The Crab Chronicles

Impatience

I was hoping yesterday to hear that my LOI [letter of invitation] had arrived and I could start packing my bags and making flight arrangements. Alas, what I heard from the agency instead was that I should get the LOI in the next couple of weeks. Then add another week or two to arrange the visa and get flights, etc. So it's looking more like middle to end of February before I get to go. : (

I sent this to my friend Kathy:

I don’t know exactly how long I will be in Kaz. There’s a mandatory 14 day period where you visit your child every day at the orphanage, then there’s a wait for a court date – a few days or a week – then home. So the first trip will be about 16-25 days, approximately. After court there’s a waiting period of 2-4 weeks while the adoption is finalized and all the papers are prepared. I will come back here without him during that time, so I can work. Then I will go back and be there 4-7 days while I get him and we do the processing out through the embassy in Almaty. It’s a long process.

I don’t relish the long time away from Alesia and Mother. I dread it. On the other hand, I never have time to read, and my suitcase will be filled with books, since I will only be occupied a few hours each day. I am also hoping to get the revisions done on my manuscript of Adopting Alesia, my next book. The hotel where I will stay has a gym and a pool, so maybe I can finally get myself on a regular exercise schedule. It will be fun to see snow again, too – haven’t seen any of it in 2.5 years. So I try to focus on the positives.

My book is now on Amazon! I am excited. I hope sales will pick up. I also sent some books to Adoption Shoppe, and FRUA [Friends of Russian and Ukrainian Adoption] will list it on their website, which gets a lot of traffic. So things are happening, albeit too slow for me.

We are supposed to get a "wintry mix" tonight after midnight - likely sleet, not snow. It's not cold enough for snow. I just hope my road isn't a mess in the morning. Nobody in Atlanta will leave the house if there's any snow or ice on the roads. Those who do venture out will automatically wreck the car because they cannot drive in anything but rain. I like to turn on local news, snuggle into my chair with a cup of tea, and watch the exciting "Storm Watch" coverage - which will happen even if all we get is rain. LOL

Paul still hasn't fixed Alesia's computer, so she isn't getting any computerized tutoring this week. Mother is having her write essays every day, which is good. I just hate for her to lose tutoring time.

Don't wait, order Jack's New Family NOW! here's the link to the uwp website... 

http://www.unitedwriterspress.com/jnf.html

Flowers and Ghosts

It has been exactly 3 weeks since I spoke to the agency and was assured that I would get my LOI [letter of invitation] by the end of the month. Now it’s the end of the month. I am on pins and needles, waiting. I keep hearing that Tom Petty song wailing in my head “the waiting is the hardest part.” Patience is NOT my strong suit.

I was reminded of the weather in Kaz this morning, because it was 19 degrees here when I got ready to go to work. I wore my heavy new coat and my lined leather gloves and I was still cold in the car with the heat on. I didn’t wear my new Crocs boots, but I was tempted. They are awesome. They look like standard rain boots but with the lovely Crocs design and materials. I tried them on and they instantly felt great. They even came with their own little carrying bag. I can carry them in my suitcase and not work about them weighing down the suitcase too much.

Alesia and I went through Matthew’s photo album and, using an online translation service, created a list of the captions in Russian. She is helping me make sure they are accurate – sometimes those services aren’t. We are pasting the Russian translation right under the English caption. I think it’s going to look very nice when it’s done. I have heard they want to see photos in court and I hope the judge will be impressed, too. When I adopted Alesia the photo album with captions in Russian was a huge hit with everyone.

I have Alesia say prayers every night before she goes to sleep. Her prayers lately always include “Help Mom to have a safe trip to Kaz.” Poor baby, she worries about me flying. I only worry about fitting my butt in the seat, surviving airplane food, and boredom. [I wonder what’s worse, airplane food or hospital food?]

Alesia is taking a terrific painting/drawing class for teens on Saturdays. She showed me a page from her sketchbook last Friday titled “Things I Hate.” The list included crying, ghosts, a broken heart, and tulips. Yes, she hates tulips. She says they smell funny. Mother and I think this is hilarious. I personally love tulips. I wonder if this is why she was so reluctant to plant bulbs with me last fall…?

The really ironic thing is, I can control her exposure to tulips, but I can’t do anything about ghosts… LOL I just tell her if she’s scared of ghosts to ask Grandpa Tony to keep the mean old ghosts away from her, and he will, since he’s her guardian angel. I’ve told her I have seen ghosts, which I truly believe I have. In retrospect, maybe that was a stupid thing to tell her. However, I argue with myself, how can I get her to believe in the unseen world – therefore in God – and deny the presence of ghosts and ESP and other paranormal phenomena? I think it’s totally illogical to expect her to believe in God and Jesus and the afterlife, but not in ghosts. I did tell her the other day that ghosts are simply leftover energy in the earthly plane, and they cannot hurt us, which I believe. I said “The only thing that’s problematical about ghosts is fear, Alesia. If we live in fear of something then it has power over us. You must not let fear rule your life.” I truly believe that. I believe Churchill’s words “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Right on, Winston.

BOOK NEWS

I finally checked Amazon and found my book. I was so excited until I noticed it said “This title is currently not available.” I am hoping some of my friends who have read it will post positive reviews, and maybe they will go ahead and order some copies from the publisher and get the ball rolling. There’s always a lag time between posting it and actually having the copies available to sell. Very frustrating.

Good Fortune

I got in the mail the two books I made using the PhotoWerks website. They are hardback books, a photographic chronicle of our family, from 1957 when Mom and Dad were married, to today. I was thrilled to see the results of my hard work. The larger book will stay here, and the smaller book will go to Igor. Alesia and I worked this afternoon, translating the captions into Russian. We will tape the translation right below the English, in the book for Igor. His book contains more photos of the house.

The other photo book will stay on the table in the family room. In case of a fire we can just grab it, not the many photo albums.

I found Alesia an adventure book for kids, set in the Revolutionary War. She just got it yesterday and has already read half of it. She’s becoming quite a reader.

We had a good day. Since Alesia has started taking a drawing class at the Spruill Center on Saturdays, Mother and I feed her early, then drop her off at Spruill, and we go eat lunch somewhere in Dunwoody. It gives us a chance to catch up. Today we ate at Houlihans. Excellent food.

 

Alesia and I headed to CVS, then the store, late this afternoon. After buying groceries, we picked up some Chinese food for dinner. I love Chinese takeout – I love food I can eat in my bathrobe, that someone else has prepared! Cooking gets so tiresome. Anyway, my fortune cookie said “Your hard work is about to pay off!” – YAY! I like to believe fortune cookies, when they are favorable to me.

I have very little work compared to this lady whose blog I have been reading. She is an adoptive mom to 39 kids! Yes, you read that right – 39. Only about 25 are still at home. Her blog is fascinating and funny. I don’t know how she finds time to write!

www.thebodiebunch.blogspot.com/

 

Friday

I’ve gotten feedback from several folks who have bought books, and all their comments have been very complimentary, which makes me feel good. One cyber-buddy pointed out there’s a typo early in the book – which my mother was the first person to point out to me, of course, being an old schoolteacher. I hate that it’s there, but all I can do is correct it in subsequent editions.

I am sending off promotional copies of JNF to a Christian Ministry group that works in Russia, Adopt Shoppe, Adoptive Families Magazine, and Tapestry Books. The magazine and Tapestry books are purely speculative – they didn’t respond to my e-mails. I’m hoping they will help me, though. I could write a piece for the magazine. Tapestry is sort of like Adopt Shoppe – I doubt I’d make much, but it would get my name out there. My friend Apryl said she’d put a link on the Antares Foundation website, once the adoption is over. She was tickled with the blurb about Antares in the back of the book. I’m still brainstorming on the marketing. I’ll just save the big push for after the adoption.

I had to go again yesterday and get fingerprinted at the Chamblee Police Dept. for another FBI background check. I did one back in June but they want an updated one for when I go to court. I understand that. I also understand why they want an updated medical report. I am sort of puzzled why I have to do another passport affidavit and birth certificate – neither one of those things have changed. Oh well – adoption is a paperchase, that’s for sure.

I am hoping and praying I will hear next week about my travel dates. I am really ready to get going and get my boy home!

Church

I don't really have time to write, but we joined Embry Hills United Methodist Church today, which I think was a great decision. We have felt so welcome at that church. I sent this to the head pastor tonight:

Hi Mark -
Mother talked to Victoria today and let her know we are ready to go ahead and join up. I have been so delighted by everyone at Embry Hills, and I know it's a great decision for our family.

Alesia has been to youth group twice now and really enjoyed it.

I mentioned to her today the idea of going to confirmation class. She didn't refuse, but I may have to talk a little more to her. Please let us know when that will start.

I am in a quandary over what to do about getting her baptized.

Alesia claims she was baptised in Russia but I seriously doubt that. Her mother was a 17 year old alcoholic prostitute living in a tiny settlement far from anywhere with a church, and she wasn't married when Alesia was born. I think Alesia WANTS to think she was baptized. She also says her mother gave her a silver cross, but that's wrong. I sent her a silver cross. She gets things mixed up in her memory a lot, which is common among orphans and kids with FAE [fetal alcohol effects].

I told her when we were going to the Episcopal church she would need to be baptized in that church for it to count, but she was leery of the idea. We witnessed several baptisms of babies, and I think she was just afraid she would be embarrassed, in front of the whole church.

Alesia was removed from her birthmother's apt. when she was 6, and there were no records of any kind - not even medical. She'd never been to school. She was so malnourished she was hospitalized for a while. Thank God she was put in the orphanage or she probably wouldn't have lived. In Russia, the alcoholism is so bad people sell their children for booze - that's why there are over 700,000 kids in orphanages. It's truly horrifying.

If we could arrange to baptize her privately, I think she would go along with it. One of her tutors, who is a close family friend, could be her godmother, if it's OK she's not Methodist [she's catholic].

Alesia is still somewhat skeptical about God, even though she dutifully prays with us before meals and before bed. She knows Granny and I have strong faith in God. It's hard for her to believe, though - life has been so tough for her I think she just can't put faith in something she can't see. Also, in Russia self-reliance is the religion, and Christians are often viewed as crazy.

I have reason to hope she is finding her faith. In an essay she wrote the other day she said God made the world beautiful. It makes me want to cry to write that, because the world has not been kind to her, and she still sees the beauty. I have told her that I dreamed of her the night before we met, and God showed me that she was to be my child. Then Granny and I and all our friends prayed and prayed that I would be able to complete the adoption. Maybe if I tell her a hundred more times she will believe me! If love can heal her at all, she's being healed every day.

The youth group is so good for her. Her best friend Elena is also a good influence and urges her to believe.

Please let me know what you think we should do. I want baptism and confirmation to be her decision, made freely, but I do wish she would go ahead and take the confirmation class - I think the kids will be better persuasion than anything. Maybe she could be quietly baptized before she was confirmed, or possibly before the class started? Maybe if Victoria talked to her about it she would do it. She is rather afraid of men.

Thanks,
Dee

Marketing Quandary

I sent the following e-mail to a buddy of mine on the Yahoo Single Moms board:
Thanks so much for the positive feedback Linda! It really helps my spirits. Sales have been slow, and I am totally ignorant of marketing. Any help anyone can give me is great.

See link below. It's also due to be on Amazon, in a few days.

www.unitedwriterspress.com/jnf.html

I wrote the book originally to help my son. Later I realized it could be a fundraiser, but I think I am going to hold off any more marketing efforts until the adoption is over. I was thinking about making up little press kits with free copies of the books and sending them to all the major adoption websites. However, then the agency told me to not tell anyone in Kaz that my company gives a $3,000 adoption grant, that it would be perceived negatively. To me $3K isn't a lot of money, especially when I'm on unpaid FMLA leave, but to someone in Kaz it probably seems like a lot. So I got to thinking, I don't want to do anything to jeopardize the adoption. I don't want to somehow think I'm just exploiting the adoption somehow for financial gain. So I'm backing off, temporarily. Hopefully this will just delay further marketing by a month or so. I'm just going to hope word of mouth will boost sales. Anything y'all could do to help me in this regard would be much appreciated.

I understand, too, that humanitarian and missionary aid in Russia is coming under a lot of government scrutiny, and may end in the near future, sadly. So my thoughts of marketing the book to church groups on mission trips are probably not going to be productive.

I also have been talking to the publisher about doing an audio book, letting Alesia record both English and Russian, but it seems out of my league financially. Can be a lucrative market, though. I will have to shelve those plans, it looks like, until my money situation stabilizes. I have money set aside for the adoption but as you all know it always ends up costing more than one thinks.

Happy news today - if you go on the Antares Foundation website you can see photos of my boy, in a cute costume for a New Year's celebration! http://www.antares-orphans.org/a_rbs638.asp should get you there, or go to www.antares-orphans.org, click on activities, then click on New Year's Holiday in the Regional Orphanage Part II. He's in a bright orange onesie looking thing with 2007 across his chest and a little hat.

Party Time

I am too tired to write much, but I will share with you my e-mail to my friend, Maria, who was so sweet and made all the food for my party -

Thanks so much for all your help with the party! The food was wonderful!

I was a little disappointed we didn't get a bigger turnout, but in some ways I prefer a smaller group - gives me more chances to really talk to my guests. I was actually able to carry on conversations, unlike the MAPREC party a couple of weeks ago where everything was just too hectic.

Vally [my publisher] said she actually got a lot of good marketing ideas from several sources. One of my neighbors down the street had been to Ukraine on a missionary trip, and so there's a potential market to church groups going over.

We're also going to make an audiobook and have Alesia read the book in both Russian and English. Kate listened to Alesia's pronunciation and said it was fine. Alesia is losing her Russian, but I'm hoping having her brother home will help her to keep it.

Adopting Alesia is being edited, and I'm excited about that. Hopefully it should be ready to go in a few months. I may well work on the revisions when I am in Kazakhstan. I have a friend who is loaning me a laptop.

I'm so glad you brought your mom - I know Mother enjoyed talking to her!

I was telling Vally I am more than happy to speak to different groups, as a marketing tool. I like public speaking, and talking about adoption is very easy for me. Sometimes speakers can get popular and make it a fairly lucrative career, though I admit the travel aspect doesn't appeal to me. Maybe if I could limit the travel, and do it part time. I don't know. I'm brainstorming ways to try and get out of the paralegal field!

I wish I could think of some sort of business we could do together. One dream of mine is a school where kids who are adopted from Russia could get individualized help, and not be forced to mainstream in schools when they don't know enough English. I know so many parents of older kids who have had similar struggles to mine. That's a much more daunting prospect than just writing my books, though!

XOXOXOX
Dee

Alesia's Advice to Her Brother

Addendum to 1/17/07

I asked Alesia to write an essay on what she would tell her little brother about America, things she wished someone had told her. Her essay was really interesting, I thought. I reproduced it below exactly as she wrote it. I should warn you – she had only seen a black person [in person] once or twice in her entire life before she came here. She is not prejudiced.

“It would be good to tell Igor about school, people, and animals. The things that no-one told me about are that I would make a lot of friends, that there are going to be black people.

I think Igor should know that he has to bathe every day – doesn’t matter if it is in the morning or night. Igor will have everything that he wants, and we will love him a whole bunch, no matter what.

He should know that language probably is not going to be easy.

Igor might be surprised when he will see black people. I was. He will have to get used to American black people. The people are really nice to each other.

Animals don’t run by themselves outside, as they do in Russia. We also don’t put animals outside and leave them there. [She means dogs and cats.]

We don’t talk loud in the house. Children have to obey their mothers. Kids don’t run in the house. They don’t play with their food when they are eating. Good manners always have to be known. The bed has to be made up in the morning. The room should always at least be clean.

There is more to know about American rules, mothers, animals, schools, and a lot more. When Igor comes to America he will learn everything there is to know.”

Book and Trip Prep

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The last few days have been a whirlwind. So much to do. I have tried to notify every living human being I know [in real life or cyberspace] about the book being available to order. I’ve also contacted umpteen adoption websites, to see if they will list the book – still waiting to hear, on those. Yesterday, Alesia and I walked around to all the close neighbors [10] and delivered invitations to my book signing drop-in party on Saturday.

Trip preparations continue. I’ve finished all my gift buying for the trip. I’m afraid if I buy any more I won’t have room for clothes in my suitcase! I also offered to help the Antares Foundation folks by taking medical supplies to the orphanage, so that will take up some room in my suitcase. I am trying to get by with taking Mother’s big rolling suitcase and the small case that clips on the handle but will count as one checked bag. If I can just avoid rolling more than one set of things around the airports, that will help tremendously. I am also carrying a backpack and a purse.

The paper chase isn’t over. Alla just e-mailed me yesterday and said there are some more documents I will have to come up with, and she would send me a list. I dread gathering up that stuff – doubtless it will have to be notarized, apostilled, etc. Today, my friend Maria sent me forms for my will, living will, and power of attorney. I have to make sure those are done before I go.

There are so many little miscellaneous things I need to do. I am reviewing my Russian, and I keep thinking of things I need to go over with Alesia before I go. She’s my language coach. I’ve printed out a long list of Mommy words and phrases, plus I have a set of CD’s I listen to, with still more words and phrases [only a little overlap]. I bought AT&T International phonecards, and I will have to see if those work in Kazakhstan. I was told by my friend Apryl, who is with Antares, that they worked there last June. I am trying to get more exercise. I am walking on my lunch hour, 3 laps around this huge corridor in the basement, plus 15-20 minutes on the elliptical every day. I feel much more energetic, but I can’t tell much difference in my clothes. I am just gearing up for walking those long concourses in the airports.

I talked to my aunt Diddy last night, and my Aunt Evalyn is in the hospital and not doing well. Her husband was my father’s oldest brother, Lewis, and very dear. He painted the beautiful oil paintings that are in our house. Evalyn’s health has been declining for about 15 years, and I am praying God will be merciful with her. Please say a prayer for her.

The Book Is Available!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I was able to send out the e-mail below to everyone in my address book, tonight:

    With great excitement, I can finally announce that my first book, Jack’s New Family, is available     to purchase! YAY!

    SYNOPSIS
    Ilya is an 8 year old boy who has lived his whole life in an orphanage in Russia. Now that he's been     adopted, he must adjust to life in America with his new mom and older sister, learn English, and     try to become an American boy named Jack. As he tells the story in his own words, he marvels at     the many differences between an American home and a family, and his experiences as an orphan.

    With text in both English and Russian, Jack’s New Family is a valuable resource for kids who have     been recently adopted, or parents who are adopting an older child. It’s also a fascinating story for     any child, to give them a better understanding of how to be brave when having to start a new life     in a new place.   

See link below.

www.unitedwriterspress.com/jnf.html

    Please order a copy – proceeds will go to a good cause – helping me with the expenses of my boy’s     adoption! Also, PLEASE send this out to everyone you know, near and far, and let them know it’s     available. You can say you personally know the author!

I am having a little Drop-In party this weekend, and I will sign copies of the book. I am so excited!

IN OTHER NEWS
We've had a nice weekend.
Alesia had her first Drawing/Painting Class at the Spruill Center yesterday. The class is just for teens. She enjoyed it immensely, it was obvious. While she did that, Mother and I went to lunch and then the Fresh Market.

Today, Mother's arthritis in her hips was acting up, so she didn't make it to church. Alesia and I did though, and we finally started Sunday School. I liked my class a lot. We are reading The Active Life, A Spirituality of Work, Creativity, and Caring, by Parker Palmer. The Pastor teaches the class himself, and he says he's read the book many times. I have yet to read it but it looks very interesting.

Alesia said in her Sunday School class they studied the passage from Luke that says if your enemy hits you, turn the other cheeck. When she was telling me about it, she remarked "If somebody hit me, I would hit them back!" I just laughed and didn't argue with her. She has had to be tough to survive everything she's been through.

The other kids in the class talked her into going to youth group tonight, which she really enjoyed. I dropped her off at 5 and picked her up at 7. She said they had supper, played kickball, read the bible, sang, and talked. The youth ministry is very popular with the teens. The great thing is, she met kids she will be at Lakeside with next year, so she won't feel so alone. She needs kids to talk to and play with. She said "Mom! Some of them have pimples, too!" I had told her everyone gets pimples but she didn't believe me!

We went to the mall this afternoon and I got the last of my gifts I have to take to Kazakhstan - ten gifts in all, 4 for men, 6 for women. I got two calendars of Ga. scenes and two Braves tee shirts for the men, various soap and makeup/toiletry items for the women. I also found my boy some cute toys yesterday at Michael's when we got Alesia's art supplies.

So we've had a very busy weekend, but I got almost everything I wanted to do, done, including taking down and storing the remaining Christmas ornaments, and finishing the photo album for my son. Only thing I ran out of time on was blowing off the pinestraw and cones from the front yard, but that can wait. I'm hoping I can trsnafer that chore to Alesia, but first I have to learn to use the blower.

I hope LOTS of books get ordered and I can put some of the profits away for adoption expenses, soon!