When big changes happen for me, when
my life turns a corner, it always takes me time to process it. I always run
around frantically for a while, then I settle into a different groove. I feel
like I started settling in today.
I was sitting on my neighbor’s deck
late this afternoon having a nice chat, and I thought, I like being here. I
like that I took the kids to the movie this afternoon, and we polished silver
this morning, and it’s a beautiful day, and I am at peace.
I got up this morning and walked. It
wasn’t a long walk, and I should’ve gotten up earlier and done it, but I
walked. I am starting to feel like myself again. I am starting to remember how
I was before I became frantic to make a living and fit my kids into the margins
of the day and still be a good mom.
Every working mom has this dilemma.
You desperately want to be with your kids, and yet you miss “me time.” You want
to do well at your career, but you really want to be able to help with homework
and not be exhausted. You miss drinking a cup of tea in the morning, in your
bathrobe. You miss walking outside to cut flowers. You miss the joy of having a
dog snuggle in your lap, totally at peace, without feeling like there’s
something else you should be doing. You miss sitting down and reading a book.
I don’t know how working women
sustain marriages and kids. I couldn’t do it. I’m always going to choose my
kids over everyone and everything else.
We saw the new Sandra Bullock movie,
The Proposal. It was
fun, but not particularly noteworthy. I loved the fact it was filmed in Alaska.
Then I came home and Googled the film location and found out it was actually
filmed near Gloucester Mass. So much for that Alaskan fantasy.
I decided to do something different
for dinner. I have gotten tired of our food routine. So I made a pasta salad. I
cooked some beautiful vegetable bowtie pasta, and tossed it with some mayo,
bite-sized chicken chunks cooked with lemon juice and fresh pepper, minced
squash from the garden, fresh chives and basil, and fresh shaved parmesan. I
also threw in some onion powder, and the basil mixture you buy in a tube. (If I
were a purist I would’ve used all fresh herbs, but I’m not one to get uptight
about that stuff.) I would’ve used some fresh sesame oil if I’d had any. (I can
tolerate it in some things, not everything. Once it turns bad, it’s revolting.) The dish was delicious.
Michael ate 3 platefulls of the pasta salad. Alesia and Mother had made the
fruit salad we all love, and we all had some of that. So it was a light but very tasty dinner.
Alesia cleaned out the big closet
that holds most of our food, this morning. Late this afternoon, while Mike had
his tennis lesson, she helped me gather up all the empty boxes in the garage
and put them out for the recycling pickup in the morning. She didn’t complain.
I asked Mike after dinner to load up a few dishes into the dishwasher and he
declared that was Alesia’s job. He refused. I pointed out she had helped with
the recycling, which is really his job, without complaint. He still refused. So
I told him he could just go on to bed.
I parked myself on the couch and watched a girly movie (Serendipity) with Alesia, but I fretted about sending him to bed early. He had to have a consequence for his refusal, though. I couldn’t let him get away with it. It marred an otherwise nice day…
Michael has been very clingy with me since I got laid off. I reassured him today, he doesn't need to worry. He still wants to be right by me, though, the velcro kid. He gets on my nerves, but he is a love.
Remember I said Bruce is supposed to take the kids camping next week? This is where they are going, Amicalola Falls State Park in North Georgia. I remember going there as a kid. I am starting to envy them...
