Dark days lately. Lots of tension. I have to get a grip. I did something this morning that I regret very much. I yelled at Michael. I don't think I've ever yelled at him before. I will take to my grave the hurt, bewildered look on his face.
My brother's truck is sitting in our driveway and I cannot figure out how to park it so it's not in our way. Yesterday we had issues with getting the car out and Michael was a couple of minutes late to school. I keep a small notebook in my purse for such things, and I wrote him a quick excuse for being late. I said just before letting him out of the car "Go in the office and give this to them so you can go to class. This is your excuse." This morning, after more car issues, I absentmindedly said "Yikes, we need to hurry, I don't want to be late again and have to write you another excuse. You gave that to them, right?" and he said "No. I just went in the office and they handed me a piece of paper and said go to class." That's when I yelled. I imagine he was just intimidated by being in the office, and didn't think about the note in his pocket. He's still not fluent in English, either.
Michael has gotten to where he doesn't do what he's told, except when he feels like it. Sunday afternoon, he was outside playing and my brother needed to talk to him for a minute before heading out. I called Michael to come in, twice, and he completely ignored me. My brother went to the door, bellowed "Michael! Get your a** in here!" and Michael immediately obeyed. Sometimes I wish I had that male authority voice. It took Bruce yelling to get him to pay attention, though.
I have to figure out a consequence for Mike of not doing what he's told. I'm tired of telling him and Alesia things 4 times.
I'm also tired of Alesia's attitude. I gave her a lecture in the car today about tone of voice. So often, things she says are not really mean or confrontational, but she uses a yucky tone of voice, and it really ticks off me and Mother. She also has been picking fights a lot lately, which is why I said yesterday I think there's some anger that she's not dealing with.
I've read a lot of parenting books, and one would think I could figure anything out after 3 years as an adoptive parent, but right now I'm too aggravated to think clearly. There is a theory that kids are acting out of fear when they misbehavie, and punishing them does no good. If a child is raging or tantruming, I can see how that's probably true. So much of what my kids do, though, is just not up to that level. They're not paying attention, not caring how they sound - it's small stuff. It's also habit. If they develop habits of disobedience or defiance and I don't correct that, I am not doing them any favors.
Right now, I am thinking they will get a 5 minute time out every time they disobey or do or say something unacceptable. I will see if that causes better behavior.
Some of the tension in our house, I think, is because we are all waiting to see where the Army will send my brother. Mother and I are praying it's a base in the US, preferably one in the Southeast. He wants to actually go overseas, as he will get paid more. I'm afraid if he goes to Iraq or Afghanistan, the worry [for Mother and me] will be overwhelming. He's a tough man, a real soldier, but he can't do much about suicide bombers.
Alesia is also having some pains in her abdomen, and I am concerned. I am taking her to the doctor tomorrow, to see if we need to get some tests run. The orphanage said she had gallbladder issues and I am wondering if that's it. She gets sick now practically every time she gets in the car and rides for 5 minutes. We always have to stop at least once every vacation so she can vomit. OTC medication doesn't help much; sometimes not at all.
