I spent the morning on the phone with different Home Depot stores in New Jersey, part of a work project. I always get a teeny bit nervous calling the stores, because we try very hard not to disturb them. Nobody likes corporate calling, and expecially not corporate LEGAL - a word that generally nobody wants to hear. On about the second call this morning, I realized I was unconsciously doing The Voice.
When I was a kid I used to get so annoyed at my mother because she would call people up she didn't know that well, like ladies on the church committees, or the wife of Dad's boss, or someone in the neighborhood, and she used The Voice. It's a very southern voice. Think Ladybird Johnson. Bruce and I used to roll our eyes and make gagging noises when we heard it. However, now that I have grown up, I find myself channeling Mother and employing The Voice, for crucial calls.
I have lived in the south all my life, but my accent comes in and out. I studied voice for 5 years and none of my voice teachers ever allowed me to sing an Italian aria sounding like a redneck. I had to employ a neutral, medwestern newscaster kind of voice and I became so adept at it that it bled over into my normal speaking voice. However, when I am tired, stressed, or around my older relatives, I sound like an extra in Steel Magnolias. That's how The Voice sounds - like the smiling president of The Junior League in Itty Bitty Town Georgia. Or, as we say in my family, "tee niney." [very small]
For those readers not from the south, let me explain something. There is not just one southern accent - there are hundreds. I can tell the difference between somebody from Texas and somebody from Mississippi in a heartbeat. Right here in Georgia there are dozens of accents. Somebody from Valdosta sounds different than somebody raised in the North Georgia mountains.
There are also different class distinctions inherent in our accents. Basically, there's the redneck accent and the Junior League accent. I can do both. I am part redneck on my daddy's side. That's the side that pops out whenever I hear Sweet Home Alabama on the car radio, and I have to crank it up and sing along, much to the dismay of my children. The Junior League accent always pops out when I am around a crowd of southern women. Mother was in the Junior League at one time. The accent is a defense mechanism, I fear. If we are driving and we stop in a small town to ask for directions, I employ the redneck accent. You have to always remember your audience.
I heard The Voice coming out this morning when I was on the phone to New Jersey, and I thought lord, don't let them think I'm an idiot. A lot of times, non southerners hear a southern accent and their estimation of the speaker's IQ instantly drops about 25 points. And yes, we have plenty of homegrown morons around here. However, the accent is often used by southerners who would qualify for MENSA. My mother has a southern accent that's completely inaudible to me, because, well, she's Mama. I've heard her all my life. Other people assure me she has a real southern accent, however. Most people find it charming. They should never underestimate her, though. She's the smartest person I've ever known well, and her high IQ combined with some psychic abilities makes it completely impossible for me [or most anyone else] to lie to her and not get found out.
You lie to Granny, you just better bend over, 'cause she can whup the tarnation out of you with a few well-chosen words - words that may or may not be in the dictionary.
In Hollywood, they always tell actors to shed their regional accents if they want to get work. However, Andy Griffeth has made a career out of sounding like a redneck. He sounds like an idiot and fools folks into not knowing how smart he is. Think about Andy Taylor, or Matlock. They are always underestimated by outsiders who hear the accent and jump to wrong conclusions. I always thought it was funny that on both shows, he sounded very southern and the other characters didn't.
People must like southern accents, though. Look at Bill Clinton, who got elected twice. Even President Bush has a bit of Texas twang to his speech, despite the fact he didn't live there all his life prior to being elected. Dennis Quaid is from Texas. Fred Thompson is from Tenenssee. Think about the popularity of country music artists. I always love listening to Sissy Spacek and Andie McDowell in interviews, because despite their experiences they still sound southern, and it's real. I can listen to a fake southern accent, detect it, and feel disgusted in about 30 seconds flat.
It's always fun to play with the stereotype, too. On one of my calls this morning, I used The Voice, and yet asked for the store manager who has an Italian last name, and I pronounced it flawlessly. I know the lady on the phone was thinking whoa, where's this chick from?! Too bad I couldn't pop out a few Russian phrases, just to really freak her out...
