The Crab Chronicles

Party Prep

Yesterday’s post was one of my shortest ever. I’m sorry if you felt ripped off by it. Instead of the usual half a cup of coffee you can drink while you read me, you probably just got down what, maybe two sips? My bad. Truth be told, it was a rather yucko day, and I just didn’t feel like writing. That’s rare, for me, but it happens.

If you want to laugh really hard, see Dave Barry's year-end review here.

The holidays are always stressful, for most folks anyway, and this year we were trying to have a very quiet, low-key holiday, and then they were stressful anyway. Mother and I have been so sad about my aunt and uncle’s deaths, and yet trying not to be too weepy and morose around the children. I got weepy and morose yesterday at work, and just hid in my cubicle, trying to work, and miserable. My cubicle is back in the corner and all my near neighbors were out yesterday. Sometimes one just needs to have a Pity Party. That’s not always possible at home, with Michael wanting to be my shadow.

Michael was at his friends’ house until 8:45 last night. I hate going home and not being able to be around the children. I want to spend time with them. I want them around. That’s why I adopted them. Unlike most parents, I suppose, I like hanging out with my kids and I miss them when they are out with friends or playing tennis or something. I don’t want to be one of those horrible mothers that clutch too tightly and are overprotective, but I want to enjoy the short time left before they grow up and go out on their own.

Alesia’s newest obsession is her Sims game, on the computer. She created her world, and runs everything in it, which is so unlike life. One of her school friends introduced her to this obsession. 

For those of you unfamiliar with it, Sims is like a virtual dollhouse run by you and the computer. You set up a family and their home, the family members cook, eat, go to work, etc. Right after Alesia put it on the computer, I was walking by and happened to notice her onscreen house and yard featured a bathtub in the middle of the lawn. When I asked Alesia about that, she just shrugged and said “I couldn’t fit it in the house.” I didn’t say a word about public indecency or plumbing issues, which took some self-control. I was cooking dinner the other night and I heard her yell “Get out of bed and go on to WORK!” – needless to say, I was quite puzzled and disturbed, until I peeked around the corner and realized she was playing The Game. One of her Sims characters burned up in a fire the other day and I asked Alesia what happened and she just shrugged and said “I dunno. I kept typing in EXTINGUISH.” I thought for a minute. “Maybe you should have told them to simply GET OUT of THE HOUSE!!” Alesia looked annoyed. “Whatever.”

The computer has some control of the characters in the game, and it definitely has an attitude. After poor Amanda burned up, I happened to be standing there when a window appeared that said “Poor Amanda. Remember, her body is gone but her spirit is alive forever.” I thought yikes, very philosophical for a computer game. I happened to agree with that idea, but what ideas are there that I might not approve of?! Sorta scary to imagine. However, I try to look on the bright side. Alesia is learning that actions [or inactions] have consequences, even in a computer world. One of her characters lost her job because she didn’t wake up and go to work. She failed to wake up because Alesia commanded her to take “something to help her sleep.” I don’t know if the computer interpreted that as a Melatonin or a fifth of Scotch. I asked if later the virtual finance company came to repossess the virtual car, but Alesia was not amused by that. [I was thinking OK, let’s make it really realistic.]

Party preparations continue. Mother and I discuss the food constantly. The kids both had long chore lists today, things we don’t normally do too often, like dust the living room. We pay a little for particularly arduous chores - hey, it's cheaper than a maid. My kids earn their "allowances." Here are today’s lists:

ALESIA

Dustmop dining room and living room, and entrance hall

Re-fold and neaten towels in laundry room, generally straighten room

Mop laundry room floor, Granny supervising [this pays $10]

Dust living room [carefully]

 

MICHAEL

Take small vacuum and clean out corner of family room where dirt is spilled [under plant]

Dust tabletops in family room

Straighten stuff underneath tables

Clean tile floors around the carpets in family room and in breakfast room

Scrub poop stains off living room rug [this pays $5] and put down plastic on the rug

 

Tomorrow we have a little more cleaning and food prep to do, plus I am taking Mother out to lunch, and giving her her birthday gifts early.

Michael is nervous about the party, and entertaining any children that might show, particularly his friend Clay. He voiced his anxieties when I was trying to get him tucked into bed. I suggested when Clay is here they hang out upstairs, play board games or watch a movie in my room. I told him he will have to not bother me when I am trying to entertain folks and take care of things downstairs, which didn’t set too well with him. We have not had a party since he has been home, not a real one anyway, just some informal evenings with friends over.

He seemed to brighten up when I pointed out that he always gets nervous before new things, and they always turn out to be fun. Lots of reassurances and hugs help, too.

Shore of Hope update

I got this from my friends that run Shore of Hope, the organization that helps orphans in Khabarovsk, where Alesia lived. Please see more photos in the photo album called Shore of Hope. These people do God's work; if you can send a contribution, please do so.

Thank you letter.

   Dear friends, as we leave 2008 we had good and not so good things
happen. We would also like to wish you all the blessings and executions of
desires in 2009.  Also in this letter we wish to say thanks for helping all
of the children which required our support.

  A little girl Natasha, we met two years ago in the Mirnoe orphanage. We
told about her and her brothers in our newsletter. In September 2008 having
met Natasha again we were surprised to see her sad expression of eyes.  We
knew that all year Natasha laid in hospital with heavy illness and our team
" Shore of Hope ",  Vicki, Kostiya, Andrei, Valya  and others visited her,
brought her fruit, vitamins, warm clothes, footwear.  Natasha's eyes were
lit up with pleasure at a meeting with Natalie and Randy Smith in September,
2008, but still the sadness did not leave her eyes.  This experience has
left a stamp on her heart.  The good news is that Natasha is back in our
orphanage and safe.

  The life of one of our Karsakavo orphanage children has become better
after an adenoid operation. The story of Nikita can be found at
http://www.shoreofhope.com/Nikita.aspx. Thanks to the financial support from
Karen Kuhn from Whitmore Lake, MI Nikita can breathe normally through his
nose and talk.  God Bless you Karen and Thank you so much.

  We love Natasha, Nikita and all of our children that have difficulties in
their life.  These children do not have a mother's love and care to help
them during these times.  We do all that we can to provide for these little
ones to give them happiness and pleasure. We are grateful to all of the kind
people who supported and continue to support our mission. With your support
and kind heart, we have supported these children in 2008.  Your kind support
has provided children with many new clothes, footwear, warm blankets (winter
in Russia very cold).  We also were able to purchase new mattresses for the
Vinogradovka orphanage. We give many thanks to the international Stebbins
family, Andy, the dad of this family, works as the volunteer and supporter
of our website.  Without his help this would not be possible.  With his help
in our " Hope House " where we meet children, we were able to replace the
fence. Sally Stebbins, the mom of the family works as the translator if it
is necessary. From their love and care they have four clever, talented and
kind adopted children from Russia.

  Also we are grateful to Pastor Elmer Steenbock from Sweet Home, Oregon
who started this mission in 1993 and continues to help and support us for
these 15 years. Thank you Elmer and Vivienne Steenbock, Dean and Barbara
Matson, Pastor Walter and Cheryl Andersen for your love, care and support.
We sincerely love you and we pray for your health. Because of you these 15
years of our mission continues to develop and move forward.

Monday Quickie

It’s been a pretty uneventful day. Things were very quiet at work. Lots of folks are still off for the holidays.

Michael was invited to the home of Clay Redwine this afternoon [they have a new Wii] and he called around 5:30 and said "Mrs. Wine has invited me to stay for dinner!" Mother was laughing. She told "Mrs. Wine" about it and she laughed - red or white is the usual comment there...

Brian sent over some beautiful shrimp left from his party last weekend, which was so kind of him. When I asked Alesia on the phone if it was cooked, she said "Yes, I think so. The shrimp is curled!" - we thought that was cute.

Alesia spent a lot of time getting Coco bathed and groomed. Coco looks like she’s dropped 10 lbs. I will take a photo and post it soon. She’s very poodle looking now. We can’t take her to a regular groomer because of her skin condition.

When I got home tonight, I got a call from my friend Pasha in Khabarovsk and he said there it's minus 10 degrees - nice and balmy! Last week it was minus 32 and he saw a cat frozen to the sidewalk...

I am focusing on trying to make Mother’s birthday Wednesday nice. Lots more to do.

Visit from An Old Friend

I was awakened at 8:10 this morning by Mother hollering from downstairs “DEE! Bruce is on the phone!” I hollered at the kids and scrambled downstairs. We all sat around the kitchen table and visited with him on the speakerphone. It was a good connection.

Mother chatted perfectly normally, and when we hung up she burst into tears. It’s hard for her to grieve, and not have Bruce nearby for comfort. His being in Iraq has been far more stressful than she has really let on. I cannot imagine my horror at Michael if her were in a place where people were trying to kill him.

After the call I tried to go back to bed for about an hour but I couldn’t sleep. I got up and went downstairs and had a bowl of cereal with the kids.

I spent some time this morning working on cleaning my room, but it’s far from clean. Dust is my enemy, and at the moment it’s winning.

My old friend Gary came by as we were eating a sandwich for lunch. We have been friends since college. He is a bachelor but he likes kids and has nieces and nephews. He teaches at the University of Georgia in Athens. I know he’s a great teacher.

When he got here he said he wasn’t hungry. He then ate Mike’s sandwich, a bowl of soup, and had a bowl of fruit salad. Good thing he wasn’t hungry. He’s not a big guy but he can put away some food. When we were in college I used to invite Gary to dinner and practice cooking. He would eat the failures as well as the successes.

Gary and I visited and caught up, but he spent a lot of time talking to the kids. He showed them how to use their new cameras more effectively. He’s an excellent photographer.

Gary has an artists’ eye. He is intrigued with Alesia’s beauty – he told her several times how beautiful she is. I think he was startled to find she has turned into a young lady. He hasn’t seen her in a while.

When Gary left, we went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – the new movie with Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. It was a lovely movie. I really enjoyed it. In the story, a baby born in 1918 has the body of an old man, and as he gets older, his body gets younger and younger. The material was so rich and thought-provoking, it was like a poem you want to re-read, to catch the whole meaning of it. It’s got a lot of symbolism in it, which is so unexpected in a big Hollywood movie. I want to see it again.

I promised Michael we would go by Game Stop on the way home, but it was about 6:45 when we got there, and it was closed. He really took it hard. He came home and pouted. I pointed out that he’s gotten two new games in the past few days. He still pouted. He just sat in a chair on the front porch for a while, then sat on the steps, head in hands. I think he didn’t get enough sleep last night and he hasn’t eaten enough today. I bribed him into getting a bubble bath, and I even let him eat some of his Christmas candy while he was in the tub. He came out a clean and much happier boy. I think he just didn’t get enough sleep last night.

At 8:00 all of us were glued to the TV, because there was a program on CNN in which my cousin appeared. Linda and her husband Bry are proud parents of almost-grown kids, and in their free time they play in a Jimmy Buffett tribute band. On CNN, the story was about events in the past year, and they showed the band singing a funny song about high gas prices. If you want to book them for a gig, here's the website.

[caution: the next paragraph contains a spoiler for the movie Benjamin Button]

The movie might have bothered Michael on a subconscious level. It’s a story about adoption. When Benjamin is born, his mother dies, then his father leaves him on the steps of a boarding house for old folks, and the proprietor there, a young black woman named Queenie, raises him. Once he grows up, he learns about his birth parents, and gets to know his father. When he goes to the funeral with Queenie by his side, she remarks “He’s gonna be buried right next to your mother.” He gives her an affectionate hug and says “YOU are my mother.” Well, that didn’t make me cry in the movie, but when I was telling Mother about the scene later, it made big tears come in my eyes. I cannot imagine loving my children any more than I do. I love them with every breath in my body – in my book,  that’s what a mother is, someone who’s there day in and day out, caring for and loving the child.

I Know, Right?

We’ve had a very quiet, laid back day. We went to Kroger and bought groceries, and late this afternoon, CVS.

Oh, almost forgot, I took Mike to the optometrist again this morning. The doctor said that Michael’s glasses are not for distance, they are just for reading, and mainly to prevent eyestrain. So Michael is to wear them in school when he is reading, but he doesn’t have to wear them all the time.

When we were coming home from Kroger, Alesia saw some black birds and said “Oh no, crows! That means death.” I had told her that crows were symbols of death in the native American cultures. She quickly realized her gaffe and apologized.

Mother started telling Alesia that there are all kinds of black birds which are not crows. Alesia interrupted her several times, indicating she really didn’t want to hear the explanation. Mother got really irritated. I couldn’t blame her.

I pulled the car over and told both kids that I am tired of them interrupting, which is rude. I am tired of them walking away when we are trying to talk to them. They have gotten so rude, at times. Mother and I both let ‘em have it. I wrapped it up by pointing out that rudeness is a habit, and if they are in that habit at home, it will get them in trouble at other times in their lives, like at school or on the job.

As Mother rightly pointed out, most kids learn to listen quietly to older folks, even when bored, when they are around 5 or so, at least here in the south.

I was never allowed to be rude or disrespectful the way my kids act sometimes. They have to learn good manners NOW. Nobody in their birth countries cared about their manners, but it sure matters here.

They are good kids, 90% of the time. We just have more rough edges to smooth over than most parents.

Some of Alesia’s issues are typically teenage things. I have warned her repeatedly that I am REALLY tired of the following:

Using “like” ALL THE TIME, in, like EVERY SENTENCE!!!

Saying “whatever” all the time

Another one: “I know, right?”

And the omnipresent “seriously” – Michael uses that one too

 

I wish I had gotten more done today. I need to clean my room. I need to put away some of the Christmas stuff downstairs and get the house more straight for the upcoming party. I have a surprise I am preparing for Mother’s birthday, but it didn’t get done. I didn’t get out the instructions for my video camera and learn to use it. I didn’t work in the backyard, pitching out all the dead plants. So much to do, and what did I do all afternoon?

I let Michael play on my computer and I read the John Lennon book. Just to spend some time sitting in an easy chair reading a book is such a rare luxury.

I did feel a moment of great triumph this afternoon. Michael pointed out that there was a Kodak Easy Share camera at CVS, and it was priced at $99. I paid half of that for his and Alesia’s cameras. Yay!

BTW - It was in the 50-65 temperature range, rainy and foggy all day. Sure didn’t feel like December…

The Day After

I had long been promising Michael a trip to Dave & Buster’s for lunch and time in the mega gameroom, so I combined that with seeing my friend Maria, whom I have not seen in months. She has a son a year younger than Alesia, and at the moment she has an exchange student from Ukraine living with her.

The exchange student was polite, but she and Alesia didn’t speak to each other at all. Alesia wouldn’t look at the girl, and ate almost no lunch, which is rare for her. She refused to speak Russian, either, and looked embarrassed when I spoke it. I don’t know what that was about. In the car going home, Alesia just couldn’t grasp the idea of a child coming to spend a few months or a year with an American family, then going back. I don’t know what that’s hard for her.

Maria brought little gifts for all of us. I gave her some Harry & David apples and a Home Depot shopping bag. We actually had some time to talk, which was the point of going to Dave & Buster’s.

I had some time this afternoon to read, and I started the new Philip Norman book I got for Christmas, John Lennon The Life . It’s a really interesting book – a tome, but very readable. I don't say that about many books..

I took the kids to Wolf camera this afternoon and got more memory cards for their cameras. They are really intrigued with the cameras. We then rode around a bit and looked at Christmas lights. Michael kept snapping photos and I kept telling him the twilight would mean the photos wouldn’t turn out right. Finally, I just told Mother, “Let’s just let them take the pictures. They will learn the hard way.” Of course, Alesia later showed me some very cool shots she made of Christmas lights blurred in abstract designs.

Mother had some teary moments when reading some sympathy notes we got, but she’s bearing up. She said in the car, “This is just the weirdest Christmas. It’s surreal.” It’s so hard for her to imagine the world without her brother and sister in law.

My cousin Frann sent us the most incredible Williams Sonoma mini croissants  I’ve ever eaten. I think the intention was we would have them for breakfast Christmas morning. We ate cinnamon rolls I had bought instead, but that’s fine. The mini croissants were incredibly delicious with dinner tonight, and we will get another meal out of them. I told Mother, when I die and get to heaven, these croissants will be there waiting for me, in all their sinful, buttery goodness…

I finally got the shots reduced from yesterday, and here they are…

Michael in his new Georgia shirt, and Coco in her new Georgia shirt.. I think I heard her muttering "Go you hairy junkyard dawgs!!"

Here are the kids with Lesleigh.

Here are the kids examining their new cameras from Uncle Bruce. The family room has never looked so trashed.

Alesia looking elegant in her now shirt from Granny..

Coco gets her closeup -

Christmas 08

I am listening to a CD called Raising Sand, which is a collaboration between Robert Plant and Allison Krauss. I really like the first track, Rich Woman, which is pretty much straight-ahead blues. I’m not a huge Robert Plant fan, but I like Allison Krauss. She has a pure soprano that reminds me of a young Judy Collins. It’s so rare that I get a new CD because it’s a real treat to find something new that I like.

Michael got me up a little before 8, and we headed downstairs to open presents. Mother got her coffee and I got my tea, and the paper and box destruction began. We were at it for a while. We take turns opening gifts and discussing each gift, at least for a minute. Both the kids were tickled with the various high-tech gifts – Michael’s long anticipated Nintendo and Alesia’s new MP3 player. She also got a combination hair dryer straightener. I got several books I wanted, the CD, and a completely new outfit from Mother, plus a new jacket.

 I got a new video camera but I have not had time to sit down and figure it out. I hope I can get that done in the next few days. Both kids got new digital cameras from Uncle Bruce, and they were tickled. [I was the purchasing agent.] Michael is already adept at catching me in shots looking elephantine and hideous.

Lesleigh, my cousin, came over at lunchtime, and hung out with us the rest of the day. We took the kids to see the new Adam Sandler movie, Bedtime Stories. I thought it was cute but I slept quietly through the most exciting part. I wasn’t sitting by Alesia so I didn’t get elbowed in the ribs. I really wanted to see the new movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but it is 2 hours and 48 minutes and I didn’t want to leave Mother that long.

Mother was great at setting aside her grief and helping us have a happy day, although she was still in shock and grieving. I just kept thinking about my aunt and uncle and trying not to think about going in their house in Myrtle Beach. My uncle built that house almost 50 years ago, and it was so much a part of them that I cannot imagine them not there.

We had a good dinner, turkey and dressing and squash casserole, and Marie Callendar yeast rolls. I screwed up the gravy. It never got thick enough. I was talking to Lesleigh and not thinking what I was doing – at least that’s my excuse. I think Les was startled by the tiny turkey breast in the slow cooker. We poach our turkeys.

Bruce sent a bunch of photos, including one of him serving turkey to the enlisted men. It’s a tradition, officers serving the men on holidays. Looks like they had a good celebration, with one guy dressed up like Santa, a Christmas tree, etc. Bruce serving turkey is ironic – he doesn’t like it. Here he is, below. Looks like he's practicing to be a proctologist...

Mother and Les and I watched a movie I got for Christmas, Charlie Wilson’s War. It’s such an intelligent, excellent film. I highly recommend it. Not for kids, though. They were in my room watching Hancock.

I took a bunch of photos but I couldn’t download them into Picasa for some unknown reason, so I don’t know when I can post them.

When we were opening presents, at one point Michael just smiled happily and said “This is heaven!” Tonight after dinner Alesia came up and spontaneously hugged me. Those were the moments that made my Christmas.

Remembering

My cousin Michael Hasty called late morning and said my uncle Bobby and his wife Myrtle both died last night. It’s been a weird day. Mother has been upset, but not crying too much. I talked to every single one of my Hasty cousins today except Robin, and Mother spoke to her. We are all sad. At least they didn’t have to live without the other one, though, and that is a blessing.

The kids have been angels since we found out the news. I am amazed at how well they have handled things. I know seeing me and Mother crying was pretty sobering. I told Michael when I collected myself that we are going to have Christmas, and try to be as normal as possible.

In the face of this sadness, all issues with my kids [from yesterday] seem trivial. [I was just kidding about drinking champagne tomorrow. Won't happen. I did give Mother a glass of sherry this afternoon though and I think it was the right thing to do.]

Bobby was 7 years older than Mother, and often when both my grandparents were working, he took care of Mother and her other brother Don. He was a very parental figure. So his loss is that much harder for her. She is glad that the last time she spoke to Bobby and Myrtle, the last words spoken were "I love you." It's so important to say those words. Don't hold back.

Here’s an email I sent to folks who I thought should know:

We've had an awful shock today. I got a call this morning from my cousins' son Michael Hasty in Myrtle Beach, saying his grandfather had died. His grandfather was my uncle, Bobby Hasty. He was Mother's oldest brother.

Bobby has had Parkinson's Disease for several years. He developed pneumonia recently and was hospitalized, but went home last week. Last night at 6:30 his wife, Myrtle, had a heart attack and died. Bobby died about two hours later. They had been married for more than 60 years, and had known each other since childhood. Theirs was the kind of amazing and beautiful marriage that few people are privileged to have, or even witness. Neither would have lived long without the other, so it's a blessing they are both together in heaven.

Mother is upset, of course. The kids and I are just sad. I have cried a bit. I will cry more. I will be here for Mother and I pray she will weather this using her faith to keep her spirits up. Bobby and Myrtle would want her to celebrate her birthday next week. They'd want her to enjoy her life and her family, and not give up.

Please send prayers our way. We don't need anything material, but prayers and good thoughts our way will be a blessing. Mother is not up to attending the double funeral Friday but we will get down there sometime soon.

I attach a photo of Mom and Bobby and Myrtle from a few years ago, and a photo of Bobby and Michael taken last year, on Mike's first trip to the beach. He and Bobby shared a birthday, July 19th. 

Here are Myrtle, Bobby, and Mother, taken a couple of years ago:

Here's a photo of Mother and Bobby [bearded] and Don, from about 2003:

Hallmark Moments

I went to Barnes & Noble on my lunch hour, for a last minute gift or two. What a mistake. The parking lot was a scene of terror. I said the parking lot prayer and slid into a space, my heart pounding. I was sweating so hard I didn’t even wear my coat into the store.

Once inside, I found a bunch of harried folks. One guy left his cell phone on a stack of books. I saw a guy who works at my company and he was standing in the register line looking like he was fixing to eat his own spleen. Yesterday in the elevator he had looked relatively normal.

When I got home, Alesia was at Elena’s. I wrapped some Christmas presents to deliver to friends, then Michael and I hit the road. First we picked up Alesia. Next we made deliveries. Finally, we picked up sandwiches at Firehouse Subs. We came home and ate, then watched a movie. It was a pleasant evening.

After the movie, Alesia started arguing with Michael over nothing. They bickered and bickered until I finally said “Hush, both of you!” Alesia kept bating him. I said “Y'all, be quiet!” She kept talking. Michael stopped. I finally just totally lost my cool and screamed, “ALESIA SHUT UP!!” She said “I’m not going to. You can’t MAKE me,” in a calm voice. I was so angry I could feel my blood pressure shooting up. I wanted to slap her. It was not a Hallmark moment.

I managed to calm down pretty quickly. Michael didn’t look particularly upset about what had happened, but he quickly kissed Mother goodnight and scampered up to his room.

I told Mother, it’s like Alesia wants me to become so enraged I will hit her. It truly feels like she wants that. I would never do it, of course, but it’s like she’s taunting me, saying you have no power over me unless you hit me, old woman. To say it is unnerving is an understatement. I don’t know what to do about it. I'm sure it arises from how she was treated in the past.

Then again, she is 15 emotionally, 17 physically.

 

Is your family a Hallmark card kinda one, with two parents and two cute kids, a stay at home mom who loves to bake, a Dad who is wonderfully caring and a great provider? No? Well join the club. I cannot think of anyone I know who grew up in that idealized Hallmark family, or who currently has that type of family. I think that family only exists in the mind of marketing people.

Every family I know, especially my own, has some issues. The folks I know try very hard, but end up just muddling through everything and trying to love each other as much as possible.

My house isn’t perfectly clean, or particularly well decorated, but what we have was done with love. I don’t have any particular traditions like singing carols on Christmas eve or putting out cookies for Santa. [We do always put out our collections of angels and Santas, though, now I think about it.] I don’t have any extended family that comes to our house, except my brother. We usually bake some goodies, but not always.

When I was a kid, Christmas wasn’t always consistent.

For several years during my childhood, I was very envious of all my brothers’ toys, and did my best to get them away from him. I always liked his toys better. Bitter fights ensued. Every year, my parents had a fight about the Christmas tree.

Some years my grandparents came, some years not [after I was 14 there were no more grandparents available, since they had all died or were incapacitated]. Sometimes my mother made a terrific dinner, sometimes it just wasn’t possible.

One year, when I was a kid, Mother was really sick, and Dad cooked hamburgers on the grill – they were burned on the outside and tasted of gasoline since he didn’t have lighter fluid.

One Christmas when I was a teenager and Bruce was in the army, it was just me and my parents and Bruce couldn’t come home – our first Christmas without him.  Dad cried all day. [Mother and I cried, too, but Dad won the prize.]

Christmas 2006 was very hard on me, because I had wanted to have Michael home and he was still in the orphanage, just due to adoption paperwork hassles. I tried to be cheerful for Alesia’s sake but it was tough.

Christmas 2005 was very bad for Alesia, because a friend brought over a bottle of champagne and I had a small glass of it. Alesia got VERY upset with me. I thought she was being silly. Finally, it occurred to me that every time she saw her birthmom drink, neglect and/or abuse followed. Seeing me drink brought terrible memories. To calm her down and reassure her, I had to finally tell her, I will never drink alcohol again.

So Christmas isn’t a perfect time, and we aren’t perfect people. We screw up. We don’t do everything right. Our family circumstances are always different, year to year. This year we’re without my brother, and he may not even be able to call us – phone lines are often jammed at Army bases on Christmas.

I always tell my kids, Attitude is Everything. You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude towards it.

We’re going to have a nice Christmas day this year. I might have a glass of champagne.

Screaming and Pots

I had a nice day at work, what with all the holidays making the atmosphere more mellow. All the different teams have “goody tables” set up, and it’s a nonstop feast all day, if one chooses to graze. I also managed to get some work done, I have to admit. Lawsuits generally don’t forge full-speed ahead this time of year, though.

I took Alesia to the doctor late this afternoon. She has a viral infection of the sinuses. Dr. V didn’t want to give her an antibiotic, and I support that. She did urge Alesia to use the neti pot, which I have also used on my sinuses. It works. Basically, you just pour warm salty water into your nose. It moistens the nasal passages and in turn, the sinuses. Alesia actually tried it, but she wasn’t happy about it. Nobody wants to snort saltwater, but hey, it WORKS.

Mike and Alesia were both balky about doing chores today. It was the first real day of Christmas break. Mother had difficulty with both of them doing what she asked. I had a hard time just getting Michael to eat a piece of fruit after dinner, even though he admitted he needed to, um, as we say here, go sit on the potty. Granny has no hesitation about saying things like “So you have a headache? When have you been to the bathroom? Are you stopped up?” He hates those questions. He hasn’t figured out yet that if he will just eat some fruit she will get off his case.

After dinner, I held a family meeting. In a matter of fact tone, I told them both that if they don’t cooperate cheerfully with what they are asked to do during the break, Christmas presents will be withheld. Presents are a privilege, not a right. Tomorrow morning they will receive a chore list, and it will need to be finished before there will be any TV or computer games played. They will also need to read for an hour each day.

Yes, you can call me Mama Grinch.

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There’s been some screaming around my house lately.

This morning, I got up and crept around quietly, trying to let everyone sleep while I got off to work. I came up the stairs after breakfast and noticed the bathroom door opening. I paused. Alesia came out, glanced around, saw me, and screamed. Then she gasped and grabbed her tee shirt. “Mom! You scared me!” she said. “I was thinking I am going to be late for school! Then I remembered there is no school today.”

Yes, no school means you can sleep in, honey.

Yesterday, I got up and took my shower, before anyone else was awake, I thought. I came out into my room from the bathroom, totally naked, and I heard this little voice call out softly, “Mom?” and then I screamed. Grabbed my robe. Noticed Michael was not in there and the door was closed. Started laughing. Thank God. He has finally learned to not go barging into someone else’s room. “It’s OK, you can come in” I said, fastening my robe. He came in grinning. “Why are you laughing?”

“Well, if you had seen me naked, son, YOU would’ve screamed!” I replied.

He grabbed his head. “Aaaargh! Why did you tell me that!” he hollered.

Hilarity ensued. Not really. I just like that sentence…