Now that Michael's back from camp the house seems normal again. He slept like the dead Sunday night, from sheer emotional exhaustion, I think. He was really tired Sunday afternoon and kept saying "Nobody missed me!" even after our hugs and reassurances. Having lost one family, he will probably always have some extra anxiety about losing us.
I noticed last night when I was cooking dinner that Michael was rather hyper. I was in a foul humor after a tough day, and the more grouchy I got, the more hyper he got. I didn't realize it until this morning when I was driving into work, brooding over the whole situation. I suspect perhaps it bugs him when I'm grouchy because it reminds him of his birthmother being in a foul humor and I imagine that caused her to drink more, and/or be more abusive to him. Even though I am never abusive, I can see perhaps there's a bad association there. I need to learn to be more calm.
Alesia and I got into this morning. We finished up breakfast and I said to her "We need to go upstairs and get dressed." We were both in gowns and robes. I got up and headed for the stairs and she followed behind saying "I need to go upstairs and get dressed?" in a somewhat snotty tone. I said "WE need to go upstairs." She said again "I need to go upstairs?" Now I was getting irritated. "No, WE! for heaven's sake!" She shot back "You don't have to say it in a mean way!" By then we were upstairs. "I wasn't being mean!" I said, exasperated.
When we were driving to school, I reminded her she often doesn't understand what I say and I have to repeat it. That doesn't mean I am being mean. She is way too sensitive. It's maddening sometimes. I will try to explain something and she will say "You're being mean!" and I'm not. Sometimes I just try to be detached, but that doesn't work either. Then she gets really upset. So then it becomes a case of me being the Villain. The other day she said I was a monster. I think she was half-teasing, but then again there may have been some truth to it. I'm not a monster. She may just think of me that way. I cannot fathom why.
When we have rows like this morning I get this picture in my mind of her packing her bags and leaving when she turns 18 next year, and it fills me with dread and panic. It's an irrational fear, I know, because she will have 2 more years of high school, but I worry that she will listen to bad counsel from others, and head off.
We have our work cut out for us in therapy.
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I found an interesting blog today, about cooking:
I always enjoy perusing cooking blogs, but I also find them a bit intimidating. I do not have the patience to take step by step photos of my cooking process.
Also, a lot of my favorite recipes are ridiculously simple.
For those of you on low carbs, here's an easy one. Take chicken tenders, wash and salt them, and put them in a shallow baking dish. Wash and slice mushrooms on top of them. Cover with heavy whipping cream and a heavy sprinkling of parmesan cheese. Bake at 350 for an hour, uncovered. Simple, huh?! I made it last night. [I think this is on my Recipes page but I'm not sure]
Now, if you want to make it a little more rich [!!] dip the chicken tenders in melted butter, then dredge in flour, and brown in the skillet a bit before cooking.
I also sauteed some yellow squash and onions in garlic and olive oil, and we had some pasta, and sliced peaches as a dessert.
Do you have an easy, family-pleasing dish you would like to share? If so, please leave it in a comment and I will publish it.
When I was a kid we used to sometimes make hot BLT's but without lettuce. We would take slices of bread, put on a slice of cheese, a tomato slice, and a broken up slice of bacon on it, and run it under the oven broiler until the cheese melted. Warning: don't put lettuce under the broiler! [For my friends who are clueless about cooking...LOL] You could add hot peppers, leave off the meat, whatever. You just have to be careful and watch the oven the whole time so there is no burning.
