There's a strange perception among some people that if you adopt a "special needs" child you are letting yourself in for heartbreak, a ton of extra work, a world of worry, etc. As the mother of two special needs kids, I have to say my son's limb difference is such a non-issue. Alesia has PTSD from early trauma, which is not obvious of course, but is much harder to manage.
Michael clipped his own fingernails last night. May not sound like a big deal, but try clipping your own nails without using both hands. He used my big toenail clippers and balanced them on his chest with his short arm, and just got it done. He also filed his nails, by holding the file and rubbing his nail over it. I was reading to him at the time, and I was going to stop and clip his nails, but he wanted me to read. I didn't want to make a big deal out of his accomplishment, but it IS a big deal. That particular chore was the last one that he couldn't do on his own, up until last night.
What made me decide to do this little post was this post from my friend Stephanie. Her son adopted from Serbia has a limb difference, but he's a smart, good kid, and his special need is much less of an issue that her other kids' special needs. Bless Stephanie for talking so honestly about her kids' issues.
I belong to a Yahoo group for adoptive parents of children with limb differences. Very often a new parent will sign up and post something saying "I am thinking of adopting a child with one arm/missing foot/ missing fingers, etc. and they are apprehensive, worried about how they will handle things. All of us try and reassure the potential parents that a limb difference is just no big deal. It truly isn't. Kids adapt.
It's a HUGE group. Most of the children are Asian, but not all. It's the most congenial group I belong to, and I'm in several Yahoo groups. Parents are supportive of one another. Nobody rants, raves, or flames. The general consensus is we are so blessed to be parents of our beautiful kids.
After he woke up this morning, Michael came and put his arms around me. He just wanted to be held for a moment. He is the most loving child.
My son's limb difference is just one tiny part of who he is, and it doesn't define him. I wish that anyone who has a heart for adoption could spend some time with him, and then they'd understand what a joy it is to parent a child with a "special need." The only real need for most of these kids is a loving home...
This was the first time I met Michael. I knew immediately my intuition had been correct and he was my son.
The photo below was from last summer when we were on vacation. What a difference in 3 years!
