Thanks, Jane, for your comment about yesterday's post. I started to not post anything about eating for a while then I thought nah, it's a major part of my life, I need to talk about it.
I have a friend who I haven't seen in a while, but she has lost 32 lbs! I am so tickled for her. Someone who has never been overweight cannot imagine how difficult that is to accomplish.
I was so delighted last night to see that my garden is just going gangbusters. I need to do some weeding and get some cucumber vines trained right [LOL] but otherwise it's coming along. We have several small cucumbers, a small green pepper, a LOT of green tomatoes, and hopefully some beets and radishes coming along underground. I try to weed it and water it when I can but otherwise, it's in God's hands. I would love to plant more, if I can ever find the time and the energy to make new beds.
We had our first appointment with the therapist today. It was intense. I won't reveal what was said. However, I feel very good about it. I feel like it's going to be really beneficial to me and Alesia. Alesia has always been reluctant to go to a therapist, thus my delay. She's been home 3 1/2 years. However, I am optimistic she is going to cooperate with this process.
It occurred to me when I was driving in to work that I may well [hopefully] look back on this day in years to come and say ah, that was a corner I turned in my life, that day. Do you ever do that? Sometimes I realize it right away, and sometimes not.
That realization is easy, though. The hard part is processing it all. When my father died, even though I cried a lot at first, I didn't fully grasp the event for a while. I was a walking zombie for 8 months. It took me that long to really process that loss. The hardest thing to process is when you have to change yourself, from the inside out. I am a quick learner in a lot of ways, but I am a slow emotional processor. In some ways, I am still processing missing Dad. Time has helped, of course.
I know now I am still processing becoming a mom. I have been a mom less than 4 years. It feels like I have always done it in some ways, but in others, I feel like a novice. Maybe some of that is is connected to the fact that not only did I have to learn how to mother, I had to learn how to mother a traumatized adolescent child. Alesia has never been violent or shown some of the real acting out I've heard about from other families, but she presented challenges. She has made a lot of progress, but there's room for more.
Most people get to start with an infant and work their way up. I feel kind of like I skipped all the classwork and went right to the test.
