The Crab Chronicles

Halloween As A Family

Monday, October 31, 2005
I am very tired.

I spent a tense and short day at work, worried about Alesia’s Halloween costume not getting delivered. It was supposed to be here last Friday, and it didn’t. I was on the phone with the totally unhelpful UPS Customer Service people forever and they just didn’t promise anything – this after I had paid extra to have it delivered 2 day air early last week!

I left work early and got home about 4:15. Alesia opened the door and said woefully “Box not here!” I looked at her little face, resisted the urge to head to UPS with a gun, and said cheerfully, “Well, we’ll just go upstairs and MAKE you a costume!”

We found an old beaded black halter top of Mother’s, and she put on some black stretch pants and a black bowler hat, and my grandmother’s old flashy silver coin necklace, and went as a Jazz Dancer. I made up her face sort of like a 1920’s flapper. She looked adorable.

She wanted to wear her new black high heel Sunday School shoes, but after wearing them around the house for about 45 minutes she let me persuade her to wear a pair of black flat sandals, much more suitable.

About 6 p.m., I took Alesia over to Elena’s house to trick or treat with their family. They have 5 children and they live 2 minutes away.

Mother and I had a good time making a big pot of French onion soup and put out some hors d’ouvres. My friend Paul and my friend Lesleigh came over and ate with us. Paul took great delight in copying the French onion soup recipe. He and Mother discussed Rachel Ray, the Food network ingénue they both adore. He copied several recipes from our favorite cookbook, Tea Time at the Masters, a great cookbook put out by the Augusta Junior League.

Lesleigh, who is an admissions director for the Le Cordon Bleu Culinary School here in Atlanta had on the cutest 1940’s type outfit with a hat and veil, and black widow spiders glue on her, even a huge one on her back! She looked great.

We had a lot of trick or treaters. They were adorable. Our little neighbors, Rosalie and Cecilia (ages 7 and 4), who love Coco, wanted to pet her. She was behind the baby gate barking like mad, but I took her out to see them and she wagged her tail 100 miles an hour and just peed on the floor she was so happy .

About 7:30, the doorbell rang and I went and answered it, and there was the box with Alesia’s costume in it. The driver had dropped it and RUN back to his truck. Good thing, too, since I was ready to slap him. It had been in Atlanta since Friday afternoon. I am going to send it back, unopened, and ask for a FULL refund.

Alesia was returned to us around 8, and got her shower. She posed for photos, but I don’t have them yet. She had a plastic pumpkin chock full of candy. She promised she wouldn’t eat it all at once. I think she just ate a few pieces before bed. I told her next year she would be too old to trick or treat, but we would do something fun here at the house, and she could get a costume. Maybe we’ll go to the mall or a festival or something. She took it in stride. She was very tired. I think she fell asleep before I left the room. LOL

Blue Ribbon Day

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Yesterday was an excellent day, except for a couple of things.

Alesia woke up with a nasty cold sore on her upper lip, and was self-conscious about it all day, poor baby. We got her some Abreva, at CVS, and it helped some. The pharmacist said it would take a couple of days, but she would probably not look too bad on Monday for school.

The other thing that marred the day was theat her Halloween costume wasn't delivered. I ordered it through Target and paid extra for rush delivery last Tuesday, and it's still not here. I sent a complaining e-mail and got back a reply last night saying they had refunded the shipping costs, and apologized for the delay - they made no guarantees of the costume delivery. Fortunately, we looked at costumes at CVS yesterday, so worst case scenario I can always get her one there at the last minute. I am leaving work early to come home and get ready.

We have 3 pumpkins outside, and a plastic skeleton hanging from a tree. Alesia drew two posters of ghosts yesterday and we are going to hang them on the doors Monday night. One is a ghost directing kids to go to the front door instead of the glass lanai doors, since it can be confusing. I'm going to put candles in the pumpkins - rather a messy thing, since they are old and started to rot, but hopefully they will be OK.

We went to lunch yesterday at a little restaurant called the Blue Ribbon Grill, which is very close to here. I had heard it had good food. The food was excellent. Mom had a reuben, with homemade potato chips. Alesia had a huge hamburger. I had a cup of french onion soup - heavenly - and crab cakes, which were touted as an appetizer but were huge and tasty. Service was fast, music was good, it wasn't crowded. Definitely a place we will go back to.

We spent a lot of time yesterday working on Alesia's paper for social studies, The Influence of Russian American Artists. The thesis is, how have Russian American artists influenced American culture. We focused on George Balanchine, Msistlav Rostropovich, and Ben Benn (artist). I basically wrote it but I made her help, and read it, and so she at least knows the process. She couldn't have done it by herself. She reads on about 5th grade level. She never had to write anything in Russia, and the whole outline/notecards/rough draft thing puzzled her. I hope we get a decent grade, since she missed the deadlines to do all the other things. We have to write one for science, too, and that will be a bigger challenge. Fortunately it's not due until after Christmas. I will make her work on it more.

We had leftovers for dinner last night, which we do about once a week. I had some chili from Friday night. It was an excellent batch, and I don't even like chili very much. Paul had come over to eat with us and work on Mom's computer and he ate two big bowls of it.

Late yesterday afternoon, Mom drove the car. She did fine. Much less pain, and she was less nervous. Hopefully after another week or so of practicing every day, she will be able to start driving herself places again, with confidence. She hates being stuck in the house. She needs to drive herself to therapy, pick up Alesia from school, etc.

Alesia and I watched The Color Purple last night. She liked it. Excellent movie. Hard to believe it was made 20 years ago. We have two more to watch - Little Big Man, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. I like to keep things multicultural! Thank God for NetFlix. Today we have another busy day ahead. I just realized we went back an hour in time. Good. More time to do things...

Time Flies

Thursday, October 27, 2005
I was thinking today that time is whizzing by. I feel like I’m on a thrill ride at an amusement park all the time, and time just zooms by, faster and faster. Each day is so filled with things I HAVE to do, right now, that there’s no time to catch my breath.

When I came home tonight, after taking Mother and Alesia to dinner, I broke my own “no TV on school nights” rule, and let Alesia veg out and watch Animal Planet while I slowly perused the Lilian Vernon catalog. I took great pleasure in doing that – maybe a little too much. However, time slowed down for that brief time.

Mother and Alesia and I went to the Crescent Moon Café in the mall for dinner. It looks like a 1950’s diner, and has wonderful food. It’s also less than 5 minutes from the house. The restaurant was partnering with Alesia’s school to do a fundraiser, and 10% of every check was donated to the school. Great idea. We saw a lot of middle schoolers in there. I had shrimp and grits which were spicy and delicious, Alesia had a hamburger, and Granny had pasta and shrimp, with a side order of grilled tomatoes. For dessert, we split a piece of pumpkin cheesecake - quite tasty.

I had another fight with Mother’s doctor’s office today, but finally got the (*&^*&^^!! Technician to call in a refill on her pain medicine. He was very rude on the phone. Finally, with a big sigh, he said “We’re concerned your mother is going to get addicted to the painkillers.”  I said “She’s 71 years old, she only takes 2-3 pills a DAY, and her physical therapy is causing her great pain! She’s trying to get well and get back to normal. It’s a very mild pain pill, anyway. She is NOT a pill-popping drug addict!” I was so furious. I called several times and asked to speak to the doctor, and was always given to him, the prescription nazi. I am going to write a letter to Dr. Bray and tell her what horrible people skills he has. Mother is furious – and rightly so. They gave her the runaround for 3 days, starting Monday morning. She finally got her prescription, but that's ridiculous.

Alesia’s behavior has improved 100% since I instituted the behavior chart, but she still has her moments. She has a hard time sometimes falling asleep, and tonight when we were saying prayers I asked her to ask God to help her sleep. She got mad and started whining, and I just got up and said “If that’s your attitude, just go to bed.” I left and shut the door, and she didn’t get to hear music. Last night she kept grabbing me and hugging me in a death grip and not letting go, and I wasn’t going through that again. She gets too excited, then can’t sleep.

I found out the condo will need to have the bathtub faucet completely replaced, as it drips incessantly and there’s a huge rust stain in the tub. This is why it hasn’t sold, probably. I knew nothing about it until the other day when the real estate agent held an open house, and people told him the tub was a mess. I haven’t been over there in a while, so I hadn’t noticed. I hope after I spend the money to get it repaired, it will sell. I am tired of paying the bills on it.

Unknown Science

Tuesday, October 26, 2005 Alesia doesn’t know her science. Every time I ask her “Are you ready for the test?” she says yes. Then when I sit down and start going through the questions, she doesn’t know the answers. She is supposed to be learning the basics of weather [winds, clouds, etc.] but she doesn’t know the meaning of words like “liquid” and “absorb” – words we’ve gone over before but she doesn’t remember. I am amazed she made a B in Science on the last report card.

I told her tonight - after showing her the huge pile of notecards with questions she doesn’t know and the relatively thin pile of cards with questions she does know -  “You are going to fail the test tomorrow. You haven’t memorized the words. You don’t understand the concepts. I didn’t say it in a mean way, but she started crying anyway.

She went off today and forgot her purse, filled with sanitary napkins. I remembered it this morning and called Mother, who got her driver to drop it by the school on the way to therapy. Alesia forgets so much – but she remembers some things. She remembered an offhand remark I made the other day about giving our aluminum cans to my friend Bronwyn who picks her up from school. She raced in from school, Mother said, and got the bags of cans from the garage and took them out to Bronwyn’s car. I only mentioned that once, I think Saturday.

I am piled up with work to do at work and hardly have a free moment to catch my breath. It’s very frustrating. I’ve gotten a dozen new cases in the last two weeks. I keep forgetting things – just tired and stressed. Never causes major problems but I kick myself every time, because one of the attorneys always points out to me what I’ve forgotten. Now she thinks I’m an idiot. She has started looking at me funny, like I am so mentally defective it’s amazing I can walk upright. I keep wanting to say “Lady, if you’d had the horribly stressful life I have had lately you’d be hanging on by your fingernails, too!” Makes me want to slap her.

Mother says the therapist is working her hard. She ran out of pain pills today and the stupid doctor’s office wouldn’t call in a refill because the doctor wasn’t there. It’s a very mild pill. I was so irritated at the office.

I keep trying to get back on a diet and failing miserably. Stress makes me eat. I have become the candy monster. Every time I get stressed out I reach for the chocolate. It’s depressing. Maybe after Halloween I can do better.

I ordered Alesia a cute witch’s costume today. It should be here Friday. She is going trick or treating with her friend Elena. The pumpkins we carved a couple of weeks ago are starting to look hideous. It’s time to light ‘em up…

The News

Oct. 22, 2005
I feel guilty that I haven't written in my journal all week. So much to do. Working more long hours to try and keep up at work, then I don't get home until late. Mother found a lady to drive her back and forth to therapy appointments, so that burden is off of me, thank goodness. I've lost a lot of time from work taking her, and then I have to stay late to make up the time. The therapy is too important to not go, however.

We went to dinner the other night and met Danny Griffin, a missionary who was instrumental in the adoption. He was in town, though he lives in Ohio. Danny sang in the choir with me in 2003 and since his church contributes a lot to Topolevo, Alesia's orphanage, he had suggested we go sing there, and the rest is history. He had just returned from Khabarovsk and brought Alesia photos and messages from her friends there. She was happy to see him, and they spoke Russian together. He is fluent. He also brought her a mug, and a comb from Russia, which pleased her greatly.

We got back her grades yesterday for the second term. She made 1 C [computer class], 1 B [science], A's in everything else except Math. She made a 62 in Math. She has been getting tutored at school, so I was surprised. I will speak to her teacher. I told her I was very proud of her and gave her a big hug and she just beamed.

I am praying the Open House that John is holding tomorrow will help sell the condo. I really want that monkey off my back. If I could just get that done and get the boxes out of the garage I will feel a huge burden lifted.

We went to the Cobb Galleria this morning, to the Misteletoe Market put on by the Junior League. Lots of cute crafts items there. Mom found a grabber to get down things from shelves, and a watch. Alesia got a cute light winter coat. Very productive. We saw cousin Jan and her son Charlie and had lunch with them, which was pleasant. Jan is the Hasty family genealogist.

Mother met a man who lives down the street and he and his wife are adopting a baby from China. I called and talked to him tonight. Nice guy, Andrew Carlton. Is a computer guy for Bellsouth. He says he knows one of the guys at the adoption agency adopted 2 little girls from Russia and they are about Alesia’s age. He is going to give the guy my contact information. Maybe I can get Alesia a couple of new friends.

I got the photos copied for the second post-adoption report and I am going to pick it up Monday. Then I have to get it apostilled and Fed-X’s to Alaska and that will be a relief, for one more year at least. I have to file 2 more, next year in Oct. and in 2007, then I'm through.

I posted the following today on my Yahoo board for adoptive moms:

Boy, I can really relate to Barb and Angie's e-mails, although I try not to work more than 8 hours, and my commute is only about 30-45 minutes. Even though Alesia is a big 14 year old there still aren't enough hours in the day. She started a new class last week - basically home Economics, but they call it something politically correct like "Home and Family" or something along those lines, because they do cooking, sewing, household budgeting, etc. Sounds like fun. But Alesia had an assignment to write a little autobiography and she made up the cutest little booklet and illustrated it herself. It has pages like "My favorite movies" "What I like to do" etc. One page is titled "My Wish"  - and she wrote her greatest wish is for Mom to spend more time with her. God that just about killed me. I have been working long hours at work, and she never complains, but it obviously bothers her when I walk in at 7:30 or 8, after being gone 12 hours.

There are just never enough hours in the day. Even with Mother living here and helping, and starting supper, there's NO time for me. I actually left Alesia here this afternoon watching TV and ran to see a movie with my friend Dana, that I haven't seen in ages, and I felt GUILTY the whole time. I couldn't enjoy the movie. I came home and turned off the TV and made Alesia go with me to do errands, just so I could spend some time with her.

Those of you with little ones - just because they get older, there won't be the break you think there will be. She still gets almost all my free time, and I wish I could give her more.

My dreams of adopting #2 are pretty distant now. If I can just sell my condo, I might could get that done sometime in the next year or two. Then I will REALLY have to learn time management... Dee

Highland Flings

Saturday, October 15, 2005 -- see new photos I didn’t get but about 6 hours of sleep last night so I am exhausted and off to bed soon. I hosted a breakfast for some of my cousins and we had a good visit. Then we went to the Scottish Highland Festival at Stone Mountain. Alesia had never been, of course. I’ve been many times. I think she was impressed by the excellent music – not just bagpipes, but drums and pipes. The tartans are quite impressive, too. The traditional female Scottish dress is a plaid skirt and white shirt, and it flatters nobody. I got Alesia a commemorative tee shirt, which she liked. She looked quite puzzled when the Scottish saleslady said in a very thick accent “Ye’ll be wanting’ a wee bag for that, eh?” It was a genuine accent. Alesia looked puzzled. I said “Yes!” – quickly. I found Mother a beautiful woolen shawl, of a lovely blue and purple tartain, which the saleslady assured me was a sort of “universal” tartan that didn’t belong to any one clan. When the weather turns nippy Mother can wear the shawl without help putting it on. She says it looks like a cape; I say a shawl. There’s a lot of fine wool in it. We couldn’t stay too long, as we had errands to run this afternoon. We had a lot of photo ops, visited the clans I belonged to [their booths], watched the piping bands, shopped, and headed out. We got the main grocery shopping done last night at Kroger, but the errands never end. Today we went to Borders for books, and Hastings for gardening supplies. We bought many tulips and bulbs of other plants and will probably plant them next weekend, I hope. When we got back, Alesia’s little friend Elena came over, and they had a good time together. We gave them spaghetti for dinner. We also had fruit salad left over from the breakfast this morning that was very good. I was happy no bugs detracted from entertaining our breakfast or dinner guests. We’ve seen an influx of some nasty black bug. I killed one on the sink just before breakfast. I’ve killed 4 in my bathroom. We are calling a pest control company Monday. I’ve sprayed but nothing helps. I got winded walking around the park today. I was also appalled at the digital photos one of my Embry cousins e-mailed this afternoon. I have to figure out a new diet strategy and stick to it.

The Moon Conundrum

Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2005 [see new photos posted]

I sent the following e-mail to my brother tonight:

Alesia and I were driving home from dance class tonight and she looked up at the moon. It was a half moon.

She said "How you call that moon?"

"It's a half moon." I replied.

"No, how you call?"

"Well, we have crescent moon, half moon, full moon," I blathered, trying to remember all possible moon terms.

Alesia said, "In Russia we see moon too."

I had no reply to that.

"How many moons?"

I thought this was odd. I explained again about the half moon, full moon, etc.

Alesia sighed with great exasperation.

"NO! How MANY moons?"

"I don't understand what you're asking."

"How many!" she cried, frustrated.

Finally, it dawned on me and I couldn't help laughing.

"Sweetie, there is only ONE moon. Same moon we see here is the one you saw in Russia."

"Really?"

"Yep. Same one. Same sun, too."

I couldn't see her face but I sensed skepticism.

"Really. I promise. Just ONE moon."

I told Mother about the moon remark while Alesia was showering. She laughed.

Later, I said, "But you know, it's sort of sad. When I was 14 I was no whiz at science, but I knew there was just one moon and sun. Some of the things she says are just so incredibly naive. She is genuine, though. Her ignorance is astonishing sometimes.

She had no idea Russia was ruled by Tsars for hundreds of years, or by the communists until just before she was born. I showed her "Dr. Zhivago" hoping she would understand better.

She is totally ignorant of government. If she weren't so good at computers, numbers, and all things mechanical I would fear she was not intelligent.

If you want to catch up on us, I've copied my latest 2 journal entries below. Alesia also said some funny things at the beach.

Mother tried driving after I got home yesterday, but said it was really painful. She drove around the neighborhood, grimacing a lot. We will try again next week. She is anxious to drive.

My friend Maria's mother - same age as Mom, but a fitness buff, walks an hour a day, rides horseback, etc. - fell last weekend and broke both wrists. She won't let her husband hire nurses, only wants Maria to help her. Very big burden to place on Maria - I feel sorry for her.

We are getting azaleas planted in the front bed, and pansies. The grass in back looks terrific. I can't wait for you to see all the improvements.

OXOX

Dee

New Strategies

Sunday, October 9, 2005

Today is my brother’s 46th birthday. I called this morning and left him a birthday message on his answering machine. When we saw him last week in Columbia, mother and I gave him some small gifts. I can’t believe in a few years he will be 50…

It has been such a hectic week. I haven’t had the energy to write in my journal. I worked late 3 out of the 4 days I worked after we got back from the beach. I was behind in my work plus had a project due Monday. On Friday night it was almost 9 when I drove him in pouring rain and fog. It was nerve-wracking. I hate driving at night under any conditions. I was exhausted when I got home.

I have tried to get Alesia to understand this week that she can’t just memorize the words and do well in school. I give her credit for developing a better study ethic – with a lot of encouragement from me and Granny. However, she doesn’t really understand the concepts. She’s not getting enough words to make that leap. So she memorizes answers to questions, but if you rephrase the question slightly she is lost. We are going to change that. I spent several hours tonight helping her study for a science test. She had memorized all the layers of the atmosphere [troposphere, mesosphere, stratosphere, etc.] but when I asked her to define “atmosphere” she didn’t know. That’s just one example.

She doesn’t listen. She doesn’t think. She only makes a halfhearted effort at studying a lot of the time. This drives me and Mother nuts because we’re knocking ourselves out to re-learn 8th grade social studies and science so we can teach her. Plus stop every ten seconds to say things like “Do you know the word “harm”?”

After church and lunch today, I decided to alter my strategy. I made her a weekly chart. She gets 50 points a week. If she sasses us or shows a bad attitude when we ask her to do something, she loses a point. If she doesn’t yes “M’am” she loses a point. If we ask her a study question and she obviously hasn’t been listening and can’t answer, she loses a point. At the end of the [5 day] week, if she has 40-50 points still, she gets rewarded – a shopping trip, a movie in a theater, etc. If she has 21-40 points she gets nothing. Fewer than 20 points and she is punished – no TV, extra chores, etc. The chart ensures she can see tangible progress or lack of it, and she can earn rewards. Of course, I had to explain that she must behave on weekends, too, even if there are no points at stake. I think once she gets in the habit of behaving and learning it won’t be an issue. I am praying that will work!

I have read articles about such charts and always thought they might work for some kids but it sounded kind of silly, really. Now I am desperate. She seemed intrigued with the idea.

We had a longish talk tonight about accents. I told Alesia that if she wants to keep her Russian accent that’s fine, but people will never think she is American. However, if she works hard she can lose the accent and avoid the inevitable questions about being Russian and being adopted, which embarrass her. She told me recently she didn’t want me to tell people she’s adopted. I pointed out that the moment she speaks she’s clearly not from here. She’s still saying “these” instead of “this,” for example. I made it clear it’s her choice. I hope she will choose to at least try and pronounce things correctly.

Yesterday we went to the Greek Festival here at the Greek Cathedral. It was great fun. They had lots of interesting things for sale – much, much bigger than your typical church bazaar. They also had fabulous food, and Russian dancing and music. We had a great time.

Today, back to the routine.

We bought Mother one of those silly-looking huge balls, called a therapy ball – or workout ball, in some cases. Found it at Target. Her physical therapist suggested rolling it to another person across a tabletop would help. She tried it with Alesia this afternoon. It worked. This new therapist is great. She is really progressing.

I finished a good book the other day, “The Romanov Prophecy.” Sort of like “DaVinci Code” but not nearly as complicated. It hinges on a prophecy made by Rasputin before the Russian Royal family was executed in 1918 that the Tsar’s would one day again rule Russia. Good read.

As always, I am tired, tired. I do feel some optimism that everyone in my little family seems to be making some personal progress. Except me. I have to work on me...

Beach Review

Monday, October 3, 2005 We are back from our long weekend at the beach. I am tired, but so glad we could get away. We tried to study with Alesia in the car, so she could get her homework done and keep up with her classes. On Friday it was really difficult going over Georgis Studies, because she was so excited she was nauseous, and couldn’t concentrate when we asked her questions. Mother read, Alesia was supposed to listen and I drove. Except I ended up doing a lot of explaining to Alesia about the American Revolution. Today we studied Science, which was easier because she was more calm. The condo we stayed at in Myrtle Beach was VERY nice, very swanky. It was not that expensive, and it was right on the beach. Had 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a large great room. The kitchen was tiny, but we only ate in for breakfast so it didn’t matter. Alesia was enthralled by the ocean, which she had never seen before, up close and personal. She made several funny remarks. When Alesia first saw the beach, she said “But where is the land on the other side?” She later asked me, “Those waves, they are always going that way?” I tried not to laugh and said yes, the waves never stop. When we first got in the ocean, in bathing suits, she was having a great time, but stopped suddenly, made a face, and said “Mom! Water is salty! Yuck.” We also went to see my mother’s brother, who lives in Myrtle Beach. He is 78, recently recuperated from a broken hip, and is still somewhat frail. His wife and granddaughter take excellent care of him, however. His wife took to Alesia right away. She loves kids, and told Alesia right after they met, “My grandchildren all call me Big Mama, so you just call me that, too. Let’s go find that kitty cat.” Alesia enjoyed connecting with new family, and they got a kick out of her. We had dinner with them Saturday and Sunday, and a long visit Saturday morning. On Sunday, I took Alesia to Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum downtown. Bruce and I used to love going to the one in Gatlinburg. Alesia was mildly impressed, but nowhere near as much as me. I realized why towards the end, when we looked at an exhibit and she said scornfully, “That not real.” I replied “Of COURSE it’s real! Everything in here is real?!” She had thought it wasn’t. So no wonder she wasn’t so fascinated. We later went to a Japanese steakhouse for lunch, and she was enthralled by the chef cooking right in front of us. She also loved riding a merry go round set up in the little shopping area, and feeding the pigeons that congregated there. I drove today for hours. I am exhausted and off to bed.