We have had a very quiet, stay at home day.
We went out to lunch, and I took the kids to Best Buy late this afternoon, but
otherwise it’s been a very low-key day, which has been a blessing.
Sometimes I think there is a great plan for
all of us and we live our lives in a pattern we cannot control. Other times I
am convinced that our choices alter our lives, and we just have to have faith
and hang on for the ride, even when we make the bad choices. I vacillate
between these two ideas. In the day to day world, such philosophizing moments
are brief.
I felt today a sense of peace and family
togetherness I consider a breakthrough. I felt it when we ate lunch and sat in
companionable silence, everyone munching contentedly on their food. I felt it
when I looked outside and saw Alesia and Michael raking leaves together. I felt
it when all the yard work was done and we were riding through a beautiful,
crisp, late fall afternoon, listening to the radio, just me and the kids.
At breakfast, we did some more talking to
Michael about Christmas, and what will happen. I thought he was fixing to yell
Enough! I get it already! When instead, he looked at me in utter seriousness
and said “What costume will I wear?”
Alesia saw the look on my face and said
hastily, “In Russia, we wear costumes for New Year’s, which is like Christmas.”
I thought for a second. “Mike, you can wear
your Ninja costume all day if you want, but nobody else will be in costume.
It’s up to you.”
I got my bedroom cleaned up, including the
corner where I have my desk and the computer. It’s always been messy since we
moved here 2.5 years ago. I finally got it dusted and cleaned off, and looking
very nice, I think. Of course, you do NOT want to look in the closet…
Our feature film was “Dragon, The Bruce Lee
Story.” It’s one of the movies we bought at Best Buy. I find they sometimes
have great deals on DVD’s. I got Dragon, Braveheart, and Terms of Endearment,
plus a computer game for the kids, for $34. Not bad.
Michael’s interest in karate has kind of
waned lately. If I am correct, the Bruce Lee movie has reawakened his interest.
Afterwards, as I was tucking him into bed, he said he wanted to start a fitness
program, which included running. He also pointed to his little chest and said
he wanted to draw on some pectoral muscles. I managed to not laugh and said,
quite seriously, “I think that’s a fine idea. I will take a picture and send it
to Mr. Quinn.” [He’s the head of Michael’s karate school and is in the
Phillipines right now.]
I had to take some time to explain to the
kids that Dragon is a very realistic movie except for the fact that it shows
scenes of Bruce Lee physically fighting “The Demon” – the evil spirit. After
trying to explain the word “sympbolic” I finally told them, when the movie was
over, something like this:
“All of us have to fight demons, all the
time, every day. The demons we fight are fear, and anger, and sadness. We must
always fight them, or we will never be happy.”
After the movie, Alesia teased Michael about
taking off his nightshirt to watch the movie – it was pretty warm in the house
– and she said something about his “milky white skin.” He didn’t really
understand the remark, and took offense. I made Alesia apologize, even though
she didn’t understand why he couldn’t take a little teasing.
What followed was an impromptu Family Meeting
in Granny’s room. We talked about how Michael has been taking everything
personally and getting upset a lot lately. He said last night in karate class
some boy was staring at him and it really upset him. He’s made some other
remarks like that lately. I think it’s just been a stressful week, trying to
get adjusted to life with the prosthetic hand.
He didn’t wear his hand at all today. He
won’t say it, but I think it’s frustrating to him that the hand doesn’t do
more. I have to encourage him to use it and not give up. He’s got to get his
muscles trained to work those myoelectric buttons. I bet those muscles were
sore today.
Back to the meeting – I pointed out to
Michael that I was always a fat kid, and people always said mean things to me
when I was growing up. I finally had to learn to ignore the mean things, so I
wouldn’t be eaten up with anger. I told Michael, “Nobody in this family will
ever intentionally say anything mean or hurtful to you. We are a team. We love
each other, and we look out for each other. Alesia didn’t mean to hurt your
feelings.”
His head was buried in my chest. I pulled
away and looked into his beautiful, sad little eyes, and I wanted to cry. “Michael,
look at me. What matters is what’s in here [I patted his chest] and what’s in
here [I patted his head.] This doesn’t matter at all [I patted his short arm].
Anybody who stares or who says anything mean to you is just stupid. Just ignore
them. You are strong, and you have three strong, beautiful women who love you.
We will always have your back.”
We talked a little bit more about fear and
anger, and other negative emotions, while we were brushing teeth. I finally
said to Mike, “Honey, if anything every happens to me, Uncle Bruce will come
over here and take care of you. If something happens to him, someone else will
take care of you. I know sometimes in Kazakhstan you didn’t have a place to
live, or food, but that will NEVER happen here. You will always be taken care
of, because we have a great family, a big family, and there will always be
someone to take care of you. I don’t plan on going anywhere, but if I do, we’re
covered. This is what good families do, they look out for each other.”
I sometimes wonder if this is the best time
in my life. I have two beautiful kids who adore me, and I adore them. I have
problems, but I don’t feel overwhelmed. I have faith. The last few weeks,
feeling ill, I have been forced to take a breather, to look around. I have
spent a lot of quiet time with the children. We have bonded even closer.
I never cease to be amazed at the power of
God’s grace. That’s enough for me.
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