The Crab Chronicles

Maintaining Calm

We've had a pretty quiet day. It was too hot to get out and do much, although we did our weekly Kroger shopping.

Michael brought home homework to do this weekend, but he has been very reluctant to do it. I had to tell him he couldn't go to the pool until he did his Science, in order for him to get it finished. He has a test Wednesday.

He was grouchy off and on all day. I have been tense, for a lot of reasons, and I think he picked up on that. No matter how much I try to stay calm, it seems to fall apart frequently these days, and I either lash out verbally over nothing, or start crying. It only happens within the family - to outsiders and strangers I can do a reasonable facsimile of "normal."

Mike was able to spend several hours at the pool this afternoon with his buddies, which is good. It's the last weekend the pool is open.

I spent a lot of the afternoon reading a good book, Donald Spoto's biography of Audrey Hepburn, titled Enchantment. Really good book, a good distraction.

We watched a cute movie tonight, one that I ordered especially hoping Mother would enjoy it, as one of the primary characters is an 84 year old man [played by Andy Griffith] in a retirement home who is looking for romance and gets advice from his grandson. It's called Play the Game. It's not a perfect film but it has a lot of funny lines, and it has heart. I am thoroughly enjoying it, and so is Mother. It's hard to find a film that appeals to her age group.

We had beef stew for dinner. It turned out really well, despite the lack of thickener for the gravy. I made a flavorful broth of beef stock, red wine, and soy sauce. I find I can eat cooked carrots as long as they have been simmering in a flavorful broth and are soft. I used to only eat raw carrots.

Pasha has decided to spend a couple more days with Maria, then head down to Miami for the rest of the week. I'm sure he will have a marvelous time, since he speaks Spanish and he is accustomed to older people, since he lives with his mom...

Age and A Trip to Home Depot

That last post was such a downer I thought I'd post a funny. Enjoy.

Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

You  are in the middle of some kind of project around the house  --   . . ..  . Mowing  the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or  whatever.   You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:     

 
   
  In  your 20's:

Stop  what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the mirror and flex.  Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.  And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.. 

  
  In  your 30's:

Stop  what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands and comb your hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.   Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

   
  In  your 40's:

Stop  what you are doing.  Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a hat.  Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.  
 
    
  In  your  50's:

Stop  what you are doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.  Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.  The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,

'I Got Worms .'  
 
   
  In  your 60's:

Stop  what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.  Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.   You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.  The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
      
             
In  your 70's:

Stop  what you are doing.  Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too.  Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

---

 In your 80's:  

Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot.  Go to Wal-Mart instead  and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.  
 
     
  In your 90's & beyond:  

What's a home deep hoe?  Something for my garden?  Where am I?   Who am I?  Why am I reading this?  Did I send it?   Did you?  Who farted?  

Snarled

It was a LONG day.I am SO tired.

Mother gets leg cramps at night sometimes and I go downstairs and bring her the potato chips and her pills. This morning at 6 she realized she didn't have the walkie talkie and couldn't reach me, and just called Mike, and he went down and took care of her. He leaves his door open at night. I told him tonight he should've waked me. I can come back and sleep, but he can't. He really needs 9+ hours to function well the next day. It was hard getting him out of the bed this morning, which is unusual.

Not all his homework got done tonight. He was so tired and sleepy, I said just forget it. We will watch a movie for an hour, then go to bed early. He was tucked in at 9:43. I will wake him up at 6:43 and he will get a shower, then hopefully we will have about an hour and a half before he needs to go to school. That should be enough to finish his homework.

He has such a good heart.

FYI - if you get terrible leg cramps, eat Lay's potato chips. They are filled with potassium and sodium and those minerals are what the leg muscles lack. Also take potassium supplements. I take 4 every day. Walking also helps.

I had a job interview today with a huge company that has part of its operations here in Atlanta. The "campus" dwarfs Home Depot. I went to the wrong building at first. I talked to two different attorneys. I have pretty much all the qualifications they need, but who knows if I got the job. I gave it my best shot.

Lesleigh went to see Alesia night before last. She was in the area and did it spur of the moment. Then she told me about it yesterday, but didn't tell me any details until today. She had some meeting last night. I was on pins and needles waiting to hear.

Finally, late this afternoon, I saw an email from her detailing the experience. In a nutshell, Alesia seems physically fine. She is living in a house with some friends. She is partying every night and has quit going to school, but Lesleigh said she looked OK. We have all warned her if she doesn't go back to school she is really going to regret it, but she doesn't listen.

Late this afternoon I took Pasha into town to stay with my friend Maria for a few days. She lives within walking distance of a lot of things.I got snarled in traffic for a while.

I came home and was fussy with Michael. Then I thought about what a good kid he is, and I just sat at the kitchen table and cried. The stress of wondering about Alesia had finally caught up with me.

I know kids often do stupid things as teenagers. I know it. I still feel a terrible sadness. Until the day Alesia turns her life around - which may or may not ever happen - I will feel like there's a lead weight in my heart.

Take all the normal teen angst and add in a learning disability and massive insecurity due to early childhood trauma, add in PTSD issues, and you have a young woman who is terribly vulnerable. Yet, I did what I could do. I gave it my best shot. I have to keep telling myself that or I will go insane...

Choices

Pasha arrived last night. He looks great, and is his usual, sweet self. He had been in California for several days but never really adjusted to the time. I told him he needs to get his body clock adjusted to here. He's trying.

We went to Publix, where he bought a cheesecake. I found him photographing it this afternoon before anyone got a slice. He told everyone in California that we have the best cheesecake here in Atlanta, at Publix. it IS truly very good. It's fun to get the variety wheel because you get 4 different kinds of cheesecake.

At one point I found him staring at the men's body wash, having a hard time deciding. In Russia you don't get the huge variety of options that you find here. We talked about it and he made a good choice. I know this aspect of culture shock well, having seen it with Michael.

Pasha and I saw a terrific little movie this afternoon Get Low.

It stars Robert Duvall and Sissy Spacek. Very entertaining little film. It's a character piece about an old hermit in the 1930's who plans to attend his own funeral. The story is supposed to take place in Tennessee. the only thing that marred it is that nobody in it sounded like they were from Tennessee.. I lived there over 20 years and I know that accent.

Pasha took me and Michael and my friend Steve and his kids Colton and Lydia to our favorite hibachi restaurant for a lovely dinner. I had shrimp and veggies. Everything was really good. I am drinking tons of water though, which always happens when I get too much MSG.

Lesleigh went to see Alesia yesterday, and reports she seems to be OK. I have not had a chance to hear a full report. Alesia is in no imminent danger though I still worry. She's dropped out of high school.

She is making really poor choices right now, but there's not a thing I can do about them.

I'm still praying and grieving...

 

Hectic Monday

It has been a stressful day on a lot of levels. However, the weather has been nice - high of 87. Around here that means "it's starting to feel like fall." Anything under 90 is a pleasantly cool day.

I can't think in terms of long coherent paragraphs right now, so here are just some notes about what I've been doing...

The stress-fest started with a nasty little trojan that attacked my computer. It took me all morning to get rid of it, in a series of calls to my friend Jim who knows all about my computer. I owe a lot to a free download from a site called Malware-bytes.

I then ran around and did errands for an hour.

I have to meet with one of Michael's teachers at 8 a.m. tomorrow. Hopefully it will clear up some communication issues in one of his core classes. Of course, I will have to get up early. I am usually sitting down to eat at that time.

I continued housecleaning tasks sporadically throughout the day, although I can't concentrate on anything for very long, so there is still plenty to do before Pasha gets here tomorrow night.

I have hit upon the perfect milkshake recipe for Michael: 1 banana, 2 scoops vanilla ice cream, 1 cup milk, about 2 teaspoons of honey, and a splash or orange extract.

Michael is eating everything in sight. While he was waiting for me to carry him to school this morning, Mother said he ate about half a box of Nilla wafer cookies. He had already had an omelet with salsa. I measured him last night and he hasn't grown taller. However, the eating, plus the constant bumping into things make me think he is getting ready to sprout some more. I hope so.

Amidst all the stress I did get to mark several things off my lengthy To Do list. Tomorrow promises to be very busy, too.

I haven't posted a photo in a while. This one was made around sunrise when we were at the beach last summer - wish I was there now..

Peace

I took Michael this morning and we went to Sunday School and then church. In the Episcopal church there is no Sunday school during the summer. Today was the first Sunday of the new school year.

I told Michael yesterday he was going to go to the special Rite 13 class for 7th and 8th graders, to prepare him to be confirmed. I didn't ask him. I just told him he needs to go. He didn't argue about it. I need to get him baptized, but I am arranging that with the assistant rector.

I realized last week when I was helping Michael study for his social studies test that he didn't know enough about christianity. We have not really been entirely happy with any church we've attended since he came home in 2007, and have been particularly lax about attendance lately. However, perhaps it's time to just make the best of things where we are, and just go.

I also told him this morning that after Sunday School we would be attending church. When he made a face I said simply, "Michael I need to go to church today." He didn't argue.

He knows the incredible stress I have been dealing with for more than 10 days now.

I have had my quarrels with all forms of organized religion over the years, but in the end, I must admit that having a solid toehold in a faith community is important. No matter how much I question things or how I may or may not agree with every liturgical point, I feel a need sometimes to sit quietly and listen to the bible verses, and sing the hymns, and just feel connected. I pray every day, many times a day,  but there is a feeling I get from my church which cannot be duplicated.

I have visited and attended every denomination of church in my life, I am pretty sure, and I keep coming back to the Episcopal church. It may be the fact that some of my earliest memories are tied up with going to The Good Shepherd in Augusta, and it always seemed like a magical place, a place of solemn and dignified holiness. Church, to me, doesn't mean bells and whistles and flashy videos and rock bands. Maybe that's your thing, and that's fine. I need the traditional Eucharist. I need praying and kneeling and singing. You can't just sit in the Episcopal church and zone out.

I also really liked the sermon this morning. Rev. Chalaron talked about the fact that God loves EVERYONE, not just the perfect people or the prettiest or the cleanest. We are all sinners, but we are ALL forgiven. God doesn't discriminate in his love. She really made her point.

One of the reasons I love my church is women are allowed to lead churches as rectors. I knew a woman a few years ago who attended a church where women not only couldn't be pastors, they weren't even allowed to talk in the sanctuary. Huh?!?

I also liked the fact that Michael paid far closer attention than usual. I have been talking to him, generally, about being a Christian and what it means, and our belief system. I pointed out certain words and phrases in the liturgy that I have always liked.

I told him, when he grows up he is free to be whatever religion he chooses. We all have to figure out what spiritually feeds us. I just want him to have a solid foundation in what feels right to me before he starts comparing and contrasting.

It's pretty interesting to me that in my family there are a lot of different religions. I have a first cousin who is married to a Presbyterian minister. I have 2 first cousins who never go to church. I had grandparents who were Baptist and grandparents who went to both the Baptist and Methodist churches. My grandfather Hasty taught Mayor Hartsfield in Sunday School. I have a 1st cousin who was raised Baptist but is now Lutheran, and married to a Roman Catholic. Her sister is Methodist. I have a first cousin who is Pentecostal. My parents were raised Baptist, but tried a lot of different churches when I was a baby, before settling on the Episcopal Church.

For a long time after she became Episcopalian my mother took me and my brother to church every single day, just to the 8:00 morning prayer service. She was stressed out all the time and it calmed her soul. We lived right down the street from the church. Maybe being a toddler who was taken to church so much had a more profound impact on me than either of us realized.

This is one of my favorite prayers, and we say it every Sunday after communion:

"Eternal God, heavenly Father, you have graciously accepted us as living members of your Son our Savior Jesus Christ, and you have fed us with spiritual food in the Sacrament of his Body and Blood. Send us now into the world in peace, and grant us strength and courage to love and serve you with gladness and singleness of heart; through Christ our Lord. Amen."

I am very fortunate to be able to find some peace in my church. Peace be with you.

Quick Update

I know I already blogged today but I thought I'd just do a quick update.

I had a comment earlier today which I didn't publish because it really ticked me off, a person saying I was being overly dramatic with the safety post. She has no idea. I haven't explicitly blogged about all the issues we've had lately with Alesia and I won't, but I was not being overly dramatic.

I wanted to say lady, until you're looking at the issues from inside my shoes, you are clueless.

One of my friends is trying to set up a meeting with Alesia to try and talk some sense into her. I don't know if it will be successful, and I am trying not to get my hopes up. Who knows, though? One never can tell how prayers might be answered.

I know sometimes kids will ignore parents but listen to someone else.

I continue to be astonished at the support I'm getting. A fellow tennis mom told me today her younger brother quit school at age 14. He was into partying, big time. He later got his GED but didn't go to college. He has had to work in the construction field as a laborer all his life, and now is borderline disabled, and he has no fallback because of his lack of education.

I keep telling my kids, it's all about choices. The more educated you are, the more choices you have.

Michael got mad at me this afternoon because I didn't let him go swimming right after his tennis match, but I knew a storm wass brewing and they clear out the pool when it thunders, of course. After he came home and it rained and stormed for about 10 minutes, but then cleared up, I relented.

I have been a bit uptight lately, and I am trying not to take it out on Mom and Mike. It's hard. Stress makes me testy.

I made a good dinner - meatballs and mashed potatoes and sliced tomatoes. Everything turned out pretty well.

Y'all keep praying for us. We need it..

Safety First

I talked to Les and Bronwyn last night, two smart ladies who know and love Alesia. We all wonder what, if anything, can be done. To answer a comment yesterday no, I don't know the folks she's living with. I think she barely knows them.What can I do about that? She's not a minor. I can't barge in there and make her straighten up.

As hard as it is for me, I have to let Alesia alone to learn her tough lessons. Only when she is confronted with the terrible choices she has made will she change. As my fellow adoptive mom Cindy B said http://thebodiebunch.blogspot.com/ Alesia likes being on her own right now, so until she doesn't like it, she won't change. If I rush in there and rescue her, she won't learn anything. Lesleigh, who is the only one of us who has seen her lately, understands this.

As Cindy, who has been through very similar heartbreak with some of her kids, points out: "But I'm also oh so slowly learning to step back and not offer to fix things, that just doesn't help, my kids would then be enabled, and unable to comprehend the behaviors that caused the event."

My main concerns now are keeping my mom and Michael safe. I have not blogged about everything Alesia has done. However, if Alesia is not ready to give up the dangerous friendships she has made with some truly sleazy folks, I cannot take a chance on her coming into this house, or leading others here, and putting us in danger. She doesn't have a key and I have changed the security code. Now it's about safety.

I am incredibly sad and frustrated right now, but I have to keep my priorities intact.

Michael's first tennis match is today, so there's something wholesome I can concentrate on, thank goodness.

Real Men Eat Quiche!

Some years ago, someone gave my dad a book called Real Men Don't Eat Quiche. He had always eaten and enjoyed quiche when Mom made it. Suddenly, he woudn't touch it.

We had to start calling it Cheese and Egg Pie. Really.

That's the only way he would eat it.

Bruce Feirstein - I hope you have gastric issues for the rest of your life.

My mother is a formidable quiche maker. Her quiches are fabulous. I can only hope mine are tasty. That's all I aspire to, a cheese and egg pie that's tasty.

Of course, I have ancestors that were French, on dad's side of the family. They were Huguenots, fleeing France to avoid religious persecution. Conditions must've been terrible, because my people don't usually flee places where fabulous food is served.

I have Foodie genes.

The past week has been, um, stressful, you might say. I reluctantly had to toss out some pork chops and chicken that had gone bad in my fridge, thus throwing off my whole menu plan for the week.

Last night, I found a smoked sausage [looks like kielbasa but isn't] in the meat drawer, and made a tasty dish, totally improvised. I sauteed an entire chopped up orange pepper and half a big red onion in some olive oil, butter, salt and pepper, and added just a little Paces picante sauce. Then, since I could see chunks [I HATE CHUNKS!! I am the queen of chopping things fine] I poured the whole mixture into a bowl and hit it with the Braun hand blender. I love that thing. Puree is my favorite verb. Then I sliced and browned my sausage pieces, poured the sauce back in the pan to cook more, turned off the light under it, and topped it with some grated cheese. We served that over pasta. I should've served it over rice. Michael ate two huge helpings. I am writing what I did because it's not really a fully developed recipe.

I am finding I like the flavors of red and orange peppers a lot better than green ones, because red and orange ones are sweet. My mother never cooked with them when I was growing up.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with quiche. You were wondering when I would get back around to that weren't you?

I decided to make a quiche tonight but we had no canned or fresh shrimp. I decided to use some canned crabmeat instead. Canned crab must be rinsed thoroughly in cold water, then dried, and tossed with fresh lime juice. That eliminates the "canned" taste. I have mixed up the quiche but I have not cooked it yet. I will save that for after Mike returns from tennis practice.

I am roasting a spaghetti squash in the oven. I will scrape out the innards of it when it has cooled, and sautee it in some olive oil and parmesan and garlic. Yum!

Here's the best quiche recipe in the world...

ELVA'S FABULOUS QUICHE

1 cup milk

2 cups grated cheese [doesn't have to be swiss]

4 eggs, beaten

1 cup shrimp or crabmeat

salt, pepper, onion powder [to taste]

Lawrey's seasoned salt

Tabasco [1-5 drops, depending on your taste buds]

Mix all the ingredients together. Don't overbeat the eggs. Get a piecrust from the box [I always buy ready made] and put it in your 9' pie pan. Pour in your quiche. Bake at 450 for 10 minutes, then cut down the oven to 325 for 30 minutes.

You can add in chopped onion or peppers, or almost anything. It's a very forgiving recipe, though I wouldn't add more than half a cup of anything.

Serve with a salad or veggie and it's a FAST and tasty dinner.

 

NEWS

There is little to report. I learned Alesia had not been in school in two days, which is highly unusual, so I sent her a message and she replied she is sick, which didn't surprise me. I sent her a message and asked if she'd let me take her to the doctor and she didn't reply. I hate the thought of her sick, but she has probably been "partying" too hard, not taking vitamins, not eating right, and now she's paying the price.

I used to think that the worst experience of my life was watching my father die from cancer. I have about decided that watching my child screw up her life is worse. I knew the outcome of dad's illness, at least.

Pursuing Normal

Trying to carry on with normal life while the household is in turmoil is difficult. Yet, I am trying hard to not get weepy in front of Michael. I am trying to maintain my composure.

Holding onto my faith takes constant reminders. God has always taken care of us, and I have to keep reminding myself to have faith.

Yesterday was not very notable, except that I didn't cry all day. A small victory. I wanted to, but I didn't.

I took Michael to get a haircut, and there were a bunch of kids in there, so that was a good distraction. There was a group of several little girls getting their hair done so they could be in a wedding, which Michael thought was interesting. He has never been to a wedding.

There are so many folks out of town that the pool was practically empty yesterday. So I took Michael to the new Will Ferrell movie, The Other Guys. We love Will, but that one is not great. It's silly, which is his trademark, but he goes too far in a lot of scenes. There were some laugh out loud moments, but not enough. However, it was a distraction.

I continued cleaning out Alesia's room, but found no more nasty surprises, thank God.

I made beef stroganoff for dinner. That was the first decent dinner I'd cooked in 3 days. I just couldn't do it until last night. Too sad. We cut up a cantaloupe and Mike ate 3/4 of it. It was a very sweet one.

A friend of mine, who is also Alesia's godmother, has been in touch with her thru Facebook messaging. Alesia says she is "fine" and is going to school tomorrow with the friend she is staying with. I hope that's true. I hope she doesn't drop out of school.

I need to go this week and reapply for unemployment. I had stopped getting it back in June, but then fortunately I had gotten the temp job. Now it's time again, since I don't have any job offers.

Keep praying for us...