Michael leaves a possession or two of his in every room of the house, every day. I try to put his stuff on the stairs and remind him to take it up to his room when I think of it. I recently cleaned off the stairs and one day later it was awash with Mike’s books, school papers, coins, socks, etc.
My room is like the Lost and Found. He leaves shoes everywhere but in his closet. I gave up a while back on getting him to put shoes in the closet.
Last night he decided my red Crocs were his favorite pair of shoes and he wore them all evening, with socks. At the moment, we have feet nearly the same size, except mine are fat and his are long and skinny. Alesia’s feet are nearly the same size.
Both my children have long, knobby toes, and look like they could shinny up a tree in 10 seconds flat.
My feet look like they belong on a Hobbit.
I have an old friend who I’ve known since childhood and she has normal toes except for one, which is freakishly long, and one which is a tiny nubbin toe, on each foot. Somehow, I never noticed her toes until we were adolescents. One day at the pool I really noticed her feet, and I screamed. I was just startled. She got really ticked off at me.
I couldn’t figure out why I had never noticed her toes before, since we’d known each other for years. Finally, a long while later, I realized the issue. I am very nearsighted. I probably just thought her feet were a weird blur until then. It was after I got glasses that the world became suddenly clearer, pun intended.
My brother has a birthmark on the side of his chest and I never realized how huge it was until he was in college and took off his shirt one day. I told him he had a big dirt spot and he needed a shower. He got really mad at me.
[How did I get started talking about feet and birthmarks?! I started off thinking about shoes and it went downhill from there.]
I grew up being incredibly dense.
I couldn’t tie my shoes or tell time until I was 8 years old.
I never realized until I was grown that a pickle is a small cucumber. Never made that connection.
I asked my mother one time why I saw some olives in a photo that had no pimentos in them. I thought olives grew with pimentos in them already. Mother got incredibly irritated with me.
I was reading David Copperfield at 9 years old, but I had no idea about pimentos. [I am talking about the classic book by Charles Dickens, not the magician…]
I was fully grown before I realized that a chicken shoots eggs out of its bottom. I had a vague idea that the chicken had some sort of hatch on its underside and the egg dropped out, like a bomb from a plane.
That ties in with my theory, as a small child, of where babies come from. I knew the bellybutton was involved, somehow. I finally decided that babies popped out of the bellybutton as small pellets, and then you added hot water, and they plumped up into babies, sort of like how noodles plump up with you add hot water. It was a good theory. In the movies, when a woman goes into labor, they are always yelling for hot water.
Years later, when I saw a film of an actual birth, and all the blood and gore, I almost threw up. I felt like I might faint. Perhaps it’s a good thing I never tried to produce a child from my body. The hobbit feet probably would’ve prevented the baby from coming out and it would have been really messy…
When Alesia first came home she got confused and referred to it as her "bellybottom." I thought it was adorable. She hates when I remind her of that...
I asked my mother once what it actually felt like to have a baby, and after thinking for a moment, she said “It felt like having a BM.” Wow, what a beautiful experience. They don’t make drugs good enough to make me want to do that…
Adoption is so much less messy.
See it always comes back around to adoption?!
I am so looking forward to being a grandmother. I will write a children’s book called The Truth About Pickles and Olives, and make a million dollars…
This is not even the goofiest photo of me as a child!
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