The Crab Chronicles

Wednesday 8/10

August 10, 2005

I am at work, on my lunch hour.

I was hoping Paul would have my new computer installed but that hasn't happened yet - just talked to him and he says it will probably be here today and he'll install it in the next few days. I decided to just go ahead and get a new one, rather than try to patch up the old one, which was bought in 1999. The enw one will have lots more power and storage and I had been needing it for a while anyway. mom is underwriting some of the cost, as a late birthday present.

We are learning a new matter management system at work, and it looks user friendly but I am having a hard time with it. I am going to a private tutoring session this afternoon with a trainer and I hope that helps. Yesterday in training class I was deathly nauseated and felt dizzy, and finally just left and went home. Haven't felt that bad in ages. Don't know what caused it. I still don't feel great, but I can function.

Mom had horrible diarhhea and nausea all day yesterday, and was up many times last night, she said. I think it's her normal IBS, plus she is just stressed out. She is trying really hard to get back to normal but still in some pain. She has no appetite and eats very little.

Mom has also been very upset about the deaths of her close friend Pat and her husband Chuck. They were killed instantly when hit by a semi truck on the interstate near their home in North Carolina. I think it happened a couple of weeks ago. Pat and Mom were friends from childhood, in each other's weddings, etc. Mom has really been upset, but not really processed the grief, I fear. She hates to cry around people, hates to let out that sadness. Finally it will catch up with her, I'm afraid. She even did that somewhat when my dad died - wouldn't eat, was lethargic for a long time, grieved slowly. Maybe when Alesia goes back to school next week and Mom is alone in the house, she will work it out, I hope...?

I am operting on autopilot, I feel. I'm trying to get back some semblance of normalcy -  yet another new normalcy with the house and Alesia and all, but I feel a real need to get into a routine of some sort, to just settle down a bit. My life has been so unsettled for so long. I am mentally tired of it.

I will finally feel settled, I think, whenever my condo sells. So far no serious interest or offers. I went by there the other day and it looks fine, but the market is just bad right now. I am praying about it.

Alesia goes back to school next week. I have mixed feelings. I like the fact she is there with Mom right now. On the other hand, she needs other kids, and mental stimulation. I think some of her attitude problems lately have just been boredom. I think some of it has been that she is having to learn to trust us. Russians stress self-reliance almost as a religion, and she has always had to rely on her own wits to get by. I think it's tough for me to say to her "You will obey, you will accept our superior knowledge and authority over you. You must not argue." We had another long talk the other day. I pointed out that Granny and I are older and we know a lot more. I told her she was going to be a very unhappy girl if she didn't learn to obey without argument. She is trying. I see some improvement. It's tough for her, though. She is so smart, and so sensitive to criticism...

Better get some work done.

Sunday

Sunday, August 7, 2005

It's been a rough week without my computer, and things have just been incredibly hectic both at work and at home. I'm on Mom's computer now.

I feel like I'm just keeping my head above water at work. They are really understanding about letting me take a lot of personal time to deal with issues at home, but it just means I have to do my work in less time at the office.

Last week I was finally able to publish the departmental newsletter that I edited. It looks good. Other people do the photos and help a lot with layout. I did write several stories and edited everything else, though. It was more work than I had thought it would be. I wish I could show it around but it's an in-house thing and they don't like us to give it to outsiders.

Mother continues to improve, though she still needs help. This morning I slept until after 7 a.m. for the first time in months. It felt weird. We're doing OK without the night nurses, though, so there was no need to get up so I could see them out at 7. I have been having to get up and shower and get going very early so I could turn off the alarm and get them paid and out, then get Mom's breakfast.

Yesterday we had a big day. Alesia went with some friends to a gathering of Russian kids who have been here in a hosting program this summer. My friend Suzan Miller just adopted a boy she hosted a couple of years ago through the program, called KidSave. It's a great way to get the older kids adopted; lets families get a "trial run" with a child. So they had a pool party and Suzan took Alesia. Mother and I had lunch at Red Lobster while they were gone.

Last night my friend Maria and her son came over for dinner, then we saw "Must Love Dogs." Cute movie - some very funny moments. I gave Maria for her birthday a pair of Crocs, those comfy shoes I like so much. She seemed pleased.

The kids saw "Sky High" while we saw our movie - Alesia had been bugging me for weeks to see it. I felt OK with her seeing a separate movie, because Maria's son was with her.

We had Russian foods for dinner last night, from a little store I found. I cooked pilmeni [meat filled dumplings], pickles, bread, etc. Everything was good. There were dried little fishes that Alesia wanted, plus dried calamrai. Maria and Perrin tried it. I couldn't. I didn't put out this sort of seaweed thing that Alesia begged me to buy - the clerk at the little Russian store said not to eat too much because it would have a laxative effect. Yikes. Alesia also got a can of what turned about the be sweetened condensed milk. She was in heaven, eating that stuff on bread last night after we returned from the movie.

Alesia made the remark the other night at dinner that when she was in Russia she was never full. The kids never got second helpings. No wonder they were all so thin.

My brother came in last Thursday but had to leave Friday. He took mother to therapy. He always helps us around the house. He found Mom some financial documents she had been missing - they were out in the garage. He helped me get her new call button set up. So I feel OK about leaving her.

We still have so many boxes in the garage to go through...

I am sitll without a computer. Paul ordered me a new one and he is supposed to set it up soon. I just want to get back to my writing, even if it's only for a few minutes before I go to bed.

Tuesday, August 2

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Today it is exactly two months since Mom fell. When I pointed that out to her she said: "Thank God I am at home in my own bed, with my own little family. How thankful I am."

Mother is doing much better. She has decided to try staying all day by herself without a nurse. She said today went fine. Alesia is here to help her. I came home on my lunch hour and took her to therapy at the rehab center.

Since we saw the doctor last week, he prescribed more rigorous physical therapy for Mother. She said today was a real workout. She had to take extra pain medicine when we got home. We're monitoring her intake on that.

We're still having the night nurse for a few more days, but that's mainly just insurance, to make sure Mom can manage by herself. I am just concerned about her getting up several times a night to go to the potty and falling. She can get out of bed on her own and manage in the bathroom pretty much on her own, so that's a lot of progress.

Alesia was a good girl all day. We have discussed her behavior and I think she understands the terms "obey" and "privilege."

We had a "Russian" dinner - pilmeni [dumplings] and buckwheat [like rice]. I bought it at the Russian grocery store. Then we watched "Tootsie." Alesia liked it. She had never seen it. I had forgotten how funny it was.