Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I posted a fairly long piece yesterday about the facts of our holiday, and I think it was fine, to keep everyone informed, but there have been several small things that have happened in the last few days which I thought were worth noting.
When I was adopting Alesia, Bruce thought it was a terrible idea, at first. He thought I was getting into a situation where I was doomed to either get duped by the Russians and lose a lot of money, or worse yet, get a child who was so emotionally screwed up that I would never be able to help her. Of course, he was wrong on both counts. However, I can't really argue with him when he gets into these fear-based states, which is maddening. How do you explain faith? I refuse to let fear rule my life. That's not to say I don't fear things - I do, sometimes. There are moments of fear I experience. However, I have taught myself to reflexively say a prayer for God to remove the fear and he does. Then I can breathe deeply and think clearly and God shows me the way out.
When Bruce was home the last time, a few months ago, Alesia, Lesleigh and I were in Mother's room and I called Bruce to come in there and look at a photo of Matthew on the computer. He popped his head in for a moment, a look of great consternation on his face, and retreated. He said he didn't want to see any photos until I actually walked off the plane with the boy. That was fear talking. Lesleigh pointed out that he is also afraid of feeling affection for a little boy in a photo, who may not ever be part of our family, due to some bureaucratic snafu.
On Christmas Day, I saw a break in the façade. He brought two shirts of his, two army fatigue shirts with his rank and insignia on them. He handed them to Alesia saying "One of these is for you, one is for your little brother." Alesia beamed.
When I adopted Alesia, he didn't really accept that I was actually coming home with her and things would be OK, until I had her at the hotel in Moscow. I remember looking at an e-mail in the hotel's business center, in which he was asking if she might like a backpack with her name on it. When he saw her a few days later, he presented her with the backpack and an enormous stuffed dog, which she promptly christened Big Coco and she sleeps with it to this day. This time, he designated a present for my boy before the adoption hearing, so I feel like we are making some progress. I hope and pray one day he will be able to have faith.
A Funny: One day late last week Alesia looked at Mother and me and said "What language do they speak in New York?"
After I got through laughing I said "They speak a strange version of English."
We stayed up late yesterday watching the Kennedy Center Honors. Alesia watched with us - a good way for her to get a little crash course in American culture. The honorees were: Zubin Mehta, Smokey Robinson, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dolly Parton, and Stephen Spielberg. It's one of the few things on television I make an effort to watch every year, and Mother will watch with us. It's a classy show.
I told Alesia the story of how, when my father had cancer and I was driving back and forth to Augusta every weekend, I would listen to books on tape a lot, to help me with the boring drive. I listened to Dolly Parton's autobiography, and really enjoyed it. Mother explained to Alesia a little about how Dolly has helped the people of East Tennessee to find jobs [in Dollywood], and offered scholarships to college, for kids in Sevierville who finished high school. I seized upon a learning opportunity. "Do you know the word INTEGRITY, Sweetie?" Alesia shook her head. "Dolly Parton is the definition of the word. She came from a dirt poor background, worked hard, helped her 8 younger siblings to go to college and live decently, helped her parents, gave back to her community by creating jobs and educational opportunities." I went on in some detail. When I finished, I asked her if that helped her to understand "integrity" and she nodded, her eyes wide.
It's really hard to explain words like "integrity" and "honor" and "respect" to her, so I look for solid ways to illustrate what those words mean. That’s not always easy.
