The Crab Chronicles

Finally, An Update

Friday, July 29, 2005

I have been without a computer for the past week, so it has been tough to find the time to update here. I am on Mom's computer now. She wants to go to bed. So I will be brief.

We had a very busy week.

Mom went to the bone specialist Wed. morning. He said she is healing up just fine, right on track, etc. He told her to keep up with the physical therapy, which was a good prescription. She is being compliant - plus trying to do more and more each day here at home.

On Tuesday the day nurse called and said she couldn't stay all afternoon so I had to come home. On Wednesday, my day person canceled at the last minute and I had to scramble around to find someone else to stay with Mom so I could get back to work. Thank God my boss is being very understanding.

We are hoping that maybe in another week or so Mom will be able to stay by herself - with Alesia, actually. I am trying to get her one of those call buttons. One we ordered didn't work. I need to call tomorrow and get set up with a different one. The DSL line on the phone is the tricky part.

Bruce couldn't come this week - he only had one day off because of some problems at work, so we told him to just wait and come next week when he could spend more time.

Alesia has been good some and bad some. I have had to give her a couple of lectures about manners. I never know how much she really understands.

Alesia confided to Bronwyn a couple of awful memories about her time in Russia before she went to the orphanage. She said she remembered seeing her grandfather drink and drink until he passed out and peed in his pants. She said she remembered seeing a snake in Russia and screaming, and her mother fussing at her about it. So far, all the memories she has told me about her biological mother are negative. She hasn't told me one happy memory.

We went to a nice little neighborhood Italian restaurant for dinner tonight that was very good - Bambinelli's. It's just two minutes from home. The food was excellent.

I found a nice area rug for our living room at Home Depot [on sale] and we put it in there when I got home. It's a pale blue. It almost matches the walls. It really looks nice - lightens up the room considerably.

I am praying Paul can fix my computer soon - or I will just have to buy a new one.

Stay tuned.

Saturday

Saturday, July 23, 2005

My computer is kaput, and it's scaring me. I couldn't even get it to turn on last night! It wouldn't let me type in my password. I sent out a distress signal to my pal Paul, who helpls me with all things computer. I hope he can fix it.

I am on Mom's computer. She is asleep. It's 9:30 p.m. The last couple of days she has been somewhat lethargic, not as perky as before. She is still in pain and wanting meds. I am trying to hold it down to Tylenol arthritis and a mild pain pill at night to help her sleep.

In case you're interested in my typical day, here it is. Typical non-working day, that is.

• I got up at 6:30 and showered and dressed. Mom has a night nurse who leaves at 7, so I can't sleep in.
• I fixed breakfast for me and Mom, bacon and eggs, and cleaned up. Sometimes we have cereal.
• I gave Mom her morning pills. I gave Coco her morning medications - she has a hurt place on her paw.
• I cleaned up the breakfast dishes and started washing Mom's clothes. I have done about 6 loads of laundry today - her clothes, my clothes, my bed linens.
• After breakfast I gave Mom a shower and got her dressed.
• While I did that, I had Alesia vacuum the family room, which she did with a lot of attitude. She is going through the typical teenage bad attitudes. We had a long talk about it the other night, but she's forgotten that already. Aaargh!
• At 10, a friend came to stay with her so Alesia and I could shop a little bit. We ran to the mall and got a birthday present for a friend, and then went to Publix to buy groceries.
• We got home and Alesia helped me unload the car, complaining bitterly about the heat.
• I unloaded all the groceries and put them away.
• I folded and put away the first of Mom's 3 loads of clothes.
• I watered all the plants.
• I fixed lunch.
• After lunch I read for about half an hour while Mom napped. Then I napped for about 20 minutes.
• I came back downstairs and cleaned and shopped squash for a squash casserole, then started a loaf of banana bread.
• Mom took a nap for over an hour.
• I got her up and settled in a chair and I dusted the family room.
• I finished making my casserole and bread batter.
• I washed and folded more clothes. I started running my clothes.
• Mom and Alesia and I went to Borders. That involved getting Mom's water, putting the wheelchair in the trunk, listening to Alesia moan and groan about the heat some more, trying to get the air conditioner to cool the car enough, etc.
• Borders: got out the wheelchair, put Mom in it, hooked the purses on the back, strolled through the store. We had a nice snack in the coffee shop and then ran by a friend's house for a minute but didn't go in
• Came home, unloaded the dishwasher, did more laundry, stripped my bed.
• I fixed dinner and also spent some time at the kitchen table playing Bingo with Alesia.

I will have to end this a little prematurely as the night nurse is here.

Mom has had a lot of pain tonight. I gave her a Melatonin to help her sleep.

Improving

Wednesday July 20, 2005

Took Mom to the doctor today - at least I thought i did. Turned out we could only see the physician's assistant. She was very nice and we got refills for meds, but I was irritated that we couldn't see Dr. Bray. She did at least stop in and say hello, and I showed her a photo of Alesia - she was so sweet when I was trying to fill out the stupid medical forms last year to prove I am healthy enough to adopt.

We couldn't get in to actually see the doctor until September 7. At least we have that appointment. They will do blood work then.

Mom is doing better, clearly. She is trying to do more with her hands, and walking around more. Her appetite is back. She still eats only a little bit, but she is much more perky. She is back to reading books, which is her main source of entertainment.

Tonight, we even got in the living room and I played piano for a while and we sang.  Mom tried playing and actually did pretty well. Not her usual Liberace-type stylings, but very respectable. It's great therapy.

I tried playing "Do Re Mi" from the Sound of Music, and tried to get Alesia to sing a little bit, and she couldn't match any notes. One time, sort of by accident, she hit the correct notes a couple of times. I can't tell if she's just embarrassed or if she really has no musical ear.

Mom wants Alesia to take piano lessons. I told her only if Alesia agreed, and Mom paid. I'm not going to force her. Alesia's hands are as big as mine, but nowhere near as limber. That will come. I type all day. I think Alesia's too old to force to take lessons - Mom forced me when I was 9 and I hated it for a couple of years until I could play some pop songs I liked. I don't want to have to browbeat Alesia into practicing.

Busy Day

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Mom has been home since last Sunday and today was the first really fairly good day - not complaining so much about being chilled, nauseated, etc. nor being cranky and demanding. She has seemed much more like her normal self today.

Had to get my friend Bronwyn to come sit with Mom while I ran to the store this morning and got food for lunch. I can't leave Mom alone.

I had some friends over for lunch, and it went well. Suzan just adopted her second child, a little boy from Kazakhstan. He is so sweet and so well-behaved. Her older child is 17 now, so this new child [age 9] will keep her in the Mom lane for a while.

Coco injured herself last night - we're not sure how. Mom doesn't think it was because I stepped on her, I think it is. no matter - we had to go to the vet this afternoon and get it cleaned and closed. Not fun. I am so tired of seeing my loved ones suffer.

I got cousin Lesleigh to come sit with Mom late this afternoon while we took Coco to the vet. Coco will have to have antibiotics and pain meds for a while. I feel terrible.

I am keeping a list of all the pills I give Mom, and now Coco will have her own list. At least I can just give Mom pills, not liquid from a hypodermic...

Bad Day

Friday, June 15, 2005

Tough day. Mom didn’t have a good night last night, and had diarrhea and was weak all day. Alesia felt nauseated and threw up mid-day, and wouldn’t eat.

My plate is too full at work; I’m having trouble keeping up. And I heard one of the other paralegals is leaving, so I will get a bunch of her cases, no doubt.

I was worried and couldn’t get much done, so I left work early and came home, skipping a needed trip to the grocery store because it was pouring rain. When I got home, all was fine. We had a pleasant evening.

Then I accidentally stepped on Coco tonight. I felt awful about it, but she got right under my shoe. She squeaked, but seemed to get over it quickly. However, a few minutes ago when she was in bed with Alesia we found a nasty open hurt place. So tomorrow we’ll have to make an expensive trip to the weekend vet clinic again. And we have friends coming for lunch. Oh boy. It never ends…

Different Life

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Mother is still pretty uncomfortable, but she's getting better. Bronwyn said she walked a lot around the house today. She is getting frustrated with not being able to do things for herself, and is pushing to use her hands more, which is good, but tires her. We took a short walk around the front yard just before dinner and she said it exhausted her.

I have arranged for Alesia to go on “outings” with Julie, the younger babysitter, several times next week. I hate that Alesia’s stuck in the house all the time. Elena’s family took her to the pool today for a while, which was good.

Bronwyn is going to stay a little later tomorrow night so I can run by the grocery store on the way home. Mom and Alesia think of new foods they want every 10 minutes.

My friend Suzan is coming over for lunch Saturday with her two kids. It will do Alesia good. Suzan just adopted the little boy, age 9, from Kazakhstan, and he's been home a couple of weeks. She hosted him in a summer program a couple of years ago. He's a lucky boy - he has leg problems and Suzan is going to get him surgery. She's single, too, and her mother is staying to help nurse him afterwards. Her older child Larissa, 17, was adopted at age 11 from the same region. Larissa and Alesia are great friends.

Work is getting hectic. I wish I could go in on a weekend for a few hours, but I can't, with Mom feeling so poorly.

I am glad I brought Mom home from the nursing home, and she's very glad to be home, but I'm really tired.

Elva's Home

Mother has been home since Sunday. She is doing pretty well, though it hasn't been smooth sailing. She has had some reactions to meds, like chills and nausea. We don't know why. She is scheduled to see a general practitioner on the 20th, the earliest appointment I could get.

I am trying to cope. It hasn't been easy. Mom still can't totally manage such simple functions on her own as eating, brushing hair, etc. Alesia has been a big help. Bruce was also here for about 24 hours. He had to go home tonight.

Mom is still in pain, but she says it's manageable. The Percocet and Lortab have side effects, so we are trying to keep her just on Tylenol Arthritis strength.

I am off to try and sleep. More later.

Alesia is 14

Saturday, July 9, 2005 – Alesia’s 14^th Birthday

So, my daughter is 14 years old today. It’s a little sad, but she is growing up so beautifully, I wouldn’t want her to be held back.

I got so tickled at her the other day. We were watching the Braves game on TV while we ate, and I pointed out John Smoltz. She read his name on the back of his uniform. She likes baseball. I then told her to come upstairs with me.

We walked upstairs to my room, and I went into my closet and got out my Braves shirt. I turned it around and she read the back, which says Smoltz. Her eyes got very wide and she gasped “You have his shirt?!” When I stopped laughing I tried to explain about buying shirts with players’ names on them, and she just looked very suspicious.

Bronwyn kept Alesia Thursday and yesterday. We talked for a moment yesterday morning before I left for work. Bronwyn asked her about her other sitter, Julie. She asked Alesia if Bronwyn has a boyfriend or a husband. She said Alesia thought about it a moment and said “I know she has a boyfriend. I’m not sure if she has a husband.”

We picked up Alesia’s little friend Elena this morning at 10:00. I left the girls at home and went to Publix and bought groceries, and picked up the cake and some balloons. When I came back, we unloaded and put away the groceries. Alesia had unloaded the towels from the dryer and folded them and put them away. She’s such a good kid.

It’s really really hot, as Alesia says, and tough to go anywhere in the middle of the day. I have sweated buckets already.

We went to a mall where they had this ride out in the mall called the Spider Jump. It’s several trampolines, and the kids get on them and are strapped into harnesses and winched up, so they can jump really high. The girls loved it. Elena was doing back flips and front flips. Alesia could only do a backflip, awkwardly. She loved the ride, though.

We ate lunch at Johnny Rocket’s, and the waitresses came over and sang Happy Birthday to Alesia. She ate a grilled cheese sandwich – her new favorite. I think Julie made one for her one day, and that’s what she wants every day now.

Elena and I were talking and I mentioned the little party tonight, and Alesia’s babysitter Lesleigh coming over to eat with us. Alesia rolled her eyes and said “No, NANNY.”  Apparently she thinks that sounds better than babysitter… LOL

I bought a new pair of shoes, called Crocs! They are like floating on air, they are so comfortable. I already went online and ordered another pair. They look weird but they are soooo comfy. I sent out an e-mail to everyone I know extolling them.

After the mall, we went to blockbuster and got movies, then home. The girls played all afternoon, and watched a Mary Kate / Ashley movie. Ugh.

I went to see Mom and left the girls at home.I think they just watched TV.

Kate [my Russian friend] had car trouble and couldn’t come to the little birthday party. Lesleigh came, and brought Alesia a great doll, that looks just like her, ironically. The doll has blonde hair and green eyes.

Alesia’s friend Elena brought her two movies in Russian, including Lord of the Rings. She was tickled to get them. Alesia enjoyed the pizza, and the cake. I sent a lot of cake home with Lesleigh and Elena.

All in all, it was a good day.

Older Ones

Wednesday, July 6, 2005  [see new photo]

Mom called me today at work and said she had thought it over and it would be OK if she waited and came home Monday. That's good, since I can't even get the lady on the phone who can help me with the discharge arrangements. I will bug her tomorrow.

If we can wait until Monday I hope Bruce will be here to help. That would be a blessing.

I did arrange for the new toilet for Mom to be installed. It is taller and has a larger seat, so hopefully that will help. The handyman is installing it tomorrow.

Mom was not in a great mood tonight when I saw her. She wants to hire people to stay with her when I'm not home. I tried to explain to her [for the tenth time] about using Alesia's babysitters, since I have agreed to use them anyway, at least next week. They have agreed to help Mom, too. It's so frustrating trying to talk to her when she's on the pain meds and spacey.

I have planned a small dinner party for a few friends Saturday night, to celebrate Alesia's birthday. I hope it's not storming. We're having awful thunderstorms - hurricane weather.

I posted the following last night on my Yahoo board, in response to a prospective adoptive Mom who said her agency is trying to get her to consider an older child instead of a baby.

I had thought after adopting Alesia [age 13] I would want a baby or toddler in a few years. However, the more I know about my friends
with babies or toddlers, the less inclined I am to that. I think if I can adopt again I will go for a 5-6 year old.

It doesn't seem possible now, but trust me, you can and will fall in love with an older child and feel an incredibly deep bond. I urge you to consider it.

Also, just as a practical matter, I never lose sleep with Alesia down the hall, I can tell her to leave me in peace for an hour if I don't feel well, she can make herself a sandwich if I don't feel like cooking,
etc. There are many advantages to an older child.

The other day I asked Alesia if she would prefer to go to a friend's house or go with me to the nursing home to see Granny. I wanted to give her an option, since it's so depressing to go to that place. Alesia didn't think for an instant, she just immediately gave her standard answer, "I want go with you, Mom, OK?" She prefers to be with me on all occasions, even just
doing housework or watching TV. It touches me deeply.

I wish I had been able to adopt Alesia at a younger age, but then again, I try to remember to be grateful to God for giving her to me at all - it is a miracle.

Whatever you decide, I wish you good luck, and you are in my prayers.

Dee

A Bicycle and A Homecoming

Alesia got her first bicycle today. Even though her birthday is not until Saturday, I wanted Bruce to go buy it - I had no childcare arranged for today so he was going to have her all day anyway. He was very careful, talked to the guys in the little shop in Tucker, adjusted the seat personally, went over safety stuff with her, etc. etc. He reminds me a lot of Papa Hasty [my maternal grandfather]. He got her a really nice BMX bike [used, but looks new] for about $150, which was a great deal. Plus he got a state of the art helmet. I reimbursed him, of course.

He gave Alesia several pairs of earrings for her birthday. She now has a nice collection of earrings.

He then personally jogged along by her for her first few rides this afternoon. He said he sweated through 2 sets of gym clothes. I told him next time he can bring his own bike and ride with her. He loves the sport.

Alesia’s thin little legs have no musculature. I watched her ride tonight when we got home, and she couldn’t make it up even a small hill without getting off the bike. I tried to explain how she will need to build up muscles to ride the bike. I am sure she will do it. It’s so good for her to be outside, getting some exercise.

Mom told me tonight when I was visiting her that she is going crazy and is ready to leave, NOW. I reiterated our agreement about her having certain basic functioning abilities before she can come home. She agreed to give me a few days to get everything arranged.

Ironically, I had just gotten childcare squared away for next week. I assumed Mom wouldn’t be coming home anytime soon, since she was so sick the other day. I guess I shouldn’t have assumed anything.

I am hoping the babysitters will agree to be there if Mom needs them, too. I don’t want Alesia alone with Mom until Mom is better recovered – right now she’s on too much pain medication to be responsible. I also can’t pay 2 people, 1 watching Mom, 1 watching Alesia. Mom said she can handle bathroom functions on her own, but I am doubtful of that. We shall see. Maybe if she knows she won’t get help there, it will motivate her to try harder.

I sort of hate the thought of Mom going home before Alesia’s birthday, because it will complicate things. I had planned to spend the day Saturday doing fun things with Alesia and Elena. However, I may just have to hire a caretaker to be with Mom that day if necessary. I certainly don’t want her sitting around at the Manor Care place miserable, and resentful of me.

Life is so complicated.