November 11, 2004
I couldn't think what to title this post, hence the above...
I sent this to a friend yesterday:
A stellar day! I got the new medical form and the copy of the I-797
notarized and apostilled, and Fed-X's off to the adoption agency! Now they can
complete the dossier for Kazakhstan and I can start planning the trip to bring
him home. It is so exciting. I finally feel like I am going to really get him
home. I am just praying nothing goes wrong.
I e-mailed Kate to see if she had gotten the draft of the manuscript, to check
for errors, and she had not. Hopefully she will get it tomorrow and it will be
fine, and I can go see Vally early next week and get everything finalized. I
just hope I can get it back from the publishers before mid December.
I talked to the accountant today. I feel like a real grown-up now, since now
that I can say "Well, my accountant advised me..." He said to
incorporate myself as an S Corporation. You can do everything online now,
through the secretary of state's office. There are interesting parallels in our
lives. He lived in Knoxville for some years when he was growing up [so did I]
and he has two adopted grandchildren. Plus, he told me I can do the
incorporation stuff myself, and save paying him $500. He will end up just
advising me and doing my taxes. My taxes will be complicated, much more so than
usual. I feel relieved, however, knowing he will help me with everything.
There was a big discussion on my Yahoo Single Moms board about our kids finding their birth families and us adopting their siblings.
I posted this:
I sat in the office of the woman who gave me my I-797 [formerly known as the
171H] and she refused to approve me for two children, because the homestudy
wasn't worded the way she liked. Susan (my social worker) had put that if my
son had siblings, I would want to adopt them, the "sibling group."
She said "That's an unspecific number, a "group" so I am only
going to approve you for one." I was so thrilled to get the I-797 after 3
1/2 months that I didn't argue, but later I thought about it and was [and am] ticked.
So please, if you want to be approved for more than 1, put a specific number -
like 1 - 3 kids, or whatever. Be SPECIFIC.
Secondly, while I understand and completely agree with kids in the USA
finding/knowing their biological parents, I am not so keen on this idea for
Russian kids. The sad fact is that many Russian women who give up their
children are mired in poverty and most are alcoholics, or become alcoholics.
The rate of alcoholism in that country is staggering. My daughter's mother
neglected her horribly for her first 6 years of life, and had she not been
removed from there she might have died. Her birth mother was an alcoholic, was
hauled off by the police in front of Alesia, and I suspect was a prostitute.
She left Alesia alone at night when she was tiny. Do I want Alesia to reunite
with that woman? NO. I suspect the birthmother is either dead or in jail.
A few months ago, I showed Alesia the summary of the court hearing where she
was relinquished to the orphanage. She read it in Russian. Instead of being
upset, she was quite happy after reading it. [She had harborred a fantasy her
birthmother didn't know where she was.]
The birthmother had been given several months to clean up and get a real job
and get her life straightened out. She didn't do it. Alesia read about how
neighbors testified that there were strange men in and out at all hours, she
was hungry and dirty and left alone, etc. I think her reaciton was RELIEF -
that I have her now, and she is safe and well. She's never asked me about
finding her birthmother or father.
The little boy I hope to adopt from Kazakhstan is special needs, and I think
I am OK to tell y'all this. He was abandoned by his birthmother and lost his
hand to frostbite. His birthfather is
unknown. It's quite likely his mother was also an alcoholic. I seriously doubt
he will ever want to find his birthmother.
Having said that, if either of my kids ever comes to me and says "I
really want to find my birth parents" then I won't stop them. In fact,
I'll help them in any way I can. I understand needing that family connection,
needing to know who you look like.
Adopting from Russia or Eastern Europe usually involves stories of extreme poverty, alcoholism, etc. When you go over there you will see what I mean.
