November 7, 2005
Tonight was a behavior doozy.
I sent Alesia up to take her shower after dinner, as usual. I got worried and I came up after about 20 minutes of hearing the shower, and Mom was saying "What's the matter up there? She's usually in and out in 10 minutes." She was worried.
I came up and looked into the bathroom and the water was going full blast in the tub and she was nowhere to be found. I called her and she came out of my room. I had told her just the other day to stay out of my room.
I don't know what she was doing - I suspect she was watching TV. She wouldn't tell me. Of course, she had been very quiet because Mom and I didn't hear the floor creak like she was up here. I think she turned on the water to mask the sound of whatever she was doing .I was so pissed off with her!
I told Alesia when I got up here that I was very angry and disappointed. I marked off 5 points on her behavior chart. I also made her apologize to Granny for using up all the hot water! Mom couldn't even get warm water to wash her face.
I had been so delighted with Alesia tonight. She had taken it upon herself to come in and do her homework. She asked me for some help, but did most of it herself. She has been put in a special reading tutorial and I can see a big difference in her ease of reading and comprehension. She seemed to be taking responsibility for homework, looking up words, studying for her test, etc.
I was so irritated with her about the tub, I made her clean up her bathroom and go to bed half an hour early. I also told her that from now on when she comes in from school she can only come upstairs to use the bathroom, but she has to stay downstairs until I get home. She really didn't like that. She started crying.
I said "Alesia, I can't trust you not to spill things on my bed and mess up my room. So you're being punished. You are acting like a child, so I am punishing you like a child. When you start being responsible and acting mature then you can do what you like more often." There are a number of stains on my bedspread which are popsicles, magic markers, etc.
When I kissed her goodnight she didn't want to hug me. I grabbed her anyway and kissed her and said "Alesia, I don't like things you do sometimes, but I will always love you and you will always be my daughter. That's what families do - we might get angry when a family member hurts us, but we keep right on loving them." I wanted her to know I was upset about her actions but not her. I also said "You are a good girl MOST of the time, and I know you are trying." / I'm hoping to forestall too many psychotherapy bills later....?!
One step forward, 2 steps back. I guess that's par for the course, in being a parent...
