The Crab Chronicles

Movie Day

We’ve had a good day, a leisurely family-type day.

 

Alesia spent the morning working on her Science project with her tutor, and that went well. She just has to type it up tomorrow.

 

We picked up my couch from Goodwill when the rain let up late this morning, and took it over to the condo. It’s a great looking couch – a Broyhill! I was so tickled by how it looks. I think the condo will look better if it looks a bit more “homey” and less like a beige box.

 

We went to lunch at The Colonnade. Bruce had never been there before. One nice thing about it is the great variety of vegetables. Bruce had salmon croquettes and a double order of brussells sprouts, and half my order of beets. He and Mother love brussells sprouts. I call them “Barbie cabbages.” I’ve tried them several times but I just don’t like them.

 

Even though it’s know for country cooking, we like the seafood there. Mother had fried scallops and Mike and I had fried shrimp. Their fried food is lightly fried and delicious, not heavy on breading.

 

Alesia watched Bruce put hot pepper sauce on his food, and decided to just eat one of the whole peppers in the bottle. She chose a tiny pepper and dunked it in mashed potatoes. As soon as she bit down on it, there was a Roger Rabbit moment when her eyes nearly popped out of her head. I have to admit, I laughed. We all laughed.

 

The kids and I went to see Confessions of a Shopaholic.

 

It’s a cute film, but not Shakespeare. I bribed Mike to sit through it cooperatively, because I let him play videogames in the lobby for a few minutes after the film.

 

The main character is named Rebecca Bloomwood. After the movie we headed to CVS to pick up some prescriptions for Mom, and Alesia struggled to remember the name “Bloomwood.” She finally referred to her as “Rebecca Bloodbath” and Mike and I had to laugh. She laughed, too. She knows she often misunderstands spoken words, and the fact she can laugh at herself now is progress.

 

As I was buying our tickets, this big man came in and was talking to the next ticket seller really rather loud, which was bizarre. This is the gist of what he said:

 

“Hey honey, listen, I’m a divorced dad, and my little girl’s coming over here to see that Jonas Brothers movie tonight and I just got to get tickets… Sold out? Aw, c’mon. I got a fifty dollar bill right here, maybe that would make your change that tune?”

 

To the ticket seller’s credit she just repeated that the showing was sold out, sorry. He kept arguing and trying to bribe her. I hustled my kids away from there quickly. I was amazed at how bold that guy was!

 

When we got out of our movie, there was a huge long line of small girls waiting to get in and see the Jonas Brothers in 3D  - if you click that link and scroll down, the review of the film is pretty funny. I am so glad Alesia is too old to like those wimpy little boys. Yikes.

 

After eating a sandwich for dinner – we had too large a lunch to want anything else – the kids and I watched Eagle Eye  - a pretty good little thriller. Billy Bob Thornton is in it, and he is looking quite elderly these days. He also dominated every scene he was in, to the point it unbalanced the movie, a bit. Still, a good little thriller. 

I am so glad the rain finally let up. It’s supposed to snow here tomorrow, at some point. I find that very hard to believe. We had winter a couple of weeks ago. It’s over now. The weather forecasters are smoking crack, I believe…

 

SNOW?! hahahahaha....

 

Rain Rain Go Away

It’s been a quiet day, and rather frustrating.

 

Mother has had a home health nurse coming every other day to do this wrap treatment on her leg with the cellulites. Today I needed to help Mom get a shower right before the nurse came, and had to wait around half the day to hear from the nurse. She finally showed up about 3:30.

 

Mother’s leg is better but not well yet.

 

I hung out, talked to Bruce and Mom, cleaned up the kitchen, watched HGTV, etc. Not a scintillating day. I didn’t get to go into work for waiting around for the nurse. Aaargh…

 

I did take Michael to run some errands, late in the afternoon when the nurse finally left and Bruce and Lesleigh were here to help with Mother. We ran by Goodwill [which I just think is a fun place to bum around] and lo and behold, I found a couch. It’s in great shape. It’s patterned with predominantly blue, green and gold – sounds icky, but it’s not. I am going to put it in the condo, so it will look more “staged” and hopefully sell quicker.

 

Problem is, getting back to pick it up and getting it into the condo without it getting wet. We’ve had soaking hard rains all day and it’s supposed to rain all weekend.

 

I’m glad to have some drought-busting showers, but the rain is already getting on my nerves, I must admit.

 

Lesleigh stayed for dinner and we had a fun dinner, with ribs and Marie Callender yeast rolls, and green beans and fresh strawberries and sliced tomatoes. For dessert I had picked up some Sheridan’s frozen custard, which is so much better than ice cream it’s sinful.

 

We watched Hellboy II again from the beginning, for Lesleigh’s sake. Great movie. Very humorous, in places.

 

Alesia got mad at me because I wouldn’t French braid her hair right before bed. I told her I didn’t see the point, since she would just be sleeping on it. I told her I’d do it tomorrow. She still got mad. Ah well, I can’t win there…

 

A Veil of Tears

It has been one of those horrible, emotional rollercoaster days. I am glad it’s over.

I was driving in to work, and as often happens, the traffic was just moving at a snail’s pace through an interchange fondly referred to here as Spaghetti Junction. It always reminds me of a highway from the Jetsons cartoons, as it’s multiple lanes and some go up and over the highway. People from out of town come in and get on I-285, get to Spaghetti Junction, and freak out. Lots of signage, too many choices. So they slow waaaaay down. Accidents result. If you try to drive the speed limit on 285 you get mown down.

So I’m driving along, just slow as molasses, and for the first time since yesterday evening I have time to think about Alesia’s therapy session. I am not going to reveal what was said, but suffice to say, the allegations of abuse are horrific. The more I think about them, the more upset I become. I start crying. I cried sitting in the car after I got to work. I cried in my cubicle. I cried and cried, off and on, most of the morning. My eyes are swollen. I have such anger and sadness, just thinking about how people could abuse a little tiny girl, less than 6 years old. The orphanage, as bad as it was, was better than her birth home, I am sure. She was abused there, too, but not by people who were supposed to love her and care for her.

It amazes me that I have such a sweet, normal daughter.

Our goal has become helping Alesia recognize when she is triggered – when terrible memories overwhelm her, due to something currently happening – so that she can learn how to manage those feelings. There was a situation recently where Michael was joking around with her and she freaked out and ran to her room, crying. If you are the parent of an older child and you see that sort of behavior, it’s a sign the child has been triggered and is re-living a traumatic memory. Do not get angry. Try to help the child calm down and talk about their feelings.

I realize more and more that my parenting the first couple of years Alesia was with me was way off base. I didn’t understand why she reacted certain ways and I should have been more understanding. I should have figured it out sooner. She’s been home 4.5 years now and I am still discovering things which happened to her, which have warped her thinking and her reactions.

Thank God for the therapist. Every abused or neglected child needs a good therapist.

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My brother has been at Ft. Benning for the past few days but is now at our house. I talked to Mother several times today. She doesn’t drive much any more. My cousin Lesleigh was kind enough to help us out by picking up Bruce from the airport. He had taken a shuttle bus there from the base, which is about an hour away, and the bus driver got lost. Then Bruce had to rendezvous with Les, and that took time. She ended up having to park her car and meet him inside.

The Atlanta airport is huge and confusing, even to those of us who live here!

The important thing is he’s here, and he’s safe. He does seem to be a little jet lagged, though, still. He’s been sleeping in a barracks bunk bed the past few days. I know from my trips to adopt the children, those horrible long flights just leave you totally discombobulated for about a week after you come home. You get tired and spacey and sleepy all the time for a while.

After I came home with Alesia, I took her to see a matinee of The Incredibles about two days later. It’s an exciting film, pretty interesting, too. I fell sound asleep. I never fall asleep in movies. It was a sign I was still wiped out physically and emotionally.

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I came home tonight and we went to dinner at Bambinelli’s, a local restaurant that’s family owned. The food is terrific. It’s about 2 minutes’ drive from the house.

We came back and watched the last part of Big Business, and started Hellboy II. One thing I like about Hellboy movies is there is a mythology there that is really interesting. The plots aren’t so simple and transparent as to insult my intelligence.

Michael is asleep on the Aerobed next to me, and I am singing softly James Taylor’s song, Shower the People, as he sleeps.

Shower the people you love with love,

Show them the way that you feel

Sing it, Brother James. I am trying to remember that this is what’s important, now, this peace, not their terrible pasts. My tears have been so close all day, but I have to try and be strong. I truly believe our therapist was sent from God to help us all deal with those memories. Thank God for her.

As Mother said, Alesia and Michael are here now, and safe, and that’s what matters most. I will love them and protect them with every breath in my body.

Pancakes Anyone?

Here’s a quote I like:

A book is the most effective weapon against intolerance and ignorance.
- Lyndon Baines Johnson

I love books. I can lose myself in a good book for hours. I just started a Greg Iles book this morning that I someone missed reading [Black Cross] and within two pages I was hooked. I cannot wait to find time to read more.

Not all experiences with books are happy. I started a new book the other day and hated it so much that I just put it aside after reading about 10 pages. It was dreadful. I was so sorry the money for it had been wasted. It will go in the recycling box because I would never give it to anyone else to read. [The title, BTW, Love Returns Through the Portal of Time.]

Last night we had pancakes in honor of Shrove Tuesday. Alesia loves to make pancakes, so after I got them started, I let her take over. She and Michael ate pancakes until I thought they were going to keel over. No, we’re not Catholic, but Episcopalians celebrate it, too. My explanation as to why we eat pancakes for dinner on Shrove Tuesday was met with polite silence by the children. Religion? Pancakes? They couldn’t care less.  Truthfully - it’s one of my top 5 favorite meals.

We were a bit late in eating because Bruce called last night! We put him on speakerphone in the kitchen. I thought he sounded good. Mother thought he sounded frazzled. We had a perfectly coherent conversation. He gets done with his out processing tomorrow, and will come to our house for a visit and to pick up his truck. Michael was so excited to hear his voice. When we got ready to hang up and were saying goodbye, Michael croaked out “Goodbye! I love you!” and we could hear Bruce laughing. Michael’s voice is changing.

I have three very dear friends who are out of work. This morning, I was in the kitchen making lunches for the kids, and breakfast [cooking is the only multitasking I can do] and I heard there was a job fair today at the Cobb Galleria from 10-2:30. I dropped Michael off at school and started making calls. My friend John was all “What are you doing calling unemployed people at 8 in the morning?” – laughingly. When I told him about the job fair he woke up quickly. I am praying they will all find jobs asap.

In my Ideal World all my unemployed friends and I would work together making and selling cookies. We’d all live in beautiful log houses near each other, in the country, too.

Hey, I can dream, right?!

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I heard that my old friend Jimmy is out of surgery, thanks be to God. I am continuing to pray for his recovery and that he will beat that terrible cancer. Please pray for him, too. Prayer works miracles!

The Dude

Today was my first full day back at work, and it was tough, but I am getting caught up. I found out a lot of other folks in the department are sick and it’s a virus. That explains why I am still not over it, but it’s not real comforting.

 

Yesterday I had to take Michael to see the social worker for his second post placement report. Hard to believe it has been almost two years since I adopted him. The hearing was on April 3, 2007. He was such a tiny, white little fellow, with a ghastly haircut.

 

He was such a sweetie, though, even then.

 

Now, almost two years later, and he's getting bigger and stronger every day.

 

 

He has come such a long way. He is a delight. [Most of the time!]

 

He is doing well in school, and has an amazing ability in tennis. He is very sweet to his Granny, and takes care of her and Coco when I am not home. He adores his sister, even when she has PMS.

 

I am so proud of him.

 

He is obsessed with the Hellboy movies, currently. Ironman and Hancock have been replaced. I can handle it. LOL

 

Post Oscar

After I posted last night, I re-read the email from my brother saying he was home. I started typing a short email to the members of our family who know and love him, some of whom sent him care packages while overseas. When I saw what I had typed, that “Bruce is home,” I just got overwhelmed. I sat and cried for a good half an hour, trying not to be loud and wake the kids.

When someone you love is far away and in a very dangerous place like Iraq, you have to sort of remind yourself to breathe, and distract yourself all the time, because you have no control or even any influence on anything. The danger is there, always, in the back of your mind. Even a person with a strong faith in God is always fearful for the loved one. Last night I was finally able to take a deep breath and say, my brother probably won’t die tomorrow. I don’t have to pray frantically, all day every day. I can return to the regularly scheduled mental programming and prayer.

It will take us a few days to get used to this change. I still get teary-eyed thinking about it, and I am not a person who normally cries a lot.

This was taken last fall when he was home on leave.

 

As you know if you have been reading The Crab Chronicles for a while, I am a huge Oscar fan. Movies are not simply an interest of mine, I am passionate about them. Before I got my children I hosted an Oscar Party every night for years. No more. I watched the Oscars last night, mostly by myself. I was alternately disgusted and amused. Here are some of my thoughts.

I will be honest about one thing – I rarely listen to acceptance speeches, unless they are made by big stars. Even then, if the star gets too personal or weepy I will usually turn them off.

It’s the same false reality I despise in shows like “American Idol” or “Survivor” where the audience is supposed to see genuine emotion but I know what I’m seeing is someone pandering to the camera. Yuck.

It was disconcerting at first to hear Hugh Jackman talk in his native Australian accent. He always has American or British accents in films. He had a hard row to hoe, trying to be funny, since he’s not a comedian. I thought he pulled it off pretty well.

I thought Ben Stiller’s imitation of Joaquin Phoenix was hysterically funny. However, I also thought he went too far, and he should have cut the schtick after a few moments. When his co-presenter, Natalie Portman, said "You look like you live in a Hasidic meth lab" – a hysterical line that I was surprised to hear from one so young - that’s when he should have stopped. After that, he was distracting and disrespectful.

Michael walked by my TV when Hugh Jackman was singing and dancing with Beyonce and stared, grinned, and finally said delightedly “Wolverine is singing and dancing!”  Michael loves to dance and often dances around the house, but he starts screaming and hides when I pull out the video camera.

I was not pleased to see Heath Ledger win posthumously. He was an incredibly talented actor and his performance was amazing. However, I feel strongly the Oscar should only go to living, breathing people. It cannot do Heath any good – he’s beyond caring. The other nominees should protest. Give dead people special, separate statues if you want, but save the accolades for people on this side of the dirt.

I was really bummed Benjamin Button didn’t win more awards. It was an amazing film, one I want to own one of these days.

AN UPDATE ON FEET

I know you’ve been sitting around wondering what is happening in the continuing saga of my itchy, hobbit-like feet, so here’s the scoop. I am applying the heavy-duty prescription cream the dermatologist recommended twice a day, most days, and although the soles of my feet are much better, the tops of my feet are still red and itchy. I have had to take a really drastic step. I am cutting down on wearing Crocs. I actually wore a pair of Easy Spirit slip ons today, all day. I don’t care if they look like Old Lady Shoes. I am a hardcore Crocs addict, but they seem to aggravate the foot condition. I just hope and pray someday I can go back to them full-time.

Lisa Scottoline’s column always makes me chuckle, but this one , which I can really relate to, made me laugh out loud....

 

A Day of Sadness and Relief

The weather was absolutely beautiful today, but cold and windy. It looked much nicer than it felt. However, it was nice to get out and about and not be stuck in a cubicle.

 

I have had this insatiable itch to get my room cleaned, for weeks now. Today I finally felt well enough to do it. The dust bunnies were fixing to turn mutant and attack. I finally was able to take time this morning and get that done.

 

There was a whole lotta cleaning going on. Alesia cleaned her room yesterday and it still looks nice. She was a great big sister, though, and helped Michael clean his room this morning. When we looked at the accumulated trash from the three rooms this afternoon there were 3 big garbage bags full, and one big bag of Goodwill donations.

 

My room is really large, but it’s amazing what washes up here – Michael’s shoes, Michael’s books, Michael’s notebooks, etc.

 

Alesia is generally more neat, but she has her own quirks. Alesia leaves a trail of hair doodads all over the house. I found her one day watching TV and clipping her toenails in the family room. I got rather ticked off. Coco likes to eat toenails, and they do not agree with her tiny doggie digestive system. I also don’t like to find toenails all over the sofa.

 

Yeah, I’m a neat freak.

 

The kids and I went to Kroger this afternoon without Mother. She has been on antibiotics now for almost 3 weeks and they leave her with no energy. I did take her out in the car late this afternoon to run errands and just get out of the house.

 

Tonight as Michael and I came upstairs for bed, Mother started screaming “DEE!” in her room. Scared the wits out of me. While I was scrambling to put on my shoes and head back downstairs I sent Michael to see what was wrong. I was afraid Mother had fallen or something terrible. He came back up grinning. “She said she got an email from Uncle Bruce!”

 

He sent a quick email at 9:30 saying he was back at Ft. Benning for outprocessing. He had been traveling since last Wednesday. He said the plane broke down in Ireland and delayed them. Unfortunately, it was at night so they couldn’t sightsee. I’m sure he was sorry about that. He and I have talked about our strong wish to see Ireland some day. About half our ancestors came from Ireland.

 

I have been praying constantly since last Wednesday that he would get home quickly and safely. I am so glad he is out of Iraq for good. HUGE sigh of relief.

 

He said he will be here to get his truck in a few days. I hope he can spend some time here before heading back to Columbia.

 

CURRENT PRAYER CONCERNS

 

I heard some sad news today, and it preoccupied my thoughts all afternoon. One of my old neighbors and classmates, Jimmy Elliott, is sick with a rare form of cancer. He is my age, 46. I was shocked. He is at Sloan Kettering, though, and hopefully he is getting some good news about treatment. I haven’t seen him in probably 25 years but we were in a lot of classes together in elementary, middle, and high school and he lived one street away. I remember Jimmy as a sweet, good-natured kid, very athletic, very humble. I am praying he will beat the cancer. Please say a prayer for him and his family.

 

My friend Cindy B is having a really tough time with two of her kids who are mentally ill, and need treatment. I am praying daily for Cindy and her family. Please keep her in your prayers too.

 

Thrift Store Success

I had another night where it was hard to sleep, but at least I was able to stay in bed until 9, and get caught up a bit. My parched throat woke me up about 4 times and I drank water.

 

Michael had a therapy appointment today and it was a productive session. We discussed the fact that it’s so hard to motivate him to finish his homework, oftentimes. The therapist helped me with strategies to get him to be more cooperative.

 

We had a late lunch at Fuddrucker’s. After we ate, we gave the kids some money to play videogames, and Mother and I could talk in peace. It’s bribery, I know, but it works for us.

 

Alesia has been asking me for a while for a comfortable chair to put in her room. We talked about beanbag chairs and I priced them, but even on Ebay they seemed too expensive. I also hated the thought of buying a chair I figured she would grow tired of pretty quickly.

 

After bringing Mother home from lunch the kids and I hit the thrift stores. My plan was to go to several, including Goodwill, but we got lucky at the first store. Way in the back, we found a small blue chair that’s exactly what Alesia wanted. It’s perfect. It's in great condition. It has a place that’s discolored on one of the cushions but it’s hardly noticeable. I paid $12.50 for it. You can’t beat that. I am so pleased. I just don’t have much money right now so I am always tickled to find bargains. Now Alesia has a comfortable chair in her room where she can curl up and read a book.

 

Michael found a cute black satin windbreaker that’s like new, for only $4. It actually fits him, too. Yay. He can wear it to tennis practice. It says in red “North DeKalb Chargers.” It has patches on it that say Conference Championships Youth Football 1994 – two years before he was born, ironically – and National Champions Shriners Crippled Children’s Classic.

 

 

I feel better but my head is still stopped up about half the time. I hope I feel much better tomorrow.

Here's Alesia's cute new chair, and her religious - I mean holy - jeans!!

I look at this and I see the handsome young man that Michael is rapidly becoming. Wow.

On the Mend

I coughed and coughed last night. I was afraid if I drank too much cough medicine I’d pass out or something. I don’t like taking it at all, but finally I had to chug down enough so I could sleep a bit.

 

This morning I was still feeling yucko. I didn’t try to go to work. 

 

We spent most of the day waiting for a home health nurse to show up and re-bandage Mother’s leg. There was a screwup as to which office to call. I'll spare you the details.

Mother saw the vascular doctor the other day and the leg was bandaged with these special bandages, but they have to be changed periodically. The nurse finally showed up at almost 6, and stayed until nearly 8. She took the most thorough medical history ever. The leg looks better, though. Mother and I both feel encouraged that these wrap treatments might finally be the cure for the cellulitis.

 

The good news is that this afternoon I finally started feeling better. I have been feeling sick for more than a week but it finally feels like I am turning the corner, thanks be to God.

 

Bruce is en route home from Iraq, thank goodness. (His tour of duty is over - it's been a long year.) We don’t know exactly where, however. He is likely in Kuwait trying to get a flight out. I sure wish he would call us or email and let us know when he thinks he will be back in the states. Waiting for news is nerve wracking.

 

The kids and I watched Hellboy tonight. Really interesting movie. I didn’t think I’d like it but it held my attention. The backstory on it is more complex than most. My brother and I read a lot of comic books when I was a kid but I don’t remember reading the Hellboy series. Here's more about it. 

Daffodil Winter

Another day in paradise.

 

I slept most of the morning, which helped. Then I was finally able to go to the doctor this afternoon. I got a prescription, thank goodness. I don’t have bronchitis, which is a relief. I have an upper respiratory infection. Still feel yucko, but hopefully in the next day or two I will feel better, after I get enough of the prescription.

 

I felt well enough this afternoon to help Michael with his science homework. He was not in a good place mentally. He has an after-school program on Thursdays where the kids do workbooks and play math and word games to help prepare them to take the CRCT. Then he has to come home and do homework. It makes for a long day for him.

 

Mother and Alesia and I have all struggled to get Michael to be able to answer questions about material he has read. He is totally able to do it in social studies, which he likes, but he resists it in Science. He kept saying “I HATE science! It’s too HARD!” – to the point I wanted to scream.

 

I finally snapped. “Michael, being a parent is REALLY HARD! What if I went around saying that all the time?”

 

He got a startled look on his face. “We’re not THAT bad!”

 

I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t.

 

“Michael, your bad attitude is making this worse. You quit saying it’s too hard, and it will become easier, dude.”

 

He said he got up in the night last night with a nosebleed. He gets those in winter, often. He won’t use the nasal moisture spray. I have to run some heat or the house will be freezing in the morning.

 

We’re having our typical Atlanta winter – highs in the upper 40’s to low 50’s.

 

I also have daffodils blooming in my yard. Seeing them makes me feel hopeful, even though I’m not much of a gardener.