Wednesday, August 17, 2005
It was sort of a dull day at work. Nothing of interest to report there.
When I got home, Lesleigh was here and stayed for a short visit. I gave her a pair of Crocs I had bought for her for her birthday and as a thank you gift for keeping Alesia so much when Mom was in the hospital. She really saved me – I didn’t want Alesia to have to spend hours and hours sitting around the hospital, and Lesleigh loves her and cares for her like her own child. We were so lucky she wasn’t working when Mom fell. She moved in and stayed with Alesia that entire first weekend.
I was tickled to see Lesleigh’s reaction to the shoes. She was delighted. They are a size 5 – she wears 5 ½, but they still fit, thank God. She immediately put them on and said how good they felt. She was bouncing around saying she felt like she was walking on air. It was so cute.
Alesia and I almost got into a fight tonight picking out her school clothes. She didn’t want to conform to the dress code colors and rules about no writing on clothing. She kept saying “But everybody does it!” which nearly caused me to really lose it. I said “I don’t care what everybody does! I don’t CARE! You will follow the rules!” Finally we got calmed down.
I asked her why she keeps getting mad every time Granny and I try to tell her anything. Mom tried to tell her tonight to wash her hands before she gets ice out of the freezer. She got mad and pouted. I imitated her pouting and exhibiting her bad attitude. She got the giggles. I said “It’s no fun for me and Granny having to see that face on you. What if we made that face and got mad all the time?!” I showed her what that would look like. More giggles.
Somehow we got on the subject of her birth family. We talked about them for a few minutes. She said she remembered her mother leaving her alone during a thunderstorm when she was very little. She was scared. She remembers the police taking her mother away to jail, and her coming back. She doesn’t remember her mother’s face – which bothers her.
I told her that her mother was 17 years old when she was born, and she should never have left her alone, that she didn’t get enough food or clothes. I said “You were taken away from your mother because she couldn’t take care of you.” I explained about alcohol being a sickness and her mother being very sick.
Alesia very calmly corrected me and said no, she had to go into the orphanage because she ate something that disagreed with her and she couldn’t poop, and she had to go to the hospital. She said she had to go to several hospitals, then the orphanage. This is how she has coped with losing her mother, obviously. I reiterated very gently that no, she had to go into orphanage because her mother couldn’t take care of her.
Alesia insisted that her mother wrote her a letter when she was at Topolevo. She even got out her small box of things she brought from the orphanage and looked for the letter, but of course it wasn’t there. She said she must have thrown it away. She saves everything, so that’s not true. Maybe she invented the fictional letter to comfort herself. The social worker at the orphanage said Alesia had no contact at all from her birth family the whole time she was in the orphanage – which was unusual.
She also told me [to my horror] that she had sneaked around and smoked cigarettes when she was in the orphanage – for 2 months. All the people in Russia smoke. I wasn’t really surprised. She said when she was caught smoking she was punished and she quit. I told her she must never, ever smoke, because she would get cancer and die.
She also said in Russia that she got to drink beer at holidays, and sometimes wine. That wouldn’t surprise me either. I made her promise me she would NEVER drink anything. I explained that alcoholism is inherited and she would become an alcoholic if she started drinking. I’m not sure if she understood. I finally said it’s illegal to drink in America if you’re under 21 years old. She looked puzzled. “What about beer and wine?” I explained that they are alcoholic drinks, too. I repeated several times that she must never drink. She said “But I see you drink wine!” I said I won’t ever drink anything again. I had already decided not to drink around her, but that cinched it. I don’t much like to drink anyway so it’s no big loss. I want her to know there is one family member she can count on, who won’t drink around her. She’s had enough grief to deal with, whether or not she consciously realizes why she doesn’t like me to drink.
During this rather long conversation I also explained that I would not leave her alone, that she isn’t mature enough yet. Then I had to try and explain “mature.” She wouldn’t know how to handle an emergency if she was by herself. I can’t see that happening for another year or so, at least. Maybe when she’s 16…