The Crab Chronicles

Downtown

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Alesia trick or treated in her angel costume tonight, looking adorable. I tried to download the photos but the camera needed batteries and wouldn’t cooperate. Aaargh. I fixed her makeup, and although it was subtle, it was very effective. A glimpse of things to come…

I answered the door in my witch hat and cape, but it was hard to look scary when I was just babbling at the cute kids in their costumes. I’m so glad we live in a safe neighborhood where kids trick or treat.

I ordered several DVD’s for Alesia for her Gotcha Day present, even though it’s not until November 14. One of the DVD’s is the History Channel’s series on Russian history. Excellent series of films, very colorful and entertaining. I am enjoying them much more than Alesia, LOL. I am just trying to foster an interest in history in her. I also got a DVD set about important dates in American history, and a DVD about Heroes of the Bible.

Alesia’s last day at Lindamood Bell is Friday. Next week she needs to go back to more tutoring. I just haven’t found anyone yet. I may end up doing a couple of hours myself at night - really a tough thing to do after working all day. Mother says she doesn’t have the patience. Bronwyn’s sister won’t return my calls, which is weird. I’ve gotten a couple of resumes from the postings I did on local college bulletin boards and Craigslist, but nobody that looks promising.

I have an appointment on Thursday afternoon to take Mother downtown for her criminal background check. I am nervous about it. I know exactly where to go and if it were up to me, I’d park and walk. Mother, however, can’t walk even a few blocks, and I will have to drop her off and go park, then get the car, pick her off, and go to the next office – there are two of them we have to hit. I am going to see if Lesleigh can take us, but I doubt it. I am too pessimistic to assume that this means I will finally get the 171H. It will speed up the process, for sure, but who knows how much?

My friend Maria put me in touch with a freelance writer who is a neighbor of hers, and she might do an article about Jack’s New Family, for the local paper or even possibly a magazine. Or not. Maria said she’s rather eccentric. It’s worth a shot. She was adopted herself, so has more than a passing interest in the topic. I am exploring all marketing options at this point.

We went to Athens on Sunday to see my friend Gary’s new house and have a visit with him. The house is very nice, 3 bedrooms, with a backyard that’s mostly woods. He is getting it furnished in a masculine, eclectic style. We drove around campus and Mother saw her old dorms, and I saw mine. We got out on old North Campus and walked Alesia around, showing her things. Gary is a great teacher and Alesia loves to learn, so they get along great. Gary complimented us later on how well she is doing – much more verbally expressive and engaged.

Criminal Granny!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Well, I finally got a notice from Immigration. It was not the 171H, it was a form letter telling us that my mother has to go to some office and get a criminal background check and then swear out a statement that she is NOT a criminal. Jeesh! They're had the homestudy more than 3 months. I guess I should be happy that SOME progress is being made!

I have taken great delight in composing the following e-mail:

Re: 1600A of Dee Thompson
Adoption of child from Kazakhstan

To Whom It May Concern:
I am single. I am trying to adopt a second child, a boy from Kazakhstan. My   mother lives with me. We have gone for fingerprints twice, and the last time we were told that they were fine. Now, we are told she will have to submit to a criminal background check. Please make an appointment for her at US CIS so that a criminal background check can be done.

My mother is 72 years old and has NO criminal background. She has never even  gotten a speeding ticket or a parking ticket. However, I totally understand the need to insure the safety of adopted children.

Please advise how much money I need to bring, and if I need to bring cash or a  certified check. I can bring it in coins, if you prefer.

Thank you,
Dee Thompson
a/k/a The Queen of Patience

BTW, this is the toned-down version. The original was MUCH more sarcastic. I fugured what the hey, if I can give some government drone a chuckle, maybe they will give me a break.

We had a nice day. Alesia had tutoring this morning, then we went to Target this afternoon and bought my friend Gary a housewarming gift. We are going to see him tomorrow. Then we drove around a bit on West Paces, near the Gov's mansion, and stopped at Whole Foods. That place is amazing! I could've lost my mind in there. We got half the week's groceries there.

I figured we had better stop and buy food. A short time earlier we were in the car and I told Mother I wasn't much in the mood for grocery shopping. I HATE doing it. I said "Let's postpone it until Monday. Alesia's pottery class was canceled for Monday." An outraged voice from the backseat immediately bellowed 'We are NOT GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE???!!! You mean we will have to  JUST SUFFER and go without FOOD for TWO DAYS!!??"

When we finished laughing I reminded her of the Thompson credo about food: "Alesia, Sweetie, you KNOW Granny keeps enough food in the house that we can live under siege for a month and never miss a meal!"
Silence.
"Oh yeah. You're right."

Earlier in the day, at Target, I had proudly carried on the great Thompson family tradition called Embarrassing Your Children in Public. My parents were the Grand Masters at this sort of embarrassment. Anyway, the Halloween goodies at Target were 30% off, so I bought a black witches' hat, to wear when I open the door. I already have a cape.

As the little guy behind the counter was checking us out, I held up the hat and said "Can I wear this hat out of the store?" He looked at me.
"Sure. No problem."
Alesia piped up, "MOM! You must take the TAG off!"
I leaned forward confidentially and looked into the clerk's eyes. "I like that big orange tag. I think that's a good look for me, don't you?"
He grinned. I heard a heavy sigh from behind me.

We had bought three big bags of candy. It really looked like a diabetic nightmare. As he heaved the last bag into a Target sack, I looked at it sadly. "Well, this is enough for me, but what will we give the poor trick or treaters?"
He laughed.

After the machine ate my debit card and spit it back, I went to work punching the usual buttons. The clerk said, "Do you want cash back?"
"Yes! But not from my account!"
With that, Alesia just turned around and walked out the door.

The Waiting Game

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I just looked and realized I haven't posted in days. Oops...

We had an interesting weekend. Alesia had PMS and there were a few times she was so snotty I was sorely tempted to slap her. When we got in the car Monday morning to go to her therapy session she got a 35 minute lecture about being respectful. She stayed awake, I'll give her that much.

We are doing the therapy at Lindamood Bell this week and next and that's it. I can't afford more. That place truly has worked miracles. Alesia's reading comprehesion has skyrocketed and she's just done so well.

My cousin Lesleigh who is living in my unsold condo is sick. I don't know when she will be able to buy the condo now, if ever. She's convinced she has some horrible condition or disease from using a pesticide for fleas. I think she's sick, but not silicosis, just an allergy to the pesiticide. She had the carpets cleaned and all her furniture hauled away, but I'm doubtful there is any real danger there. The hard part is she's a good friend and when I moved her in there it was a good thing - got her away from an abusive boyfriend. But she hasn't gotten a job or paid me any rent, and I have to get some soon, or sell the place. She got laid off right before leaving the boyfriend.

I am still waiting on the paper from Immigration before I can finish my Kazakhstan dossier. It's so frustrating. A friend at work was saying I'll probably get it after the election, that that's the problem. I don't see how that makes sense, but she probably is right. Everything is political...

I am still waiting on the original illustrations from Russia before I can finish my book.

So I'm just waiting and waiting. So frustrating...

Drama in the Suburbs

October 19, 2006

Alesia was nowhere to be found when I came home tonight. She had left out on her bike 30 minutes before, Mother said. I got in the car and went looking for her, after standing in the yard calling for a while. When I got home she was here. She had gone across the street without telling me or Granny where she was. I lost it and screamed at her. She has been told several time she cannot go into someone's house without permission. I screamed and yelled. I was so upset, you cannot imagine. Well, maybe you can... I said "I know that until you came here you could go anywhere you wanted and nobody cared. I know nobody at that orphanage cared where you were. But WE care!"

She refused to say anything. I sent her to her room. I called Gabriella [the neighbor] and she said Alesia was over there just hanging, out even though her kids were at soccer practice. I said Alesia was not allowed to go inside the house any more.

I came upstairs and Alesia was sitting on a little stool in her closet, crying. I had calmed down enough so I explained that Granny and I were so worried because we didn't know where she was. She violated several rules - riding her bike without a helmet, not taking the walkie talkie, not asking permission to go inside Gabriella's house.

I said “We were worried – we didn’t know where you were. You could’ve been kidnapped, raped, murdered. I was fixing to call the police!”

 

She admitted she would have been worried if her little girl had done that.

Her punishment is she cannot play with Gabriella and Tom's little girls at all until Nov. 1st. Then, she can only play outside. They play in their front yard a lot.

I went in my room to change clothes and do a quick e-mail check.

After I had calmed down I went back into Alesia’s room, and held her for a few minutes. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. I apologized for losing my temper and yelling. I said “I love you more than anything else in the whole world. I couldn’t bear to lose you. I wouldn’t want to live if that happened.”

She said “Really?”

I said “Yes, of course. I love you more than anything in the world. You are my life, Sweetie.”

These are the times when I am glad my parents said things like that to me. I knew they were telling the truth.

**********************************************************************************************************************

This was posted on my Yahoo Single Moms board – Shelly is one of my fellow moms –

http://www.jeffcone ws.com/1editoria lbody.lasso? -token.folder= 2006-10-19&-token.story= 177230.112112&-token.subpub=

Mrs. Malaprop

October 18, 2006

I posted this on my Yahoo Single Moms board, in reply to a post about “experts” mis-judging how smart our adopted children are -

Last January, Alesia was reading on the second grade level. When I had her tested a couple of months ago, I was told she had a very low IQ, and a severe processing disorder, plus the mild FAS, etc. and we'd be lucky if she could get through high school.

After 2.5 weeks of therapy at Lindamood Bell, she is now reading AND comprehending on a 7th grade level. That's 5 grade levels in less than a year.

Don’t tell ME my child can’t learn! She’s phenomenal.

 

She still has her moments, in terms of expressing herself clearly. Tonight, when we were finishing dinner, Mother asked Alesia if she knew what to do if someone was choking.

"Yes" she answered excitedly.

"You stand behind them and touch their abdomen. Then you push them really hard!"

Well, we thought it was very funny. She got irritated, until I demonstrated exactly what she had said, then she got the joke and laughed, too.

The other day we were all in the car talking, and Alesia said something and paused. Mother started talking, thinking Alesia was finished. We heard a heavy sigh from the back seat. When Mom was quiet I said "Alesia, what's the matter?"

This petulant little voice came up from the back - "I was talking and Granny POKED IN!" [She then re-learned the word "interrupt"]

I'm keeping her in therapy for a couple of more weeks, but I am thrilled beyond belief how well she is doing.

Nobody knows what our kids are capable of - they've never been given wings. We can help them fly!

Difficulties

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I had so hoped I’d hear from Charlotte [my lawyer aquaintance who works in Immigration] about the 171H but no word yet. I am trying not to be discouraged but it’s difficult.

I just think of Igor’s little face, full of courage and hope, and my heart breaks a little, fearing I won’t be able to complete the adoption.

I sent this e-mail to Bronwyn this morning. Alesia was difficult early today.

Alesia argued up and down about a couple of things yesterday and today -- and she was dead wrong. Mom and I talked to her about it at breakfast this morning. I could tell by her face she was defiant and didn’t want to hear it.

When we were driving to Lindamood Bell this morning she got a LOOOOONG lecture about not being argumentative, and admitting when she is wrong. I’m adopting a zero tolerance policy on arguing. I just went ahead and said to her that her arguing and failing to admit she is wrong are common traits in older kids who have been in orphanages,

because they want to be in control. They’ve spent their lives having to take care of themselves, so control is really important. I said “Your birthmom and the orphanage just did the minimum to take care of you. They gave you food and shelter and that was it. Granny and I want to take care of you the right way. That’s why we want you to take vitamins, and behave, and study hard, etc. We want what’s best for you. We want you to be happy and healthy.”

I told her she was going to have to learn to give me and Granny control, because we know what’s best. I also told her that if she doesn’t learn how to be diplomatic, and stop raising her voice and arguing so rudely, that she was going to have major problems the rest of her life. I said “You can’t yell and argue rudely with your boss or you’ll get fired. You do that with a boyfriend, he will leave. Your friends will not want to be around you if you’re so bossy and argumentative. You will be VERY UNHAPPY all your life if you don’t learn to stop arguing rudely!” I gave her some examples verbally of how to express an opinion in a nice way vs. a rude argumentative way.

I hope she takes it to heart. She’s heard it all before, but I don’t think she really understood it. I told her this morning that by going to Lindamood Bell, we want her to understand better. I said, a lot of time she’s angry and we have confrontations because she doesn’t understand and she doesn’t communicate well.

I spoke to the “case manager” at Lindamood Bell this morning, and she said Alesia is doing great. They have her working at 6^th and 7^th grade level. She’s being asked to remember and pick out main ideas from complex sentences and paragraphs. She’s eager to learn and trying very hard. Their biggest challenge is just vocabulary words she doesn’t know. They are trying to teach her ways to remember word meanings. She said she thinks Alesia can move up to 9^th grade level in the next few weeks. I told her that was great because I just couldn’t pay for much more. I told them 4 more weeks max, is all I can manage financially, and preferably less than that. I told her I would call her back every week to check on how she’s doing.

Were did we get English?!

Monday, October 16, 2006

When I picked Alesia up from Lindamood Bell today, we rode along for a while, and then had the following conversation.

Alesia: “Mom, where do all those words come from, long time ago?”

Me: “What words? What exactly do you mean?”

Alesia: “You know, English words. How did people come up with them?”

Me: “Well, English is made up of a lot of different kinds of languages. We borrowed from the Celts, the Gauls, the Romans – “

Alesia: “What about Russian?”

Me: “Well, Spanish, French, Italian, German, and English all came from Latin. Latin was spoken way back, a long time ago, like when Jesus lived. The Latin is why it’s not too hard for a person who speaks English to learn Italian, French, German, whatever. But Russian, Polish, Czech, etc. – those are Slavic languages. They are very different. That’s why it’s so hard for Americans to learn Russian.”

Alesia: “Oh. That’s not what I meant.”

Me: “Well, what did you mean?”

Alesia: “I meant, how did people long time ago think up words?”

Me: “I don’t know. Those Latin folks just made ‘em up, I guess.”

Then somehow we got into a discussion of how there are many cognates, even between Russian and English – words like restaurant, computer, music, theater, etc. are very similar. I also explained about how Russian nobles in the 19^th century learned French, so many French words were incorporated into Russian. She was interested in that. I explained about the one Russian word I know, which is almost identical to French [billet, for ticket]. Then I didn’t know any more Russian words as examples, so I told her how America and France share a lot of words. For example, French people now say “le weekend” and we have lots of words from France, like “parfait.”

I’m just thrilled she is taking an interest in language, period!

I told her to feel lucky she just has to learn English, not Chinese or Arabic! LOL

Good Bad Girl

Sunday, October 15, 2006

It’s been an exhausting weekend. Alesia was very good all day yesterday, and a pill pretty much all day today. Mom think she is PMS-ing. I don’t know.

I met with the publisher yesterday who is going to publish my children’s book. She showed me on the computer how the pages will look, and we inserted the illustrations. We have to wait to get the original illustrations so we can scan them in at 300dpi, for the best clarity. The e-mail versions look great to my untrained eye, though.

Vally [the publisher with the unusual name] even made up a prototype of what the book will look like when it’s done. I was so excited to see that.

I started a new blog, a public blog, just about the book.

http://deescribbler.typepad.com/jacks_new_family/

I hope I can generate some interest in the book that way, and so when copies are available to sell, hopefully in a few weeks, I will have customers waiting. Several folks have already told me they will buy copies. I suspect marketing will hinge on word-of-mouth, and how many adoption websites I can get a blurb on. There are a lot of websites, fortunately.

 

I took Mother and Alesia and we went yesterday morning to the Mistletoe Market, a Junior League Christmas crafts show. It’s got a lot of different vendors and the items are all high quality. I found 3 books for Matthew, all Cat in the Hat books, including my all-time favorite, Green Eggs and Ham. Hopefully they will spark an interest in reading, as he hears the funny rhymes. Mother found several items at a great booth that caters to seniors, with assistance things like rubber door handles, lighted magnifying glasses, etc.

We had lunch with my cousin Charlie Rusin and his partner, Michael. I had not met Michael, but he’s a very nice person. He seems good for Charlie. They’ve been together over 6 months, which is encouraging. Michael works for a recruiting company that works for Home Depot, and the company helps us find store managers. So we had something in common.

I wanted to go to the Georgia Writer’s Association meeting after lunch, but I couldn’t get there. I started out on 285 headed toward Dunwoody, already 15 minutes late, and traffic was at a crawl for some unknown reason. So I just got off at the next exit and headed home. I was disappointed because I wanted to hear the author who spoke.

We watched a great movie, Finding Forrester, last night. It’s about a brilliant black kid in the Bronx who finds a mentor in a reclusive writer. Sean Connery plays the writer. Excellent film.

Alesia ran around outside without shoes on yesterday afternoon, I discovered this morning. I had spotted her one time yesterday afternoon without shoes and told her to put them on, and she didn’t. This morning, she showed me a splinter in her foot. After breakfast I spent a long time digging it out of her foot, trying not to hurt her.

I told her after breakfast she needed to get dressed, and let me put some Neosporin and a bandaid on the foot, and then wear clean socks and tennis shoes all day. She was really ticked about that. It’s been a cool day here though, in the 60’s. I had bought her brand-new tennis shoes last spring and they were unworn.

Well sir, the battles began. She didn’t want to let me doctor her foot. She didn’t want to wear the tennis shoes. She was so smart-mouthed I made her do 20 pushups, then she smarted off again and said “Pushups aren’t that hard!” So I made her stand for about ten minutes with her arms over her head, straight up. I know her arms were hurting. She refused to back down. I made her go to her room.

We had a relatively uneventful grocery shopping trip. Her behavior was better.

Then when we got home, after she unloaded the groceries, she went straight upstairs and stripped off her shoes and socks. I told her she had to wear the socks. We explained, Mother and I both, about wounds getting infected.

At lunch, I told her not to start eating until I sat down, and she licked the mayonnaise off her plate when she thought I wasn’t watching. I called her on it and she argued. I made her go put her shoes back on, and I told her she’d have to wear shoes and socks the rest of the day. [What an ogre I am…]

The other time she was sassy to me was late this afternoon, after we came in from planting some things outside. I told her to go drink some water, rehydrate. She said No, and I had to yell at her. I finally said to her “Alesia, if you say one more word to me, you won’t go to youth group tonight with Elena, you will spend the whole evening alone in your room!”

I don’t know what was wrong with her. I cannot allow her to be disrespectful once, because then she will have a field day with it. Yesterday she was in a good humor and was sweet all day. Today, the pill emerged.

Tomorrow will be really busy, so I hope she will not be so difficult. She’s less cranky when she’s busy.

I am faxing a copy of my 171H application to a lawyer I know in New Orleans who recently went with Homeland Security, in hopes she can call the office here and find out what’s happening with my application. I am praying Charlotte can get them moving on it for me. I need to get out of limbo, for my emotional well-being. I’m getting depressed about it.

What Is Important

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

When I picked Alesia up from dance class last night she said several inadvertently funny things in the space of a few minutes, and I wanted to share.

I said "Are you hungry?"

Alesia: "Well that's a DUH question Mom, YES!" [Note: she’s growing right now and all she wants to do is sleep and eat. She’s now as tall as me!]

After I got through laughing, Alesia said "I've been thinking about what's important in life, and this is what I've decided."

"OK, what?"

"First, sleeping is important."

"Yes, absolutely."

"Then, eating. Then buying food. Going to the bathroom."

"OK, good. Seems like you got the major things there. What about love?"

"Well, yes. Sleeping, eating, buying food, going to the bathroom, then love."

"Glad you have your priorities straight, love does come right after going to the bathroom. I can tell you hang out with Granny a lot."

"But Mom, chores aren't important. Notice I didn't even put them on the list?"

"No, I didn't notice, but that doesn't surprise me."

"They aren't important. I've thought about it. They just aren't."

LOL!

Monday Lethargy

Monday, October 9, 2006

I have been sooooo tired all day from yesterday's ordeal. Even Alesia was tired all day. Bronwyn canceled out on tutoring and we skipped pottery class.

Happy 47th birthday to my brother. I called and sang Happy Birthday to him on his answering machine. Mother told the story at breakfast of her 4 days of labor and near-death experience having him.

He's a great person, I just wish he would quit chewing tobacco and find a nice woman to share his life with - one who is attracted to certified geniuses who drive pickup trucks and prefer jobs involving carrying guns...

We were talking at dinner tonight about Mother's Yahoo group for recipe collectors, and how the weird girlyman who runs the group - yes you heard me right, called "Grandma's Recipes" or some such - is being a pain in the butt. He whined about not using canned goods in recipes until mother pointed out that canned goods have been around since the 1700's.

Mother started talking about a recipe where one of the ingredients is Worcestershire Sauce - which, she points out, was first bottled in the 19th century. She can't say it correctly so she calls it "wooster" sauce.

After Mother had said the word a couple of times, I noticed Alesia had a peculiar look on her face, a mixture of absolute horror and revulsion she normally reserves for talking about peanut butter.

Alesia: "Wait a minute. What kind of sauce?"
Mother: "Wooster."
Alesia: "ROOSTER Sauce?!"

We both started laughing so hard. I managed to say "No, Sweetie, Worcesteshire sauce." I did NOT pronounce it "wooster."

Alesia looked greatly relieved.