The Crab Chronicles

A Brief Update

I spent all day yesterday in a departmental meeting, then there was a social event after work. It was almost 8 when I got home. A long day. I missed not being with the kids. Usually I leave work as soon as I can, between 5 and 5:30, so I can get home. My commute is about 30-45 minutes.

We got some much needed rain here last night, but I'm afraid it was not enough to really soak in. The midwest is getting too much, and we aren't getting enough! Yikes.

I got in the mail my badge for the ACA Convention, which is here in Atlanta next week. The Amputee Coalition of America is holding its first session for people who have adopted limb difference children or who might be interested in adopting them. I am hosting the session, which is 3:30-4:30. I wish it were longer, but hey, it's a start. I need to get busy and come up with a brochure or handout. There are a number of agencies which help place kids with limb differences. Most of them are born with missing limbs, and most of the kids I know my my Yahoo group are from China.

More to come...

Baby Got Post

OK, I know you’re thinking, “Is Dee running a fever? She didn’t post on her blog today! Dadgummit!” [Well, OK, y’all who aren’t in the south probably don’t think “dadgummit,” maybe you think “jeez, louise…” I don’t know, but I digress]

Here’s the deal. At lunchtime, I typed out a terrific post – one of my best – hit SAVE and dadgum Typepad lost it. Yep, lost in the vast wasteland of the internet, never to be seen again. Was I pi**ed off?! H*** yeah!” [I like typing asterisks, because otherwise I would offend everyone but my crass friends, but I digress]

We just finished doing two incredibly juvenile things, me and the kids. We watched “Semi Pro” – the film where Will Ferrell plays a pro basketball player with an afro he grew himself, which is impressive. I wouldn’t recommend this if you have children under 12, or you don’t like cussing. It’s vile and tasteless and juvenile. It’s offensive. I wanted to slap myself every time I laughed out loud, but I bruise easily. I have to be honest though it was Semi Funny. I wasn’t bored.

OK, let me just state this. If you’re over 40, you remember 1976. The bad haircuts. The leisure suits. The platform shoes. The enormous gas guzzling cars. The EXCELLENT music. Put the kids to bed, pop open a beer or two - or none if you’re a teetotaler, then pop open the lemonade – and be prepared for embarrassed laughter. When you don’t laugh, just groove. I am ordering the soundtrack as soon as I post this. [here are some of the songs: Get the Funk Outta Ma Face, Mr. Big Stuff, Dance to the Music, Tell Me Something Good] They don’t make music like that any more. No sir.

Next, I asked Mike to go get my camera so I could take a photo of Alesia holding Coco and Coco looking so adorable, we had to have a photo. After he ran all the way upstairs for my camera, and posed beside his sister without making faces, I agreed to play his favorite video for him while he brushed his teeth. It’s “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Yes, Mike can’t remember his multiplication tables but he is determined to memorize the disgusting lyrics to “Baby Got Back” - every time I play it for him and he dances around and singe while watching it.

It’s tasteless and offensive, that song. It’s shocking and rude. I like it too. I will deny that if asked, however.

Lest any of you be shaking your heads in horror, be aware that I am giving my kids good home training. They are being “raised right” as we say here in the south. They say “M’am” and “Sir” and they are respectful and polite at all times, in public. Only in private do we make f*rt jokes and burp, and cause Mother to shake her head a lot.

I am a single parent. I am trying to be both a mother and a father. I think I am making some progress straddling the line here…

[Oh, my son’s video is now on You Tube, and it’s one click away, if you’re interested.

[http://www.youtube.com/user/ AdoptionArk]

We're Having a Heat Wave

Another day as hot as blue blazes. Mother said the temperature on the patio at 2 this afternoon was 102.

I talked to a therapist about Alesia. I am not sure it will help, but it’s worth a try. I am seeing a lot of sarcasm and bad attitude, and it’s tiresome. The psychologist is a Russian woman and I’ve heard good things about her. We will see her next week. She works with a lot of adopted children and is familiar with their issues. I think Alesia could really benefit from someone to talk to, and I am hoping she will talk to this woman.

When I came home from work, I put the family in the car and we headed to the bank. I do all Mother’s ATM transactions for her, as it’s hard for her to reach, with her arthritis. We also ran in Walgreens. Alesia was out of Lactaid, which is a godsend for her tummy.

I have a $539 bill to pay regarding Alesia’s endoscopy. I already paid over $700. Cigna is not the greatest insurance, IMHO. I am wondering if I can deduct this from my taxes next year.

I ordered Alesia some jewelry holders for her birthday, which is in a month. I also have some books and a tote bag for her. I can’t buy her clothes – she never likes what I choose.

Michael has a hard time remembering the difference in pronouncing V and W. When we were in Walgreens, he bought a Powerade with his own money - which I won’t pay for, as I think water is all that’s needed. He proudly announced to me just before we got in the car, “It’s got WITAMINS in it!”

It's a Wet Heat

We’ve had a low key day. I needed it.

I slept really late for me – 9:30. I didn’t sleep well last night. Too wound up, I think.

We ate breakfast and were lazy for a while, then headed up to a store called Trader Joe’s. It’s sort of a smaller scale, less expensive Whole Foods. Somebody sent a care package with some trail mix from there to their loved one in Baghdad, and they gave the trail mix to my brother, who has told us several times he wants some more. So we got several bags of that, and some dried fruit, nuts, and other things. Hopefully I will find time to send off the box soon.

After that, we had lunch at JR’s, a wonderful barbeque place that’s a bit off the beaten path and hard to find. The food is all prepared fresh, and it’s very, very good. The only problem today was the air conditioning in the place wasn’t working too well and it was HOT in there. Outside it was about 95, and in there it was probably 80. I sweated the whole time and I didn’t even get spicy barbeque!

We came home and I actually read for a while. I am reading Julie Andrews' autobiography, which is really excellent.

 At 3:30, I took the kids to see the new Adam Sandler movie, Don’t Mess With the Zohan. It’s about an Israeli counter-terrorist agent who goes to New York to become a hair stylist. It was very silly, but parts were incredibly funny. I liked it. I hope to find time tomorrow to put a review on my movie site.

I came home and watered my garden in the early evening, and worked up a really soaking sweat. It was close to being a two shower day. Here in the deep south, sometimes if you like to shower in the morning [like me] and then go out in the heat, and get really sweaty, you need yet another shower. When it's 95 and the humidity is 50% it's a wet heat. [However, it’s not as hot as Iraq, where it’s been up over 110 every day. Yikes.]

This is my mantra on sticky hot days like today: At least I never have to shovel snow. Ever.

Michael asked me late this afternoon if I could take off some more time to stay home this summer. Last summer I was off until late June, on FMLA leave with him, but this summer it’s all work. I explained about being off the 4^th of July and Labor Day, but he didn’t seem too comforted.

After the movie, we were in the car and Alesia and Michael were bickering, and it’s so tiring to listen to that. I finally said “LISTEN! I am sick of this. Michael, when Alesia says something you don’t like, just ignore her. Alesia, when Mike says something snotty, you ignore him.”

I realized as I was saying those words that there was a deeper wisdom at work. So I ended the lecture with this:

“It will be good practice for married life!”

LOL

New Friends

What an exhausting, enervating day. Full summer is upon us, with no real transition time. Usually the temps creep up gradually. The past few days the highs have been in the low 90's. I have sweated so much my hair has just been a mass of sweaty knots. Of course, the fact that I am menopausal doesn't help.

The other day at work, in an air conditioned building, I sat and felt this horrible heat crawl under my skin, until I felt like I might explode. I think it was actually only a "mini" hot flash, but it was bad enough. I have to up my intake of maca root or I will go insane.

We've had a busy day.

Elena, Alesia's friend who was adopted from Ukraine, spent the night last night. She's such a sweet girl, and Alesia just adores her. I am happy for her to spend the night. She comes from a nice family and she is always polite and sweet.

We ran to Kroger this morning after she left, then Honeybaked Ham.

At 1:00, as arranged, I called the home of Mike's friend Xaviar last night. I had spoken to his mother and she agreed he could come over for a play date. There was no answer. Fifteen minutes went by. I was mentally cursing myself for even trying to set it up. This is the child whose mother likes to stay out late and party, who has screwed up two play dates already and upset Michael very much.

At 1:15 she called and said her son was asleep, but we could pick him up in 30 minutes. So I drove over to the luxury apartments near our house, and waited. Finally he came down. He got in the car. Xaviar had been up until 4 a.m. playing videogames - at 8 years old! His mother hadn't even given him breakfast before we picked him up. I gave the kids some money, put Alesia in charge, and let them walk down to the pool. There is a small food stand there.

I guess I'm old-fashioned but I cannot approve of letting an 8 year old child stay up that late, even in summer.

Xavar is also the sort of boy who constantly says he has something better, more expensive. If Michael has something, Xaviar has something better or more expensive. He got in the car wearing new heelys.He made a point of saying they cost $75 or some such. I won't buy them for Michael - I make him save his money and get them himself, but I don't really approve. He broke the wheels on his last heelys. I am not inclined to let him buy more, no matter whose money he uses. So Mike was instantly jealous.

When I was taking Xaviar home, Michael asked if he could go over to Xaviar's house for a play date. I was so irritated. I had already told him he would never be allowed over there. I am highly uncomfortable of the situation there. Xaviar's parents are not married, and his mother works part time, yet lives in a luxury apartment and drives a BMW. She likes to sleep all day. Her son spends a lot of time with his rich father, who lives in Buckhead and has a New York area code cell phone. I talked to him the other night and he was not even polite. I have to teach Michael about families and people that are OK, and ones to be cautious about. Xavier's home, I have to say, is just not the sort of place where I want Michael hanging out.

I had a nice evening. I picked up a lady named Larisa, who is from Kazakhstan and is staying in town a few days. She is writing an article about children adopted from Kaz. I invited two other mothers with their adopted children from Kaz - all little girls - and we had a nice visit with Larisa. She is a cute person and fit in well immediately. Her English is excellent.

She took photos and said she will email them to me. I will post when I can.

I think she was disappointed that Michael has forgotten his Russian, but all I could say is that English has had to be his priority. He can always learn Russian formally again later in life, and it will likely come right back to him.

The little girls were adorable. Two were ethnic Russian and one little girl was clearly Kazakh. There was an 18 month old, and she was a handful, but her 4 year old sister was just as much of a handful. I don't know how their single mother does it. I kept thinking how cute they were, and how glad I was I adopted older children.

I love toddlers and little ones, but I don't have the patience or stamina to deal with them.

Today was so hectic, I told Mother we need to keep things low key tomorrow.

The FLEX Program

My friend Cindy sent me a notice she got recently asking for families willing to host a student from a Russian speaking children for the upcoming school year. I have spoken to Brian Peterson, who is the coordinator for the program, and it sounds very worthwhile. These kids are NOT orphans. These are kids who speak English and want to learn more about American culture.

For logistical reasons, I can't host one of these teens, but I wish that I could. Brian sent me profiles of 3 kids who haven't gotten placed yet, and they all sound like really nice kids.

Below is some more information from Brian:

Every year, more than 1100 high school students from former Soviet countries come to the USA

to study for one year in American high schools and live with American host families.  These students are participants of the Future Leaders Exchange (FLEX) program, funded by Congress and sponsored by the U.S. Department of State.  American Councils for International Education will be working with 45 of these students during the 2008-09 school year and we are currently looking for families of all kinds in the USA interested in opening their homes to these young people.  These students have gone through a very competitive selection process to earn the right to represent their countries and  have been chosen for their fluency in English as well as qualities of leadership.  While in the U.S.,  students will study in American high schools, be involved in community service in their towns, and take part in activities that will develop them as leaders and deepen their appreciation for American values such as civic responsibility, democracy, and tolerance.   Students receive a monthly stipend, money for school expenses, and health insurance.

One girl from Krgyzstan, who just returned home from her year as a FLEX student, wrote: "Volunteerism was vital for my exploration of new for me environment, people and country. Every volunteer is the valuable contributor...I’m a member of Student Council, NHS, Unity club, I’m representative of my host high school in the “HOBY” (Youth community leadership program) and "New Global Citizens".  Along with being aware of important Global problems I found new ideas for my home country."

Next year's FLEX students from Russia, Ukraine, and Kazakhstan will be coming from such cities as:

       

Russia: Ozersk, Astrakhan

Ukraine: Novi Sanzhary, Mylniv, Kharkiv, Mariupol, Lubny       

Kazakhstan: Kyzylorda, Uralsk, Taldykorgan

One girl from Ukraine writes: "In the USA I’d love to try myself as a volunteer and to decide what is the best for me.  Last summer I had a chance to interact with American students, girls from Texas

, who came here as volunteers to work with kids at one of our [orphanages].  I helped them as a translator for a few weeks in the summer camp.  I think this experience was one of the first challenges I’ve had in my life.  If I had possibility I’d continue working there, but now it’s hard to find in Ukraine some place to work as a volunteer when you are 15 years old.  In UAS people’s attitude to it is another, as I was told.  That’s one of my goals.  I suppose it will help me to decide what I’ll be in future."

In addition to a nurturing and supportive environment, host families are expected to provide their student with their own bed (sharing a room is fine), three meals a day, a place to study, and transportation to and from school and extra-curricular activities. 

 If you would like to learn more about the FLEX program or specific students, please contact me, Brian Peterson - Program Officer with American Councils - at 202-833-7522.  Or you can e-mail me at [email protected]

Please pass this information along to anyone who might be willing to host a child!

Dee

Changes

I was thinking yesterday that it's been a hard week, hard to get back into a routine. Our school routine is gone, and now we are on the summer routine. As soon as things settle down, Alesia will start summer school [July 7] and things will change again. I guess we'll just have to roll with it.

There's a famous quote and I can't remember who said it, but here it is: The only constant in life is change.

I have felt discombobulated at work, and I finally realized why. When school was in session, Michael would call me every day around 2:30 when he got home from school. I miss those calls. They neatly divided my afternoon. I still talk to the kids every day but the calls are not regular.

I will say this just once: I wish I were at home with the children. I so miss being with them on days when they aren't in school.

I talked to a friend of mine yesterday who has been a friend for many years - since college. It was not a happy call. We somehow got on the subject of politics, always a dumb thing to do, and he was quite irritated with me because we have very differing beliefs. I need to not talk to even close friends about politics and religion, the two most hot button topics in the world. Stupid me for going there.

However, the bigger issue was children. Now that I have children, I notice when people say "How are you?" that I always talk about my children. I think that's natural, and I make no apologies for it. My kids are my life, now. I spent 20 years without them, and I am glad they are my life; it's not a burden, but a joy, to raise them.My friend has never married or had children, and truthfully I doubt that will ever happen. He will only listen to me talk about my children for a moment, then wants to turn the topic back to himself.

I feel sorry for him, because he will probably never know the joy I know. When I look at his life I just think wow, how sad. I wouldn't feel nearly so bad if he even had a romantic partner, someone to share his life with. I feel strongly that life is about other people, about sharing yourself. Without it, what's the point of being on this planet?

If he reads this and gets angry, so be it. I know he doesn't read my blog, though. It's funny, I have a lot of friends but only a few I consider really close friends, and none of them read my blog. Maybe it's too disconcerting, or it doesn't square with the Dee they know; I can only speculate as to why they don't read.

It's shaping up to be a busy weekend. I think Mother has been pretty stressed, keeping the kids all day by herself. I am going to try and give her a real break this weekend so she can recuperate.

We made a decision recently to search for a new church. It was a painful decision, since there were a lot of things we liked about our church. However, there were good reasons for the separation. Now we need to again begin the difficult task of trying to find a place that meets our needs.

I like the grounding a church gives. Without it I feel rather adrift, even though my faith is strong. I wish I could find a permanent church home, for once in my life. I know I will never find any church that's perfect, but I think we can strive for at least a reasonably good fit for us all.

Sun Baked Kids

It's been a long and tiring day. I had to pay bills yet again at lunch, and that killed my lunch hour.

I showed a couple of my friends at work the video of Michael. He is so much cuter in person, but the DVD is the next best thing.

Mother let Alesia and Michael spend all afternoon at the pool and they both are sunburned. I warn about sunscreen, but they didn't apply enough. I slathered Michael with cream and gave him an aspirin before bed. Let's hope he can sleep.

I told him if that red skin isn't gone tomorrow he cannot go to the pool, but I will let Mother make the call.

Last night we just had sandwiches from Jersey Mike's for dinner. Tonight I was ready to cook.

I made my favorite oven baked chicken for dinner, and the "smashed potatoes" recipe from the Pioneer Woman website - except I used garlic instead of rosemary. Mike enjoyed smashing the little redskin potatoes. You then just brush them with olive oil and spices and run them under the broiler. I also sauteed some squash with onions and parmesan. It was a good dinner but man I am tired.

The heat here is in the 90's. I know because I am having to park in the deck at work, under shelter. I like to park on the roof but it's too hot up there right now.

More tomorrow...

Encouraging Adoption of Special Needs Kids

When I came home tonight I was excited to see a package from Alla, the Adoption Ark coordinator for Kazakhstan. In it were two lovely presents for us from Alla's recent trip to Kazakhstan, and the DVD!

Alla is the one who asked me, a few months ago, if Michael could be filmed for a special video to show to adoption officials in Kazakhstan, to demonstrate to them how well the adopted kids are doing who have special needs. It's hard for Kazakh officials to understand why anyone would adopt a child who was not physically whole or perfect or healthy. They actually think [sometimes] that Americans have some hidden agenda, like using the children for harvesting of organs. Such rumors are rife in the orphanages, too. There is so little information about how well the special needs kids do, once they are in families and receive the care they need.

So Alla and I, and Tom Branch, the videographer [and brother of my longtime friend Maria] and Kate Humphrey, my dear friend who is a Russian translator, got together and helped me shoot footage to be used in this special video.

I wrote Alla to thank her, and she sent me this:

"You can go to www.arkmission.org and click on the photos/videos list on the left hand side. Then click on Hello Kazakhstan." [you can watch in English or in Russian.]

It takes about 10 minutes to watch it all.The first few minutes of the film are about a little boy named Matthew, who was born with a cleft palate. Next is Michael's footage. It was shot about 3 months ago, and he already looks bigger and more healthy and strong now.

We all watched the DVD, and Mom and I cried at the end. I so hope and pray it will encourage these officials to make more  special needs kids available.

It's also good because it shows Michael has a good, loving home with a single mother. In Asian and Russian societies it's still thought to be very peculiar for any woman to seek out motherhood as a single woman. There's the perception the child will not get adequate care. Here in the west we take for granted that a single woman can successfully raise a child on her own - it's hard for me to understand a place where it's considered a negative thing to be a single mom. 

I hope you enjoy the video!

Marco Polo and More

Yesterday was a tough day, as we were all trying to make the transition from vacation mode back to real world mode.

Mom and the kids had to hit the grocery store, and Alesia was really angry when Mother offered to buy her some new flip flops, then rescinded the offer because Alesia picked out a really ugly pair. She continued to be angry all afternoon. She was still mad when I talked to her around 3:30. It's so tough with her, because we get the normal teenager attitude, plus she misunderstands verbal directions a lot, and she forgets things often. She also wants to make her own decisions and do a lot of things without consulting me and mother, and we can't always allow that.

We started off for the trip to the beach, got to the interstate, and I asked Alesia if she remembered to pack her Prevacid, the medication she takes every morning. No, she said. I was aghast. I turned the car around and headed back to the house, because I knew if she had stomach pains all week she would be miserable. She was mad at me for suggesting she should have been more responsible. I usually find that when I trust her to do something, like pack her own clothes and toiletries, that she screws it up. If I check behind her she gets mad, though. It's a no-win situation for me.

This morning, before I left the house, I left each child a list of chores to get done today, before they could go to the pool. There was nothing onerous - clean the kitchen, vacuum the family room, water plants. I hope they will not give Mother a hard time. It's not easy for her being in charge of them all day by herself, when she is often in pain from her arthritis. They can try the patience of a saint, at times.

We started watching an interesting movie last night, Marco Polo. It aired on Hallmark Channel last year. I got it from Netflix. It was filmed partially in Kazakhstan. Watching a burly blue-eyed Irishman like Brian Dennehy play Ghenghis Khan is a bit disconcerting, but he didn't bother the kids. I had to spend a few minutes explaining why Polo is an important figure in history, and about the Khanate, and the feudal system in ancient China. Since Alesia is from the Khabarovsk region and Michael is from northern Kazakhstan, I suspect they both may have ancestors who were part of the Mongol empire. I need to discuss that with them some more. The kids asked me how I know so much about Marco Polo, and I told them I have a wonderful book called The Journeyer, by Gary Jennings, which came out about 25 years ago and is now out of print, and it's all about Marco Polo. Alesia wanted to find it and read it, but it's a huge tome, and likely too difficult for her just now. 

When Mother and the children were leaving Kroger yesterday, Mother asked the kids to watch out the windows and make sure the coast was clear before she pulled out of her parking spot. Michael said "It's clear, except for this one guy, but he'd be an idiot not to move out of your way!" Mother said she laughed all the way home.

We told Bruce about it in an email, and he said it sounded like some of the drivers in Baghdad. He said the heat now is oppressive:

It has gotten hot here - yesterday was 113 and that's just hot, humidity or not. I spent some time on the airfield and the reflected heat from the concrete, rotor wash and exhaust from the Blackhawks was rough. Add the helmet, boots, long pants, long sleeved shirt and body armor - you got heat. I drank two bottles of water later and never did have to hit the bathroom. Nice to get out of the office anyway! :)