8/22/05
It's definitely Monday. I went to bed early last night because I was so exhausted, and it was very tough to get out of the bed this morning.
I hosted a brunch for some friends on Sunday. My friend Gary moved back to this area not long ago and I wanted to help him hook up with friends, so I invited several of my other friends to meet him. I think it went really well. Everyone seemed to have a good time and stayed from 11 until almost 2:30.
I had a heart to heart talk with Alesia Friday night, and gave her a letter to read from me, which I had gotten translated into Russian. I think it finally made an impression on her. It's hard to explain words like "attitude" to her.
Discipline is the yucky part of parenting, I’ve decided. You can do it with love, though. I tell Alesia I love her every night when I tuck her into bed, just before I walk out the door. I also tell her when I drop her off at school. The other night when we read the letter and talked, I said “If I didn’t care about you a great deal, I wouldn’t make you be a good girl. For the rest of your life, you will have to be good, do what people tell you, and do things you don’t like. That’s just life. I’m trying to get you prepared because I love you.”
In just the last week I’ve found out that Alesia used to smoke cigarettes, wear makeup on occasion, and has even been given beer and wine. She remembers seeing her grandfather passed out drunk, having peed in his pants. She also said she remembers the police arresting her mother – I suspect her mother was a prostitute, since she never worked a real job, according to court records. She remembers being left alone when she was small, and being terrified because there was a storm outside.
Mother and I both have the feeling that now she’s in a home and loved, she may be letting herself open up, sort of talk about these terrible things, because she does feel safe and loved. I just try to remember to let her talk, not be judgmental, and never say anything negative about her birth family. So far, all I’ve said is that her mother was sick with a disease called alcoholism and just couldn’t care for her.
We watched a movie over the weekend in which some of the characters addressed each other as “M’am” and “Sir” – she was astonished. I had been telling her it is just a form of respect, but I don’t think she ever really understood. Now she knows I’m not making up those terms…
My new computer is great - much faster than the old one. The pictures program allows me to store lots more photos, crop, etc. - even take out redeye. I have posted some more photos here.
Mom is trying to do a lot more now. She helped me with several things yesterday in preparation for the brunch. I just worry she is overdoing it.
Some of my friends at the brunch yesterday pointed out how we can re-landscape the backyard to keep it from turning into a pond every time it rains. now we just have to find a landscaper.