The Crab Chronicles

Quiet, not Peaceful

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The past couple of days have been fairly quiet. Alesia has been in a pretty good mood, thank goodness.

Yesterday when I got home she came running up and gave me a big hug, and gave me a card she had drawn for me. I think it was her way of apologizing.

Alesia has a test tomorrow in Georgia Studies, and one in Science on Friday. She's not ready for the one tomorrow. I tried to help her study but she wasn't paying much attention. Trying to explain the political climate during reconstruction was practically impossible. We're still facing the brick wall of her memorizing words with no real understanding of them.

Tomorrow Mother is going to pick her up from school for the first time since she got sick with flu. I hope she doesn't have a panic attack. It takes exactly two minute to drive to the school, but the soccer moms are a vicious bunch and they guard their territory viciously.

A friend of mine told me about a diet you do strictly for 3 days, then you just eat normally for 4 days. Sounds too good to be true. I think I am going to try it, starting next week. The low carb thing isn't working.

No Skating Allowed

Sunday, January 29, 2006

It was raining lightly when I got up this morning. It has been freakishly warm all weekend. There is a whole bed of buttercups in our neighbors yard that has come up. I checked the front flowerbed in our yard and two of the bulbs Alesia and I planed a couple of months ago are coming up  - I want to say Stop, don't do it! We'll get winter back one day! but as Mother says, it's God's doing, not ours.

Alesia is over the hug embargo. She came up and indirectly hugged me several times during the day. I found out late in the day that mother had fussed at her about not hugging me, and made her do it. It was be irritating, except that she is in a much better mood today. I know I am in a better mood.

A friend of mine who has a 10 year old daughter adopted from Kazakhstan came over this afternoon and we took the girls roller skating. Only problem was I could not find the skating rink. I drove and drove and never found it! The Mapquest directions were bizarre, and when I called the rink  - and finally got through - those directions were weird too. I finally just gave up and we came back here.

My friend's child is a highly intelligent child but she got bored in the car and said and did a number of things which annoyed Alesia. For instance - she kept pointing to men in other cars or walking down the street and saying "Is that your boyfriend?!" The mother was not at all effective at controlling her. I like the mother a lot, but the child got on Alesia's nerves, bad. So I doubt we will be socializing again any time soon, unfortunately...

I had a fleeting thought this afternoon, about the difference between the two girls. Alesia’s annoys the heck out of me sometimes, but I sure am glad I got her and not that other girl…!

We came home and headed out to Publix for groceries, and while there Elena called me on my cell. Her father came by the Publix and picked up Alesia and she got to go to youth group with Elena - I was so glad. She needed to get away with her buddy.

I was distressed to see ABD reporter Bob Woodruff was badly hurt in Iraq. I like watching his reports because he really goes after his stories. He and his cameraman were injured by a bomb. I saw his report the other night on the news and I had a disturbing feeling. It wasn't specific, I just felt uneasy about him. I was stunned to see he was hurt. So sad.

Saturday

January 28, 2006

I read this quote recently and I like it a lot:

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Allan Chalmers

I just listened to Alesia’s prayers and put her to bed. She made no attempt to hug or kiss me. It has been such a difficult day for me emotionally, again. I'm trying to be mature and remember she is just a kid, but it kills me. She kisses mother, she hugs and kisses the dog, but not me.

I took her to Sylvan this morning to get tested. She got mad at me because I wouldn’t let her take her purse. Instead of waiting for her in the lobby, I just came home. I took Mother to ride while we waited for her to finish. Mother needed to get out of the house and it was a lovely day, sunny, with temps in the 60's.

They told me at Sylvan that the kids are with the teacher in a 3:1 ratio – for $50 an hour she wouldn’t even get a private tutor. I will get the test results and make other arrangements for her to be tutored.

We went to eat lunch at a Mexican Chipotle restaurant. Mother had an asthma attack and we had to grab our food and go home. When we got home I canceled Alesia’s appointment to get her photo made at a studio this afternoon. Too much. Mother was fine, though.

Alesia did her Ga. Studies project this afternoon with my help, drawing a map of Georgia and marking on it the major Civil War battles, Andersonville, and Sherman’s March to the Sea. What this was supposed to teach them, I cannot imagine.

I took her to the movies to see Nanny McFee. Despite the presence of Emma Thompson and Colin Firth, it was a really mediocre film. No big surprises, no magic, really. Alesia anticipated every plot twist and whispered each one to me, loudly.

We stopped at Eckerd on the way home and picked up some cough medicine for Mother. We came home and ate leftovers.

I have to clean out the fridge and pantry tomorrow before we go grocery shopping. Too much old food. It’s depressing.

I just cannot shake this feeling of depression.

Alesia has gotten highly critical of me. Every time I burp she winces. Tonight on the way back from the movie she said I didn’t cover my mouth when I yawned so I wasn’t ladylike. She acts like she can’t stand me. I know this is normal, but it still hurts.

The Pity Party, Table for One

Friday, January 27, 2006

The last two days have been very rough emotionally. I have only been able to talk about it with Mother and Bronwyn.

When I got home from work yesterday Alesia refused to hug me. She refused to hug Mother. I marked 12 points off her behavior chart and she still refused. I told her that her behavior really hurt my feelings but she didn’t even blink. I made her go stay in her room until supper was ready.

Alesia told Mother yesterday before I got home that she had finished her Ga. Studies homework. When I sat down with her to check it after dinner, she had not done ANY of it. I was furious. We sat there until 10:30 last night and I made her do it. One of her assignments was to write a paragraph. She said she had no idea what a paragraph was, so I had to give her a quick tutorial on the components of a paragraph.

This morning Alesia was in a pretty good mood, for a minute. She always kisses Mother goodbye before we walk out the door, but she didn’t do it today. I automatically said “Alesia, kiss Granny goodbye.” Mother was standing there with a forbidding look on her face. Mother said “I don’t want her to kiss me goodbye if she has to be forced to do it.”

Alesia got a look of great consternation on her face and stomped out the door.

When we got to the school I gave Alesia a brief lecture about hugging and kissing Mom and Granny. I reminded her that we try to be good to her, give her a good life, do things for her, and she can’t even give us a normal amount of affection, and that hurts us. She just stared straight ahead and didn’t say a word. I told her I was really tired of her attitude. Still the poker face.

Finally, I told Alesia we would never ask her to hug or kiss us again, that from now on she could do it or not, it was her choice.

I usually ask Alesia to give me a hug before she gets out of the car, and I kiss her forehead. Today I just didn’t say anything. She didn’t make any move to hug me. I usually say “Have a good day. I love you!” but I didn’t say those things either. I was too angry and upset.

I called Mother from the car. She pointed out, very sensibly, that withholding affection is Alesia’s only way to be defiant. I never allow her to talk back, argue, or disobey. I can’t force her to be affectionate, however. So that’s her weapon. That didn’t make me feel much better.

Alesia didn’t hug me when I came home tonight. I just came up to my room for a while and checked messages here at the computer. She came in and sort of side-to-side hugged me.

She didn't hug me before she went to sleep, either.

Her attitude just makes me very sad. This sort of sadness is not what I expected. I feel like she needs affection, but I don't want to go back on my word, and give her the weapon again. I feel like I need to always have the upper hand with her, because otherwise she will be insecure and just keep pushing the envelope and the next thing I know I'll be a grandmother.

Our Lady of Perpetual Nausea

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Our fiscal year ends Friday and I am trying to get everything done. I have 2 settlement agreements [originals] which were Fed-X'd out of New Orleans and lost. I am horrified. If you can't trust Fed-X, what's next? Dogs and cats, living together?!

I've been horribly nauseated all day, and felt very yucko. I stayed at work all day anyway, which was very taxing. Mother has had the flu for a week and I'm praying I'm not catching it. I've been washing my hands constantly - it now looks like I have serious OCD...

I came home and tutored Alesia in English. I had to dig down in my memory to train her what is a sentence and what is a sentence fragment. We also discussed the importance of note taking.

I bought a new DVD player, a Sony. I told the guy I just wanted a basic, no-frills DVD player, not a teeny one, not a recorder, no bells and whistles. He showed me the little ones. I bought a normal one. A drooling idiot. No surprise he works at Target...

I called Sylvan Learning Center and they are going to assess Alesia on Saturday in reading, writing, and math. I may get them to tutor her in Math. I'm not sure. They charge $50/hour which seems outrageous to me.

Mechanical Failures

January 24, 2006

Mother is a little better, but the antibiotic is slow to kick in. She's still coughing a nasty, hacking cough. She doesn't feel like driving.

On top of everything else, the hot water heater died today. Thank God, Horace [the handyman] was able to come out and look at it. He is bringing a replacement tomorrow, a like-new one he is letting us have for about $125 including installation. Normally they run $500-$1000.

I will just have to creatively pin up my hair tomorrow since I don't want to take an icy shower at 6 a.m. It does remind me of Russia - never knew when I'd get hot water there. Never knew what color it would be, either.

I made an appointment for Alesia to get real photo portraits made on Saturday at a place in Perimeter Mall called Picture People. Some of the folks in my single mother's group have used them and liked them. I figured it was worth a try. She is very photogenic, and the last studio ones were made almost a year ago. Now she's filled out more, and she draws on eyebrows every morning, so she looks a lot more grown up. We need to go through her clothes and see what still fits.

The last batch of photos I made turned out really dark, and the shutter was sticking. I am thinking about going ahead and biting the bullet and getting a digital camera, finally. My friend Paul said the Nikon CoolPix are good, which I've heard is true. I told him he will have to teach me to use it.

I need to buy a new DVD player for the big TV downstairs, too, since Alesia rammed a disk in there the other night and broke it. She is always in too much of a hurry and too careless with mechanical things, but that's typical kid. It just irritates me because that DVD player is only a few years old, and it's a multi-disk one. Next one I buy will not be so expensive.

Alesia's friends at school are teaching her Spanish. I have told her I want to concentrate on English, but if I say something in Italian, she can't resist shouting "I know what you said!" Then I have to remind her it's NOT Spanish, it's Italian. She's usually right though. Funny.

Rainy Day Monday

 

Monday, January 23, 2006

Routine day at work. Nothing to report. Rained cats and dogs all day.

Mom got the dr. to call in a prescription for an antibiotic. I hope it makes her cough go away and she feels better

I posted this on my single moms board a few minutes ago:

I have to share something funny with y'all.

When Alesia first got home, she was so quiet. Of course, she didn't speak English, duh.... Now, she won't hush.

Our new house has fiendishly complicated light fixtures. We usually let Horace, the handyman, change the bulbs in them.

Tonight, I decided I was tired of there being so little light in the dining room, and I started to change the bulb in the little chandelier. The thing started falling apart in my hands. Alesia grabbed it, sitting her popka on a pile of books on the table, where she crouched, hunched and holding the silly thing carefully to keep it from dropping. I ran out to the garage and grabbed my feminine purple toolbox, and ran back in. Alesia was cramping from holding the strange pose.

I grabbed a wrench and started trying to quickly take the fixture apart. It was slow and I was cramping from holding my arms at unnatural angles, and Alesia was really uncomfortable. Finally, we got the bulbs changed and the fixture rehung.

I helped Alesia off the table and I got off the table - thank god it's a heavy, strong table!

As I was walking into the kitchen I heard Alesia's reproving voice: "Mom! That was the dumbest idea you've ever had! We should have let Horace do that!" Well, Mother and I just fell out laughing.

Normally I would've chided her for being disrespectful, but I couldn't stop laughing...

Weekend Update

Sunday, January 22, 2006

It has been an odd weekend.

Mother is still very weak, and won't eat much. Her nose has stopped dripping, but she is coughing some. She talked to her friend bud tonight, who is a retired doctor, and he told her to call the internist tomorrow and get a prescription for the cough. We don't need pneumonia.

Alesia spent most of the day yesterday with her friend Elena. They went to Elena's basketball game, which was probably her first real American basketball game. Then she hung out with Elena's family all afternoon. They have 5 kids altogether so Alesia loves being over there.

Mother talked to me while I cooked all afternoon. I thawed and supplemented some homemade vegetable beef soup, made corn muffins and a pecan pie. Late yesterday afternoon I picked up Alesia and we drove up to Grayson, GA, about 45 minutes away. Ed Ware's daughter Sherry died a few days ago, and I had told Ed I'd come up to the house and bring supper. I know he is shattered. Sherry had ovarian cancer and had a 5 year old daughter.

Ed Ware was one of my father's closest friends. He and his 2nd wife lived next door to my parents for 12 years in Knoxville. I didn't really know Sherry, but I feel incredibly sorry for the family.

Sherry’s house is enormous - a McMansion. Huge houses, small lots, no trees. The interior was nicely decorated, with a lot of toys around. Ed and the rest of the family were out picking out the funeral plot, so I just left the food with the lone family member there [Sherry's mother in law] and left.

As we were driving out, Alesia said “When I grow up I want to live in a big house like this, with 4 or 5 kids.” I said “Well, you better marry a rich man then!”


Our movie selection last night was "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken," a classic. If Don Knotts doesn't make you laugh, you're humor impaired. Tonight we watched "The Phantom of the Opera." Alesia was dismayed that the characters spend most of their time singing...

Alesia and I went to Sunday School and church on our own this morning. Felt weird without Mom. Alesia has pretty much mastered the complicated service - sit down, stand up, pray, sit down, chant, get up and take communion, etc. She tries to sing along sometimes.

Alesia has no ear for music. It distresses me to hear her sing, but I try to just grin and bear it. She's never even remotely on key. I've never seen someone so musically inept. She told me not long ago "You know Mom, all music sounds the same to me."  I think she must have a true tin ear.

This afternoon we put Mother in the wheelchair and trekked to the nearby Northlake Mall. It was a productive trip, but it tired Mother out terribly. We are now fully stocked on greeting cards and reading material, and Alesia has 3 new shirts.

Alesia and I went to Kroger on our own after the mall. She wants to push the cart. I tell her I'm the Mama and the Mama gets to push the cart. She pouts. I remember doing the exact same thing.

In the grocery store, at the meat counter, she was restless and goofing off. I told her today if she didn't behave herself I was going to make her go sit in the car. She looked startled, she blurted out "But that would be so BORING!" I grinned at her and said, "Exactly."  That's what Granny used to make me do when I misbehaved in stores. I spent many hours sitting in parked cars, kiddo...

Gloomy Day

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Well, I was so tired yesterday I didn't write. I went to work. Mother said she felt OK staying by herself.

I didn't get much done at work, but I put in an appearance, and nothing is falling through the cracks, so that's good. Next week will be hectic as it's the end of the fiscal year and all my cases have to be reviewed and updated in the computer, and settlements completed.

Last night I fixed meatloaf and squash casserole and Mother ate a small amount of it.

Alesia didn't eat much. We had had a talk about the fact she seemed pretty grumpy and angry yesterday afternoon and Mother and I tried to get her to express her feelings, but she wouldn't. She spent the evening cleaning her room. I didn't tell her to do that, she just did it. She also made me a picture frame. She was more cheerful afterwards. I notice when she is in a bad mood if I give her something to do [clean out the closet, etc.] she gets in a better mood immediately.

I watched a new TV program called The Book of Daniel last night. It stars Aidan Quinn, and I really like him - very sexy guy, very intelligent. The show is silly. Quinn plays an Episcopal priest with flaky kids and oddd situations happen to him. Last night he had a mobster confess to him he's gay, but threaten to kill him if he told anyone. I didn't care much for the show. Then again, I never watch anything on TV regularly. Too many other things to do.

It's pouring rain here and seems to be a gloomy day.

Mother said she was up half the night with diarrhea and she's lost 9 lbs. since Wed. Not good. I need to watch her. Maybe I can run Alesia over to play with someone else this afternoon...

Housebound, Day 2

January 19, 2006

It's been a rollercoaster day.

Mother woke up this morning feeling better, said she slept well last night. She slept a lot today, but ate well, and spent some time on the computer and paying bills.

We got the new rug for the breakfast area. It makes the room look bigger, and we brought back in the rolling chairs. We reduced the table size, too, so there's more room overall. Looks great, Mother and I think. Mother stayed in her room with Coco while the delivery guys were here.

After they left it was lunchtime, and Mother was alert enough to ride with me to do a couple of errands, but had to go home after about 20 minutes and run to the bathroom. All the extra vitamins and herbal things are giving her IBS fits. I was just happy to get out of the house.

It was a beautiful day here, 60's. I made Alesia get out and ride her bike this afternoon. She complained bitterly about her leg being sore [from dance class Tuesday night]. I couldn't get her to understand that she needs to use those muscles more. Her legs still have a slightly wasted appearance from all the years of malnutrition. She has poor muscle tone in her legs.

Late this afternoon, Mother ran a fever again, 100. She didn't want to do anything but sit in her chair and sleep. She can't read, which is bad.

i got a little more done on my adoption book manuscript, but not much.

I helped Alesia study for her Ga. Studies test tomorrow. She now has at least basic knowledge of the Civil War, but it's because I taught her, not the teacher. the teacher shows movies and plays games and Alesia couldn't even ask a question over the noise, she said. She knew most of the material on her 3x5 cards, and she was in a better mood after we reviewed everything. One-on-one time with Mom always pleases her, even studying.

Alesia helped me make Adobro Pork Chops for dinner, plus sataueed cabbage and pasta. She likes to cook, and will eat better if she prepares something herself. The pork chops recipe is from the Bush Family Cookbook [as in George Sr. and Barb] and it has a lot of great recipes. I gave it to Mother for her birthday.

Since we didn't have a Netflix movie, we watched one of my movies after dinner tonight, When Harry Met Sally. Alesia loved it, which surprised me. She hates kissing scenes. Mother watched some of it, too.

Mother was doing so well today I thought I could return to work tomorrow. however, she now seems worse, and is coughing more. Tonight after dinner [she just had tomato soup and saltines] she said her heart was palpitating. Scary. So I will just see tomorrow how she feels and decide about work. She's much more important.

I've tried to call Bruce several times, to see if he will come over, have e-mailed and left phone messages, and no reply whatsoever.

I saw this quote and I love it:
"God's will is exactly what you would desire if you knew all the facts."