Difficulties

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I had so hoped I’d hear from Charlotte [my lawyer aquaintance who works in Immigration] about the 171H but no word yet. I am trying not to be discouraged but it’s difficult.

I just think of Igor’s little face, full of courage and hope, and my heart breaks a little, fearing I won’t be able to complete the adoption.

I sent this e-mail to Bronwyn this morning. Alesia was difficult early today.

Alesia argued up and down about a couple of things yesterday and today -- and she was dead wrong. Mom and I talked to her about it at breakfast this morning. I could tell by her face she was defiant and didn’t want to hear it.

When we were driving to Lindamood Bell this morning she got a LOOOOONG lecture about not being argumentative, and admitting when she is wrong. I’m adopting a zero tolerance policy on arguing. I just went ahead and said to her that her arguing and failing to admit she is wrong are common traits in older kids who have been in orphanages,

because they want to be in control. They’ve spent their lives having to take care of themselves, so control is really important. I said “Your birthmom and the orphanage just did the minimum to take care of you. They gave you food and shelter and that was it. Granny and I want to take care of you the right way. That’s why we want you to take vitamins, and behave, and study hard, etc. We want what’s best for you. We want you to be happy and healthy.”

I told her she was going to have to learn to give me and Granny control, because we know what’s best. I also told her that if she doesn’t learn how to be diplomatic, and stop raising her voice and arguing so rudely, that she was going to have major problems the rest of her life. I said “You can’t yell and argue rudely with your boss or you’ll get fired. You do that with a boyfriend, he will leave. Your friends will not want to be around you if you’re so bossy and argumentative. You will be VERY UNHAPPY all your life if you don’t learn to stop arguing rudely!” I gave her some examples verbally of how to express an opinion in a nice way vs. a rude argumentative way.

I hope she takes it to heart. She’s heard it all before, but I don’t think she really understood it. I told her this morning that by going to Lindamood Bell, we want her to understand better. I said, a lot of time she’s angry and we have confrontations because she doesn’t understand and she doesn’t communicate well.

I spoke to the “case manager” at Lindamood Bell this morning, and she said Alesia is doing great. They have her working at 6^th and 7^th grade level. She’s being asked to remember and pick out main ideas from complex sentences and paragraphs. She’s eager to learn and trying very hard. Their biggest challenge is just vocabulary words she doesn’t know. They are trying to teach her ways to remember word meanings. She said she thinks Alesia can move up to 9^th grade level in the next few weeks. I told her that was great because I just couldn’t pay for much more. I told them 4 more weeks max, is all I can manage financially, and preferably less than that. I told her I would call her back every week to check on how she’s doing.