in Augusta. We had a nice day. We got up early and drove over. Alesia talked a lot more in the car than the last time we came - she knows more English, plus I think she was just more relaxed.

We had a busy afternoon, running some errands. At 4, my friend Joanne came, with her two little girls Allison and Renee. Allison is 12, Renee is 9. They got along great with Alesia. They took a common delight in playing with Mom's dog, Coco. [Who is now in an exhausted sleep...]

We dyed Easter eggs with Joanne and her girls, which was a lot of fun, despite losing the instructions on making the dye...

Note of interest: Joanne's mother Anna has been Granny's friend since 1963. I have been Joanne's friend the same time length - since I was 1 and Joanne was 2. It's so nice the girls are friends - 3 generations of friends!

Granny gave Alesia some new clothes, and she liked them a lot. Yay! We had to take a couple of things back, but just because they were too small. Granny also gave her a really cute little purse, which she loves.

Alesia also got her first American bathing suit. She didn't want the "boy cut" bottom - I don't blame her. Those things look uncomfortable.

Uncle Bruce gave Alesia a jar of pickles so large she can barely lift it. I think he got the pickles/eggs thing mixed up...

Happy Easter!

Friday, At Last

Friday, March 25, 2005

            It was a long and stressful day at work. I had to meet with my supervisor at 2:30 and go over all my cases. I am still behind in my work from being sick, missing days at a seminar, having childcare issues, etc. I can’t get work done at home, and I can’t bear to stay late very often. Once Mom gets moved over the situation should improve.

            Alesia wanted to wear socks this morning and I told her no, you will be too hot. I found out when I picked her up tonight she had quietly put socks into her backpack and put them on at school. She insists on wearing layers of clothing no matter how hot it is. I have tried to break her of this habit, without success. Anyway, I told her since she disobeyed me she wouldn’t get her ears pierced. I’m just as glad. I wanted to come home and relax. Besides, if I let her disobey, even in small things, she will take increased advantage. I need to establish firm rules now, while she’s malleable…

            I need to arrange for the first post-placement report. I called the local agency today that did my homestudy and requested the same social worker. I have to write up something and attach photos, and have a visit from the social worker. It’s due to the foreign agency in May, I think. They translate it and send it on to the government. I have to file reports at 6 months, a year, 2 years, and 3 years. I wish they’d change that regulation. Then again, few people keep extensive journals like me, and I take lots of photos.

            Alesia is excited about going to Granny’s house tomorrow for Easter. She told me she’d get up at 6. Of course, she expects to sleep the whole 2.5 hours, unlike me. I’m not getting up at 6… I think if I get up at 7 we can be on the road by 8. At that hour there won’t be much traffic. She is excited about seeing Coco, Mom’s dog.

Family Picture

I asked Alesia to draw a picture for her Uncle Bruce for Easter, and she drew the one I am posting here in my photo album. It's really cute. I told her I wish I really had some cool black boots like that. She drew me as tall as Bruce [he's 6'0, I'm 5'4] but that's OK. My mother the amateur psychologist will say she's got me out front more prominently because I'm more day-to-day present in her life. Absolutely.

I wrote a post on the Adoption Forums board about my manuscript, and got a number of supportive replies, from people saying there's a real market for personal memoirs about adopting older kids. I also got some nice comments from my friend Bronwyn, who is reading the manuscript and said it reads like a novel and she's enjoying it. Bronwyn is a teacher of mentally and enotionally challenged high school kids. I don't know how she does it - she's a saint. She also keeps Alesia for me in the afternoons which is a huge blessing.

Alesia ate cooked zucchini tonight! Yay! I've found cooked vegetable #2 she will eat - #1 is cooked cauliflower, with lots of cheese. I was so tickled she ate the zuchhini - I sautee it in olive oil and add some garlic powder, auteed onions, and paremsan cheese. It's yummy. She really prefers raw veggies - very healthy, but a little tiresome for me after a while.

My dear friend [and third cousin] Lesleigh came over for dinner and we had a good visit. Alesia was thrilled to see her. She adores Lesleigh. We had peel-your-own shrimp, zucchini, healthy french bread, and raw carrots. Good dinner.

I got a bunch of copies of the magazine. For those who wonder - I didn't set it up, the newspaper reporter just sent the photographer to Alesia's school to take photos related to diversity. She was attending the International School for 4 hours a day then, 5 weeks ago, and there is a huge immigrant population there, of course. I'm lucky to live in DeKalb, where they have a great program for non-English speaking children. Now she's in regular classes [everyone speaks English] and does fine.

Tomorrow, she gets her ears pierced for Easter. Boy that will be fun...  LOL

Covergirl

3/23/05  [see photos on this blog, too]

I just wanted to proudly say my little girl is on the cover of the AJC magazine! If any of my friends and family don't know it already I will be surprised! I was stunned to see it this morning. My mother called me at 7:15 to say cousin Jan had sent us an e-mail about it. I bought 4 copies on the way to work. Thanks, Jan! I don't normally read the print edition of the paper, just scan the online version. Anyway, Alesia looks gorgeous, as always. The photo was made weeks ago when she was still taking classes at the International Center.

When I got to work I e-mailed the editor of that section and asked him about getting copies of the other photos - Alesia said the photographer took lots of shots. I e-mailed the photographer. I hope she still has them and I can buy prints. If not, so be it.

My sweetie pie cousin Mark sent me a scanned version of the cover photo that's actually decent, and I've copied it here. My cousin Erin also sent it to me, but in Adobe, and I don't know how to save that here.

Mom has a closing date on her house - April 29. She is a bit worried about timing, but I am sure we can find a house soon.

Monsters and Houses

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

            Tonight’s movie selection was Monsters, Inc. Really a cute movie. I kept picturing John Goodman and Billy Crystal when I was hearing their voices, though. Alesia had seen it before, of course. It amazes me the number of movies she saw while in the orphanage. I don’t know who rented the videos for them. The orphanage was very poor. She takes great delight in showing me her favorite movies, though.

            I promised Alesia that we will go to the mall on Friday night and get her ears pierced. I explained about wearing the earrings for six weeks and keeping them clean, and before I could finish she said “I KNOW Mom.”  I am already tired of this phrase, since I hear it often.

            The check engine light came on when I was driving home tonight. I will have to see about getting it checked tomorrow. There is a place near work that does repairs. They are high, but they will run me to the office, and they give Home Depot employees a 10% discount. I hope it’s not something major.

            John is hot on the trail of houses for us. He has a closing tomorrow, but said he is going to preview several houses Thursday and let us know about them. We’re thinking Mom will come into town early next week and look over the top contenders. The house I really like, in a subdivision called Glenrose, may still be an option. We had been told that they closed, but that was wrong, and it’s back on the market. John said if we come in with a firm offer we might can still get it. Of course, he has to see it and Mom has to approve it. It needs a tiny bit of work done, but the price is low and for an extra $10K we can get it fixed up just like we want, I’m betting. I’m praying about it.

Yay! We're Househunters!

Monday, March 21, 2005

            Yay! Mom sold her house, finally! She is going to sign a contract, and the house-hunting here can really begin. Hopefully she can move within the next six weeks or so. We just have to find us a house. I saw two more possibilities on the internet today. John said he’d look at the one with the elevator tomorrow. Thanks be to God.

            Now I have to get my butt in gear and sell my condo, too. I talked to a mortgage guy today. I am wary of the condo market, which is not good right now. However, I have faith everything will work out as it should.

            I talked to the social security office and they said they still don’t have Alesia’s number, and I am to call back in 10 days. This is driving me nuts. I may have to explore other options, like a tax I.D. number. I don’t want to file without counting her as a dependent last year.

            I heard back from my friend Doug, the editor in Connecticut who read the manuscript at my request. He said he didn’t think the adoption book I wrote is commercially viable – not enough people would be interested. I was discouraged to read that. However, I don’t think he’s right. Everyone I ever mention the story to, or tell about the adoption even in the briefest detail, is intrigued, not just people who want to adopt. I want to get some other opinions before I just scrap the whole idea.

            I have another book I’m working on, a humorous memoir. Maybe I will turn back to that for a while until I can figure out what to do about the adoption book.

Sunday, March 20

Sunday March 20, 2005

            I just put Alesia to bed. After a tooth brushing, story, prayers, and water, she is now listening to James Taylor, which is her pre-sleep ritual. It’s not always James Taylor – sometimes it’s Mary Chapin Carpenter or Nora Jones or Eva Cassidy. The music seems to soothe her. She always wants me to stay in there with her but I always tell her I am in the next room if she wants to call me.

            She told me tonight that March 24 is a holiday. I thought it was a communication problem for a moment, and tried to puzzle it out. Finally I just said “What holiday is it?” and she answered “Purim.” When she went to art class this afternoon at the Jewish Community Center they were having a Purim party and the kids were running around playing with little toys, in costume. It was chaotic but cute. In her class each child got a bag with a decorated box and a piece of candy, and there were cookies and coke for refreshment. I gently told Alesia that Purim is a holiday for Jewish people, not Christians. She looked puzzled and asked why. I didn’t want to launch into a complicated theological discussion, so I just said “We don’t celebrate it because we’re Christian.” She didn’t keep bugging me, thank goodness.

            She reminded me today, sadly, that she only has two classes left. I know she will miss the classes – it’s been good for her to be around others speaking Russian, plus she loves art. There is some sort of festival in April celebrating Russian culture and they are going to display the kids’ artwork, so we will go back for that. She will be 14 in July, and that’s too old for more classes, unfortunately.

            We took her little friend Lisa from art class and went to see a movie after class. Lisa is 12, and was adopted last year by a local family. She’s tiny – smaller than Alesia. Her mother and I are buddies and we chat while the kids are in class. Lisa has an older sister who is a biological child, but she has had a harder adjustment. She seems to be doing well now, though.

            The movie we saw was “Ice Princess.”  Not bad – pretty interesting actually. I saw the plot points coming a mile away, but there were some good moments in it. I have found most of the kids’ movies I’ve seen to be funny – I loved “Shrek” and “Ice Age.” I've discovered a whole new genre of movie I like - clever kiddie comedies...

            

Househunting

Saturday, March 19, 2005

            We got up early and toured the Leslie Drive house this morning. We’ll have to keep looking. There is a step down into the family room, and a step up to Mom’s room. It’s a big step. Mom’s not enthusiastic about that. There’s also really ugly terra cotta colored tile on the floor throughout the main floor. So it doesn’t look like the right house. I was disappointed.

            I found a great house on the internet. It has 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. It has an elevator. It’s in Sandy Springs is the only major drawback, but I want to see it anyway. I’ll have to investigate the schools. It’s a little outside our price range, but maybe it will be a possibility. I am quickly becoming disillusioned in our search. As Mom says, it’s all in the Lord’s hands.

            We took Alesia’s little friend Maria, and her mother Marina, shopping this afternoon, to Goody’s. Maria found a pair of plaid pants and two tops, which is good. Alesia got some blue flip flops. I detest shopping, but I gritted my teeth and did it, because I wanted to help these folks. Maria is a pretty little girl, taller than Alesia though she’s only 11. She will be 12 in June. Alesia will be 14 in July. Both girls seem about the same age emotionally, however.

            Marina said her husband is a journalist and works for the Russian language TV station, and writes for the Russian language newspaper here. They are from Tashkent, Uzbekistan. The husband came first to America a few years ago, then had a lot of trouble getting his wife and daughter out. Marina said it is very difficult on Maria now, living with a father she barely remembers. The whole family is making a huge adjustment. They just got here February 12. Maria was lonely until she met Alesia. Both girls need each other’s friendship.

            I was with Marina in Goody’s when she tried on some tennis shoes. I don’t think she had ever work them. She slipped them on and got such a look of childlike delight on her face. I will never forget it. She said softly, “They are so comfortable, they are light, like air!” Then she said something in Russian I didn’t understand. It was amazing, watching her.

        We came back and visited a while here at my apartment. Alesia showed Maria her many barbie dolls and they played dolls. She also showed her the wonders of the Leap Pad. I hope we can get the girls together again soon. Marina seems very nice. Her English is faulty, but understandable. Seems like a nice family. Alesia needs friends.

Yay, Friday!

Friday, March 18, 2005

            It’s after 11 and it’s been a long day, so I will be brief. There’s not much to report. I gave Bronwyn [Alesia’s babysitter and my friend] a copy of the manuscript of my book about the adoption. She was kind enough to call me after she started reading it, and tell me how much she liked it. I really appreciated that.

            I am going to look at a house tomorrow morning that looks promising. It has a bedroom/bath on the main floor for Mom, bedrooms upstairs for me and Alesia, a nice yard. It’s walking distance from Alesia’s school. I wish it had a second bathroom on the main floor, but we might can fix that by adding a half bath. I also wish it had a basement or bonus room, but so be it. We will see.

            Alesia insisted on helping me wash dishes tonight. She always wants to help. I think she views it as fun. I will encourage that as I grow older.

            We are going to pick up Maria and her mother tomorrow afternoon at 2:00 and take them shopping. I hate shopping, but I can put up with it for a couple of hours, I suppose…