Saturday, June 11, 2005 [Note: see new photos posted today]
I feel less sick today. I didn’t sleep too well last night, but I got enough rest, I think. I have coughed far less today and I feel better overall, though my energy level is still way down.
I took Alesia to the hospital this morning to see Mom. She did fine. She likes the escalator in the hospital. She was not in a great mood with me, though, because she wanted to sleep all morning, not get up at 8.
We have white lilies blooming in the backyard, and a gardenia bush, so I cut some of those and put them in Mom’s room.
Mom was sitting up in the wheelchair and the physical therapist was working with her, which was good. Mom said she had been sitting in the chair several hours. I’m not sure if that was accurate – her sense of time is still screwed up. She was in a fairly good humor, though, and talkative.
We left the hospital and went to Bed Bath & Beyond to get some new curtains for Alesia. I had tried some pretty lace curtains in her room but Bruce said they were transparent and she needed heavier ones. The only ones I liked were rather expensive, but they look good in the room.
When we got home Alesia said she didn’t feel well. She ate some chicken soup, but then later threw it up. She said her head hurt.
I had planned a playdate with two little Russian adoptee sisters, but when they came over Alesia didn’t feel like playing. She said she just wanted to sleep. I was surprised. The girls and their brother were adopted by the Barr family a couple of years ago and they live nearby. There are also 2 biological children. They were cute girls, ages 11 and 14. I apologized, and said we would find another time for them to get together. Alesia is so seldom sick, I just thought maybe she would perk up and play quietly when she saw the girls and I explained they could speak Russian, but she truly didn’t feel well. I don’t know what caused it. She tends to get upset tummy pretty easily, but she hadn’t had anything weird to eat or drink…
We had a quiet afternoon. I hung some paintings, and unpacked a couple of boxes while Alesia napped. I finally found the glass to go in the family room coffee table, thank god. Alesia perked up after her nap.
Bronwyn, the sitter, had to deal with phone issues at her apartment and couldn’t keep Alesia for me as planned, so I had to scramble to find a sitter so I could go to the hospital. I didn’t want to take Alesia twice in one day. I finally called Tim and Maxi and they said sure, bring her over. They live very close by, with Tim’s mother Julia. Alesia met them at the Pow Wow so I felt she would be comfortable. Plus Tim’s my cousin, and he and Maxi love children.
I went on to the hospital and spent less than an hour there. Mom was talkative, but spoke sharply to me several times, and I wasn’t in the mood to be ordered about like a servant. I don’t know how Bruce put up with it all week. Last time I spent much time with her [last Sunday] she slept most of the time. Finally, today, some technicians came to take an x-ray and I left. I wanted to spend a peaceful evening with Alesia.
As I was leaving Mom said “I wish I could talk to you on the phone.” I replied “Well find somebody to hold the phone for you and call me.” I felt guilty all evening about leaving Mom. Then again, last weekend I felt guilty about leaving Alesia so much. Hell, I feel guilty about leaving Coco. I cannot be everywhere. Sometimes I feel like I am being torn in too many directions.
Alesia and I watched “Dances With Wolves” when we got home. Tim and Maxi had already fed her, Captain D’s. We were able to watch the whole epic in one evening. She loved the movie. I sat and did some mending while we watched the movie. It was a nice evening.
I miss Mother. I keep wanting to cry, but I stop myself, because I don’t want Alesia to see it and worry. I try to project an image of being strong. One day maybe I will tell her how scared I am.
