The Crab Chronicles

The Screamer

February 28, 2006 [see new photos posted]

The last day of February. I can't believe tomorrow is March. Time marches on. One more month and we will go to the beach. Yay!

Alesia was pretty upset with me last night because I told her I would no longer help her with homework, or even check it. I said she had to do it all herself, and try her best. I explained about her teachers thinking she knows more than she does, because I've been helping her too much. She didn't much care for that explanation. I hate having to do this, to prove to those teachers she is NOT ready for high school next year.

I have bene contacting various private schools to see if they would admit Alesia next year. So far, no luck. I will have to get a loan to pay the tuition. I told her we may send her to another school, or just homeschool her. She likes the homeschool idea. I didn't point out it would be Granny, not me.

We had a nice evening yesterday, until right after dinner. I will spare you the details, but I had to punish Alesia for a clothing infraction. I held my temper and stayed calm, until the end. Then I lost it and screamed at her. Why? She sassed me. I said "Just go to your room and go to bed, no movie tonight."  Her impertinent reply - "Well, I don't care. It's almost bedtime anyway!" Oh man, I hate that disrespectful attitude. I screamed so loud the walls shook. That's the only way to scare her and make an impression. I confess I didn't plan it though, I just lost my temper, pure and simple. I hate losing control like that.

After I gave myself some time to calm down, and calm down Mother - who thinks I'm going to burst an artery or something if I keep losing my temper - I went up to Alesia's room with Coco. She was huddled in her bed, crying. I felt remorseful. I didn't know what to do, though. I asked God to help me. For a few minutes, I just sat there. Then I prayed, out loud, "Lord, please help Alesia to understand that I love her more than anything else in the world. Help her to understand she is so special to me, and I want her to be a happy girl. Help her to OBEY me, though, so I don't have to be mean to her. Help Alesia to not be disrespectful to me or Granny. Help her to understand what we expect, and help us to understand her. In Jesus' name, amen."

I was hoarse all day today from the screaming.

At lunch today I finally ordered a book that a lot of people have recommended, Parenting the Adolescent with Love and Logic. Those Love and Logic books are very popular right now. I prefer the old drill sergeant approach myself, but so far it ain't working as well as I would hope. So maybe I need to investigate the book and see if it has any nuggests of wisdom.

My intestinal problems continue, only slightly lessened by the essentially bland diet I've adopted for the last few days, since we returned from the mountains. No cokes, onions, beans, etc. It's the same diet I was forced to endure years ago in grad school when I had colitis. I hope I don't have that again. Every time I got in the car I worried about having to stop and run in the bathroom somewhere. I hope this is just a bug and it will go away. Thank God for Immodium.

Mother and I tried once again to talk to Alesia tonight about Lent, and Easter, and why Jesus died for our sins. She keeps referring to him as "the Jesus." She can't seem to remember that Easter is not just about the bunny and candy. We have more work to do there, clearly. I am going to try and find her a book of illustrated Children's bible stories. She said she read all the stories in Russian. She was enthusiastic about seeing them in English, which is a good sign.

Mother heard the coyotes again tonight. I will either have to call animal control or get her earplugs.

Between Biltmore and Bud's

February 26, 2006  [note: I will post the trip photos when I have time]

Home. I love that word. Home looks so much better than you've been away a couple of days.

I like going places. I like showing Alesia new things. She loves the mountains. Hotels bite, however. mars the whole traveling experience. I wish a was a zillionaire and could travel in a private bus with a great bed on it.

I hate hotel beds. The one at the Holiday Inn Express was a slab of cardboard over concrete. The blanket and bedspread were so plastic, I woke up with them in a pool on the floor - they slithered off in the night even though I moved only minimally once I contorted into a semi-bearable position and propped on the four pillows as best I could. I always think of the cleanliness issues I was forced to learn while working for the hotel company - namely, the maids don't wash the blankets and bedspreads but like once every 5 guests or something. So they are pretty nasty.

We didn't do much Friday after we drove up. Mother got a nap. Alesia watched TV. We had to make an emergency run to the drugstore. Our hotel was convenientsly located between Biltmore and Bud's.

We had dinner with Mom's friend Bud and his sister, Jean. They live in a retirement community called Deerfield. Bud is 87, Jean is 85. Jean has lived with her big brother her whole life and he has cared for her. She is slightly mentally handicapped.

Deerfield has neat cottages, apartments, and hospital rooms for the residents with one foot in the grave. Bud's cottage is very swanky and nice, and has a screened-in porch, huge kitchen, very spacious living room. He has furnished it with treasures from his travels around the world as a navy doctor. He has some very fine dolls in cases, some Japanese "tontsu" [?] - huge chests. He has collected fine porcelain and objets d'art. It was a bit intimidating.

Bud is a gourmet cook, and served fabulous dinners both Friday and Saturday nights. Friday night we had egg drop soup, cornish game hens, wild rice, roasted peppers, and ice cream for dessert. It was very tasty. After she ate her soup Alesia said "May I be excused?" I had to explain about different courses in meals. We never have but one course, of course.

Last night's dinner was what bud called a "light supper" - minestrone [homemade soup], Italian bread [similar to focaccia], caesar salad, and strawberry shortcake for dessert.

We had had a "heavy" lunch in the Deerfield dining room yesterday. The food is very good. The place looks like a resort, not a nursing home. The food was good, not fabulous. I think Bud and Jean usually eat one meal a day there. Aside from the fact that all the other diners looked like extras from "Cocoon" it was a very upscale place.

Alesia and I went to Biltmore House yesterday morning. Alesia loved the house, but I think she was even more awed by the gorgeous mountain vistas from every window. We didn't get the separate tours and all that because I didn't want to spend all day there. The two of us got in for $25 and that was enough. If we'd taken all the extra tours [the rood, around the property, the barns, etc.] it would've cost $85 EACH. Yikes, what a racket.

I told Alesia that Biltmore has over 250 rooms and she was ticked we couldn't see them all! She thought it was worthy of a big giggle when I pointed out the servants all had chamber pots by their beds. For some reason they were displayed prominently in the little bedrooms.

I walked up all 4 flights of the "grand" staircase, though not all at once, thank God. I kept thinking "I HAVE to get back in shape! Oy!"

I have visited Biltmore about half a dozen times, the last more than 20 years ago. There's a lot more to see now. I had never seen the servants quarters nor the kitchens. There is also a new display in the basement, of photos from the construction phases of Biltmore. There are also several new gift shops, located in the stables next to the house.

Saturday afternoon was a treat. Mother rested. My cousin Wynn Ellinger, a resident of Asheville, came over to the hotel and drove us around downtown Asheville. Then we toured some of the nicer neighborhoods with beautifully preserved Victorian homes. [Wynn sells real estate so he knows his way around.] We went back downtown and parked and walked around. There are many little funky art galleries and stores, and a lot of good restaurants. We wandered through the old Woolworth building, which has now been turned into booths for selling relaly high-quality arts. They kept the old soda fountain, though, and Alesia and I had milkshakes. Whynn said there are concerts downtown every Friday when the weather's nice. Asheville is becoming quite a music mecca. Wynn kept extolling the virtues of Asheville so much ["There are NO rednecks!"] that he should run for mayor one day.

Wynn asked me if I wanted to go listen to bluegrass last night but I begged off. I said Alesia had homework. Truth was, I was too tired from all the walking, and my stomach was acting up. I think I picked up some bug last week, and it won't leave me. I also explained I don't srink alcohol any more and I rarely go out at night. Just getting to be a real fuddy-duddy.

We had a nice drive back today, through the mountains. We had lunch at Dillard House, and got there before the crowd. We brought home enough leftovers for tomorrow night's dinner.

Back to the real world tomorrow. At least I can sleep tonight in my own bed. Yay!!

Delayed

Thursday, February 23, 2006

We are not in Asheville yet. My boss made me stay until 3 and meet with her about seminars. Jeez, I was ticked. I hate driving at night.

I picked up Elena on my way home and she and Alesia got to hang out and play for a while this evening. We made little pizzas out of English muffins, sauce, cheese, pepperoni, and mushrooms. They were soooo delicious. I had forgotten how good they are. Of course, we bought good sauce [Classico] and I jazzed it up. The girls had fun building their little pizzas.

Our plan is to hit the road around 9 and have lunch in Asheville. If we're not too tired, Alesia and I will do Biltmore tomorrow afternoon. Or we may wait and go Saturday morning.

Mother’s friend Bud is cooking dinner for us tomorrow night. Mother is very excited. She must have ten outfits in her suitcase, and we'll only be gone 2 1/2 days. Of course, aside from our long weekend to Myrtle Beach last October she hasn't been anywhere in a year.

Mother stumbled in her room tonight and has a small abrasion on her elbow. Frightened and frustrated her more than anything else. Her ankles are a bit swollen and she is unsteady on her feet. She says she is tired of not feeling good. The hay fever comes in force every couple of days. We can't figure out what causes it.

I am seriously considering doing a domestic adoption whenever I get my condo sold and my finances in order. It's much cheaper and easier, and of course there is no shortage of little boys who need homes. I haven't made up my mind yet, though. It's a moot question until I get my finances in order. I believe in domestic adoptions they make you attend parenting classes for a couple of months. It's not an instant process.

Rain Day

Wed. February 22, 2006

It was a nasty, foggy, torrential rain day. Driving home was creeping through the deluge. Tomorrow it’s supposed to stop, thank God.

Mother said Alesia was naughty today, and I had to fuss at her on the phone, then again when we got home. Mother said Alesia came back from Kumon this afternoon [Bronwyn took her] and apologized to her, thank goodness. We don’t need animosity since we will be in the car together for 3 hours tomorrow.

Alesia told Bronwyn that when she was naughty at the orphanage they hit her. I am not sure I believe her, simply because she makes up things sometimes. Then again, kids do get hit in those places. Russians are very backwards in regards to child-rearing. I have promised Alesia I will never hit her. My father slapped me in the face the last time when I was about 12 - not good for one’s self-esteem.

I posted some new photos of Alesia on the photo album page. The glamour shot is just awesome, to me, she’s turning into such a gorgeous young lady. I am toying with the idea of seeing if she could model. She’s only 5’3 but she looks taller in photos. I am fully aware of the pitfalls however, and I wouldn’t want her to do it if she risked getting an eating disorder or an oversized ego, or thinking looks would let her skate through life. The only reason I’d consider it is to raise tuition so I could send her to private school. So far nobody I’ve asked about it has been too enthusiastic.

I probably won’t post again until Sunday.

Under Fire

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I have been trying to get up at 6 and get off to work early this week because Alesia is out of school, and I have a ton of work to do. I am trying to get enough done so I can leave Thursday after lunch and have everything under control. I thought things were going OK until this morning when I was handed yet another new case, then pulled in on a conference call. My whole day was thrown off then. Ttwo more conference calls threw me more behind, then I had to leave on time to take Alesia to dance class.

I got home yesterday and Alesia had been good all day, and had even completed the list of chores I left for her to do – none were very onerous, but I was surprised she did them, anyway. When I got home she and mother were playing some sort of geography game with a big wooden map of the US that Mom keeps so she can learn her states.

Alesia astounds me sometimes with how smart she is, and it’s almost scary. She has figured out how to take advantage of our satellite TV’s many offerings and can now tell us the weather anywhere in the US, our daily horoscope, and other bits of arcane knowledge. We were looking at my new digital camera last night, and I was trying to read the directions and examine the camera like it was an egg and would break any moment, and Alesia kept saying “Look Mom, just hit that button there! Look!” and taking the camera away from me and showing me how to use it. I felt like a dithering idiot. What’s even more astonishing is she didn’t read the directions. She just knew. It was like she had done a Vulcan mind-meld with the camera and pitied me, foolish human who feared the little thing…

Then there’s the reading conundrum. She took 25 minutes to read one paragraph of Swiss Family Robinson. Of course, we were stopping to talk about all the words she didn’t know, and record them in her Word notebook. We went over the vocabulary from last night right after dinner. The word incessant was impossible for her to remember. I hadn’t realized until the other night that Swiss Family Robinson has a lot of pretty advanced vocabulary. It was written long before the days of dumbed-down books.

Alesia is watching a really interesting animated film called Princess Mononoke. It’s Japanese, I think. The story has a lot of mythical elements, and it’s very involved. The artwork and the music are also fantastic. It’s not like the cartoons I watched when I was a kid.

New Words

Sunday, February 19, 2006

I decided that Alesia needs to read aloud to me every night while I do 15 minutes on my elliptical trainer. When she comes to a word she doesn’t know she can write it down in her notebook of words, or Alesia’s Word book. We went to Office Max today and bought a binder and colored divider tabs and notebook paper. This will be her own personal dictionary and she can review new words every day. [Note: the learning 5 words a day thing sort of fell by the wayside a few weeks ago.]

I looked at Alesia sitting on the sofa, putting together her word book a little while ago and said “Isn’t that cute.” She looked suspicious and said “Do we NEED cute?!” I laughed.

I did the elliptical trainer tonight and Alesia started reading Swiss Family Robinson aloud to me. We only got through 2 paragraphs because she had to look up every other word. That’s OK. It’s a great story, and it will help her expand her vocabulary. My grandfather read it to me many times when I was small.

I bit the bullet and finally went to Best Buy and bought a digital camera this afternoon. It’s a Sony DSC S-600 Cyber Shot, 6.0 megapixels. I have no idea how to use it. I have to learn between now and when we go to Asheville, however. Alesia is itching to get into it, but she will have to wait – possibly wait and help me with it when I am flummoxed…

I am always in such a tizzy every morning, I decided to make up my own little prayer, and take a few minutes to say it every morning. I hope it will help me focus on the right priorities:

MY DAILY PRAYER

Help me to have faith in you, Lord.

Help me to understand and accept your plan for my life.

Help me to concentrate on the tasks I need to accomplish today.

Help me to be patient and loving with those I love and care for.

Help me to let go of the mistakes and regrets of the past.

Help me to not be bitter about those things past that I cannot change.

Help me to forgive those who have wronged me. Help me to forgive myself.

Help me to remember to pray, and trust in you, whenever I am tired and discouraged.

Help me to remember that anxiety about the future is wasted energy, because you will be there with me, always.

Help me to remember:

“It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.”

Psalm 18:32

Help me to LOVE.

The Cold Rainy High

Saturday, February 18, 2006

I got up and was shocked to discover that winter has returned. It was in the 30's and rainy all day. The damp makes the cold much worse. This cold Atlanta weather seems more shocking than January in Khabarovsk - at least there the biting cold is expected.

Alesia and I went to the High Museum and saw the Andrew Wyeth exhibit. It was awesome. I wish I had had time to explore it in more detail. I just sort of spotted the paintings I found most intriguing and made a beeline for them and listened to the commentary on the headset, which was fascinating. Alesia trotted around behind me. I like Wyeth's realistic technique, but all his paintings seem sad to me. All his people seem to be sad and alienated. His does do some amazing things with light.  We also walked quickly around some of the other collections, before having to leave to get Alesia to Kumon.

We picked up hamburgers for lunch and came back here. Mother didn't want to get out in the yucky weather. Her arthritis has been worse in this weather.

I looked and looked but couldn't find a decent movie to go and see that Alesia and I both wanted to see. It ended up being a very liesurely day, and we only ventured out again to run to Kroger and pick up some prescriptions for Mother.

Mother was sitting in the breakfast area of the kitchen this morning and saw two big coyotes go trotting across the yard. She says they had been down by the creek. She is deathly afraid they would eat Coco if given half a chance. This area is so suburban, it's odd to see such wild creatures.

I composed a letter to Alesia's teacher Miss kerivan and tried to diplomatically tell her Alesia will NOT be going to summer school, since the whole summer course is just a cram for re-taking the CRCT. I explained [for the umpteenth time it seems] that I don't want Alesia to start high school next year, and to quit making her feel stressed or pressured about the stupid test. Aaaargh!

There is a Montessori school in Decatur that has a really good reputation. I am going to call them Monday and see if they think they could help Alesia. If I have to borrow the money for the tuition, so be it. Next year will be another wasted year if I don't do something.

Tired and Frustrated

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I was reading the blog of my friends Allison and Jim, who live in Pennsylvania and adopted a 10 year old girl and her 6 year old sister. Jim was saying they were both sleep-deprived, the kids don't sleep well, and he and Allison always are wondering what the girls are doing in the room they share. Jim pointed out that they were exhausted all the time. I can realte.

I am not physically exhausted all the time but I am mentally exhausted. Just so many issues to deal with, between the child, Mother, the dog, the house, trying to find time to do anything at all for myself. I was a good girl and went and walked on the treadmill for half an hour at lunch, and I was looking around at the guys in there, thinking I could not care less about any of these hunky guys. Totally uninterested. A couple of years ago my antennae would've been up and honing in on them. Now, well, now I just sorta think, I hope none of them bother me...

I also used to care [somewhat] about wardrobe and hair. I even wore makeup once in a while. I count myself lucky if I am clean and my clothes fit OK. Now, I usually have about 5 minutes in the morning to dress, after I give everyone their breakfast and medication and remind Alesia to brush her teeth and make up her bed. This morning we were heading upstairs after breakfast and I said I had to get ready,and Alesia whined "You gonna go in your room and just sit there for about an hour!"

I used to get excited when I heard certain of my favorite songs on the radio, and I'd sing along, and usually press the gas pedal too hard, and sometimes really rock out. Now I hear those same songs, and I remember I used to get excited upon hearing them, but that seems like another lifetime. Sometimes I'll find myself singing along to idiotic songs on the radio that I don't even really like, and all of a sudden it will be like I wake up, and think, why am I DOING that?! I hate that song! But my mind was a million miles away.

Mother's friend Caroline is here visiting. She had a conference to attend tomorrow, and came to visit. We went out to dinner to the Blue Ribbon Grill, a favorite locally owned joint. They have the best french onion soup on the planet. Caroline looks good, and it's always lovely to see her.

When I came home, I recognized the car of Miss Kerivan [Alesia's teacher] in front of the house. She wanted to talk to me about Alesia taking the CRCT. She brought over the practice test Alesia took last year and showed me how Alesia didn't pass anything. Then she gave Alesia some practice standardized tests to help her get ready. She told me she was focusing on studying for the CRCT in her classes. I didn't say anything rude or antagonistic, but I pointed out that Alesia will be repeating the 8th grade next year and won't it be nice, she will be in the same grade as her friend Maria? I also repeated what happened last night, when I asked Alesia who invented the telephone, and she said "New York and Chicago." I was trying to tell her Alesia is NOT READY for high school!! Jeez, what do I have to do, draw a picture?!

I know the woman means well, but I am very frustrated with the school's idiocy. She wants Alesia to cram for a test I know she will not pass.

Alesia didn't have her Georgia Studies test today. I guess she will have that and her science test tomorrow, but who knows. They are so unorganized down there. I didn't push Alesia to study for either test, because I know she will repeat the grade next year anyway.

The Gray Area

February 15, 2006

I sent Mother this e-mail today:

I just talked to Ms. Weiss, who is head of the Student Support Team [school counselor], and explained the situation with Alesia. She said there is no way they will put her back in 7th grade. She said the school has her in Power Reading and Math Tools classes and that's what they're doing to help her. Of course those classes are NOT helping her. She looked up her grades and test scores on the computer and admitted the standardized test scores were very different from the grades.

She said Alesia is what they call a "gray area" student, because even thought the school knows she can't function in 8th grade, because of language that they won't put her back into 2nd grade, for instance, because they have requirements that children of a certain age can't be in a particular class. She didn't argue with me when I said "So they are setting these kids up to fail?!" I asked why Alesia could be given a special classroom with other kids in the same boat, and she said the state wouldn't allow it.

She said she will set up a meeting with an SST committee, including me, teachers, the school psychologist, but that all they would do is suggest strategies for helping her, and she wasn't sure the psychologist would recommend testing for her. I said the IQ test would be a huge waste of time, since both her English and her Russian are so poor.

Although Ms. Weiss was kind, she offered to real help.

Bronwyn teaches kids labeled as "special ed" - teens with huge behavior issues. She says the parents really determine their child's schooling needs, and those kids get lots of help. Bronwyn's class has less than 6 kids and she has two aides. Since Alesia is a good kid, she doesn't get the extra help she needs.

It's so frustrating!!

I told Alesia today that I would be available to help her, but she will have to do her own homework from now on, I won't give her so much help. Maybe the frustration will motivate her to study more. Maybe if she screws up more, the teachers will be forced to see how little she can comprehend, and quit expecting me to do their job for them. Plus, Alesia will surely have to repeat 8th grade anyway.

My plan is just to see if Kumon can bring her up to par in reading and math, and Mother and I will just have to help with Science and history here at home, maybe this summer and next summer.

This afternoon, I heard that Uncle Don is out of surgery and on the road to recovery. I was happy to hear that. Mom called me at work and cried when she told me he was OK. I had not realized she was so uptight about it.

Bronwyn took Alesia to Kumon today, right after school. She said she was very impressed with the center and the main teacher, Usha. I was relieved to hear that, since she is an educator.

I have finished another 3 day diet. I will be relieved to eat normally again. I've had to eat one of my night veggies as a late afternoon snack to keep the hunger from overwhelming me.

I went and walked on the treadmill at work for 30 minutes today. It was embarrassing how sweaty I got. However, if I didn't push myself a little it wouldn't be much of a workout. If I can walk every day for 30 minutes on my lunch hour it will help, I know. I also want to exercise at home of course, it's just a matter of finding the time.

Valentine's Day

February 14, 2006

We've had a lovely Valentine's Day. We opened gifts this morning at breakfast. Mother bought me some beautiful cross earrings. I gave Mother a CD of nat King Cole. Alesia got a goody bag with several things in it, including a big heart-shaped box of candy. Alesia gave Mother and me very sweet cards she bought with her allowance. After the presents were exchanged we had a group hug.

When I got in the car to take Alesia to school, she gave me another card, a big red heart card that said inside words to the effect I'm so grateful you're my mom - boy I choked up when I read that. Alesia finds it curious I am sentimental and I cry easily. Ruins my Tough As Nails image, that's for sure...

I was able to resist all the Valentines candy all over the office, and stuck to my diet. Yay! Tomorrow I don't get much to eat all day, but I get a big dinner.

Poor Coco has had a rough time. The antibiotics gave her diarrhea and vomiting, so mom took her back to the vet late this afternoon after Alesia got home from school. The vet had to take another stitch in her leg where it had pulled loose. She also gave Coco medicine for her tummy. Coco ate some rice and potato chips for dinner, and seemed much more energetic. I pray she will recover fully. I hate to see her with the cone on, not her usual energetic self.

I talked to the prinicpal of Alesia's school late yesterday afternoon. The woman was as cold and businesslike as could be, no more than barely polite. She said if Alesia doesn't pass the CRCT test she won't go to high school. She was very negative about Alesia going back to 7th grade, however.
She said I would have to talk to a person at the Board of Educaiton, and gave me the name. I am sure Alesia won't pass the CRCT. I just don't see any reason for her to repeat 8th grade, when she didn't know what was going on in 7th grade and it was essentially a wasted year.

We postponed out trip to Asheville until next week. There is snow predicted for this weekend. Next week be better anyway. Alesia is off school, and I can work extra time in the mornings and leave early Thursday so we can get on the road at a decent time. Also, Coco will be better. Changing the hotel reservation was no problem. So far the weather predicted should be good.

I am praying my uncle Don will come through his surgery tomorrow with ease and make a full recovery.