The Crab Chronicles

Family Resemblance

May 30, 2005

            I slept until almost 8 a.m., which was more than 8 hours of sleep. Only problem with that was that I was fairly lethargic this morning, and haven’t accomplished much all day. I really do better on about 7 hours of sleep.

            Mother and Alesia and I all got in the car and I showed Mother two different routes to Cross Keys High School on North Druid Hills Road, where Alesia has summer school. Her first day is Thursday. I will take her and Mother will pick her up at 11:30. Mother can take Briarcliff all the way to North Druid Hills, which is pretty easy to remember, even though it would be quicker for her to take the access roads next to the interstate. She avoids the interstate like the plague.

            We had lunch at Fuddruckers, which was very nice because there were almost no people in there. I got a hamburger with no bun and a salad and stayed on my diet. Alesia got her favorite – hamburger and fries – and once I showed her the TV, she was very quiet and cooperative…

Mother and I were amused to see a tiny little old man in Fuddruckers with a woman who appeared to be a black hooker. She was at least 6 feet tall, had on skin tight hot pants and a halter top. She looked like RuPaul. Mom thought she might have been a nurse, and I pointed out that nurses usually don’t have long fake fingernails or wear 3 inch high heels – at least not when they’re on duty...

At Blockbuster, I got Alesia a movie in Russian, with subtitles. She didn’t believe me when I said it was in Russian, until she put in the DVD and hit play. I thought it would be a good movie but it wasn’t. We watched it this afternoon and I dozed off several times. She wasn’t too enthralled with it either. It had no coherent plot or real story, it was just a guy wandering in and out of different museums and historic buildings and interacting with characters from different centuries. Didn’t make much sense to me, and I am pretty well-versed in Russian history.

I have tried twice in the past few days to see if I could get Alesia’s friend Maria over here for a playdate, and every time it doesn’t work out. I am wondering what the problems is, but I almost don’t want to know. I have a fear that the parents don’t want Alesia around Maria because they have a bias against Alesia since she’s an orphan. I don’t know what to do. When she’s around my friends’ children she is polite, but hardly cares about seeing them.  I want Alesia to have friends, but it’s hard to find anyone for her to be friends with. I know she misses being with other children.

We didn’t accomplish much in the house. I hung some more photos on my walls. We got the rest of the boxes with paintings opened. We also unloaded one large box of living room items. We still need to get some paintings hung in the living room and dining room. Mom still has no energy.

We got Mom a new cell phone. It’s just like mine. The middle-aged black lady at Verizon who wrote up the deal asked me if we wanted a cell phone for Alesia. I said nope, she’s too young, and the woman started in on a sales pitch like she hadn’t heard me. I waited until she paused for a breath, then said “Look, she doesn’t speak English very well yet, I really don’t want her having a cell phone.” Then of course I had to explain about the adoption. She got very emotional, insisted on hugging me, etc.  Alesia observed all this with some puzzlement.

When she had calmed down, the woman then looked at Alesia, then me, and said “You know, she favors you.”  I just grinned and said “Yep, took me a long time, but I finally found one who looked like me.”  The woman looked stunned.

Mother quickly made some comment and chuckled, deflecting the tension. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have made that feeble joke, but I was somewhat annoyed. I don’t think Alesia looks anything like me, except we both have high foreheads. The implication that it’s important that I adopt a child who resembles me is I guess what irritated me a bit. She could have black hair and brown eyes and I'd still love her.

Ah well, people are well-meaning but ignorant.

Tiring Day

Sunday, May 29, 2005

            It has been strangely cool today, and rained most of the day. That was good, since I nevertheless did a lot of sweating.

            It was a tiring day, but we got a lot done. I got all the boxes in the house unloaded and everything in the boxes stowed away. There are still many boxes in the garage. Tomorrow we will tackle those. If we can get 6-10 boxes unloaded and broken down, it will only be a good start.

            We also want to plan out the paintings and photos and get those hung. A house doesn’t seem home-like until there is art of the walls. The bedrooms all have things now, but we need to fix up the living and dining rooms.

            There were 5 large boxes in the guest room, but I got them all unpacked. We are getting that room in shape. I think it will look good when we’re done. I do have a sort of wistful disinclination to decorate it too much, because I am still nursing this hope that I can adopt another child. That will have to wait a while, though.

            I didn’t only work around the house. I did three loads of clothes also, and we went to the drug store and the grocery store. Mom has not been going out much, but she went to CVS and The Fresh Market. The jaunt tired her, and she coughed a lot.

             I stayed on a low carb program pretty well all day. I desperately need to drop this weight. I am tired of not having enough energy to do more. I should have gotten all those boxes unpacked by now. I should have the house in better order. I feel like if I just had a week to stay home I could get it all done.

            We found Alesia a new Leap Pad game, at CVS, of all places. She has been doing her Leap Pad a lot more lately, which is great. It’s an educational toy and helps her a lot with her English. The words are pronounced for her, and she can really expand her vocabulary.

            This is the first 3 day holiday weekend in my adult life that I’ve stayed home and felt OK about it. It’s the first time I didn’t either drive over to spend the weekend with the parent[s] or do something else but feel slightly guilty about not going to see the parent[s]. The one remaining parent is here. My child is here. I feel my little family is here, not far away or nonexistent. It’s a nice feeling. 

Pow Wow

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I got off work early because of the holiday, but I used the extra time to go to the grocery store - how exciting.

I had to go to the liquor store and get Mom some vodka, and Alesia told us both a story. She said she didn't like the taste of vodka. She said when she was with her "first family" - her words - it was a holiday and she drank some vodka, thinking it was water. She didn't like the taste. She told this very matter of factly. She had to have been less than 7 years old. She knows her mother was an alcoholic, and her grandparents too.

Alesia had a new experience today - we went to the American Indian Festival up in Lawrenceville. She enjoyed seeing all the beautiful crafts, and we got her 2 necklaces and a polished stone [less than $10 for all]. The crafts and artwork at Pow Wows are always really nice, always handmade stuff, reasonably priced.

Alesia also got to watch my cousin and friend Tim Embry dance. He wears traditional regalia and takes it very seriously, even dancing in competitions. His wife Maxi, who is a jewelry maker, also gets into the spirit. She showed me today some beautifully beaded moccasins she had made herself. Her mother is Scandinavian and her father of English descent, but she is a great supporter of Tim and his love of all things Native American.

Tim and Maxi have no children but they love children and are very good with them. Alesia went out and danced in the circle with Tim during the "intertribal" - where anyone can get in the circle and dance. Tim loaned her a beautiful Indian shawl and she had a good time.

We came back and Alesia went swimming. She jumped off the diving board many times. Maria and her son Perrin joined us at the pool, then came back to the house for dinner. We had a nice dinner and then went to the movies.

The movie we saw was a remake of "The Longest Yard." Burt Reynolds even had a part in it. It was very funny. Not a life-changing experience, but definitely funny. We saw on DVD last night "Meet the Fockers" - very, very funny.

So far it's been a good weekend, but we haven't gotten much done on the house. I want to concentrate on getting the remaining boxes out of the house tomorrow.

Beach Dreams

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Alesia didn’t want to go to bed last night. She got me up several times, the last time being after midnight. I had to reassure her there were no monsters, nobody was going to attack her, the house is armed and safe. I don’t know where she gets these notions. She didn’t say this stuff at the condo. She really wants me to sleep in her room, but I told her nope, she's a big girl and I'm right down the hall.

So I only got about 6 hours of sleep and I have been lethargic all day. I could barely keep my eyes open at work this morning.

Mom said they had a good day. She went to the bank, dropped off some stuff at Goodwill, and she and Alesia ate lunch at the deli. She said she was then too exhausted to go grocery shopping. She coughed a lot today. I am worried about her. She says it’s just asthma.

I changed the hotel reservations at Jekyll Island when I found out the hotel where we planned to stay had no beachfront rooms. Even though it’s pricey, we think there’s no point going to the beach if you don’t get a beachfront room. I want Alesia to be able to see the ocean. Mom’s main activity at the beach is sitting in front of a window or on the balcony, reading a book and looking up occasionally to view the ocean. So the ocean view is essential.

I think since we have only 2 days there, we will spend most of our time on the beach, but I also want to play miniature golf, and perhaps rent bicycles and ride around the island. We will have Coco with us, so a certain amount of playtime will be with her. Now I just have to lose 50 lbs between now and July 1…

Backyard Massacre

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days.

According to Granny, Alesia behaved herself all day, and helped around the house, and they had a pleasant day, at least indoors.

Outdoors was a different story.

Mr. Lyons, the handyman, came over to clean out the fish pond in the back. Nestled amongst the lovely ornamental rocks and flowering plants, he discovered a nest of water moccasins. Mother was horrified and ordered the pond filled it with dirt. She called me and I concurred, heartily.

I was sorry we couldn’t make the ornamental pond into the pleasant place it had been for the prior owners. However, as Mr. Lyons explained, the dark water and lovely rocks provided the perfect habitat. Deprived of it, they can return to the creek, which is only about 8 feet away.

Mom said he went home and got the hoe and weedwacker and killed many of the snakes. A large king snake escaped, but I can deal with that. The poisonous snakes scare me, though. Alesia is deathly afraid of snakes.

Fortunately, Mom let Alesia watch TV all day – an unusual treat, and it kept her attention away from the massacre in the backyard. Now, it’s just a dirt-covered place, a burial ground. Mr Lyons is coming back tomorrow to check out a damp spot in the ground near the side of the house. He does some plumbing, too.

My friend Paul came back, fixed Mom’s computer, and stayed for dinner. We had a nice visit. Mom fixed pot roast, and rice and gravy, and I made creamed spinach, plus fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. It was a terrific meal.

Alesia and I looked at bicycles on the web tonight. I promised her I would get her a bike for her birthday, but said she had to wait until then [July 9] because they are expensive. A decent one will cost at least $120. When we were looking at them she kept pronouncing Schwinn as “skwin” – she said it looks like that, and she’s right… LOL

Swimgirl

Sunday, May 22, 2005

I didn’t sleep well last night; reasons unknown. It was so late when Alesia got in, that I was too wound up, I think. I “slept” this morning until about 9.

I got Alesia up and she showered and we headed off to the MAPREC picnic, at Pace Academy. MAPREC is the parents’ support group I formed. We all have at least 1 child adopted from Russia. Some parents, like my friend Judy, are in the process. Judy is a teacher at Pace Academy, where we had the picnic. It’s got a very nice playground with lots of equipment and several basketball hoops. The weather was good, in the 70’s. When we left it looked like it was going to rain.

Alesia was the oldest child there by far – most of them were ages 2-7. She was pretty patient. She and I played a little basketball. She likes it, but when I asked her if she wanted to play on a team at school she said NO.

We came home and went swimming at the  Leslie Beach Club, the neighborhood pool. It was pretty crowded. We only got to swim about 30 minutes before they closed, at the ridiculously early hour of 5 p.m. Alesia is comfortable in the water. I went over some basic swim vocabulary [swim, stroke, float, splash, etc.] and hopefully she will retain it. I showed her how to swim properly and she did a fair imitation of it, so hopefully she will catch on quickly.

When we first got there I asked her if she wanted to go on the diving board and she looked scared and said “Noooo!” I told her to try it. She kept saying no. I finally got mean and told her she had to go jump off that diving board right NOW. She did, and loved it. I knew she would. Just like with the trampoline a few weeks back, I have to exert my authority to make her try things, and then she loves them. Not easy for me to be the bad guy, but at least I can make her do things, and she ends up enjoying them.

Tomorrow she has no school. Her summer school doesn’t start until June 2. She is looking forward to going, which is good. Even if she knows more English than the other ESOL kids, hopefully they can keep her challenged with special projects. It’s only for 4 weeks, anyway.

Alesia’s ESOL teacher, Miss Kerivan, loaned Alesia 3 books in Russian to read over the summer. That was very nice of her. So Alesia has 4 books in Russian now. This is good. She will have times when Granny will tell her to go and read a book! That was how she coped with me and Bruce in summers, and Granny reads a lot. So hopefully Alesia won’t get bored.

Going to the pool really made me realize how much I need to get back on my diet. Yikes. Now that life is finally settling down, I have to get on a new program. Mom said she’d do it with me. We just need to make a plan.

When we were at the picnic and I watched all the daddies playing with their kids it made me sad. Alesia only has me, poor kid. Maybe I can find someone if I really try. Maybe I shouldn’t give up, although that’s my inclination right now. I don’t know. It’s hard to motivate myself. I am praying about it, for God to show me what to do…

To The Mountain

Saturday, May 21, 2005

It's nearly midnight, and I hope Alesia is getting to sleep. She has had an exciting day. This morning she just watched cartoons while I unpacked boxes, but this afternoon she had an outing. My friend Kate called and invited us to go to Stone Mountain with her and her family. I couldn't go because we had prior plans tonight, but Alesia went with them. They stayed and watched the laser light show on the mountain, which is a lot of fun. She came back with one of those glowing necklaces, which she wanted to wear to bed, but I talked her out of it.

I told her she was following a great tradition - Granny went to Stone Mountain as a child, and climbed it, I climbed it as a child. Kate didn't climb the mountain but so be it. Alesia was there. She said they played miniature golf, which she loved, and they had a picnic. A big bonus is Alesia got to speak Russian for several hours, which is great for her. I want her to stay in practice, not forget.

I got a lot done in my room, unpacking, and some work done in the hallway - it's a wide hallway and we have bookshelves. I helped Mom in her room. Tomorrow if I have the energy I really want to work on the guest room.

I posted this on the Yahoo board last night, when I was asked how tough is it to raise a 13 year old:

She gets defiant with me some now that puberty has set in. I am very strict about making her behave. I also like to be creative, though. Tonight she didn't want to come upstairs and go to bed, so when I was in the kitchen cleaning up I started singing opera, and told her I wouldn't stop until she got herself upstairs and started brushing her teeth. She was mortified. [I used
to sing professionally, even some opera, but I am out of practice, and doing a mock-funny Wagnerian thing...] She went to bed.

Settling In

Thursday, May 19th

I have not been able to post for a few days due to unforeseen computer problems. Mom and I had to get BellSouth out here twice this week, to set up our separate phone and DSL lines. I really think this is the best option for us, though.

The house is starting to feel like home. We have unpacked a lot, and given away or thrown away a lot. Still have a long way to go on boxes, but it's feeling more settled now. We have some painting hung, curtains, etc. which helps. My cousin Suzanne's children came over and helped us Tuesday night - really nice young people. I gave them some furniture and household items we couldn't use, and they helped me move some boxes. They stayed for dinner and were delightful.

Alesia gave me her latest grades today. I guess I'll get more after school's out. She made A's in ESOL, Language Arts, Math Tools, Health, and B's in Science and Social Studies. Only low grade was a C in math. I am not worried. She's a smart kid. She starts summer school June 2 and goes for 4 weeks, just in the mornings, to improve her English. It's a special program. I hope it's beneficial.

She starts swimming lessons next week. She is eager to start. Hopefully we can get to the pool sometime this weekend so she will be familiar with it before next Monday, her first lesson. It has a great diving board, I think she will enjoy. I hear all the neighborhood kids hang out there all summer. I cringe at the thought of wearing a suit, but I will for her sake.

I made us reservations to go to Jekyll Island for a long weekend over the 4th of July. I found a hotel that takes pets so we can take Coco, which was the deciding factor. I need a few days' break. Alesia has never seen the beach. I can't wait to show her its wonders.

Weekend

Sunday, May 15, 2005

It has been a long and tiring weekend. Not restful. I did get a lot accomplished. I got the condo straightened and cleaned up for showing. Tomorrow the carpets are being cleaned professionally. The neutral paint on the walls looks gross to me, but hopefully it will help sell the place.

Alesia started her periods on Friday – Friday the 13^th. She took it all very calmly, and didn’t seem too perturbed. Granny and I were secretly sort of relieved, since she had been somewhat of a pill all last week – so this explains it, we thought.

Yesterday morning, the poor baby woke up to quite a mess. I’ll spare you the details. Major laundry had to be done. I had to instruct her in certain things. It was traumatic for us both. My plans for taking her swimming had to wait.

We went to see a cute movie yesterday, Monster In Law. Very funny. Jane Fonda was in it [I can hear my father still “She should’ve been shot for a traitor!”]  Personally, I like her exercise videos and most of her movies. I ignore her politics. I ignore the politics of MOST people in Hollyweird.

We got a LOT of boxes unpacked yesterday. Mom is feeling much better. We had 6 huge cartons to unpack in the dining room, and that was a major pain, but we unpacked like crazy, put up some lace curtains and got the china cabinet in order, and it looks really nice.

We hung several paintings and mirrors around yesterday, even though we still haven’t gotten to all the boxes. The paintings really make the place look more homey. We’ve gotten a lot done – I can tell by looking out the window to the mailbox. There are many bags of garbage and flattened boxes for the trash folks to pick up tomorrow.

This morning we were rudely awakened about 6:30 by a huge clap of thunder that knocked out the power just long enough to screw up the clocks. I was lying in bed thinking about having to put on clothes and run down to the front courtyard and move in the flattened boxes out of the rain, and suddenly Alesia appeared, “Mom, I scared.” That’s my little girl, puberty or not.

My friend Kate and her husband and son and mother came over for brunch today. Mom and I had fixed a breakfast casserole, and had fresh fruit and croissants. It was a good spread. They ate well, which pleased Mom enormously.

Kate and her mother both work at a nursery, and they gave us a lot of good information about the plants, and of course the many many weeds we need to get rid of. I bought some Weed Be Gone and meant to put it at least on the graveled paths, but found no time to accomplish that this weekend. Bob, Kate’s husband, explained to me about the pump in the fishpond. Now we just need to find the button to push to make the pump work. And clean out the algae. And weed, and knock down the renegade bamboo shoots which have sprung up everywhere. Lots of work. The house is priority #1, however.

Alesia and I and Kate and her family all went to the Festival of Russian Culture at the Jewish Community Center. There were several displays of professional artwork. The children’s art, from Alesia’s class, was displayed also. Only one of Alesia’s drawings was displayed, which was something of a disappointment. She didn’t seem bothered. Some of the kids’ artwork was almost professional looking. I thanked the teacher, who was very nice. She gave Alesia a certificate and a gift, some very nice watercolors.

We also bought Alesia a book in Russian, a mystery. I want her to keep reading Russian, so she won’t forget her language.

We had tea in a Russian tearoom [actually a classroom they had decorated, beautifully], and a woman sang a folk song. It was fun. The tea was Lipton. That was actually authentic – I saw a lot of Lipton tea in Russia.

When we got home I was too pooped to do anything. I watched a DVD movie called “Birth.”  It stars an actor I like, Danny Huston. Dreadfully bad film. Really awful. I’m sorry I got it. Yikes.

This is Alesia’s last week of school. She is excited. We bought a present for her favorite teacher on Saturday, Miss Kerivan. She is Russian, and has been extremely kind to Alesia. We bought her some travel accessories. She is going to Russia this summer.

We got back Alesia’s formal portraits yesterday. They look really nice. She doesn’t look at all awkward, like most girls her age. She looks really cute. Of course, I am proudly biased…

Internet Fun

Thursday, May 12, 2005

It's been a fun couple of days. I didn't get much sleep last night. Alesia couldn't sleep, and kept calling me in to her room. I finally played some more music for her and told her to construct s house in her mind, room by room, which is my trick for hypnotizing myself to fall asleep.

The boxes are still there, but not overwhelming. Just whelming. I think we will make a lot of progress this weekend. Mom is feeling much better, too, so can help.

We got the security system installed today, and that's up and running well, thank the lord. I showed Alesia how it works, so hopefully she won't be so afraid when she's trying to go to sleep at night. She told Mom she was afraid to be in the room by herself, even though I am just down the hall.

I got an odd phone call tonight, from a woman in Canada. Seems that Miss Alesia had signed up to receive information about starting a home-based business. I explained that Alesia is 13 years old and was fooling around on the computer unsupervised, and she did NOT want to start her own business. Alesia admitted that she did this when her former babysitter let her use her computer. I warned Alesia very sternly to never do anything like that again. Mom has been getting a lot of weird phonecalls, and this may be why. I may have to change my home phone number - what a pain.

I was really angry with Alesia but I tried not to show it. I explained that her little internet exploration has caused a lot of trouble for us. The woman in Canada was very nice and said she'd try to get the informaiton off the list, which has now been sold many times over.

I told Alesia that this sort of thing is why she will not be allowed to have her own computer for a while.

Ah well, she has a lot to learn.

I also signed her up for swimming lessons today, and I hope she will enjoy going to the pool. She loves to swim. We can go this weekend when the pool here in the neighborhood opens. I already bought a big tube of oil-free sunscreen...