The Crab Chronicles

In Praise of Older Kids

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

My week so far has been way too busy, just exhausting. I haven’t been getting enough sleep at night either, since Lesleigh was over last night and Monday night, late. I love visiting with her but I need to sleep…

My ear and jaw keep bothering me. I can’t open my mouth wide, which is really annoying when I eat. My jaw pops sometimes, and feels like it’s going to pop out. The only other time I’ve experienced this is when I’ve had a bad ear infection. I think it’s an ear infection, but I don’t have time to go to the doctor. Maybe next week I can go…

My car overheated yesterday and it did a lot of damage to the engine. The repairs are costing me about $1,000. That stinks, but it’s cheaper than a new car, I keep telling myself. Fortunately, I’ve been able to catch rides to work with Ken Barr, whose daughter Elena is Alesia’s friend. Ken is a lawyer and just started at Home Depot in our group. I told him about the job opening as soon as I heard. He’s a super nice guy, and a fine Christian. So lucky for me he started Monday and he could haul me back and forth yesterday and today with my car in the shop!

My friend Angie, one of the moms I went on vacation with, posted the sweetest message on the Yahoo single moms board tonight. She is thinking about adopting a second child, an older child. Her daughter Anastacia is 2 ½. Here’s what she said:I know most of you are adopting 2 kids, and they both will be toddlers... but myheart is with the older kids right now. I spent a week with Alesia and just fellin love with that beautiful young lady.  She is so sweet and so fun!!! I hope and pray that if God allows me to bring home another child my daughter will be as wonderful as Alesia!

Mother told me today that Alesia came up to her recently and said “Granny, you want to hear 
the funniest thing in the world!?” 
Well of course Granny did – and Alesia enlightened her: 
“Mom READS in the bathroom!”  
Mom laughed. We ALL read in the bathroom, kiddo. That's why we're
so brilliant...

The Weekend

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Today I read a post on my Yahoo single moms board by a woman who is in the process of adopting her first child, and she was saying how much she looks forward to the dance recitals, Christmas caroling, etc. I posted this in reply:

“Carrie, the Hallmark moments are great - Alesia had her first dance recital a couple of weeks ago, and it was a lot of fun.

For me, however, the unexpected little moments of delight are the best.

Last night Alesia had a friend over to spend the night. Alesia said with great reverence after her first bite of supper, "I LOVE this pork roast!"

I had gotten the movie Little Women to show them. Alesia picked up the DVD and read the blurb, then looked disturbed. I said "What?" She said "Mom, how little ARE these women?!" LOL

I told her a few minutes ago we are going to beat the heat and head to the movie this afternoon. Her response - "Oh Mom, that makes me so happy!" She was being sincere.

When Alesia is happy her whole face radiates joy, and she skips instead of walks. Seeing a beautiful cloud, or a bird, or a flower will make her happy. Eating a strawberry, getting ready to go swimming - these are her idea of happiness.

Those little moments - funny or just sweet - are the best part of being a mother, to me.”

LATER

We just returned from seeing the new Adam Sandler movie, Click. I was really impressed. It was not a terribly original idea – about a father who spends too much time on work and not enough time with his family – but Sandler made us care about the character, like him, despise him, feel sorry for him, and yet really want to see him succeed. It was also very funny, at times. It reminded me of It’s a Wonderful Life, to some extent, but I don’t see that as a huge flaw.

It struck me with great force that there were several ironies at work this afternoon. I had thought seriously about sending Alesia off to the swimming pool so I could go into the office and work a few hours. I didn’t do it, and I am glad I didn’t. She was so delighted that I went with her to the movie, just the two of us.. I also thought Sandler, in the later scenes where the makeup people have aged him, looked a little bit similar to my father in his later years. My father constantly battled his workaholic tendencies, not always successfully. Anyway, the critics never like Sandler’s movies, but this one really touched me and I will recommend it to my friends.

*  *   *   *

I got a mysterious package in the mail today – from Circuit City, some long-lasting batteries. No card was in there, and no invoice. I know I didn’t order them. I’m wondering if one of my friends ordered them for me? My birthday is coming up. It is the sort of present my brother would give me, but he never sends gifts in the mail. I am really curious who would send me the batteries.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Alesia and I went to see the Atlanta Silverbacks [women’s soccer] play last night. The new stadium is about 5-10 minutes from our house. I am no big soccer fan, but I thought it would be a good experience for Alesia, to see a professional women’s sports team. As it turns out, they are semi-pro, not pro, but so be it. Alesia still doesn’t want to play soccer, though.

The stadium was just finished. We had to drive up a steep hill to park, and the graveled road was rough on my little car. Then it cost $5 to park! We hiked back down the steep hill to the stadium. When we left, we had to hike back up the hill, in the 90 degree heat, amidst swirling clouds of dust. Yucko.

The game was OK, not terribly exciting. The Silverbacks beat Charlotte 2-1, and the two times they scored goals, that was exciting, but the other 89 minutes weren’t so great.

I chatted with my friend Maria, who had invited us to go, but we didn’t get in much of a visit. Maria didn’t seem to be in a very good mood. I tried to talk to her a little bit about my adoption of Matthew, and sports, and she clearly didn’t want to talk. She thinks I am crazy to adopt him and she has let me know that. I felt like saying “Look, I don’t approve of everything you do in regards to your family, but I don’t tell you you’re nuts, and I support your choices even when I disagree.” That’s what real friends do, they see each other through, like a family. It makes me sad that she’s doing this, because we used to be close.

There are members of my extended family [on Dad’s side of the family] who view me as crazy to adopt again. Since I’ve been grown, I’ve become sort of a black sheep of that side of the family, because I make jokes that aren’t always politically correct, I talk openly about my father’s alcoholism, and I don’t always go along with everyone else on family reunions or events. So my little family doesn’t always get included in things. It doesn’t hurt me or Bruce a bit, but it’s really painful to Mother. I can’t stand people who hurt my mother. However, I believe the bible says it best – “You reap what you sow.”

We have had a pretty leisurely Sunday, except for the flooding. We went out to lunch and when we came back, the back yard was under water, and the creek [normally little more than a shallow stream] was a swiftly-moving torrent. The French drains we put in last summer obviously are doing their job, though, because it’s still raining and now, a couple of hours since we came back, the flood waters have almost entirely subsided. I was praying we’d get some rain to alleviate the drought conditions, but this was a bit much! I just hope the water table gets replenished, and it quits before I leave for work in the morning.

Drought

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Lunch

Coco has been feeling poorly – not eating, throwing up, diarrhea, sleeping a lot. We are concerned. I got up this morning and had to devote considerable time to cleaning up after Coco and persuading her to eat. Well, first I got her to eat a little of her expensive, easy-on-her-tummy dog food. I was elated that she ate that – she threw up all the plain yogurt I gave her last night. However, I had to clean up diarrhea. That put me behind schedule and I didn’t have time to eat breakfast at home.

Fortunately, Home Depot has a huge cafeteria downstairs. I got a nice bowl of oatmeal, an apple, and a large iced tea for breakfast, and enjoyed it at my desk. The oatmeal is home-made, very gelatinous and gloppy, just like I like it.

I am tired of running around like a headless chicken every morning. Chicken days have to end. I am trying to get my entire life more organized, from the moment I wake up, until I go to sleep. I have drafted a schedule for myself. I scheduled time to exercise, to check e-mails, even to tutor Alesia and help Mother with dinner. Who knows if it will work. I’ve tried this in the past and something always screws up my schedule. I feel better if I have a schedule, though, more secure. I have allotted myself 7 hours to sleep at night, which I hope will happen – usually I wake up after about 5 and have to try and fall back asleep. If I sleep late on the weekends I feel draggy all day so I am determined to cut that out. I need order and discipline. It helps me focus.

Alesia was disrespectful and argumentative to Mother yesterday, and disobeyed a TV directive, so she lost TV privileges for the day and was further punished for being ugly to Mother. I got on the phone and told Alesia she had to pick up every pinecone and piece of natural debris in the front yard. We have about 6 large pines, so it was considerable. It was about 100 degrees yesterday and it took her over an hour. I felt a twinge of guilt, but I was sick of her being a pill and disobeying Mother. I think it worked. She was very sweet last night.

I had the weirdest sensation all morning – I kept smelling Dad. Dad had his own personal smell, a blend of aftershave and male that was really nice – when he was clean.  I suppose it’s not illogical to think I might smell like him, but since I use totally different soaps and skin care products and am a female, hmmmm…. I like to smell him occasionally. I feel it’s a little sensory message from the other side, telling me he’s with me. It seems so bizarre that he died 10 years ago this summer, on July 11. I think I will propose to Mother that we eat barbeque and green beans that night, to honor his memory.

DeKalb County has completely banned outdoor watering. We are in a drought. Yikes. The vegetable garden is exempt, thanks be to God. I hate to see all my flowers and shrubs die, though. I may have to quietly sneak outside in the middle of the night and do some watering. My next door neighbor is a criminal attorney and I bet he would represent me for a fair fee of homegrown tomatoes, squash, and peppers…

Alesia and I watched A League of Their Own last night. She loved it. It has a lot of good history lessons in it, as well as a good story. She was highly amused by the underwear the women wore back then.

I got the Fed-X back from the FBI yesterday. My prints were OK and the check was fine. Mother’s prints were rejected. I was irritated, until I called Adoption Planning and Alla said the dossier doesn’t need an FBI clearance on Mother. I still need to re-do the INS fingerprints on Mom and I am considering just showing up early one morning next week and trying to get her re-fingerprinted then, instead of waiting until July 8^th. Susan [social worker] said she tells families to do that, it always works. I have not gotten the GBI clearance and that worries me.

Bedtime

Coco is better. She ate some egg for breakfast and was much more lively today, thanks be to God.

We got the new washer and dryer delivered and set up in the laundry room this afternoon. The laundry room looks much bigger now. The old stacked unit went outside in the garage. We should be able to sell it.

We had dinner at Steak & Ale, a favorite local place. I don’t think the food is that great, but Mother likes the prime rib. I had to cut it for her. It has a funky 1970’s ambiance in the décor. When we walked outside after the meal, there were several cops standing there talking. I like to go to cop hangouts.

We came home after dinner, and Alesia and I ran around the yard trying to water everything, because after midnight tonight, the grass is on a deathwatch. Heavy sigh.

Bugs and Appliances

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Mother and Alesia and I went to a discount place called BrandSmart last night and bought a new washer and dryer. The ones we currently have work fine, but they are a stacked unit, and it’s hard for Mother to lift things up into the dryer, or turn the controls. Also, the new Washer/dryer are larger capacity, which will likely be really needed, with a boy in the house.

I told Alesia on Monday that she could walk to the pool and back by herself, as long as she followed the rules. She has to carry the walkie-talkie, wear shorts and a tee shirt, come back at the appointed time, etc. I think she is pretty safe. She needs to get outside and get some exercise every day, but it’s so hot here – low 90’s. Not great weather for skating or bike riding. She was tickled about getting to go down there. She went yesterday and Mom said she did fine.

I killed a huge palmetto bug in my bathroom last night. He was drowned in Clorox Bathroom Cleaner. Yuck. I didn’t scream, which was a huge test of wills. Alesia was asleep. I hate those things though – the world’s biggest, nastiest looking cockroaches. I think they are driven inside by the drought. On Monday night I spotted one in the family room and started screaming. Mother came in and said to Alesia “Grab the flyswatter!” and Alesia just looked puzzled. “What’s a flyswatter?” she said.

The septic tank guys came yesterday and dug a big hole in the backyard. They said it wasn’t necessary to take out the tree root problems, since we cut down the offending trees and the roots are dead now. They are refunding part of the money. What a shocker. We thought we were out thousands, for sure.

We were supposed to start Choi Kwan Do tonight, but I think we will wait and start in July. Alesia has a lot on her plate with the tutoring and getting used to summer, and I am getting up earlier and need my sleep. So I think it’s best to just wait until July.

Unforgettable Lines

Monday, June 19, 2006

I haven't had time to update here, but this will give an idea of recent events. I sent this to my brother this morning:

We went to lunch on Saturday and the waiter was quite fairy-like. After he took our order Alesia looked at him, frowning, and said with great scorn, “Did you notice his eyelashes? His eyelashes were long and curly like a girl’s, and he walked like this “ – she wriggled her bottom. It was too funny. He was quite swishy.

Yesterday, we were looking at the computer, and I was looking at Google images, for images of Petropavlovsk, where Matthew is now. Alesia looked at a few with me, then whined “Mom, this is BORING. Hey, I have an idea, let’s go into images and type the word “booger!” I just looked at her and said “This is why you never get to go on the internet by yourself, Alesia.”  [She was really ticked when I told her she would always have me or Bronwyn supervising her when she was on the computer.]

I got the liquid fingerprint enhancer for Mother. However, we have to just wait until the new appointment [July 8] to try it out. I don’t see any point in just going down there – the office here is overwhelmed with immigrants, as you can imagine.

I hope you can come in either for my birthday, or maybe the weekend before that, or after that? Remember Alesia’s birthday is the 9^th. Lesleigh’s is July 8^th. Lesleigh agreed to take Alesia and her friend Elena to Six Flags for the birthdays; I will probably send them on a weekday when it’s less crowded. Lord knows I don’t want to go.

Had a horrible experience at the dentist on Saturday. He gave me stuff to numb my gums and I was tilted so far back in the chair I swallowed it and got nauseated. I started shaking and having chills. Then when he got the drill out to fill the tooth he kept drilling into the nerve and it hurt like h***. I was crying in the chair, the tears running into my ears. I have never been so miserable at the dentist. My jaw hurt so bad all weekend I could hardly eat. It was horrible. He wasn’t my regular dentist – I sure won’t go back to him.

We planted okra and carrots yesterday, after moving the lilies from the vegetable garden. Hopefully we will be getting some soon. Alesia likes okra. She found the first ripe little Roma tomato yesterday and asked if she could eat it, and I said sure, after you wash it. So she rinsed it off under the hose and ate it in two bites. We’ve gotten 3 yellow squash now. I am going to have to spray for bugs, though; they are chomping the leaves now.

The septic tank guys are finally scheduled to come out tomorrow and finish the job. I got the upstairs air conditioner looked at by a professional and he said it’s shot and a new one is needed, which doesn’t surprise me. So we’re getting a new upstairs unit tomorrow. The downstairs one is fine.

XOXOXOX

Dee

Back In Focus

Friday, June 16, 2008             [Note: see new photos]

It has been a rough week. I have had a hard time sleeping. So many things are roiling around in my head. I am going to try and record some of my feelings here.

Bronwyn came on Monday and started tutoring Alesia. It wasn’t as productive as maybe it should have been, because we couldn’t get the software loaded in. Finally, Paul came over Thursday night and worked on it.

Today she couldn’t come, but next week Bronwyn can do the assessment and see where Alesia needs help. Bronwyn is writing notes to me, and e-mails. Alesia is doing really well, but Bronwyn is having to be strict with her about staying on task and not trying to take over the computer. That doesn’t surprise me. However, Bronwyn says she learns quickly and is clearly really smart.

Bronwyn is teaching Alesia computer skills as well as academics, which is terrific. Bronwyn’s son just started high school, so she knows what Alesia needs to be ready to face next year. She needs to know how to do Powerpoint presentations! Yikes. I can’t do those. I thought I was high tech when I did a slide show in 6^th grade.

Work is unpleasant right now. I have been working feverishly all week, putting out fires all day, in a semi state of panic. I let things slide a bit in May, because I was so distracted with all the adoption tasks. So now I am paying the price. I just hope no cases get too far out of control. One case we have in Virginia, the outside counsel is a total airhead, who sounds like she’s 12 years old. The plaintiff’s attorney is running circles around her. My boss is not pleased. The only alternative we have to Miss Legally Blonde is a partner in the firm who charges $350 an hour, and doesn’t know the case! I am just praying the case settles.

I am debating about what to do about my writing. I never seem to have time to even blog much, much less work on any other projects. I need to write, but when. Every day I try to formulate plans to get up at 5 a.m. and write, and work out, and get to work early so I can come home early, and I never do any of it. I’m lucky if I can schlep in by 8, and I’m always sleepy in the afternoons.

All my adult life I’ve thought if I just had the discipline, I could be a good writer. Now I don’t know. I have 3 screenplays and 3 books completed, none of them any good. I gave copies of Adopting Alesia to several close friends to read, and only one of my friends was positive. I think it’s as good or better than a book I recently read that was written by another adoptive single mom, but that’s not saying much.

I cannot bear the thought of giving up my writing. I also cannot bear the thought of continuing something that seems so futile. When I am writing, I should be spending time on Alesia, or on home improvement projects.

There’s a popular evangelist here in Atlanta that I think is kind of nutty, but something he said keeps running through my brain: “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” Or maybe it was Dr. Phil who said that. I don’t know. It’s the truth, though – that’s what’s so scary.

I have only recently begun to feel tiny glimmers of myself coming back into focus. Since I got Alesia home, I recently realized, I’ve been in a sort of fog. I’ve been operating on autopilot, trying to keep juggling so many balls in the air – motherhood, job, house, caretaker for Mother, caretaker for Coco. I’ve started wearing so many hats my head hurts all the time.

When Alesia was out of town last week I started feeling more normal again. I missed her, but I was relieved to have some time to myself. I lightened my hair – just a teeny bit. I started looking more critically at my clothes. I started moisturizing my feet – I have dry skin, the Thompson curse. I could feel myself coming back, like when your foot falls asleep and you wake it up and feel all those tingles. I am forever altered, forever different, though. I am trying to figure out who I am now, and that scares me.

What do I want out of life, aside from my son and a decent life for us all? I don’t know. I am taking this Lexapro, which makes me much more calm, but also I feel like my brain is sluggish a lot of the time. I feel like a person who is sleepwalking sometimes. I don’t like that. I don’t want to feel that way. Yet I’m afraid to go back to feeling too much, to yelling at Alesia too much, and being snippy with Mother. I don’t want to be that way. I also don’t want to be a zombie. I don’t know what to do. Maybe if I stop taking the LexaPro when my prescription runs out next month I will feel better, more energetic. I hope so. I am praying about it.

Fingerprints, Part II

Sunday, June 11, 2006

We got a notice in the mail yesterday from the Immigration Service [INS] saying Mother has to go in again and be re-fingerprinted on July 8. I wanted to have the dossier sent off long before that, but this will delay the 171H, which I have to have. I also am fearful, because when we went last week, the guy taking Mother’s fingerprints re-did them several times, checked and re-checked, and even had his supervisor check. They were done on a computer screen, not the inked kind. So I am afraid the tech won’t be able to get a good fingerprint from her. Her fingers are worn smooth and it’s hard to get a clear print. I have posted about this on some of the boards I frequent and they have said there are ways around it – that sometimes you can just go in an swear out a statement and they will approve you, or they will not run the check if the fingerprints aren’t good but will check by social security number. Bruce sent me a link to buy a chemical to put on her fingers that makes them print better – I wasn’t surprised he could find such a thing! So I am trying to be optimistic.

This adoption has almost gone too smoothly. I guess God thought I needed to work a little harder for this little guy, so he threw me a curve. I’ll jump this hurdle.

Alesia came back from the beach yesterday brown as a berry, in fact her shoulders were even peeling. We put some moisturizer on the shoulders and they look better today. She

had never burned or peeled before, so this is a good lesson in applying sunscreen. Patti said she was very good about putting sunscreen on, so I don’t know what happened.

Alesia’s dance recital was today. She was so good! I was very impressed. She wasn’t happy about her sunburned face but she did a terrific job. The little tiny girls in other groups were absolutely hysterical. One tot crawled out onstage [as an “elephant”], saw the audience, and hopped up into her teacher’s arms and refused to go out again. The teachers were standing off in the wings doing the movements for the kids. Some of the younger kids were very professional looking, and you could tell they had had good training. Others would just stand there and wave to mama and totally ignore the dance routine.

We ended up eating a very late lunch [3:30] because of the recital time, then came home briefly, and then had company the rest of the evening. Paul came over and finished setting up the computer in Matthew’s room. Alesia was not happy yesterday when I told her she would not be allowed to use the computer without the supervision of me or Bronwyn or Mother. Paul is coming back later in the week to install some parental control software. I have to be cautious.

Lesleigh came by and had dinner with us. She looks and sounds much better. She is going to be fine. Her ex-boyfriend still sends her nasty e-mails, but I told her just delete them without reading them!

I didn’t get anything done in the yard today, but so be it. I worked like a dog yesterday, and sweated so much I must’ve lost 5 lbs. of water weight. It’s in the upper 90’s here. Tomorrow is supposed to be a bit cooler, I think. We need rain.