Mother sent me this and I thought it was too funny -
Men's
Age as Determined by a Trip to Walmart.
A
man is in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing
the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
whatever. He is hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. He has his
old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in
crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair
of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project he realizes he needs to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on his age he may do the following:
In your
20's:
Stop
what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush
your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the
mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never
know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In
your 30's:
Stop
what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You
married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and
comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a
shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl
running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school
with.
In
your 40's:
Stop
what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you
don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in
the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing
running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking
she is hot.
In your
50's:
Stop
what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto
your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your
new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear
that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat The Cutie running the
register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have
it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait &
Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'
In your
60's:
Stop
what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off
your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your
glasses on so you are not sure.
In your
70's:
Stop
what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind
her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop
what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember
you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying
to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who
greeted you at the front door.
