The Crab Chronicles

Greetings from the Sick Ward

The day has been horrific for me. I am SICK. My head is stopped up or dripping [take your choice] and my chest is tight and achy. Every time I try to lie down and nap, it’s hard to breathe. I keep hearing this whistling sound, the air creeping into my clogged nose. Sometimes it sounds like a tiny fly buzzing near my nostril. Blowing doesn’t help. Nothing helps. As soon as I think I might drift off, I start coughing.

Earlier in the day, I got tanked up on Mucinex because it usually helps me feel less yucko.

Earlier today I read an article on Yahoo about burying a statue of St. Joseph to get a house to sell. Since I have a condo, I will have to take a big plant over there and bury the statue in the plant’s dirt, facing outward. Seems like a lot of trouble for a superstition. Then again, I need to get the condo sold. It’s this millstone around my neck, now. Anyone who has a spare St. Joseph, please e-mail me and I will send you my address and you can send it to me. I imagine realtors buy from their own bulk discount places…

As soon as Michael got in from school his first words were “I guess I can’t go trick or treating tonight. Looks like rain.” I glanced in the sky, which was simply a bit overcast. “I don’t think so, buddy, we are not supposed to get any rain. I am sure you can go trick or treating.”

He immediately wanted to try on his ninja Halloween costume. He looked sort of like an extra in an early Jackie Chan movie.

After Alesia got home, we did homework, I helped her with a project, and both kids had to complete their chore lists.

Alesia’s project, for health class, was on an anti-drug theme. I told her to include alcohol, since it’s a drug. Somehow we got on the topic of Britney Spears while we were searching Google images. I told her Britney has lost custody of her children because she drinks and probably uses drugs. Alesia’s eyes were very wide when I said that. She looked startled.

Later, during dinner, I told both kids I never, ever want them to drink, not even one beer. Alesia said “What if I’m at a party and somebody offers me a beer?” I retorted “You say NO. You say, please get me a coke, or sprite, or juice. You never, ever drink.” They both wanted to know why. I tried to explain about since they both come from alcoholic mothers, they must never drink, because they are at a higher risk of becoming alcoholics. I don’t think they understood it. I will have to revisit the topic.

Before trick or treating, they went to walk Mrs. Beasley, and when they left I thought no, they should conserve their energy. Then I caught myself and went DUH, they are KIDS. They don’t need to ration out their energy like I do. LOL

Alesia wore her top from her first dance recital, a red number that’s a bit daring. She wanted to wear a very short skirt but I vetoed that. I put a cloak on her because it was a bit nippy. This black polyester cloak was bought by Mother in the early 1970’s and has a hood. It’s quite halloweenie looking.

[I posted photos!!]

Because of daylight savings time, it wasn’t really dark here until almost 7:30. I had to negotiate with the kids and we finally worked it out they could trick or treat from 6:45-7:45. I answered the door and watched Jeopardy and Entertainment Tonight. The only times I veg out in front of the TV are Halloween and when I’m sick, so tonight was a double whammy veg interlude.

We got a fair amount of trick or treaters, but not as many as in past years.

When the kids got back, Michael’s candy bag must’ve weighed 10 lbs. He said people kept giving him extra candy for Alesia, even though she wasn’t trick or treating! Several people asked her who she was, and she said “I’m Dracula’s wife” – which looked plausible, since she had on the cape.

We had homemade vegetable beef soup for dinner. I couldn’t taste it much because my head is so stopped up. I am so hoarse it hurts to talk. I hope I don’t get laryngitis. I am prone to it. I couldn’t get an appointment with Dr. V until tomorrow at 3:30.

I asked Michael just before bed how he felt about trick or treating. "I ate THREE bowls of soup, and candy. Uuuugh..." he groaned. I put the wastebasket next to his bed and said "If you get sick, roll over and aim for the basket." He ate very little candy - his belly was full of soup, thank God.

I am so miserable. I wish someone would chop my head off..

[NOTE: I really appreciate all the supportive comments I have gotten on the blog. Even if you just want to comment or tell me about you, that's fine. I read all comments. I do not always respond individually, due to time constraints, but I want you all to know how much I appreciate my readers! Y'all rock!]

Holding On

I talked to Mother on the phone yesterday before I got home, which is our standard procedure. She reported that Michael had a lot of homework but it was exceedingly difficult to help him with it because he wouldn't pay attention. She has seen him work to learn his spelling words, and then the next day he cannot spell any of them correctly. It's very frustrating to her, as she is his main tutor.

I am praying Michael doesn't have the horrible memory Alesia has, due to fetal alcohol effects. I tend to think not, because I don't see it. Also, I think he's more intelligent than she is. [I know one isn't supposed to say that, but I think it's true, at least in some ways. Alesia is much better at math, for sure.] I think part of his problem is that his mind wanders. I don't want to get him tested, however, as I think if he has ADD or ADHD it has more to do with external forces than internal.

When I got home last night, I sat down and read him an essay about children in Colonial times, and he answered the questions just fine. Mother and Alesia said he didn't listen when they tried to help him with it. Sometimes I can do more with him than anyone, and I think that's just because I am his mama and we are pretty well bonded already.

Mother and I were talking the other day about the fact that Michael is making great progress towards feeling secure in our family. He is far less clingy than he was when he first came home. The first few months, he was wanting to be hugged, or simply clutching tight to me, most all the time. He was very clingy with me. Mother and Alesia found it annoying. I didn't, but then I realized that although he appeared to be taking everything in stride and doing just super well, he was really needing a lot of reassurance. I've known him the longest and I am mama, so I was the main object of his neediness. He is far less clingy now. He is also a lot more affectionate with Mother and Alesia - due to me going back to work and him becomeing more comfortable here, no doubt.

Mother said she overheard Alesia telling Michael the other day, "We have a perfectly normal family. We have a GOOD family!" That was gratifying. I sometimes fell sad and/or guilty because my kids don't have a father. Even if I were a gorgeous hottie I don't know when I could even find time to date..

Alesia informed me this morning that she has a project due tomorrow, in Civics. I had asked her last Friday what she had due this week and she said nothing. Last night she asked me to look up info on the 9th Amendment, but she didn't say it was for a project. I am trying not to be irritated. I am trying to remember her memory issues. It's tough.

It appears from reading Bill and Cathe's blog, and from my Yahoo group information, that adoptions in Kazakhstan are getting more time-consuming. Most families are already spending 4-6 weeks there. It's so incredibly sad that they are making it harder for Americans to go there and adopt, when there are so many kids who need homes. I got a piece of paper from Apryl with little Regina's foot outline on it. I want to send her a box for Christmas, and I can send some shoes. It's just sad that even if I somehow found the money and ability to adopt her, it would be so tough to do it again because of having to spend so much time in Kaz. I couldn't leave the kids and it would be very tough to leave Mother again for many weeks. Maybe I can find someone willing to adopt her. She's a sweet girl, 11 years old. She lovely, too.

Time Progression

We watched a movie last night called Memento, a strange little film that came out a few years ago. The whole story is told in reverse. I remember watching it and wondering if I could rewind and watch it and from end to beginning and it would make more sense. It's a film noir-ish kind of thriller. As we were brushing teeth last night, Michael said "I don't really understand that movie." I thought well, OK. "Do you like it?" I asked him. "Yeah, it's OK," was his response.

Coco is having stomach problems. Mother and I have restricted her diet severely - a scrambled egg in the morning, a small bowl of white rice at night. We were tired of cleaning up vomit. So now she is vomiting a lot less, but doing loose poops. The carpet in the living room probably needs to be thrown out now - good thing it's not an oriental and I didn't pay much for it. Mother said when she was cleaning up this morning there was some blood. I think it's more than just typical small dog issues. I think it's her condition [Ehlers Danlos]. We are debating about taking her to the vet. She has less energy but she doesn't appear to be in pain. Mother has owned many dogs over the years and is a pretty good amateur vet.

I don't want the vets to do anything extraordinary to prolong her life. On the other hand, I don't want Coco to suffer. It's tough, since we've never had one with this kind of condition. When she was diagnosed, the vet said most people have dogs put down that have this condition. I wasn't ready to do that then. I'm not ready now. She hasn't had any serious skin tears that needed stitches in over a year, knock wood.

I want to cherish our time with Coco, and not have her suffer. She is such a spunky, loving little dog.

I was listening to a song in the car when I drove in this morning and it got to me. It's called "100 Years" by a group called Five for Fighting. The lead singer sings like a girl, something I must let Michael hear. LOL. The song is about a guy from the ages of 15 to 100, reflecting on moments in his life. It's an upbeat, catchy tune, but also somehow melancholy. It got me thinking about how life seems to speed by in a blink already, and I cried a little. I look at Michael and Alesia every day and marvel at how much they have changed, just in the short time I've had them.

They change and they grow emotionally. Mother asked Alesia the other day why she doesn't want to go to youth group any more. We have been concerned that maybe somebody hurt her feelings. She and Mother are pretty close. She said something along the lines of "I just want to be home with the family!"

She is getting plenty of opportunities to be around other kids at school, and she has Michael to play with and speak Russian with her. I think she really wants to be with us. The last time she went, I said something she overheard about hating that youth group meets for 3 hours on Sunday night, because I have so little time to spend with her, and she hasn't been back since. She has had her time with other kids. She still needs family time. I don't think that's a bad thing.

Soon enough, my kids will be grown and gone. I am happy they cherish our time together as a family. 

Blessings Reflection

It's been a typical day and an unusual day. Much has been revealed.

The kids and I did church without Mother. She has been plagued with hay fever all day, using up boxes of Kleenex. That plus the arthritis has made it a tough day for her. I hope she feels better tomorrow.

I started Mother on my new miracle drug, Royal maca root, to see if it would help. So far I see no effect, but with herbal things you need to take them a while.

After church, the choir had a fundraising luncheon, what I refer to as Tater Bar. You pay a set fee and get a big fat baked potato and load it up with butter, sour cream, cheese, and bacon bits. There's also salad and dessert. So far, it's a big fundraising success. We got  a local restaurant to donate the potatoes.  Michael ate one potato and 3 brownies. Alesia ate 3 potatoes, and one brownie! She is a growing girl. I helped with cleanup and they assisted me.

We spent the early afternoon shopping. One of my friends, B, has a spouse who works for a large department store [yes, I'm being deliberately obscure here] and he took us shopping at the store.  Alesia's feet are getting bigger and bigger by the day. She wears a 9 now.  We found her a decent pair of tennis shoes, and a pair of "church shoes."  She chose them herself so hopefully she will wear them. Next, we bought Michael two more pairs of jeans, and a pair of khakis for church.  We also got  him a nice jacket, a brand called Phat Farm.  (I know I am terminally non-hip but that name startles me. An entire generation will mis-spell "fat" from now on..) Because B used his spouse's credit card and got a big fat 40% discount, the total tab was just over $100 - and these were all nice, nice clothes and shoes, name brands. At this point, I HAVE to pinch pennies.

We came back and got Granny, a box of kleenex, and a trash bag, loaded her up in the Highlander, and "went to ride," as they say. We observed the autumn leaves and the ridiculously large houses springing up everywhere. We stopped and got an ice cream at Bruster's in Decatur. It was a nice ride.

I got home and looked at e-mails and putzed around the house. As I was fixing dinner, the doorbell rang, which startled me. I flipped on the porch light and looked out, startled to see a teenaged boy. He held up my wallet! I had left it on e bench outside Bruster's! What an idiot! He was so sweet to bring it back. All my cash was in there. I don't keep credit cards in the wallet. I was so stunned. I just thanked him and shut the door. I will write the manager tomorrow, a proper thank-you.

At dinner, I told the kids, it's important to stop and think about your blessings every once in a while. Even though I have a lot of worries at the moment, I have been very blessed lately. I named 3 important blessings just in the last few days:

1. Mr. Smith offered to pay for Michael's prosthetic arm the other day.
2. B helped me out by buying the kids clothes and shoes. [I paid him back, but his help was tremendous]
3. The Bruster's kids sent back my wallet to me - delivered to the house!

I was feeling rather blue last week, and I asked God to send me a sign he was still hanging in there with me. He sent me 3 blessings, two of them literally the kindness of strangers. How amazing is that??!! I told the kids we must always thank God for his many blessings, not just ask for help. Gratitude is important.

I have so much to be thankful for now, namely Alesia and Michael..

Dan in Real Life

I took the kids and met my friend Maria and her son at Phipps Plaza last night. We saw an excellent movie called Dan in Real Life. Here's a link to the site:
www.daninreallife.movies.go.com/

Michael had never been to Phipps. It has stores like Nieman Marcus, and it's the MOST upscale shopping place in Atlanta, in of course BUCKHEAD, which is the most upscale area. He was puzzled how we could eat, shop, and go to the movie all in the same place. Then as soon as we parked, he asked me if he could jump into one of the ornamental fountains. I wanted to say son, we're slumming. DON'T even think of it, but I restrained myself.

Steve Carell, the guy who played Evan in Evan Almighty, played Dan, an advice columnist who accidentally falls in love with his brother's girlfriend, when his family has gathered for a holiday weekend at the beach. Dan is a moral, honorable guy, so he tries to pretend he fees nothing for the woman, and hilarity results.

Carell is just an amazingly funny person. He has an enormous nose - I mean, a beak like an anteater. I told the kids their grandfather had quite an impressive nose, too. And Dad had green eyes, like Carell. Whoa, creepy... : )

I loved the movie. The only thing I didn't care for was the music. It sounds like two kids singing little nonsense ditties into a tape recorder.

Maria has an exchange student living with her, a lad from Germany named Alex. Cute boy. I told him every German phrase I know the moment we met and he laughed. [all I know is "One beer, please" and "S***head" so no wonder] He laughed when I said goodbye in German, in what I THOUGHT was a perfectly acceptable accent. Must ask Maria what I did wrong..

As soon as we got in the car to leave Alesia said "Wasn't Alex CUTE? He has beautiful eyes. He's so TALL."

"He's going back to Germany in December, kiddo," I reminded her.

"He was looking at me" she continued, moony-eyed.

Thank God he doesn't have a car, I thought. Must check with Maria and make sure that's true...

An Interview With Michael

Hi Michael, this is mom interviewing you. It is almost 5:00 on Saturday afternoon. We will leave soon to go to the movie.

Mom: Have you have a nice day?
Michael: Yes.
Mom: What have you been doing today?
Michael: Jump from the roof [hahahahahaha].
Mom: That's all?
Michael: No. We went to the store.
Mom: What store?
Michael: Kroger!
Mom: What did we buy there?
Michael: Ice cream  - not "ass cream" [family joke], glowing sticks [to carry on Halloween]. C'mon, something else ask me.
Mom: OK. What is your favorite thing to do?
Michael: Watch TV, to draw, play games.
Mom: What's your favorite food?
Michael: Pizza! Papa John's.
Mom: What's your favorite thing about living in America, so far?
Michael: Swimming. Never get out from the swimming pool.
Mom: That makes it hard to watch TV, doesn't it?
Michael: No. I can watch TV and swim and eat. [laughs]
Mom: What is your favorite sport?
Michael: Soccer.
Mom: What about karate?
Michael: Karate is fun.
Mom: What do you like to do in karate?
Michael: Do sticks. You hit with the sticks.
Mom: Before you came to America, what did you think it would be like?
Michael: I dunno. I didn't think anything.

At this point the interview subject has left the room and gone off to pout because Mom and Alesia were annoyed by the sound of his electronic game.

We have to sign off now and go put the clean sheets on the beds before we can leave. Tune in again to learn more about life at The Crab House!
Dee

You CAN Do It!

[OK, I am posting this from work so I apologize in advance for the screwed up spacing and the weird bolded stuff..]

Atlanta is a grey, foggy, weird looking place today. It looks like London. I wish we’d get London’s rain, for a month or so at least.. J

We watched the first hour of a little film called “Elizabethtown” last night and I was totally intrigued with it. I kept thinking, this feels familiar, but why? Then I looked it up on IMDB.com this morning and found out it was written by Cameron Crowe. Well duh! I love his films. [BTW, imdb.com is an excellent site about movies] J

Cameron Crowe wrote some films that I consider real triumphs, little films with a lot of things to say about life that are very honest and real – these are some of his films:

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Say Anything

Singles

Jerry Maguire [I own this!]

Almost Famous J

His films often feature main characters that are really blundering along, trying to figure out their lives. They find humor in life, and love with really unexpected people. He is just a little older than me, and highly intelligent and sensitive so maybe that’s why I identify with his films. J

The IMDB description notes his films always have scenes in airports. I always think of the scene in Jerry Maguire where Tom Cruise is walking through the airport, alone, a sad little guitar riff playing in the background. That’s me in an airport. The airport is a place of transitions. There are long journeys to be made, and you feel inside yourself that when you return, on a different plane, you will have changed – either a tiny bit or a huge bit, but definitely changed. Planes mean change. Change is thrilling and scary. J

Every once in a while, when I watch a movie, I feel like I am channeling my old self, my pre-parenthood self. It’s a little melancholy sometimes, but also comforting, like encountering an old friend I haven’t seen in a while. Movies often provoke this. Maybe that’s why we watch a movie every night at my house. I need them, like plasma. I need to hear a story about something totally different from my life and my worries, something that gets resolved in 2 hours. J

Mother loves to read, and gets the same rush from books I get from movies. I used to read a lot in the evenings when I was alone, but now I like movies because I can watch with the kids. Mother usually reads while we watch movies. Every so often I try to get a movie I know she will like and she watches with us. J

Mother watched a little of Elizabethtown with us last night because it features a performance by someone we both like -- Paula Deen! Yep, she can act, too. She’s terrific. Doesn’t surprise me. If you want to be a successful business person in the south you have to act all the time – act like you’re everybody’s best friend, be a good ol’ boy or a good ol’ gal. You can’t be solitary and quiet! I bet they had good food on the set of that movie. J

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I asked Michael last night if he was afraid before he came to America and he said “I was afraid everybody would beat me up.” Then he said “Just kidding!” but maybe there was really a little of that fear there. I had some fear, wondering how everyone would treat him, because of the missing hand. Everyone has been kind and welcoming. I have not noticed any overt negativity. J

He is afraid to take a shower in my bathroom unless I am sitting in the bedroom. When I ask him why he just says, “It’s a BEEG room, Mom. I scared in there by myself.” J

How has he emerged from his hellish beginning as a starving and abused child to be this delightful little boy? It’s proof there is a God, I think. J

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I sent out an e-mail about maca root to all my close friends and even a few acquaintances on my lunch hour at work, just to spread the word about it. It is an amazing supplement. I went from having no energy and feeling just physically sick all the time, to feeling normal and energetic. I cannot say enough good things about maca root. I have seen NO side effects. If you are in your 40’s or older I urge you to try it. J

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Alesia was up at 5:30 this morning. I don’t get up until 6, for heaven’s sake. She said she got up early to have more time to get ready for school [that means primp in the mirror, LOL], but I think she was excited about going to school. I have a gut feeling that she was excited because I told her last night that she can make A’s and B’s. She has little self-confidence in her intellectual abilities. She is actually smart, but the memory is her Achilles’ heel. [FYI – I guess I may need to remind some readers that Memory issues are often significant with children whose mothers drank alcohol while pregnant. Alesia may remember something for an hour or a day, but very little stays in her long-term memory] J

I majored in Drama in college, and throughout my life I have had occasions to do some real-life acting. Last night was one of those times. I had to convince Alesia that I have total confidence in her making good grades. I think it worked. I have a lot of fear, actually, but I try not to let her see it. J

I know from personal experience that sometimes the best way to effect real, meaningful change in a person’s life is for someone to simply tell them they CAN do something. Belief is everything. If Alesia believes she CAN learn, I think she will make it happen. J

I think this ability to minister to others by passing along confidence is a gift from God. I didn’t really believe I could adopt a child until I talked to a friend who was adopting and she said very firmly “Dee, you CAN do it.” It was like, oh, Janet thinks I can so she must be right! I bet I CAN do it! J

Yes, I know all about “the power of positive thinking” and all the modern spins on that philosophy, but it’s real. It works. J

I would love for everyone who reads this to find someone you think might need a boost and say to them, without fanfare but being very firm and positive, “You CAN do _________.” Watch and see if it works. If so, let me know.

Forget Me Nots

I went to Fed-X and sent off Alesia’s last post-placement report, finally. I am relieved. I just hope it gets there with no problems. Last year the Fed-X package got left outside the wrong door, for days.

I came home and had a nice phone talk with Brian. He is such a great neighbor and a sweetie.

We just had tuna salad for dinner. The kids love it. While I was preparing it, the upstairs phone kept ringing and ringing. Alesia said it was her friend Kelly from school, calling to ask if Alesia could go to her house and hang out. I was astonished Alesia would make that statement.

“Alesia, you are FAILING biology and ART. You remember what I’ve told you? I want to see A’s and B’s on your report card, then I will let you socialize. I thought I had made that clear.”

We argued for quite a while. Alesia was irritated. When we finally sat down to eat, I said “Alesia, if I didn’t think you were capable of making A’s and B’s, I wouldn’t ask you to do it. I’m not that mean. I KNOW you are smart enough to make those grades. I’ve talked to your teachers. If you just do your homework and your projects you will make a C!”

We talked, for the 900^th time, about the importance of education. There are two Hispanic girls Alesia knows in school [“But we’re not friends, Mom” she always tells me] who are pregnant. One of them is 14. I told Alesia that those girls will likely drop out of school, and they will be really poor the rest of their lives. We’ve had long discussions previously about this.

I hope the refusal to let her socialize will motivate her to study more. I am praying about it.

I was already rattled because earlier in the evening, the doorbell had rung. I was in the kitchen and the kids were at the computer in the family room, which is near the door. I told Alesia, “Open the blinds and look out. Do you know that person?”

She looked. “No,” she said as she reached for the door handle to open it.

“STOP!!!” I yelled. “Do NOT open the door!!”

I talked thru the door to the guy, who was selling subscriptions to the newspaper. I never opened the door. I then gave Michael and Alesia a lecture about NOT opening the door to strangers. Alesia has heard this before but she forgets.

"She forgets." Those words encapsulate so much sorrow for me…

 

Great Encounters

A typical, hectic Wednesday, with some twists.

I rode up in the elevator with the CEO of my company. He is such a nice man. We chatted about movies all the way up. I later sent him an e-mail suggesting some more movies – we have very similar tastes. He answered me! He is such an approachable person. It’s remarkable, when you remember Home Depot has more than 2,000 stores in four countries. There are more than 5,000 employees in the corporate offices alone. Yet Mr. Blake talked to me, a peon..

My friend Kate called me around lunchtime and told me about a man she met at her work. She is a manager at a plant nursery in Alpharetta. This man and his wife adopted two children from Russia. Kate told him the story of my kids, particularly Michael. He offered to pay for Michael’s prosthetic arm, which was incredibly generous. I called and thanked him, and explained that Shriner’s is picking up the cost of the arm. I also told him a little about Alesia. I invited him to join MAPREC, my little parents’ group. I hope he will come and bring his family. He adopted two kids with medical special needs, and so he has a heart for kids with medical issues. What an amazing person.

We watched the rest of Ben Hur last night, which is one of my all-time favorite films. Yes, it’s 1950’s hokey, but it’s a wonderful film anyway. Michael watched it intently, particularly the chariot race, of course. What most people may not remember, is it’s a “story of the christ.” When it ended, I talked a little about Jesus, and why he came to earth, and why he’s so important. We talked about love and forgiveness being the cornerstone of his ministry. I tried not to hit it too hard, just talk casually. One day I hope he will come to me with more questions and really want to know more.

 

Right now Michael is curled up in his bed, holding Misha, his big teddy bear. He is happy because he and Alesia worked on his radio controlled cars all afternoon and got them working in tip-top shape. If the rain will just clear up, he will get out to the driveway tomorrow.

Michael and Alesia watched tonight’s movie while I was at choir practice, an old Dan Ackroyd comedy called The Couch Trip. When I came in from choir and kissed them they were both curled up on the loveseat. I need to get a photo of them like that – it is so naturally cute. How many 16 year old girls adore their little brothers so much? I am incredibly blessed.

But Can She Cook?

We were watching Good Morning America this morning and a preview came on for a story about a mother driving drunk with her child in the car, and the child calling 911. Michael really wanted to see this story, but it hadn't aired yet at 7:20, when we had to go upstairs and get ready to leave. He asked me about it after he saw the teaser. I explained that mothers who are drunk must not drive. He asked what happened to the mom. "She was taken to jail," I replied. He had a haunted look ni his eyes, that just broke my heart. His birth mother was drunk most of the time she had him, he tells us. He was in a tiny village in Kazakhstan. He couldn't call 911.

What I forget sometimes is that my kids have lived through horrifying experiences that have traumatized them. They've seen their birth mothers drunk. They have been hungry. Michael has seen men hit his mother. Alesia saw her mother hauled off by the police. All the love and care as I try to give them won't erase their memories. Aside from therapy, I can only hope to build better memories.

I overheard Alesia one day recently telling Michael "You have to talk about sad feelings. If you don't talk, they will poison you." She didn't know I could hear her. I was so gratified - I have been harping on talking about feelings for a long time, and I never know if she's listening or has tuned me out.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

Michael and I were preparing dinner last night while Alesia studied. We talked about how I like to soak chicken in buttermilk before I bake it. He helped me crush up Ritz cracker crumbs and add pepper, onion powder, and seasoning salt to the crumbs. Then we take each chicken piece and roll it in crumbs and we bake it. He also helped me cut up yellow squash to saute. He's a good helper.

"Michael, it's really good for you to learn how to cook. Everybody needs to know how to cook, even boys," I explained to him, as we worked.

"Why?" he asked.

"Well, one day you will probably live on your own, and you will be able to cook good food for yourself," I informed him.

He thought about this for only a nanosecond. "I won't need to cook. I will get a wife," he answered.

I started laughing. He looked at me with annoyance.

"Son, you may or may not find a wife. She may or may not cook. You need to remember, this is America. Women don't always cook."

Michael frowned.

"Besides, what if you are dating a girl, and you want to cook for her? I will teach you how to make a nice meal. Girls love a man who will cook for them!"

Michael kept chopping squash, with a disgusted look on his face.

Later, when we were eating dinner, I told Mother about Michael's remark. She laughed. "Mike, most wives nowadays work, so you will probably need to do some of the cooking, or at least help," she told him.

Alesia chimed in. "But women can stay home if they want." Gulp. She hadn't learned THAT lesson yet. I had a momentary image of Alesia in a doublewide, married to Bubba, five kids hanging off of her. I shuddered. Time to prepare School Lecture #94.

"Alesia, most women have to work nowadays, if they want a decent house," I informed her. [IMPORTANT NOTE HERE: I was raised by a stay at home mom, and I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom. I would be totally happy if Alesia wanted to stay home and have a family, and her husband could support her nicely. I am not trying to disparage stay at home moms here. I just don't want Alesia to pin her hopes on being able to do that, because so often it's just not possible for women to stay at home. I am trying to be very realistic with her. I think in Russia she was told "You are so beautiful, you can marry some handsome man and stay home and be rich" etc. Lovely idea, but I don't want her to be cruelly disappointed if Prince Charming doesn't magically appear.]

"Brian doesn't work," Michael pointed out.

I almost chuckled, but I didn't. "Brian and Darryl have it worked out so Brian doesn't have to work, yes, but Daryl has a big job, and makes good money."

Michael thought of something exciting: "If Brian work, he have to hire babysitter for Beasley?" [Beasley is their dog, that the kids walk every day]

"No, Sweetie, I don't think so. You know Mr. Mackey, down the street? He stays home with their kids and his wife works. In America, there are a lot of different possibilities. You just can't count on a wife to cook, is what I'm trying to say."

I am so glad we live in a diverse neighborhood.