Yesterday was such a beautiful day, I thanked God for it, after all the rain we've had.
We got our roof fixed today, at a cost of $125. Others have suffered so much more damage. I feel very fortunate. We dropped off a big donation at Goodwill the other day, in an effort to help the flood victims.
I try to think of how blessed I am, and remember those things when times are rocky. I lost my temper with Alesia a couple of times over the weekend and it was hard to reign myself in, but I tried. As Mother pointed out last night, even though Alesia is emotionally several years behind her peers, she is also basically a sweet girl. I don’t have that many problems with her. I certainly haven’t had her trying to run around and party and break all my rules. By the time I was 18, I had done a lot of stupid things typical of a teenager, and Alesia hasn’t done any.
I look at both my kids, who are very healthy, do well in school, and are good about helping me around the house 90% of the time, and I thank God for them.
I love them more than my life, but as I often counsel other parents, love is simply not enough, not with any child. You have to talk to them, all the time. You have to be very clear about your values.
We talk about things. Even though it makes them uncomfortable, I talk to my kids about drugs, very specifically. We talk about what to do if somebody offers them a joint or a pill or some blow. We see movies with characters who are drug users and then talk about it afterwards. Sometimes we talk about alcohol abuse, but they know too much about that already. They have seen how alcohol wrecks lives. On some level they know if their birthmoms had not been alcoholics they would never have seen the inside of an orphanage.
When I hear about kids who have done really stupid things, I wonder if parents have really talked to their kids. I think kids need to be told explicitly what not to do, and different possible scenarios need to be discussed. The idea that “just say No” could be effective is ridiculous.
We also talk about being responsible with bodies, but probably not enough. Neither of my kids is dating yet, so I don’t go into that a lot, but I will. Alesia already knows my feelings, and I suspect that is exactly why she doesn’t date. I don’t think many of the boys she knows would meet my standards, because they are high.
Alesia was telling me the other day about a boy she likes and she said “He is really nice and he has the best abs of anyone I have ever seen!” in a tone of voice like this made him someone to be revered. I just said “Well, boys who spend a lot of time bodybuilding and worrying about their appearance are usually jerks.” She really bristled at that. “He is NOT a jerk! He is REALLY nice!” I mainly just said that because I want her to think about the boy’s character, and not just be dazzled by muscles. She judges boys on a very superficial level right now.
One reason I hate for my kids to watch TV is that so many of the messages just bombard them, on a subtle level, and they don’t have the judgment to reject the messages that are harmful or just idiotic.
Kids are told what to wear, what products are “cool” and how to behave, by television. Even the news is brought to them in 1 minute sound bytes, never explained in depth.
I watched a lot of TV as a kid. However, we didn’t have cable TV until I was in college. There were 3 channels. I heard this a lot from my mother: “Turn OFF the TV and get outside and PLAY!” I watched a lot of Gilligan’s Island, Beverly Hillbillies, Andy Griffith, the old Dick Van Dyke Show, and Captain Kangaroo. The only lasting impact was that I can sing all those theme songs (or whistle them) note perfect.
I let my kids watch TV last night for a few minutes while I finished dinner. I left the room to go to the bathroom and when I returned, they were watching a horror movie. I told them to turn it OFF, since I don’t allow horror movies in my house. They protested loudly. I said “Any movie showing a woman screaming in terror and being eaten by ZOMBIES IS A HORROR MOVIE, y’all.” Duh.
Funny moment at dinner tonight. Mike started to eat his sliced tomatoes with his hand, and he was talking at the same time, just absentmindedly picking up his tomato. Mother didn't want to interrupt him, but put his hand forcefully back down on the table. Alesia noticed that move and was so startled she burst out laughing and grits flew out of her mouth. Everyone broke up. Mother was laughing so hard she could barely gasp out "Michael! You know better than to eat with your hands!"
