The Crab Chronicles

The Garden

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Another busy Saturday, but I feel really good about all we have accomplished. We put a great vegetable garden in the back – tomatoes, squash, peppers, cucumbers, and cantaloupe. We also had some flowers coming up in the plot and we just left them, and we threw in some rosemary and oregano.

Before lunch, we bought 12 bags of Miracle grow garden soil with fertilizer. I was really dreading hauling it around back to the garden, but we bought a garden cart at Home Depot, and Alesia insisted on throwing in the bags and hauling them around back. I would’ve been so exhausted had I tried that. I just spread the dirt in the garden plot, which has wooden rails enclosing it. It’s about 6x7 feet rectangle right next to the back patio. It was put in by the prior owners but we have enclosed it with the rails and made the soil a lot richer. There are some strange flowers that have sprung up in it, and we are curious to see what they will be when they bloom.

We also planted some portulaca in the back yard. Mom says it’s hearty and the flowers are nice. We have an old stump in the back with a hollowed out place in the middle, and we put the portulaca there, as an experiment. I hope they thrive.

Note: The other day Mother and I were out in the front with Alesia, working on the potted plants out there on the lanai, and Alesia said about one plant, “Maybe we need to put some more, uh…. What do you call it? Oh yes, ground. Let’s put more ground in the pot.” Mother and looked at each other and laughed. She was referring to potting soil.

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I feel bad about not writing all week. I’ve just fallen into bed every night.

We had a busy week. We had to get a new dishwasher, and when it got delivered on Thursday the guys couldn’t hook it up due to some problem with the water line. Horace had a malfunctioning car. He was finally able to come over on Friday afternoon and he got the new one hooked up and hauled off the old one.

The new dishwasher is white and sleek. Alesia takes great delight in it. She showed me it’s features with such relish, I told Mom she could have a career on The Price is Right.

I am trying to stay on the 3 day diet, and just watch it the other 4 days. I managed to stay on it, but it was hard. The lunches are very skimpy. I had to eat some of the raw dinner veggies for an afternoon snack. I have lost about 8 lbs. since I last weighed, though, which is good. I feel better. The other 4 days a week I am trying to drink the tsp of vinegar in a glass of water morning and night to boost my metabolism. We will see if it helps. My friend Scott has been doing that and has lost a bunch of weight.

We went out to dinner last night at Steak and Ale, which is about 5 minutes from the house. I think it’s one of the original ones. The food is very good and the service is excellent. Mom gets the prime rib, which is choice. Alesia got lobster tails, ate one and I split the other one with Mom. They have an excellent salad bar, too. The waiter was efficient but not particularly warm, until he saw the tip Mother left – then he introduced himself and shook her hand and acted like she was the Queen of England. He practically implored her to ask for him next time we come in. I had to giggle.

When I took Alesia to Kumon this morning we discussed my philosophy of life and why she needs to study hard. I asked her “Is it better to be smart or beautiful?” She thought about it a second. “Beautiful!”

“No, Alesia, it’s better to be smart. You need to study hard so you will learn a lot. Then you can get a good education, and a good job. Then you won’t ever have to depend on a man to support you. You must always be able to support yourself.” I expounded on that theme a bit more. She was not thrilled with the lecture and told me so, but I pointed out she must start thinking about these things. I also reassured her that I would help, as would Granny and Uncle Bruce. She will be an independent woman one day, with her own apartment, and she can then pick and choose any man she wants. I said really great men prefer women who are beautiful AND smart. I just pray she never comes home with some tattooed, pierced lout whose pants are falling off…

Alesia loves to do the computer website with the educational games in all the subjects. She woke up at 8:15 this morning and I let her do it a while before breakfast, and again while Granny napped. She is having a pretty easy time with the 4^th grade level games, though she drags her feet about studying the vocabulary. If I sit and go over vocabulary with her she is OK. I also try to talk about different words while we’re in the car.

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Last week, I exchanged e-mails with the social worker to see if I could possibly go ahead and start my homestudy for The Boy. I am going to go ahead and start doing what I can. I need to get the INS clearance form which will take several months. You have to get permission to bring an adopted foreign child into the USA.

I am starting to talk to Alesia about her little brother. We talked about how we will fix up his room, and how she will help him learn English. I feel sure that helping him with his English will be a bonding experience for her, and she will feel closer to a child that also speaks Russian. I explained to her that I will have to go to Kazakhstan for several weeks, but when I get home I will take leave and can stay home for a couple of months and will be able to spend more time with her then. I know she will miss me but she will be OK with Mother.

We went to see the play “The Secret Garden” tonight at the Atlanta Lyric Theatre. It was an excellent production. The music was very Sondheim-like. There were several nitpicky things that marred it a tiny bit for me. Several notes of the main theme sound like the theme to Gone With the Wind. Probably nobody else has ever noticed that similarity. There’s also one song that sounds a little like “Morning Has Broken.” The little boy in the play sang flat several times. Finally, the main garden set looked nothing like a garden – those scenes were played center stage with some pastel-colored streamers off to one side, I guess representing flowers. I was unimpressed. Alesia enjoyed it, though, and that’s the main thing.

In the car this afternoon Alesia pointed out to me that I had several chin hairs that needed plucking. I plucked them out tonight just before tucking her in. After doing the offending hair removal I remarked “Maybe I ought to just shave my chin.” Alesia let out a long “Eeeeuw!” She then looked at me critically and said “Then you would be like a man. A very OLD man.” Thanks a lot, kid.

Firsts for Alesia

Monday, April 24, 2006

Sent this e-mail to my friend Maria this morning: I was absolutely exhausted when I hit the bed last night. I didn’t move until the alarm went off. I got so sleepy driving in to work on 285 I had to crank up the radio and roll down the window.

Alesia experienced two “firsts” this weekend. Her friend Elena invited her Saturday night to see a concert, a Christian group called Jars of Clay. She said she had fun. It was at a big church and was probably pretty tame – I thought a good choice for a first concert going experience. Yesterday, we worked hard in the yard all afternoon, so around 5:30 I took her to a little carnival set up in the parking lot of Northlake Mall. She got to ride several rides – another “first” for her. I didn’t ride anything – had no nausea medication and besides I doubted my butt would fit in the seats. She had fun and was game to try everything, though, which was great.

Our dishwasher died the other day, and Mom and I had to go buy a new one. We just went to Home Depot and got a middle-of-the-line GE with a quiet feature. We also had to buy a new ceiling fan for the guest room, so the 20% off coupon came in handy – that was my Christmas bonus. It won’t be delivered until Thursday, so until then we are eating off paper plates.

Poor Coco got another avulsion on her leg when Alesia bumped her in the chair on Saturday. A tiny scratch turned into an inch-long opening in a few hours. We spent all morning yesterday at the pet emergency clinic.

Coco has a rare genetic condition called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which causes the skin to be very delicate and easily torn, and that’s why she’s had so many problems in the past year. I hate to say it, but most dogs with it are euthanized. I just can’t bear that thought. She has a good quality of life and stays inside and is coddled quite a bit, as our baby, so I am praying we can just continue to keep her alive as long as she has good quality of life. We all just have to be so careful with her, and I caution Alesia all the time to be gentle. If she’s still with us when I get my boy, we will have to really train him to be careful with her. Maybe we can get a more hearty dog for him…

Home Depot and Pound Cake

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Saturday, April 22, 2006

A normal busy Saturday, and then some.

Elena came over this afternoon around 2, and Alesia was elated to see her. The girls took an old box in the garage and constructed a two story home for the dolls. Very creative play. This morning, our handyman Horace and his wife Synovia came by and visited, and gave us a beautiful pound cake. That cake is gourmet.

I had a 20% off coupon for Home Depot – my Christmas “bonus” from December. We had to buy a new dishwasher and a ceiling fan for the guest room, so it came in handy. We also bought some geraniums for the lanai. Mother made a point of telling every salesclerk in the store that I work at corporate; somewhat embarrassing for me. I’m sure they couldn’t care less. It didn’t prevent a screwup when we checked out and we were held up 20 minutes while they fixed the receipt and gave us the full 20% off.

We picked up McDonald’s for the girls, because Elena’s father took them both to a concert tonight. They inhaled the food, and left at 7. After they left, we happened to look at the cake and they had eaten huge slices out of it! They had also set up some sort of Barbie swimming pool in the garage and spilled a lot of water, so we will deal with that in the morning…

When Alesia got back from the concert tonight I asked her how she liked it and she said she enjoyed it. No details. It was a contemporary Christian band [Jars of Clay] and there was a parent along, so I doubt it got too rowdy. She did say she and Elena danced. I just hope there weren’t any Baptists there…

I told Ken [Elena’s father] that I didn’t want Alesia to come back with her hearing shot, smelling funny. He just laughed. I later told Mom about it and she looked puzzled. “Why would she smell funny?” she asked. “Mother, remember marijuana?” LOL - That seems like a million years ago now.

Alesia was rolling her chair around on the kitchen floor just before she left for the concert and accidentally rolled over Coco’s little foot. It looked OK when we examined it. As Mother was getting ready for bed tonight, though, we noticed Coco didn’t eat any supper, so we looked and the skin on her foot had torn into a long gash. She has Ehlors-Danlos syndrome and her skin is like tissue paper, poor baby. We will have to take her to the emergency clinic in the morning.

The dishwasher, the dog – something is always screwed up around here…

Stay tuned.

The Eagle's Nest

Friday, April 21, 2006 – posted this on my Yahoo board:

Thanks so much KB, Linda, and Meg, for being so supportive. The last 24 hours have been difficult. However, Alesia has pretty calm and easygoing all day - her RAD behavior is so inconsistent, I am wondering if maybe I am overreacting. Then again, it would probably be better to get her examined and if she doesn't have it, GREAT. If she does, we will treat it with appropriate therapy.

I met today with Dr. Biles, the tutor, whose program [called The Eagle’s Nest] is in a little church in Loganville. She is my mother's age, which surprised me a lot. She's also an ordained Methodist minister, though her husband is Anglican..

Dr. B has a Ph.D. in education and a lot of experience with learning disabilities. I told her I think Alesia just has retention problems, not learning disabilities. She tutors 5 kids, 3 days a week for a few hours. It's really homeschooling, just not at home, and she has awesome credentials. There are computers, and she tests the kids, and works with each one individually for a while each day. I feel like this would be a great place for Alesia.

The cost is much less than a private school. The only real issue is distance. Loganville is about 30 minutes away from home, in the opposite direction from my office. Mother isn't comfortable driving that far - driving is still painful. So I need to be creative about finding rides for Alesia. I know she will progress quicker than in school, where they will just stick her back in the 8th grade and give her a 40 pound backpack!

So I am praying I can swing the school fees plus find the money for child #2.

Stay tuned.

RADand Me

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I have been very busy all day and it's been a tough day, on so many levels. To explain, I sent out the following e-mail to my friends on the Yahoo single moms board:

I made a momentous decision on Monday. I decided to go back to Russia [or Kazakhstan] for child #2. I had researched domestic adoption pretty carefully, but it just didn't seem right for me. Easier, but not right. Alesia wanted a Russian-speaking sibling too, and I think she will bond better that way.

I still have to sell my condo and pay off some debt. I have let Mom carry the house note now for almost a year, and it's a bad market for condos, so I dropped the price by $5K the other day. I am praying it will sell soon so I can get my homestudy underway and look good on paper.

I was reading some other message boards today at work, on a break, and came across a post by a parent who has a child with RAD [reactive attachment disorder.] I was uncomfortable. I have always thought Alesia didn't have this. Now I think I've been delusional all these months. [It's a fairly common diagnosis in older adopted kids.]

Last night Alesia was so oppositional and argumentative and I was so tired and irritated I made her go to bed at 9, just to get out of my face. She only does this about 20-40% of the time, not all the time. So if she really has RAD I wouldn't say it's a really bad case, but it has upset me all afternoon. I told Mother about it and she agreed, according to the article it describes Alesia's bad behavior to a T.

Here is the link.

http://www.olderchildadoption.com/rad/RADdescripNG.htm

I will locate a therapist and get her started. Mom said I should feel good, but I don't. I feel scared and helpless. I don't know why I thought we would escape this RAD fate - arrogance I guess.

I am thinking a lot about the sin of pride, and how God always sets me straight when I get too big for my britches. Well, my beautiful sweet girl hasn't totally overcome her first 6 years of neglect. She may never totally overcome it. All my love and care may never be enough. It just breaks my heart.

I still want to get my boy, though. I want her to have a sibling, because I won't be around forever. I am going to try and focus on that, and not cry too much about the RAD, but it's hard.

I am meeting tomorrow with a lady who has a Ph.D. in education and is learning disabled. She tutors kids in a program for learning disabled kids that's sort of like a very small private school at a local
Anglican church. I don't think Alesia is learning disabled but she has some issues, and needs time to catch up. I think maybe it would be a good fit for Alesia, since she is still reading about 4th grade level and won't be ready for high school in the fall. I don't know whether to tell the director about the RAD or not, since it's not been diagnosed officially, just is my hunch.

Input anyone?

Wednesday

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I spent a frustrating morning. My key got stuck in the car lock and it won't come out. I was so busy preparing for a big meeting with my boss this afternoon I didn't even have time to run over to the Mazda place at lunch and get the key pulled out. And yes, I jiggled it, wriggled the steering wheel, put the car in neutral, tried just yanking the thing out, etc. Tomorrow, if I have the strength after idiotic meetings all morning, I will haul it over to the Mazda place and see if they can get the key out.

Horace [our handyman] came today and fixed the dishwasher, which was broken as of Monday. Mother had to re-wash all the dishes from the past two days and she was not in a good mood about it. Thank goodness Horace fixed it.

BEST OF ALL - Horace has discovered the source of the Smell from H***!! Yay! It is some sort of standing wastewater situation under the house. It was thundering and lightening this afternoon, raining hard, but he said he'd come back and get under the house and fix the problem. Happy dance!

Alesia has been more and more argumentative lately, to the point where tonight I made her go to bed at 9:00, after marking off many points on her beahvior chart. I've told her she can't argue with me or tell me what to do because I am THE MOM. The ridiculous part is she will argue to the death over something she has no idea about. Like tonight we were in Kroger and she argued with me and told me she knew which shelf the Aleve was on. I had to march her in the opposite direction and show her she was flat out wrong before she would admit she was wrong about it. Then she acted like it was nothing. When we got home she argued with Mother about Coco getting out if we're not careful - something we've lectured her on many times. She always says "She won't got out" when we know Coco will shoot out any chance she can. Tonight she escaped, but fortunately Alesia caught her. Mother was trying to sweetly point this out and Alesia got defensive and raised her voice in reply. I thought Mother was going to slap her. I know I wanted to, but I have a strict "no hitting" policy. It was tempting, though.

Alesia is so bossy and argumentative at times I've told her she should be a lawyer. She sulks when we tell her she's wrong and we're right. She hates admitting she's wrong. I know this is "normal" kid behavior but I refuse to argue with a 14 year old who thinks she's my equal in the family. I've told her [and will continue to tell her] she's not my equal. She must obey or be punished. I think she's headed towards getting punished this weekend. I've told her I'm counting off 5 points every time she argues or fails to say "M'am."

I have made the decision to adopt again from either Russia or Kazakhstan. I'm leaning towards Kazakhstan. 

The orphanages in Kazakhstan are cleaner and better-run, and the process is shorter. I also know several mothers who have adopted from there.

I dropped the price on the condo, so hopefully that will facilitate things. Once I get that paid I can start the homestudy. I am trying not to get excited but it's hard.

My main issue with domestic adoption is they are always frought with danger - birth families can and do disrupt adoptions. I would get a child and within the first 6 months have to suffer a social worker in my face twice a month, take parenting classes, and then they or the birth family can disrupt the adoption at any time and take my child. Too risky. International is more expensive but far fewer hassles in the long run, IMHO. I also think kids from orphanages have fewer emotional problems than kids shuttled from foster home to foster home here.

Stay tuned...

Easter Parade

Monday, April 17, 2006

We had a lovely weekend, but tiring.

Saturday we did the usual chores and errands, then late in the afternoon we dyed 2 dozen eggs. Alesia enjoyed it - she is always very creative with colors and designs.

Yesterday morning we got up at 4:30 to go to the sunrise service at church. We were sitting in the kitchen with coffee and doughnuts at 4:45 and I asked Alesia if she wanted her Easter basket then or later. She looked peevish. "ILater. I'm not ready for chocolate yet." She doesn't like chocolate that much. Mother and I thought it was funny the way she said it.

I had never been to the first service at All Saints and it was beautiful. We sat in only candlelight for the first hour. There were readings from the bible and songs by the choir. Then they baptized 4 adults [sprinkling]. I wanted Alesia to see that. (She still hasn't agreed to be baptized, and I don't push it - it shouls be her decision.)

The choir sang Randall Thompson's "Alleluia" - one of the most beautiful songs in the world - during communion.

We went to Cracker Barrel afterwards for breakfast. It is not crowded at 8 a.m. on Sunday morning. LOL.

We took some photos afterwards and I will add them to the gallery here.

We came home and spent a pretty leisurely day. I took Alesia to see "Ice Age II" - I admit I had trouble staying awake, though it's a cute movie. It helped that there were small kids in there who kept talking back to the movie.

Alesia and I planted 10 gladioli bulbs in the front bed. I hope they all come up and bloom. She is very enthusiastic about planting things, now that she's seen the flowers resulting from the hard work.

We watched some more of "Amadeus" and talked about Mozart last night. She likes the movie. Mother despises the movie - thinks it makes Mozart look too silly. I think anything that stimulates a child to think about classical music is great.

It will be another hard week - I'm still digging out from under piles of work. Stay tuned.

The Week From H*** and Mystery Smell

Friday, April 14, 2006

Between the sinus infection and slogging through mounds of work, I haven't had the time to write. Today, I forgot to take my allergy medicine all day and I nearly fell asleep at my desk. That allergy stuff has some sort of ingredietnt that's like a little hit of speed, for me. Good stuff. This cold turkey experience really made it a Bad Friday ...  :(

I bought Mother a huge, beautiful Stargazer lily plant after work. [Go to your nearerst Home Depot - very reasonable prices] It should bloom soon - it's covered in buds. Happy Easter Elva!

Mother met her friend Sally Sue Harmon for lunch today. No big deal, you say? Well, the last time they saw each other they were seniors in high school. Grady High class of 1952! They've been e-mailing for years but Sally Sue lives in Florida, and finally got up here to see her sister. Mother said she walked into Petite Auberge [her favorite French restaurant in Decatur, with 150 year old waiters] and a little voice yelled "Elva!" Mom was recognized instantly. Sally Sue is much shorter than Mother. Like most of us she is a fighter, though. She has survived her husband, survived cancer and various other ailments, and travels the world. She is going to Israel next week. I say Go Girl!

I got an e-mail yesterday from the International Community School asking me to come in for a meeting. They didn't say they would admit Alesia next year, just that we would "discuss options." That isn't encouraging. I do wish Alesia could go there, just because it's a public school, has small classes, and I think she could really benefit from being there.

There is a pervasive and disturbing smell in the downstairs of our house and it's driving me insane trying to figure out the source of it. In some spots it's just sour and yucky, in other spots it's like a sewer. Mother, inexplicably, cannot smell it. Alesia and I CAN, and it's horrible. I am thinking it's coming from under the house, maybe the sump pump is broken, or a sewer line somewhere, or it's mold, but our ancient handyman is reluctant to go under there and figure out what it is. I am praying we will figure this out soon.

Tuesday

April 11, 2006

I am finally starting to feel human again - day 2 of the antibiotics is responsible, I feel sure.

Work was very hectic because I had 87 e-mails and several "fires" to be put out. I didn't even get to read but about half the e-mails before I was in there firefighting. All the medications I am on made me feel sort of zoned-out, which was actually helpful on a day like today, LOL.

I took a big step and sent an inquiry to a domestic adoption agency in Athens. They specialize in special needs kids - all kids that aren't babies are considered special needs. I said I want a boy, 5-8, and would consider siblings. We shall see what happens. I have been reading up a bit on domestic adoptions, and even ones of older kids in the foster care system take about a year or so. I was sort of surprised by that, but I might as well get the show on the road.

I spoke to a lady late this afternoon who tutors homeschooled learning-disabled kids at her Anglican church in Loganville, 3 days a week. She is dyslexic but has a Ph.D. in education and over 30 years' experience as a teacher. I liked her. I am going to take Alesia and meet with her next week, and get Alesia tested. Even if she's not learning-disabled this lady may be able to help us. Would save some money on tutoring costs, even though she only does reading, math, and history. I'd only have to pay a science tutor, or I might could do it myself. Only big issue is the church is in Loganville, about 30+ minutes away. The hours are 9:30-2:30, Tu/Wed/Thu. I'd have to rearrange my work schedule a bit to take her in the mornings.

Alesia came into my room tonight before dance class and showed me a beautiful book I bought her at Christmas about evolution, and said she had just found it under the bed. I reminded her I gave it to her at Christmas. She said she had read it and wanted to order another book like it, on dinosaurs. I said "Since you've read it, tell me about it. What is evolution?" She looked irritated and said "I don't know!" I said "Well, when you really do read it and can answer my questions about it, I'll be glad to order another one of that series."  It's above her reading level, but I'd love for her to read it, and show an interest. I know she likes science.

Alesia got her dance costume tonight in her class. She wore it to practice and was wearing it when I picked her up. She looked like an escapee from a bad Vegas lounge show, but I of course said it was wonderful. There's a red spandex top [strapless, but with clear plastic spaghetti straps to hold it in place] and black leggings with fringe. Many beads. She also has a headband in the same red as the top. I will download a photo when I get a minute.

VENT
I was thinking today when I saw this very tall, very fat woman wearing chunky 3 inch high heels, why do big tall women wear those idiotic shoes?! It's not like they aren't tall already. They don't need to be taller. They wear these spiky heels and just look unbalanced, tottering around like a fall waiting to happen. That's not a sexy look, if that's what they think. I wanted to grab this poor delusional young woman and say "Get yourself a pair of Crocs, and go on a diet, Sister!"  I just don't wear any other shoes any more. Crocs are my salvation and I don't care if they look like gardening clogs. Here endeth the sermon. Amen.

Blind Sunday

Sunday, April 9, 2006

It has been a pretty quiet and laid back day, a recuperation day.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and went in the bathroom to take some more Advil Cold & Sinus, and flipped on the light only to realize my eyes were both gummed shut. Took me a minute to get them scrubbed open. Definitely some sort of allergy or eye infection. Momentary blindness was scary. I will have to see the doctor tomorrow.

I have felt generally lousy all day. The cold is moving into my chest and I am also coughing more, a tight cough.

We had lunch at Fellini’s Pizza, a popular joint for students and yuppies reliving student days. The pizza is fresh made and excellent. I came back and took a nap.

Errands were tough – my butt was dragging. Alesia and I went to Kinko’s to copy my tax return that I need to mail in tomorrow. We then went to the Shell station to fill up and run the car through the car wash. She still takes great delight in getting the car washed while she’s in it. The beach had gunked it up quite a bit. By the time we hit Kroger I was a walking zombie. The woman behind the deli counter looked at me and got this look of horror on her face, and said “Are you all right?!” I said in my best frog croak “I just have a bad cold.” She looked like she wanted to shoo me away from the meat.

Dinner was a bowl of chicken & stars soup. Bruce called and we had a good visit. Alesia watched a movie, Kill Bill. Very violent but cartoonish violence – she wasn’t bothered by it.

If things go as they have been I will feel worse tomorrow. Hope the boss won’t be mad if I skip work. Probably will think I’m loafing, squeezing another day of vacation.